Mistakes
by Foodwise
Summary: There are mistakes that cannot be forgiven. And people don't change, at least not for the better. Catherine rather thinks everyone deserves a second chance and tries her best to make Sara forgive someone, despite her reluctance to do so.
1. 1 News

**CSI:Vegas, M, Crime/Drama/Friendship/Romance, Sara S., femslash ahead fellows, you don't like that, I strongly recommend you stop reading right here!**

**Diclaimer: CSI is owned by Jerry Bruckheimer and broadcasted in courtesy of CBS, all rights belong to them. I don't own anything even remotely connected to it. I'm barely surviving on my own poor devices, so no use suing me as I have close to nothing, except my fairly poor writing skills and all you could get from me would be a hopefully memorable 4-course dinner. No money is made by using anything CSI related in this or other stories.**

**A/N: What I do own are my own characters. I don't know where this idea came from... I'm still struggling with more complex plots, so this is nothing but a pleasant and continuing distraction.**

**Last words: This has not been beta-read! English is my second language. So crappy run-on sentences, bad grammar and poor variety of words ahead. If that ****won't keep you from reading, there you go…**

**Mistakes**

1. News

"Hey, did you guys hear that a new Detective joined the Department, more precisely, graveshift?"

Greg announced, with a slightly worried tone as he brewed his special blend and a delicious smell swept through the whole break room. Sara's head didn't even rise up from her reading a case file in acknowledgement of Greg's news, she barely heard him, engrossed in her own thoughts. But Catherine's eyes lingered on Greg from over her reading glasses, she didn't fail to see the strange expression on his face from her seat across the table, where she waited for the guys and Grissom's arrival, skipping through some old Newsweek.

"What's up with that, why the face Greg?" she asked curiously.

Her attention now drawn to Greg, too, Sara lowered the file into her lap and studied Greg's blushing face, wondering what had him so wound up about some new Detective.

"Erm, I have just been over to the Department to get some files to Brass and I happened to overhear some Uniforms' conversation. At first it was completely harmless, a little over the top maybe, but nothing offensive. Like if all the Detectives couldn't get the work done by themselves and stuff. But as I was about to turn away and just forget about it, it became personal over that new Detective. Really personal and really offensive for my liking..."

Greg interrupted himself at this point and blushed even more, his cheeks colouring in a glowing shade of deep pink now.

Seeing his discomfort Sara raised an eyebrow.

"What could there possibly be to gossip about a new Detective on his very first day? Spill it Greg..."

"Her first day..." Greg said agonizingly slowly.

"So okay, some guys making stupid jokes about her backside or...uh...boobs?" Catherine suggested, fishing in the dark since Greg didn't seem to get a word out anymore and the blush subsided, leaving him rather unnaturally pale.

He groaned.

"No, that'd be harmless in comparison... I heard a lot of comments about Sofia's backs..."

Almost simultaneously, Greg's blush was back with full force and Sara started scolding him.

"Shut it, Greg! You'd better never let her hear something like that, better for your health."

"Do I look suicidal to you, Sar?" The horrified look Greg wore now was priceless.

Catherine chuckled lightly, some of the tension was eased away by Greg's thoughtless comment and he cleared his throat.

"Guys, I'm telling you this but you really can't talk about it, they never noticed me overhearing. Obviously, that new Detective has a certain... look... which makes it more than obvious that she's, well, she's assumingly gay and doesn't try to hide the fact."

His glance shot over to Sara before he went on.

"Which I kind of admire her for, it's a brave and let me say, a bit crazy thing to do. But guys, they joked about anything you can imagine... Her clothes, the way she walks, her wearing men's shoes and having very short hair and being a little overweight. Said she's carrying herself around like... I guess the exact words were 'Flabby ass of wannabe man with an artificial dick in her pants' and some more things similar to that, which I won't ever repeat..."

Sara gasped and Catherine cursed under her breath.

"How dare they..." Catherine exclaimed.

Sara was at a complete loss of words. She knew these kinds of comments. Working in San Francisco, there had been quite a few gay and lesbian Detectives, Officers and other Employees. And though the atmosphere was generally much gay-friendlier as it seemed to be here in Vegas, there were always a few left with prejudices. And those prejudices were voiced still often enough. As long as especially gay women generally fit the description "feminine", they didn't get much shit, just the usual jokes about watching and threesomes, but beware if you didn't fit into that category. What Greg told about the joking Officers was just the tip of the iceberg. Sara had been quite out in San Francisco, at least she hadn't been hiding her interest in women when she was asked directly and she had told her closest colleagues, at least those she considered to be her friends as well. Here in Vegas she didn't know about anyone being openly gay in the whole Department. She once had told Greg in confidence, since he had become her best friend among the CSI's and despite his constant and still ongoing flirting, he had reacted pretty cool and had just pouted adorably sweet for half a minute, that his ever non-existent chance had now completely flown out the window. No wonder he was so agitated. He had no prejudices whatsoever, had even confessed in Sara after her own outing that he had fooled around with one guy or another in college. Nothing serious ever, but still.

"Fuck!" Sara's fist connected solidly with the break room table.

"Let's talk to the guys. Tell them we are going to have her back whenever one of us is working with her. And I'm going to tell Sofia."

Catherine nodded approvingly, quite mad herself. She just didn't get it. She'd had some rather intimate encounters with women and she sure never had had any prejudices. What went on behind closed bedroom doors and how people looked or what they wore shouldn't have an effect on work and certainly shouldn't provoke dim-witted comments.

"Good idea. I just don't get it. We're living in the twenty-first century. What's their fucking problem?"

"What's whose fucking problem?"

Warrick's baritone broke Catherine's outburst as he and Nick entered the break room, amused by Catherine's harsh choice of words.

Sara shot them a warning glance and their smiles vanished, both sensing there had been a more serious reason for Catherine's rant as they had assumed.

"What's up, ladies?"

"Let's wait for Grissom, and then we'll tell you what that was all about."

Assignments in hand, Gil Grissom turned the corner and stepped into the break room right that second only to find his team frowning and in a rather bad general mood.

Catherine took initiative and rose from her chair to face Grissom, Nick and Warrick.

"Listen, Greg just told us that there's a new female Detective joining the Department. She is obviously openly gay and he overheard some officers making real mean jokes about her. We just thought that we should have her back whenever one of us is working with her. Because rather sooner than later she will notice that there's talk behind her back and she should know that not everyone here in Vegas is a homophobic asshole."

Grissom just lifted an eyebrow and the guys voiced their support.

"Good. I completely agree with Catherine and if you notice anything similar to that incident in the future, notify me and I will talk to Jim, okay? Now, assignments, Greg, Warrick, B&E in Henderson, Nicky, hit and run on Industrial and Sara and Catherine, 419 at the Bellagio's Honeymoon Suite. I have a decomposing body and Doc already waiting in the desert."

* * *

As Sara and Catherine entered the Bellagio's Honeymoon Suite, Sara almost stopped dead in her tracks as they approached the bedroom. _No way. No fucking way._ Catherine almost bumped into Sara at her sudden stop.

"Sidle, watch it, I almost dropped my..."

Then she noticed Sara's bewildered expression and followed the direction of her gaze.

"...kit!"

* * *

Since this is my first multi-chapter fic, I just had to leave you with a little cliffhanger. Just because I can now.

So, reviews, please! What do you think? I can take it, whatever it is you want to say...


	2. 2 Meet Det Trent

Putting in some serious overtime here...

2. Meet Det. Trent

In the middle of the Suite's bedroom stood a woman, about Sara's height, but decidedly heavier in built. She faced away from the two CSI's and hadn't noticed their arrival yet. Clad in dark blue jeans, a night-sky blue men's shirt, sleeves rolled up and a black vest, her short dark hair slightly curly, handcuffs fastened to her black leather belt at her back and the service gun at the side, that had to be the new Detective. _'She isn't really overweight, she's just, well, slightly above average', _were the first thoughts that ran through Catherine's mind. '_And yeah, she does dress like a man, so what... Those guys should get their head out of their asses.' _ Snapping out of her first look, Catherine moved over to Sara, who still stood on the same spot she had just come to her sudden halt.

"Sara, are you alright?" Catherine asked her still not moving colleague.

In that exact moment the new Detective noticed the arrival of the requested investigators and turned around. Dark brown eyes fell on Catherine first, who stood in front of Sara just now, trying to shake her out of her speechlessness. A face, boyish looking yet with a very feminine touch greeted her with a professional, but still dazzling smile. Then the Detectives features changed within the fraction of a second as she caught a glimpse of Sara.

"Good god, Sara?"

Sara looked the Detective straight into the eyes and frowned. Catherine was at a complete loss. What was that all about? They obviously knew one another and Sara didn't seem too pleased to see the Detective. And that was an understatement, as Catherine soon had to learn. If she wasn't hallucinating by now, she had just heard Sara Sidle growl at her side. Catherine's eyebrows shot upwards and she flashed Sara a both annoyed and surprised look.

"Trent, what the fuck are you doing in Vegas? And how in hell did you become a homicide Detective?"

Catherine couldn't keep quiet at that. She yanked hard on Sara's arm to get her attention.

"Silde, what's gotten into you, are you out of your mind?"

But Sara didn't even bother looking at her. Through clenched teeth she said:

"Get yourselves acquainted. I'm gonna start processing the scene and skip the formalities, if you don't mind."

Without waiting for any response, Sara strolled forcefully past the Detective and marched into the bedroom, slamming down her kit beside the four-poster bed and put on her gloves.

Catherine glanced irritated back and forth between her colleague and Trent. With a sigh she turned towards Trent and offered her her hand.

"Hi, I'm Catherine Willows. I'm really sorry for... well, whatever just happened. "

The Detective shook Catherine's hand with a warm and gentle, yet firm grip and groaned almost inaudibly, a defeated, yes, worried and if Catherine interpreted it right, guilty look on her face.

"**I** am sorry, Miss Willows. I'm Detective Elizabeth Trent. I just got transferred from San Francisco..."

Catherine's eyebrows shot up a second time in less than two minutes. There she had her possible connection. Now she really needed an explanation. She scrutinized the Detective more closely. The woman had a beautiful, flawless face, smooth skin, sculpted eyebrows, really appealing dimples around her mouth when she smiled but next to no wrinkles, piercing brown eyes, the colour of very dark chocolate and wore no make-up at all. Catherine guessed her to be in her early thirties, tops. Her clothes were expensive and well cared-for, her black Budapesters polished. Her demeanour made Catherine respect her in an instant; the woman was surrounded by an aura of calmness and a quiet dominance, despite her reaction to Sara's unkind statements. Catherine Willows was intrigued.

"Miss Willows, I can't explain Sar's reaction, she will have to do that. That's only if she wants you to know, anyway. I can only say we've known each other for a very long time now. Your scene..."

The sudden change of subject didn't surprise Catherine at all. Obviously Trent respected Sara's privacy and didn't want to go into detail of what caused Sara's unusual behaviour. _Fair enough._

"...Angela Donnolly got married to John Donnolly yesterday here at the Bellagio. Rich family background, huge ceremony. Her husband went down to the Casino to gamble a bit, said she had been exhausted from the festivities and their nightly activities and wanted to take a bath and a nap before they went to have a romantic dinner down in the restaurant. He said he was gone about 90 minutes and when he came back up he found the door unlocked and his wife dead on the bed. Still in the same clothes she had worn when he had left the Suite. He touched the doorknob and his wife to check for a pulse. He immediately called Hotel security, so he touched the phone, too, they found him in tears on the bed beside his wife. He's with the paramedics, he's in severe shock. As soon as he's able to make his statement, he will be escorted downtown. Coroner's en route. Scene is all yours, I'm going to talk to the staff and security. Pleasure to meet you, by the way."

Trent smiled genuinely and left to do her business.

"Thank you, Detective." Catherine managed to mutter as Trent was already almost out the door. Wow, that woman had a presence. She wasn't worried at all about some Cops making mean jokes. Det. Trent didn't seem like the kind of person who would take any shit from anyone.

She joined Sara in the bedroom, who had begun to take pictures and collect fingerprints and trace evidence.

"She already got you, hasn't she?" Sara stated out of the blue, while picking white fibers from the comforter on the bed with her tongs.

"Excuse me?" Catherine turned towards her irritated.

"I said," Sara repeated her words, "she already got you. With her smooth appearance and her respectful manners, her kind eyes and sparkling smile. Her way of talking and warm voice. She got you."

Catherine turned around to face Sara, who wore a really sour expression.

"I think she seems very kind and professional. She obviously knows what she's doing. And her appearance is flawless. She made an impression, yes. What is your problem, Sidle? She stepped on your toes in San Francisco? Enlighten me, will you?"

"No, no intention, Cath!" Sara left without one more word to process the bathroom.

Catherine scowled. She just needed to know the story that caused Sara's exceptionally rude behaviour towards Elizabeth Trent. But she decided to put that thought off for later, what was important now was this scene.

* * *

Sara was fuming. She had almost bumped head first into the edge of the sink as she wanted to pick up some hairs from the bathroom floor. Her concentration was slipping, that had never happened at a scene before. But she just couldn't help repressing all those memories that came flooding back into her mind at the sight of Eli Trent. _That arrogant, self-absorbed bitch. Whoa! Get a grip Sidle, that was years ago. A part of your past you'd rather forget altogether. Just ignore her. Yeah, like that had worked in San Francisco, huh? Fuck her! Fuck her for showing up in Vegas. Fuck her for putting all that damn questions into Catherine's head! She won't let it go until she got some answers. _Of that Sara was more than sure. She'd seen the determined look on Catherine's face as she had refused to answer her question.

The case was a slam dunk. The best man had killed the newly-wed out of jealousy. His prints had been found in the suite and some of his hair had been found on the victim's clothes. Once in the interrogation room, questioned by Det. Trent and Catherine and confronted with the evidence, he broke down and confessed. They didn't even have to bring in the shattered husband-slash-widower. Sara had refused to take part in the interrogation. She had at all tried to avoid contact with Trent at all costs.

Catherine not only planned to scold her for her unprofessional behaviour, which was way out of character for Sara, but also to not let her get away without an explanation.

Once done with the paperwork, Catherine was afraid that Sara might have already left, so she hurried into the break room in search of her. Greg told her, coffee cup in hand, that she had just left to go change in the locker room. As Catherine, a little out of breath since she had almost been running along the corridor, opened the door to the locker room, she equally heard and saw Sara smash her locker door shut with a loud bang. And she didn't even bother looking up, though she had clearly registered Catherine entering.

"You know what Sara? I've had enough with this bullshit today! We all agreed to be friendly towards Detective Trent, to make her feel at home here and welcomed to the team. Actually, you have been the one suggesting that in the first place. I don't know what exactly your problem or history is with this woman, but grow a fucking pair and act like an adult AND a professional. You can't avoid her forever. You will have to work with her, one way or another. If this continues, I'm informing Grissom about your behaviour!"

"Do that, Catherine, if it makes you feel any better!" Sara gritted between her teeth.

Catherine's confusion and anger grew, but she bit back the snarky reply lying already on the tip of her tongue as also her concern for her younger colleague grew. She had never seen Sara react so strong about anything, apart from one or two cases maybe, but never so sudden and intense about another person.

Catherine made an effort to sound a bit friendlier as she continued.

"Sara, please, I'm not only pissed, I'm also starting to worry. I don't really want to have to go to Grissom with this. Is there anything I can do? I just want to understand what happened today? Would you mind having breakfast with me and talk about it?"

Sara let her forehead connect soundly with the cold metal of her locker door and sighed.

"Cath, I get your confusion. But there's just nothing you can do. I... I used to have quite a problem with Eli... Elizabeth. Eli is her nickname. Or rather was, I wouldn't know about today. She used to be a real pain in my ass. It was just... Seeing her kinda made me remember some things I'd rather not be reminded of. I got angry and my comments were out of line, yes. I'll get it under control. I promise. Nothing more to talk about. I won't cause another scene."

"If you're not going to talk to me, I'll go talk to the Detective. Maybe she won't be that reluctant to clarify this situation," Catherine tried, knowing by what the Detective had said earlier in the Suite, that she wouldn't tell her a thing about her and Sara's connection as long as Sara didn't agree for Catherine to know. But it was worth a try.

Sara let out a dry, almost sarcastic chuckle.

"Yeah, go talk to HER! I'd really like to hear the heartwarming story she's going to tell you..." A death glare out of cold brown eyes met Catherine's blue ones as Sara grabbed her jacket and rushed past her out of the locker room, kicking the door shut behind her.

* * *

Hope you liked... Let me know, I still have a lot to learn, I do know that, so don't hold back...


	3. 3 Breakfast with Catherine Willows

I was wondering... You know, I kinda rely on your reviews, guys. First of all, they make my day. But more importantly, they help me learn. What am I doing wrong, just where and how much does my English suck, do you like how the characters are portrayed, are there any plotholes or inconsistencies, that kind of stuff. Say anything, but SAY SOMETHING... Please?

So, thanks RebelByrdie, and please stay honest with me...

* * *

3. Breakfast with Catherine Willows

Detective Elizabeth Trent, leaning on a concrete column at the far side of the parking lot, watched Sara Sidle exit the lab and get into her car. She didn't actually try to hide, but she couldn't find the nerve to go over and ask Sara for at least a truce, much less a clarifying conversation. Taking another drag from her cigarette, she turned away and sighed bitterly. She knew she had messed this up, but that had been years ago. She hadn't known that Sara worked in Vegas or she probably wouldn't have taken up on the offer to get transferred. Las Vegas had sounded like the ideal opportunity to really kick-start her career as a homicide Detective. One of the highest crime rates in the whole country, butt loads of the strangest cases and working with the second best crime lab right behind the FBI's very own Quantico had caused her to say yes before even thinking twice. And the moment she had met Captain James Brass she had known that she was meant to work here. And learn from the best. Now she wasn't so sure anymore, all because of one brunette CSI with whom she shared a common past. A not so nice past. Which had, she could and would never stop telling herself that, been completely her fault. If she could just find a way to show Sara that she had changed, that things hadn't been quite as bad as Sara still assumed, that she was all that Sara had wanted, needed her to be in the first place. If she could just get a chance to talk to her, civilized and honest. She shook her head and frowned. Maybe there are certain mistakes and bad choices you make in life that you can't make right in the end. That will follow you around for the rest of your days. Sara's car had long vanished into the warm Vegas morning sun, but Trent couldn't find a reason to move.

The door to the parking lot opened again and a quite tired and defeated looking Catherine Willows approached Detective Trent. Upon seeing her she started smiling. Trent smiled back, but the smile didn't reach her eyes and Catherine noticed.

"Hey, what's with the sad eyes, Detective? Your first case in Vegas was a slam dunk. Isn't that a reason to celebrate?"

Trent frowned and somehow managed to genuinelly smile at the same time. She had liked the blonde CSI instantly. Her openness, her straightforwardness, her kind, yet probing eyes had the Detective convinced that they would get along just fine. She had picked up on the looks and comments of some of her new colleagues at the Department and knew exactly where they were headed, that she would once again have to fight her way through lingering mocking glances, muttered abuses and gamey gestures, so she was glad that the vibrant blonde didn't seem to have any prejudices at all and that her welcoming manner was not a show she put up. And honestly, she was quite beautiful, too. That didn't do any harm, did it?

"Yeah, it sure should be reason to celebrate, but I'm really not in the mood. I'm rather thinking about packing my stuff and heading back to Frisco, to be honest..."

"No way in hell!" Catherine laughingly exclaimed. "You'll see, it'll all be fine."

She knew exactly what Trent was hinting at.

"I still don't know what happened today, but I'm sure we'll find a solution. What would you say if I asked you to join me for breakfast and you do celebrate your first solved case with some pancakes? Or am I not good breakfast company, huh?"

Now Trent outright laughed as Catherine stood with her hands on her hips in front of the Detective with a 'Don't you dare say no' expression on her face.

"I'd love to, Ms. Willows. How could I say no to that kind of invitation."

"Please, call me Catherine."

"Okay, but then you'll have to stop with the 'Detective', too. Call me Eli or just Trent. If you called me Elizabeth I'd hear my mother's voice instead of yours."

"Okay, will do... So, you have a car or can I offer you a ride?"

"Thanks, but I brought my car. So where are we going?"

After telling her the diner's address, Catherine watched the Detective walk over to a car she had suspected belonged to one of the heads of the Department. A silver vintage Mercedes Benz Coupe. She had a vague idea just how much that baby was worth. Trying to keep her wandering thoughts in check, Catherine slid into the driver's seat of her Tahoe and shook her head as she searched for her sunglasses. She sure had a lot of questions for Trent.

As they got seated in a booth in the rather quiet back of the chosen diner, Trent could literally see the question marks above Catherine's head. Catherine looked back and forth between the Detective and the car parked just outside the window with a still puzzled look on her face.

"Go on, ask. I can see just how eager you are to figure some things out about me."

The waitress prevented Catherine from shooting her first question at the Detective.

Chewing her gum soundly and with lots of mouth-movement, the waitress asked lazily for their orders.

"I'll have a coffee and a Budweiser, please. And Blueberry pancakes with bacon."

"Blueb... with bacon? You're something else, Det... erm, Trent. I get the beer considering... you know, but... Yuk!" Catherine shuddered at the Detectives choice and ordered coffee, a glass of orange juice and an omelet for herself.

"I don't wanna seem too curious... We just met today. I can't really bombard you with personal questions after only a couple of hours of working together..."

"Oh, I didn't take you as the shy type, Catherine," Trent grinned at the perplexed expression that spread over Catherine's face.

"Okay then, how about you tell me something about yourself first, all I know so far is that your name is Catherine Willows, that you're a darn good investigator by what I heard and saw and a damn hard interrogator, since I rarely get to play the "good cop", like today. And... that's about it."

"Oh, there's not that much to know about me, honestly."

"And I honestly doubt that. Okay, do you have kids, a husband? How long have you been a CSI? The easy things, you know?"

Catherine just had to smile. "Okay, if you think those are the easy things. I do have a daughter, Lindsey, she's 12 now. I'm divorced. My ex-husband was shot a few years ago. So much for easy, hm?"

"I'm sorry, Catherine, I didn't mean to..."

Eli got distracted apologizing as the waitress brought their food. The Detective absent-mindedly poured a generous amount of syrup over her pancakes and bacon and thought about what Catherine had just told her as she took a big gulp from her Budweiser, enjoying the feel of the cold liquid washing down her throat.

"I know. And I'm not mad. If I hadn't wanted to answer those questions, I would have told you." Catherine reassured her.

The emphatic and compassionate glance in Trent's eyes didn't vanish, though.

" As for how long I've been a CSI... ah, I kinda lost count of the years. Thinking about it makes me feel old, actually. And how I became a CSI is a story I'm not going to share, yet."

"Oh, you're not old, you're what, 41 maybe? You know that 40 is the new 30, huh?"

Cath chuckled. "44. Charmer."

"Thanks." Another one of those dazzling smiles. Another swig from the bottle. Trent slowly started to relax a bit. "How old do you think I am?"

Fork with omelet on the way to her mouth, Cath struggled with an answer.

"I'm really bad at this. You look really young, but something tells me you're a bit older than I think you are."

"I'm 32."

"That kind of fits."

"So you're a single Mom working graves. That must be hard."

"Oh, it's not that bad as long as I get off on time. What kills me are doubles. Usually I'm at my sister's to pick my girl up and take her to school, then I sleep a couple of hours, pick her up from school and we have the afternoon together and have dinner before I drop her off at my sister's again and start working. Somehow it does work."

"So your life outside of work is dedicated to your daughter, that makes her one lucky girl I'd say. Now go and ask me about the car. I can see you're dying to."

"I have a lot of questions, Eli... But most of them might really be too personal just now. Just tell me what you feel up to tell me."

"I'm not hiding anything. And since I can see that you're worried, about Sara and that whole mess today, I'll try to tell you a bit of my story. Not all in one go though, the technical stuff at first. I take it Sara didn't wanna talk to you?"

Catherine let out a long breath before she answered, momentarily forgetting about the half-finished omelet in front of her.

"Yeah, that's right. She just said she will get a grip and that's about it."

"Okay, I guess she said some more, not so friendly things, but we'll just leave it to this... Catherine, you must understand that I haven't always been acting and treating people the way I do now. I used to be a rich, spoiled, arrogant asshole, waiving with dollar bills to get anything I wanted to have. I was born into wealth. My parents owned a family business which my grandparents established in the 1930s. Self-made millionaires. It was the way they handled people and I guess I picked up on that and even more so, I was arrogant and thought I could use people simply because of one reason: I possessed the power to do so... money. I am their only child and I always, always got what I wanted. Even though I didn't turn out the way they had wished I did. I was an A student and my father wanted me to go to Harvard business school and one day take over the business, which I said I wouldn't. My Mother wanted me to take a boy to prom, which I didn't. I wore a suit and took a girl."

Catherine chuckled softly and tried to imagine the scene, at Trents home as well as at the High School, that might have caused. The Detective gave a sly smile.

"Yeah, that was a quite outrageous thing to do. Anyway, my father suffered an early death and my mother sold the business. I asked her to pay me out. There's no real need for me to work another day in my life, but I love my job, there's nothing else I'd rather do and a reason behind that. I don't only love it, I decided to dedicate my life to it, and frankly, I think I'm good at it, too. Not even the prospect of lying on some beach on the Maldive Islands for the next couple of years could make me reconsider. For a couple of weeks, maybe. So that's one part of the story and you don't have to wonder about the Benz or the 600$ shoes anymore."

Catherine had to process that information for a moment. She was sharing her table with a multi-millionaire gay female Detective. Who used to be a real asshole. But dedicated her life to "serve and protect". She gaped at the woman in front of her until she noticed she really needed to close her mouth.

"I'm... speechless, I think."

Trent laughed and the laugh turned into a long yawn.

"Oh, I'm sorry Catherine... I used to work days in Frisco, I still have to get used to the hours. Would you mind if we call it a day? I really need to catch up on some sleep."

"That's fine. If I hurry, I might see my little, not so little girl anymore, before she gets to school."

They paid and said their goodbyes before each woman headed home.

On her way home Catherine's thoughts headed back to the brief, yet informative conversation she'd had with the Detective. She just couldn't imagine the humble and well-mannered woman could ever have been egoistic and arrogant and acting like a spoiled rich kid. It just didn't fit. Or something terrible had happened to change Elizabeth's... Eli's whole demeanor. Too many questions. She was still left to wonder what kind of connection she and Sara might have had. Had they been colleagues at the SFPD? They had known each other for a very long time. Did they even go to college together? Age wise it would fit, Sara was only about one year older than the Detective.

Catherine felt a headache coming. A severe one. So she tried to put those thoughts aside and instead looked forward to seeing Lindsey. Seeing her girl in the mornings before school had become a rare occasion during the last couple of weeks and she tried to enjoy the scarce time she got to spent with her daughter as carefree as possible, despite the arguments about homework and how her almost teenager wanted to dress sometimes, _pure nightmare! And the music, sometimes she'd rather go back to Disney-Song-times. And all that time she spent on the phone lately, didn't she talk to her friends enough at school? I mean, 3 hours, really?_

That was all it took for Catherine to forget about the Sidle-Trent dilemma until at least the start of the next shift.

* * *

Updates for constuctive critisism... or praise... anyway, for reviews... That a deal?


	4. 4 Bits and pieces

Okay, this is a reupload, I uploaded a not completely edited version before, by mistake. I guess I was tired... Okay then!

This will be the last daily update. I've struggled with this chapter and I'm still not particularly happy with it. I just don't find out what's wrong with it... I've read and rewritten it a hundred times and it just won't come out any better. Alas! Weekends coming up and I'll be busy for once not sitting in front of the screen. The things I do for my friends kids! So looking forward to having kids myself one wonderful, yet seemingly still far away day. Wish me luck I don't break any bones ice-skating, it's been years...

BTW, happy Thanksgiving! I'm longing for a piece of pumpkin-pie, they don't make'm here...

* * *

4. Bits and pieces

Sara Sidle tossed and turned in her bed, the burgundy sheets crumpled at her feet; it was a particularly hot day in Vegas and her dark brown curtains blocked out most of the harsh mid-morning sunlight, but not the heat that had crept into her apartment. The only sound was the low humming of the AC that so didn't do its supposed work today. She was slightly sweaty, though she didn't wear much more than black boxers and a thin light blue tank top.

Whatever she had tried this morning, watching really bad talk shows on TV, which she never did, taking a very long, supposedly relaxing shower after running five miles, which she hadn't done in far too long, downing two bottles of beer in less than twenty minutes, which she shouldn't have done, she couldn't get the picture of Elizabeth Trent standing in that hotel suite out of her head. After so many years, she was still beyond furious when it came to this woman. Fragments of conversations, arguments flashed through her mind and she just wasn't able to chase those sentences and images away.

_"How could you just leave her alone? In the moment she needed you the most? You just __took off and went away! What did you do since it happened? Drink yourself stupid? Or even better, make up for __**your **__loss and fuck the next girl that made the eyes at you?"_

Sara heard herself shout at a significantly younger Eli, lying on the Sofa in her dorm room, surrounded by discarded beer bottles, the fading smell of weed still lingering in the stale air, windows and blinds closed, completely drunk and wasted.

_"You know what Sidle, why aren't __**you**__ there, at her side, since she obviously still means that much to you? Yet instead you stand here yelling at me." The younger Eli got up and into an equally younger Sara's face. "You know just how hot you look when you're angry?" She added with a crooked smile, a vain attempt at smugness considering her drunken state. She expected her to hit her, for sure. And she did. Sara punched Eli square in the face. Her lip split and blood started to trickle out of the corner of her mouth. Eli just laughed and spit blood on the floor that left a stain on the surprisingly clean cream coloured carpet, considering the otherwise currently extremely messy state of the rest of the room._

_"Quite a punch you got Sidle! Is that what you think I deserve? Or is that just your way of compensating for losing her to me?"_

_"Fuck you! I was there. Now I don't need to be anymore, because she fucking killed herself this morning."_

_Sara's fist connected a second time with Eli's face, even harder that time. Eli stumbled backwards and fell back onto the sofa, crushing a bottle with her heavy Doc Martens in a step back, trying to regain her balance with a crunching sound, but never took her eyes off Sara, that stupid smile still plastered on her bruised and bleeding face, infuriating the brunette even more. But she retreated and shot her an icy stare._

_"Fuck you, just fuck you, Trent. You're beneath me. You've been beneath her. I despise you and you're arrogance. I hope you rot in hell!"_

_Sara turned on her heel, not even feeling the cracked digit she had suffered from punching Trent the second time and headed off, hot tears of fury, loss and helplessness running down her cheeks._

Sara groaned and buried her head in the fluffy pillow. The way she had been standing there. Flawless from head to toe, that dazzling smile planted on her face as she had greeted Catherine. Innocent, professional. She had somehow always managed to make a good first impression, to make people believe she was a good person until she had them convinced and only then slowly begun showing her real face. She had a talent to intrigue, to impress people. Of course, if you didn't know her, you just didn't know just how wrong that polished image felt considering the person she really was. Was. Had been. Still was, Sara was sure of that. No one that mean could ever change. She didn't believe in people changing for the better. She just couldn't, no one had ever proven her wrong believing so yet.

Weeks passed and Sara kept her promise to Catherine to act professionally around Trent. She greeted her with a short and cold "Trent." at crime scenes or when they met around the lab or the Department, barely acknowledging her presence. But they talked about cases and facts, they even interrogated together and Catherine noticed that they made a strangely perfect team in the interrogation room. They completed each other's sentences at crime scenes and whilst being buried nose deep in evidence and trace. But they never shared a personal word. Nothing.

Yet everyone else at the lab had kind of fallen for the smart and polite Detective. Nick was reminded of himself by her gentle and well-mannered ways. She had beaten Warrick on some game on the playstation in the break room and one time they had gone out for a beer after shift, Trent had gotten a girl's number Warrick had set his eyes on. He was impressed. And amused. Greg had begun sharing his coffee with Eli, whenever she was at the lab. They chatted in the break room like old buddies, until Grissom had reminded Greg of all the work he had yet to do. They had both looked like sad little puppies and agreed to have breakfast at least once a week. Trent had charmed Wendy into processing evidence for her cases first on. Nobody had ever managed to charm Wendy. Her comment to Catherine was simple as that: "If that woman was a man, I'd be head over heels. This one time, it's a pity I'm not gay." Catherine's jaw had hit the floor. Yes, it was as simple as that. Everyone liked Det. Trent. Even Grissom couldn't help but be impressed with the young Detective. She was a very fast thinker and understood complex situations and scientific evidence and its meaning like no other Detective he had ever met without a scientific background.

Sara observed the changes around her with disbelief. That was just what always had happened. Trent came and the whole world started revolving around her and only her. Sure, hadn't she known the Detective for as long and as good as she did, she would have believed in the nice little charade, too. But she knew better. One day Eli would show her real face. But still, it was impressive, in a disgusting kind of way. What had taken her years of building trust and trying to bond with the people she worked with, Eli had accomplished the same thing in less than three months. For crying out loud, did she have to take that from her, too? Her friends? Hadn't she done enough damage yet?

And Catherine... She had made a real friend in Eli. After that first day, going to have breakfast after they had cases together had become a pleasant routine. Once or twice they had skipped the breakfast for beers, after rather hard cases. They had talked about Trent's childhood being the only child of very rich parents. Eli had told her that as soon as she had known she was gay, it had been the perfect way to rebel against her parents. How she had crashed the Porsche she had gotten for her 16th birthday just two days later, trying to be a show-off to a girl she had had a huge crush on. How Catherine had been raised by her show-girl mother. How she had become rebellious and ran away to end up as an exotic dancer in Vegas. Trent then had momentarily zoned out and imagined a younger Catherine Willows in nothing but a bra, a thong and heels. Catherine had just laughed and hit her shoulder in a lame attempt to knock her out of those thoughts. Eli had turned a bright shade of red and apologized frantically. Not that she had a crush or anything on the older woman, but she would never hide from Catherine that she liked looking at her or that the thought of her in her former "work clothes" wasn't a rather appealing one. They were friends. Catherine understood Wendy's words. The Detective was handsome, stylish and charming. And as far as she knew, honest and very direct. And Catherine wasn't so damn straight at all. But it wasn't about physical attraction, they just had clicked and both liked to tease one another, knowing they could without doing any harm. It was fun, it was simple and Catherine enjoyed it. There was just one subject they avoided like the devil himself. Eli's connection to Sara.

On the other hand, Catherine had also met a new match. Once they had been standing in one of the lab's corridors, right outside trace and had argued about inconclusive evidence on a current case they worked. Actually, it had been more of a shouting match then an argument. No one had ever seen Catherine that agitated about someone else but Sara. And it had been the first time Catherine had seen and heard what it meant when Det. Trent got angry. She had an intimidating loud and forceful voice, her tone had gotten cold and hoarser and the low pleasant timbre was gone. Her hands balled to fists at her sides and her eyes had become almost black. They had shouted at each other for the better part of ten minutes, everyone in the labs already ducking behind their respective workstations just to not get in any way of the two angry women. Sara stood in the doorway of Mandy's fingerprint lab, arms crossed at her chest and eyed the heated discussion nervously. Then she more felt than saw the Detective's glance flicker over to her. And then back to Catherine. Suddenly Trent's eyes regained their warm chocolaty colour and she unclasped her hands.

"Stop, Cath, stop it." Eli shouted then, trying to get through to Catherine, who looked at her puzzled and stopped her yelled argument mid-sentence.

"We're getting nowhere with this. We're just making it worse. We both want to find out, desperately so, what happened to this woman. But shouting at each other because we're seeing different things in the evidence will give us no results. Let's have a coffee, talk about something else for a minute and then go back to the layout room and go over it all once again. From the very beginning. Or maybe we could ask someone else to look over it. A pair of fresh eyes. Our judgment has become kind of clouded, don't you think? Sar, would you mind taking a look. If we're missing something, maybe you'll find it. You're a hell of an investigator, you know?"

Sara was staring at her with her mouth hanging open. Had Eli just broken an argument, decided on stopping the shouting she was so enormously good at, offered Catherine a truce and had asked HER for help AND complimented her on her work all at once? She must be dreaming. All she could do was nod as she saw Catherine's pleading look added to Trent's admission of needing, wanting help.

They went to the break room to get some coffee. Trent turned to Sara as she poured three cups for them and said, grave earnest:

"Thank you for agreeing Sara. Thank you for not turning your back on me, though you have nothing to do with our case. I appreciate that. And I'm sorry. God, Sara, I'm so sorry!"

Trent instantly turned away and hung her head.

Sara felt a wave of anger and confusion creeping up on her. She swallowed hard and willed the feelings away. She felt the need to lash out at Eli, say something really mean, but she couldn't. Firstly, not with Catherine in the room and secondly, everything she had seen of Eli since she had come to Vegas had shown her that she seemed to really have changed. She just wasn't sure. Not sure enough to let her get to her again. Not sure enough to talk. Trent had always been a terribly good actor when it came to honesty and feelings. She had been able to coax anyone into anything. Even without using her credit card method of persuasion. She had lost her trust in the woman long ago and she was sure she never, ever wanted to change that fact. She had to stay hard.

Catherine found her words first. Bewildered by the scene playing out in front of her, seeing all the different emotions run through Sara's eyes and Trent obvious embarrassment at having made the leap of faith to be the first to say something to Sara that had obviously to do with their past and not the case, she decided that it was now or never.

"I guess you guys should talk. Really talk. If you don't want to do it alone, I'm willing to be there all the way. I trust you Sara, with my life, every day when we're out there and I like having you as a friend, so I hate seeing you closing up more and more, to everyone. And I got to like you a lot over the last few weeks, Eli. I cherish your honesty and your friendship. Whatever has been, if Sara is still that mad, there must be a very good reason for it. And no, Eli's hasn't said a word about anything that happened between the two of you. But she has admitted it had been completely her fault. She totally respects your privacy, Sara. But I really think you should talk about it. Talk to me, to each other. I think both of you have changed since then. Talk. What the hell happened between the two of you?"

She couldn't quite believe what Catherine was saying. _Trent hadn't gossiped about them? She had admitted it had been her fault? Catherine wanted to play mediator?_ She looked at Trent, really looked at her for the first time in years. The sad look on her face, the guilt in her warm and deep brown eyes. The frown on her face right now that made her look ten years older than she was. No smugness, no arrogance.

Sara sighed.

"Good. Show me your goddamn case and I see if I can find something. And since shifts almost over, we can go to have breakfast afterwards. I promise you nothing here, Trent. But I know Cath just won't let it slip this easily a second time."

Catherine grinned and felt like a little, but persistent weight had just been lifted off her chest. It was a beginning. More than she had bargained for.

Elizabeth Trent got up and faced Sara.

"Thank you," she muttered so low that Sara almost didn't hear her. _That just wasn't like her. Maybe... no, she couldn't have changed...

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I've never been one for begging, I'd rather like to be begged, but I'm getting close here... Review, please!


	5. 5 Down memory lane

I'm seriously disappointed. I've had great response. From exactly one person. So extra thanks for that, for your support, for your critisism, for your praise on the last chapter. But to everyone else who reads this, and I know people do read it, thanks for nothing (so far). I'm kinda frustrated, you might have noticed. So please leave me a few words and let me know if I should continue this... Frustration results in bad writing. And I wanna get better, not worse. Been there, done that. I don't promise virtual cookies or to give out some of my beloved Heineken, but I offer a serious thank you and a much better mood in the next A/N...

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5. Down memory lane

Stirring your coffee can be one of the most calming things in the world. The almost black liquid swirled in her mug and all the noises, the buzzing and constant beeping of one or another machine, the busy voices of techs and CSI's, they all had faded.

_Eli, Sara and some other fellow students had taken a trip to California during the semester break. Eli's parents owned a summer house in Long Beach and they had been invited to stay for a couple of days. Sara had insisted on paying for the flight herself, though that would mean she would have to work one more hideous job during the rest of the break, but her roommate Claire had declared, she'd only come if Sara came too, so she'd finally given up arguing and agreed. She only realised just how much she had missed the seaside as she stood on the beach house's patio for the first time, deeply inhaling the salty air._

_So they sat on the beach, surfboards tucked beside them in the deep sand, wet hair clinging to their faces in the warm ocean breeze. Waves came crashing onto the shore, a soothing sound for Sara. It had been the perfect day to go out surfing._

_"Why did you stand Jenna up? I saw her sitting in the kitchen, crying her fucking eyes out Eli."_

_"I don't know Sar. She just, she wasn't what I wanted I guess." 22-year-old Eli Trent brushed some grains off her bare knees and buried her toes deeper in the warm sand._

_"Again you should add. Then what is it that you want? What will make you stop treating people like shit? Or like servants... Or sex toys, for that matter."_

_"What I want." She paused and pretended to think about the question. Looking over at the brunette stretched out on a large towel beside her, wearing a black bikini top and Hawaii shorts, Eli sighed._

_" I want you, Sara!"_

_"We cleared that one. Never gonna happen, player!"_

_Sara smiled and glanced over at Eli from behind her huge sunglasses, who stared at the horizon, frowning. She felt the urge to act complete against those words she'd just said and just jump the younger woman, pin her on her towel that advertised drinking Coca-Cola in bright white letters on red background and kiss her until she forgot all those harsh words that left those lovely lips so very often. Eli was everything that usually repelled her. As a person as well as as a woman. She was loaded with money and didn't make the slightest effort to hide that from anyone. She threw the wildest parties off campus at her posh apartment, always involving lots of alcohol, women and drugs. She had bribed her Professor's secretary to add her name to the attendance list whenever she missed lectures because she was hung-over or had a girl at her place. She paid people to write papers for her. Not that she wasn't intelligent enough to fulfill the tasks easily by herself, she was just plain lazy. After they'd helped her and she had charmed them into being friends with her and do things for her without payment, she just dropped them as soon as she got bored with them. And Eli got bored with people easily. You didn't wear fashionable clothes? You didn't look as stunning as her latest girl toy? You were a geek and wore horn-rimmed glasses? You didn't drink or stood around at one of her parties looking bored? Oh, fear the temper of one Eli Trent. She yelled at younger students in the hallways to intimidate them, laughed about the pimply girl with the pile of books on her fragile arms and shoved the boyfriend of the girl that had cheated on him with her into a locker and told him his dick wasn't half as capable as were her hands and tongue._

_Why did she sit here again? Ah, yeah, she found that horrible woman strangely attractive. And her roomie-slash-best friend had almost blackmailed her into this. And she hadn't seen, felt, tasted the ocean in far too long. No, she just wasn't her type, Sara had tried to tell herself again and again. She was just a bit too masculine, too tall, too, god, sexy. And Eli was different around Sara. She had never tried to impress her with anything. They had talked about physics and psychology, had kept each other awake whilst learning for the next final, they exchanged music and watched old movies on quieter nights that Eli spent in her dorm room on campus and actually behaved like any regular student. It would have been so easy. Eli wouldn't hesitate a second if Sara was to make a move on her. But she would never be just another notch on Eli's headboard. And it wasn't as if Sara fitted Eli's profile. She was too much of an overachiever, too intellectual, she didn't enjoy parties, she just came to take care of some of her friends and take them home in case they have had too much, she withstood each and every of Eli's attempts to hit on her and she so wasn't impressed by either Eli's money or her attitude. She wasn't into the bad girl charm, that got Eli lucky more often than Sara could afford to have one of those delicious latte's at the coffee shop off campus. Still they stuck to that awful friendship, either not really liking the other, but not able to stay away from one another._

_Sara watched as Eli stood up, took her surfboard and walked over to dive into the waves once again. Her Aerosmith shirt, half dried, clung to her body like a second skin, strong arms held the board and the muscles in her calves twitched with every step she took. And that ass, though hidden in oversized surf shorts, was perfectly formed, Sara cocked her head and tipped her sunglasses halfway down her nose to take in the gentle swagger she'd lately found herself almost addicted to watching. God, get a grip, Sidle. Get yourself a real girlfriend. _

_She got up, too and followed Eli into the water. Skillfully she swung herself onto the board, stood up at exactly the right time and rode the waves along the shore._

_Eli paddled on her own board and admired the sight in front of her. In the light of the setting sun, Sara looked like..._

_"Sara, you're the goddess of all Californian waves!"_

_Sara laughed hard and fell off her surfboard. _

_"Masters of the waves!" They had shouted as they had, still chuckling and dripping wet, walked up the slope to the beach house._

"Sara? Sa-ra! You coming?" Catherine leaned in the doorframe of the break room gesturing her to follow into the layout room.

Hell, how long had she been staring into her coffee cup? Yeah, that evidence. Still lost in one of the better memories she had regarding Eli Trent, Sara followed Catherine down the lab's corridors.

Those memories had thrown her seriously off balance. Into a time before she'd been mad at Eli. Annoyed, yes. Repelled, yes. But also dangerously attracted. She scrutinized the Detective again as she stood opposite her at the layout table, Catherine and Eli alternated explaining the case and the corresponding evidence to her.

She'd gained a little weight, but she looked fit as ever. She still wore that ridiculously expensive watch. She seemed tired and on edge, she frowned, there were dark shadows under her eyes and Sara could feel the tension oozing from her. Her shoulders stiffened as Catherine explained the differences they had regarding their findings on the case. Her grey dress pants were crumpled and she'd left the top three buttons of her black shirt with a banded collar open, revealing the St. Christopher medal dangling from a silver chain around her neck. The patron saint of all travelers. Sara's thoughts started wandering off again.

_She'd been sitting in the library too long. Her back was sore and her head was spinning with formulas and __theories. Two more days and it would be done, another final written, another step to, hopefully, graduating summa cum laude. All she was looking forward to was a long hot shower and spending the rest of the night with Claire in her arms. Claire. Beautiful, stunning, hot Claire. Her girlfriend Claire. Roomies for almost a year, one night suddenly their conversational tone had turned lazy first, then flirtatious, then, well, fairly sexual. They'd never noticed each other that way before. God, she'd thought Claire to be straight or even celibate for all she knew. Oh how she wasn't. Sara smiled and turned the doorknob. _

_She'd never forget the scene that played out before her eyes as she entered their shared dorm room, their sanctuary. The tired "Hi hun." got stuck in her throat, she never managed to utter even one single syllable. Her girlfriend lay sprawled out on the floor, panting, moaning, naked, eyes closed in sheer arousal, someone's head between her thighs. Oh, not anyone's head. Eli's head. Toned arms held her girlfriends legs open wide. Claire's hands clawed into the dark carpet in a desperate attempt to keep her grounded until she'd let go to tumble over the edge. Torso bare, Eli still wore jeans and her naked feet sought leverage as they pushed into Sara's bedside table. Her St. Christopher medal swung to the back of her neck caused reflections every time Eli moved to push deeper into Claire. Sara's expression changed from exhausted to infuriated to stoic, her mind went blank. No, NO, __**NO**__! Not this time, not HER girlfriend, how could she, how could they... She saw it on Claire's grimacing face, she was close, very close. Neither seemed to have noticed the door being opened and Sara standing in the doorframe. They were BUSY. Sara reached for her coat, carefully, quiet. She didn't want to be seen. She closed the door silently and went down to the parking lot. To sleep in her car._

From utterly confused to burning anger in 60 seconds. Sara stared a hole into the layout table as she tried to concentrate on reports and crime scene photos, marked trace evidence and Catherine's ongoing explanations on the case, Eli interrupting her gently every now and then to add information or her own point of view. But she kept hearing Claire cry out in release as she had just started walking down the dorm's hallway, remembered the Rage against the machine song that had played on the radio of her old Ford as she'd turned on the ignition for a few minutes to heat the car up and chase the cold away for a some moments. The A she'd made in her final two days later despite the terrible cold she'd caught, having spent two nights in her car, freezing.

Did she really want to talk to Eli? Did she really want to go over it all again? Sure, she had never given her a chance to explain anything, had never even attempted to listen to any apologies, but what was there to explain? She'd fucking been there. And apologies are just that, words, meaningless words to make yourself feel a little better, to get things off your chest.

She willed her attention back to the case, but after another hour or so, she still hadn't found anything either Cath or Eli had overlooked on the case.

Sometimes, there was no solution, sometimes they just couldn't offer closure to family and friends. They started to reorganize files and evidence and put them into a storage box, marked 'unsolved'.


	6. 6 Don't look back

Well, this one wasn't planned to turn out like it did. Someone unintentionally made me change my plans and I made damn quick work of it, I think. Now I really don't have many clues how to go on, but I'll just go with the flow. Hope this one's alright... Really hope it's you will have to wait some time for the next chapter, I guess...

Well, I'm excited. And happier than yesterday, thanks for your reviews, they're much appreciated!

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6. Don't look back

After having spent most of the last two hours bent over the layout table, Eli stood up straight, put the lid on the storage box and stretched her sore back, tense shoulders and neck. A few plops and cracks told her she really needed to go home and sink into her soft bed, probably without even attempting to take off more than her shoes rather than sitting in a diner, explaining and apologizing.

She had noticed the silent contemplation that went on behind the other woman's eyes. She had felt Sara's scrutinizing glances, even if they had just been from out the corner of her eyes. And she couldn't help wondering what it was Sara had been thinking about. The change in her body language would have been easily missed by someone who didn't know Sara very well, but since she'd spent endless hours watching the lanky brunette back in college, she'd instantly noticed the subtle change from remotely comfortable to almost nervous and angry. If she'd only had the balls to explain to Sara what had gone on in her mind back in the day. How afraid she'd been. But too much time had gone by and obviously Sara's opinion about her was settled for all eternity. Why the hell did it have to be Vegas? Couldn't they have offered her a job in, say, Boston or even somewhere in Alaska. She would happily run around in a big, fluffy winter coat and catch people who stole each other's firewood to be spared from spending every waking moment thinking about Sara Sidle. She should've just stayed in San Francisco.

"Fuck!" she jumped at a sudden sound piercing through the otherwise silent room, Sara looked up annoyed and Catherine cursed under her breath.

_Welcome back, tens__e shoulders..._

Reaching for her ringing cell, she saw Det. Curtis number on the little screen. Sighing wearily, she closed her eyes and answered her phone.

"Trent. Yeah. I was about to call it a morning. No. What about days? Nah, okay. Willows and Sidle are with me. I got it! Meet you down in the lot Detective!"

Sara locked eyes with Catherine. They both knew what came next. Sara rubbed her temples and Catherine fixed her strawberry blonde mane into a pony tail. Forgotten was clocking out and having breakfast, let alone talking.

Eli spoke up.

"Someone heard shots being fired in a house out in Henderson and supposes someone has been shot. Grab your kits and follow up. Could be nothing. Call just came in and the black and white is on its way, you don't have to hurry. I gotta go and meet up with Curtis. See you there." Trent scribbled the address down and left the building in a hurry.

Sofia Curtis hit the brakes hard as she came to an halt in the lab's parking lot. It had been a long and tiring shift. She pulled a strain of hair behind her ear and winced as she rose her arm. A suspect had tried to resist being arrested and she had suffered a rather hard elbow-check into her ribs before Brass had gotten a tight hold on the man again. Then the vending machine had eaten three of her dollar bills until reluctantly spitting out her much craved candy bar. Finally she had spilled coffee over her almost finished report and she had to fill out the form all over again. In one word, Sofia was pissed. And now she had to work into a double with Trent. Oh, and she'd forgotten her shades on her desk. _Fuck!_

She couldn't exactly put her finger on what it was that made her grumpy whenever she had to work with the new Detective, but she just couldn't stand Elizabeth Trent.

No doubt, for someone being a Detective for less than a year, she certainly did a very fine job. She was dedicated and worked hard, put in a lot of overtime and spent more time over at the lab than any other Detective. She knew her cases down to the last little piece of evidence; she didn't shy away from the scientific facts that so often only enabled them to catch their perps. Where she had learned to use a mass-spectrometer, Sofia had yet to find out. She had seen Trent use it once as Hodges had been on break and she had wanted her paint chips from a hit and run processed right then and there and not in 20 minutes. Maybe she should peek into her file someday, to find out a bit more about the multi-talented woman. No, she shouldn't...

The hard thing was though, just about everyone in the lab seemed to like her. Still remembering the contempt with which she had been (un)welcomed after Ecklie had demoted her, she had a hard time understanding why the Detective got along so well with just about everyone, especially Catherine Willows, for Christ's sake! The only one who seemed to dislike her even more than Sofia did was Sara. The brunette CSI had never spoken about Trent, nor had she treated her with the same respect or warmth than she did when Brass or Sofia herself were at a scene. It had taken her and Sara quite some time, but after she'd come back to Vegas and joined the PD they got along much better. And once she had learned to understand Sara strange sense of humour, you could even say they started to develop a loose kind of friendship.

Well, something about the Detective was off. She was just too friendly, too kind and polite, she rarely got angry or showed when she was getting tired or frustrated. Everyone had character flaws and Sofia hadn't found one yet in Trent, that made her suspicious and careful around the short-haired butch. Yeah! Maybe she curry-favoured with everyone because she was afraid of being treated with less respect because she was gay.

Sofia thoughts were cut short by the passenger door opening and a not so flawless as usual looking Det. Trent fell into the seat at Sofia's side.

"Morning Curtis."

"Morning Trent. Buckle up, we're already running late."

Fastening her seatbelt, Eli had to repress a smug grin. Even with her dishevelled hair and crumpled clothing, Sofia Curtis was eye-candy. Fabulous, strutting down the PD hallways, glorious, blonde, blue-eyed eye-candy. A couple of years ago Eli would have left nothing untried to get into her tight slacks and rip those button-down shirts off her lithe, perfect body. Putting on her sunglasses, Eli withstood the temptation to let her gaze wander over to Curtis. She almost had to laugh about her little almost-relapse into college behaviour the first time she had met Sofia. The other Detective didn't even like her, but she could as well be looking hot not liking her and Eli sure wasn't after flings anymore. When had she become such a grown-up? Ah, yep, over Sara.

Sofia took sharp turn and they had arrived at their scene.

It was a nice neighbourhood, very suburban, a few sprinklers were keeping lawns green in the desert heat and a paper boy rode by on his BMX-bike, throwing the latest news into people's front gardens. Oh, this one was going to get too wet to read. The house itself looked quiet and undisturbed. The typical two-storied home, complete with a new and shiny family van in the driveway.

Det. Curtis walked over to the two cops who stood beside their patrol car.

"Did you clear the scene?" she asked the older of the two.

" No, we waited for you to arrive, Ma'am," he answered.

"Okay, then let's go check it out. Trent?"

"Right behind you Curtis."

Weapons drawn, they stood by the front door. One of the officers knocked hard on it.

"LVPD, open up!"

No response.

He kicked the door in and they fanned out into the ground floor. The house was dark, the curtains were drawn and not a sound got to Eli's ears. Too quiet. She saw feet behind the kitchen counter and went after one of the cops, who'd gone to clear the area.

Then everything happened in a blur. A man in a black hoodie rose from behind the kitchen counter and started firing rounds at them. The cop in front of Eli was hit in the chest and collapsed, Eli jumped aside behind a bookshelf as the more bullets flew into every direction. She felt a sharp pain in her side. Knowing she had just been grazed, she didn't even waste a second thought at the pain but looked around her shelter and aimed at the shooter. Det. Curtis had dived behind the couch and pulled the other cop down with her, he had been shot in the leg but was still firing back at the suspect, who just shot out the kitchen window, dropped his gun and jumped through the broken glass into the back garden.

"Shit!" Eli cursed and left her cover, ripped the patio doors open and started running after the perp.

"Check on your partner, can you do that?" Sofia yelled at the cop by her side as she got up, grabbed her radio and starting running after Trent.

"Yes, Ma'am," the only slightly injured man confirmed.

Sara and Catherine just turned the last corner as they heard Sofia's strained voice over the radio.

"Dispatch, this is Det. Curtis, I have Officers down, I repeat, Officers down, I need an ambulance ASAP. We have a DB in the kitchen area and the suspect has been on the scene, now on the run heading west from current location, Det. Trent and I are pursuing on foot, back-up urgently requested."

The perp was almost out of her sight as Sofia tried to catch up with Trent. That guy was fast and athletic. He climbed over fences and swung himself over garden furniture with ease, jumped over kids toys and those small garden pools occupying the backyards they were running through. Sofia almost slipped on freshly sprinkled grass sparkling in the early sun and was still a bit behind Trent, who just tried her best to balance herself over a high fence. On the other side a small dog ran up to her and bit into her trouser leg, scratching her calve with tiny but sharp teeth. Eli was reluctant to let the cop shooter get away and shook the little Terrier off a bit too forceful. The white dog squeaked and vanished limping behind a tool shed. She ran on as fast as her lungs and legs would allow her to, years of smoking and her weight quickly taking a toll on her speed and ability to breathe. She hadn't even taken her time to button up her shirt and slip into her leather jacket, despite the cool morning air, let alone putting on her Kevlar vest. It didn't matter now anyway. She would be even slower wearing it now. She tried to keep an eye on the perp. Where was the back-up? What took them so bloody long, they'd lose him. Her legs grew heavier with every step, every jump tore at her muscles and her bleeding side started throbbing, but she kept on fighting for every yard.

Sofia wasn't feeling the blow from earlier that day anymore, adrenaline had kicked in and she was fitter and faster, so she quickly overtook the Detective now.

Then she could hear the sirens, they were coming closer by the second.

"He'll get away, Trent, come on!" Sofia yelled over her shoulder as she accelerated once again, elegantly avoiding a huge plastic dwarf, jumping over a low hedge and running into a shadowy back alley.

"Fucking let him, we have back-up coming." Panting and angry, Eli cursed once more and silently promised to smoke less and go for a run more regularly.

Out of the corner of her eyes Trent saw the suspect stopping right then and something reflected light in their direction. He had drawn a gun and aimed at them, just as Sofia turned around to check how far Eli was behind and where the back-up was at. _Hadn't she seen him discard his weapon at the house, all rounds fired? _

Sheer willpower made her legs comply into one last jump and short desperate sprint as she yelled:

"Curtis, down!"

from behind and then all but tackled Sofia to the ground as gunshots started flying through the alley. White hot pain shot through her left shoulder as she landed with a loud thump atop the perplexed Detective. She ignored the stinging pain and used all her weight to keep the blonde down and beneath her, who tried to push her off to aim at the guy, too as Trent already shot back in one swift movement. Her second bullet hit its target and the shooter stumbled over backwards. Not 15 seconds later two police cars screeched to a halt. Officers jumped out and handcuffed the bastard and someone called for an ambulance.

With a pained groan Eli rolled to her side on the hard asphalt.

"Are you alright, Curtis?" She almost grunted. The other woman's weight finally lifted off of her, Sofia turned towards the other Detective, aware that she had been injured. Not taking any care of her own scratches and bruises from Trent's hard tackle, she searched for the wound on Eli's body. Hands frantically moving over Eli's black shirt, she found the bullet wound and pressed down on it.

"We need the EMT's here, she's loosing blood quickly." Sofia yelled as more and more blood trickled through her hands, still firmly planted on the Detectives shoulder. The sudden pressure on the wound caused Trent to utter another long and hurtful groan.

"Fuck, Trent, I'm fine. What the hell has gotten into you?" Sofia tried to replay the last minute in her head, searching for what she'd missed to make it necessary that Trent threw her to the ground.

"He aimed at you, Sofia, just as you were turning around." Eli grunted.

"I didn't even see he still had a gun. Damn! Trent, you're losing too much blood."

"It's okay. It's just a flesh wound. Aw, fuck, that hurts. Don't worry. Thank God I got you down." Trent got out between gritted teeth.

"You got me good, you just got shot trying to save my stupid ass. Lay still, for heaven's sake! Throwing yourself in the line of fire, playing linebacker!"

"I just saved your fucking life, Curtis. Don't bitch!"

Sofia pressed down harder on Eli's shoulder and Eli let out a pained cry.

"It already hurts enough, Sophie!"

"Didn't seem like it a second ago. I'm just trying to stop the bleeding, jerk!"

Just then, the EMT's arrived at their side and a paramedic carefully peeled Sofia's hands away from the wound to take care of the Detective. They quickly loaded her into the ambulance and Sofia could do nothing more but watch them.

"Go back to the scene. I'll be fine." Eli told Sofia with effort. She nodded and yelled, just before the doors closed, "I'll come see you at the hospital as soon as I can!"

Sofia Curtis stood in the alley, neighbours looked over their fences, officers secured the scene, dogs barked and she looked at her bloody hands.

She hadn't even said thanks.

* * *

So, please let me know what you think...


	7. 7 Aftermath

I know this is short. I'm sorry, I've been a bit preoccupied. I hate to see when friend's lifes go down the drain... My godson's parents split up, he's only nine months... And here I am, still believing in a love that can last a lifetime. Not following the evidence at all. Am I just a hopeless naive romantic or one of the last sincere people left? Right now I wish I'd chosen to write something fluffy.

Anyway, you sure don't care about me rambling. On with the story.

* * *

7. Aftermath

Catherine had just stopped putting markers beside the shell casings to greet David. The assistant coroner bent down to take dead Mr. Guerra's liver temperature as the front door opened once again and a shaken and utterly exhausted looking Sofia stepped into the living room that was their crime scene.

"Oh, hey Sofia, did you guys catch him?" Catherine inquired, but stopped and seized the Detective up.

"Sofia?" She had just noticed little stains on Curtis light blue shirt that clearly looked like blood.

"What the hell happened?"

Sara peeked around the kitchen counter she was kneeling behind and immediately picked up on what Catherine was asking. She got up and walked over to the two blondes.

"Sophie, where's Eli?"

Det. Sofia Curtis wasn't one to be distressed easily. She'd seen a lot of mighty bloody scenes, held severely injured people's hands, hell, she'd been assuming for far too many hours that she'd even shot a fellow officer. Even if nothing would ever come close to the awful, horrible feeling that had held her in a death grip until she'd been cleared, seeing Eli being shot trying to protect her was disturbing, to put it mildly. She dropped onto the couch she had hidden behind just about an hour earlier and looked up at the two concerned faces.

"I-" she drove a hand through blonde strains and sighed heavily and heartfelt.

"I made a mistake. A fucking rookie mistake. Never turn your back on a suspect. I didn't know he still had a gun. And Eli-" it was the first time she'd ever used the Detectives nickname.

"She just grabbed me and threw me down, shielding my body with her own. She got hit in the shoulder and it's my damn fault."

"Eli's been shot?" Catherine's eyes went wide and Sara let out a loud gasp.

"Yeah." It seemed like Sofia had serious trouble finding more word. Then she took a deep breath.

"Look, I just wanted to tell you myself. Jim sent, no, he ordered me home to get some rest, but I can't just yet. It all happened so fast, one second I was pressing down on her shoulder, the next the ambulance doors closed. I didn't even thank her. I'm going to the hospital."

"How bad is it?" Catherine was seriously worried and her thoughts ran gamut.

"I think she lost quite a lot of blood. I really can't tell how much damage was done. I'm gonna go..."

With that Sofia left the two of them, standing in the middle of the crime scene.

"I didn't think she had it in her."

Catherine turned to face Sara, her expression turning from shocked and worried to fairly annoyed.

"Hey, I know you're on 'If I just ignore you long enough, you might just disappear'-terms, but that comment was really uncalled for, Sara!"

Sara flinched visibly at the accusational tone in Catherine's voice.

Before she could even think of a reply, she saw Catherine hold up both of her latex-gloved hands.

"Just- don't. I so don't wanna get into that kind of discussion right now. Just let us finish up here, take everything to the lab and then we both will go to the hospital. "

Sara nodded mutely and returned back to kitchen.

She hadn't meant to sound so hard on Eli given the situation. But she sure had a difficult time imagining that Trent put someone else's safety before her own. By the time she had finished that thought, she suddenly felt almost nauseous. How could she think, say something like that about another person? A person she knew had used her fists to defend someone. Against a horrible crime. Someone who had decided to become a cop. Serve and protect. Someone who had showed so much compassion for victim, who spoke so softly to witnesses, family members, friends of victims. A person who could convey more feelings with her voice than she'd ever heard someone do before.

_Sara stood on the threshold of Eli's dorm room, the door was left slightly ajar. Sunlight flooded through the small gap and the sound of Tracy Chapman's 'Give me one__ reason' filled the air. Sara had never heard Eli sing before and she had to admit, she had a captivating voice. Trying to drown out the recording, Eli sang at the top of her voice. It made her shiver, she could feel the lines. What little Eli lacked in hitting all the notes just exactly right, she made more than up for that in the feeling and tremolo department. A warm, dark, low and soulful voice singing the beautiful lines. It stirred something in Sara. Little butterflies awoke in her stomach and if she could, she would rip their little fluttering wings out one by one. If Eli could only be like that every day, if she could only be a one woman girl. She damned herself for feeling what she did, but peeked through the crack nonetheless and watched Eli rush through the small room, singing, knowing the lyrics by heart. The track changed and on came The Cranberries 'I can't be with you'. Reaching the chorus, Eli's voice dropped an octave. Sara heard a curse and the music stopped. CD's were changed and a new song came on. Some Billy Joel track. Back in her vocal comfort zone, Eli sang along even more passionately than before. The words of the song hit Sara like a baseball bat. She chuckled, shook her head and turned around. No way she could go in there now. She'd take that beautiful face in her hands and kiss some sense into Eli, make her understand. That was it. She had to get rid of that stupid crush. Or one day they'd end up in a situation she'd rather not get herself into._

It hadn't all been bad. She had clung to all the bad memories to let nothing come between her and her despise of the ignorant woman. Banned all other things from her memory, tried not to see the tentative and sensitive side Eli had shown since they'd met, now in Vegas.

"Cath?" she called the older woman tentatively.

"What is it, Sara?"

_Yeah, sure, still pissed._

"What is it that you all see in Eli. No, not all of you, what do you see in her?"

Catherine turned around, set her tongs onto the kitchen counter and sighed.

"You know what the two of you have in common, Sara? Both of you got these incredibly sad eyes. A sadness that, when it comes into your eyes, I think nothing in the world can make whatever happened right again. You don't see it, do you? The difference is, though, Eli is sad because of something she did and you, you're sad because of things that have happened to you. Nothing can change the past. Nothing will ever be completely right again, for both of you, but this is today, this is now and that was then. You can remember, you even have to, you can hold grudges, you can hate, but you have to live in the today. You miss out on life. People do change, Sar. And judging by what I see and know, Eli can't possibly be the same person you remember her to be. I know she tries so hard to convince you. Why don't you give it a shot?"

" I can't. I'm not going down that road again. I just don't believe it. I just hope she'll never disappoint you, too. " Sara threw Catherine an apologetic glance and returned to her task.

* * *

Sofia Curtis paced the waiting room at Desert Palms. The only information she'd gotten was that Trent was in surgery to get the bullet removed from her shoulder. The neon light was a little too bright and the salmon coloured wall didn't go at all with the orange, and very hard, plastic chairs. The things you notice when you're shocked. Trying to take deep breaths, she regretted it immediately. She hated the way hospitals smelled. Disinfectants, bleach and illness.

What should she say? A simple thank you just didn't seem to cut it. It would have been her in that operating room, a hole in her shoulder or worse, she could've died today, if it hadn't been for Eli.

She made her way over to the restrooms quickly. Splashing cold water into her face, she looked up into her reflection in the mirror. How do you thank someone for saving your life?

She noticed the scratch across her cheek and when she looked at herself, she saw the bruises on her arms, her shirt had ripped at both elbows and her pants bore a hole over her right knee. She bent it and made a mental note to clean that gash over her kneecap as soon as she got home. With every breath the throbbing in her side reminded her of the other incident earlier today. Maybe she should get down to the ER again and get checked for a cracked rib, she had fallen on the already injured area as Trent had pushed her down. She splashed her face once more, dried herself up and returned to the waiting room. Ignoring the uncomfortable chairs, she placed her back at the wall and slid down. Balancing on her heels, crouched down, she buried her head in her hands and hoped that Eli would be fine.

* * *

Please tell me what you think. And tell me if I should stop writing ridiculously personal author's notes...


	8. 8 Visiting hours

This is kinda pointless plot-wise. Maybe not completely, but mostly. Like I said, I needed something just a bit funny for a change. Now I feel much better, yes. Have fun, I sure did. Ah, part of it is pure conversation but it's very clear who's who. It just came out better that way.

* * *

8. Visiting hours

_She's beautiful. Isn't she just beautiful? _

"Can I go in now?"

_Aw, when she raises her one eyebrow just like this, look at her._

"I know, Ma'am, I just want to sit there and wait until she wakes up."

_That look of pure concentration, like nothing else in the world exists around her__-it's just her, the evidence and a way to find out what it means. _

"She saved my life, dammit! Please, may I _please_ go in?"

_Now she purses her lips, isn't that just adorable? I could spent a lifetime just watching her every move, every emotion. __Now, that's realisation. Oh, now you know who did it and how. You always find out, in the end._

"Well, thank you so much! "

_I've always loved those lips. So enticing, so soft, so perfect__. _"Sara..."

"Eli? Eli, it's okay now, you're okay."

_What happened to your voice? It's too low, too__- wrong._

"Eli, please open your eyes, will you? You're in Desert Palms, you've been shot, do you remember?"

_Open my eyes, they are wide open, aren't they? I can see you clearly. But..._

"I- I don't know what to say, you know. I'm just glad that you're here, that you made it through. Yeah, that's right, open those eyes."

_Ugh, the lights are so bright. What the fuck? Blue eyes? Where, who...?_

"Look at me Eli, come back. That's right."

"Curtis? What-" Eli tried to clear her throat, but it felt like sandpaper, dry and hoarse. "Could you-water?"

The blue eyed face turned into a person and she watched Sofia Curtis reach for the glass that stood on the hospital bedside table. In a tangle of pictures and sounds everything came back to Eli. The scene, suspect on the run, Sofia's back turned towards a pointing gun, herself leaping at Sofia, shots, holding her down and pain. A lot of pain.

Greedily she gulped down the small glass of water that Sofia held to her mouth and coughed, feeling her voice return.

"Hey!" she smiled up at Sofia, who smiled back, a relieved, radiating smile.

"Hey yourself! How do you feel? Should I call the nurse?"

Eli ran through a mental checklist. Toes? Working. Legs? Heavy, but functioning. Fingers? Wiggling, good. Right arm? Just fine. Left arm? Ouch, fuckfuck! She looked down at the huge bandage that covered her whole left shoulder.

"No, don't call the nurse. I'll be fine, it just, it just fucking hurts! Just tell me how bad it is."

The dizziness and the fog that had enveloped her mind slowly lifted. She couldn't move her arm at all, none of the muscles seemed to work, except her fingers.

But Sofia's expression didn't hold much worry, just a little bit of concern in a blue ocean of relief.

"Okay, minor injuries first. Obviously a bullet grazed your side, a superficial flesh wound, needed a few stitches, but it's gonna be perfectly fine in a couple of days. You must have twisted your knee when you jumped to get me down, you have multiple severe strains and a huge bruise from hitting the pavement knee first, but that'll heal fast, too . Then there's your shoulder. The bullet partially severed an artery, graced the bone and got stuck in a muscle. You lost a fair amount of blood and they had to remove a few small bone splinters and repair the artery. You will have to be very careful for quite some time, I'm afraid."

A short silence.

"Sophie?"

"Uh-hum?"

"I might have saved your life, didn't I?" Eli more stated than asked with a mischievous smile that Sofia couldn't really place.

Sofia's cheeks turned just the slightest bit pink under Eli's unidentifiable gaze.

"Um, yeah?"

"Could you please get me a cigarette? I'd kill for a smoke!"

She couldn't believe her ears. Did she lose her mind? Barely conscious for more than a couple of minutes, barely able to move without surely getting lightheaded due to the blood loss and she wanted to smoke? Sofia felt her lips moving, but not a word escaped her lips. Blank, her mind had gone blank.

Then she felt it. A single tear ran down her cheek. All the pressure she had endured the last hours fell off of her. She wanted a cigarette, a fucking cancer stick! She laughed and felt a few more tears escaping her eyes and Eli smiled a content smile and her hand reached for Sofia's.

"Hey, look at me, Sofia! I wasn't serious. I suppose I'm gonna faint if I tried to smoke right now, I just wanted to make you smile! No need to cry, I'm alright. Now stop crying before somebody else sees you shedding tears over that stupid little hole in my shoulder. Gotta keep up appearances, huh? And you are the tough one, remember? The sexy bad-ass cop!"

"You're such an idiot, Trent!" Sofia wiped the tears away, but the smile remained on her lips as she went on.

"How can I ever make it up to you? Thank you just doesn't seem to be enough!"

"Hey, I got away with calling you sexy. Yesterday you would've had me arrested for verbal sexual harassment." Eli laughed as amused affirmation became visible on Sofia's face, but she continued, way more matter-of-factly.

" You would've done exactly the same. You wouldn't have thought twice, too. You're fine, I'm gonna heal in time, that's all that's important right now."

Sofia squeezed Trent's hand that held her own now and looked at her a bit regretful.

"Just one more thing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I treated you with so much hostility and contempt. I misjudged you and I was jealous that you instantly got along so well with just about everyone."

She fell silent and looked down but Trent returned the squeeze.

"We're good now. I genuinely like you, Curtis. You're a great Detective, I can learn so much from you. And maybe in time you'll find out about the Trent-charm, too."

Embarrassment made Sofia's cheeks flush once again. She stood up and slowly loosened her grip on Eli's hand.

"I'm going to get the nurse. They should check up on you now that you're awake. And I would bet that there's a couple of other people who'd like to see you. I'll be back after my shift if that's alright with you."

Eli nodded.

"I'd be glad. Go and get some sleep, Sophie, you look like you could use some. See you tomorrow."

"You will. And thank you."

And Sofia turned and stepped out of Eli's room.

* * *

Sara and Catherine came in together. Catherine did the talking, though. Oozing relief from every pore and promising help. Touching her hand, her uninjured shoulder. Reassurance, as much for herself as for Eli. A bit proud, a bit all the mother. Scolding the nurse for not giving Eli enough of those pain meds. She shouldn't be in pain. Didn't that woman know that she'd saved a life today? Catherine's alternation between tired frustration, anger almost and her joyful relief would have been fun to watch if her constant chatter wouldn't have been so damn tiring and if Sara had at least said anything at all. She just sat there, muted, either staring at her own feet or at Eli's bandaged shoulder. She hadn't even looked her in the eye yet. And Eli felt her eyes flutter shut more and more often by now. She was exhausted, hurting, painfully tired. She tried to convince her eyelids to remain open just to catch Sara's gaze. Just once. Since she said nothing, only her eyes could tell. Finally Cath seemed to notice Eli's struggle with drowsiness. She promised to come back, soon, and got up. Just then, with Catherine's back to them, Sara's deep brown eyes met her own. Fascination, doubt, worry and - warmth. Eli smiled and allowed herself to give in to sleep.

* * *

"You can bet your pretty behind that I am going outside. It's been three days. Three fuckin' days, Curtis. Without a single drag! I'm serious this time..."

"Eli you can barely stand, let alone make it as far as the elevator."

"You'll be surprised what I can do to have a smoke. I'm desperate here, can't you see?"

"Oh, the only thing I see is much more of your back then I ever planned on seeing. Lie back down."

"Now shut up, Curtis. It cost me a lot of sweat to get into this very fine shape. Don't complain."

"Fine shape? Should've seen yourself running after that suspect, Trent. Where was you fine shape when I outran you?"

"I was actually talking about muscles and not speed. I'd love to see you sprint with 30 pounds more on your ribs. You're lucky I didn't stand up yet. Guess that would be something I really should spare you from having to witness."

"Boxers or briefs?"

"You're unbelievable. I'm not gonna honor that with an answer."

"And I've never asked a woman that question before."

"Very funny. Damn, you drive me nuts, will you please hand me my shirt and those sweat pants, _please!"_

"Aw, aren't you just too cute when you start begging?"

"I'm not the shy kind, Sophie, I might as well walk through the hospital in that stupid gown, I swear! And everyone will see a very fine pair of boxers!"

"I knew it! Okay, I give up. There you go."

"I said 'Hand me', not 'Throw'em at me'!"

"I'm gonna get a nurse to help you into those and then I'll get a wheelchair. You might kill yourself slowly with that smoking, but you're not going to break your neck trying to get outside on your own two feet while I'm around."

"Fine!"

"Exactly, fine!"

"Remind me again why I tried to save you from getting shot?"

When did that happen, Eli asked herself as the nurse reluctantly helped her into her clothes. How had they suddenly gotten so close? She could have imagined making jokes about underwear with Catherine, but Sofia? The Detective appeared so different away from the department, away from work. She'd spent a lot of her free time with Eli at the hospital during the last days. She'd come by after shift, they'd talk for an hour or even two, getting to know each other, laughing, skipping through magazines, yesterday a case file, then Sofia would go home and sleep. Before shift, she'd visit again, sipping at her huge Starbucks coffee, complaining about the case she was working. When it was time to get to work, she'd say 'Thank you'. Again. Everyday. Almost casually, like everyone else said 'Good-bye' or 'See you later'.

* * *

Catherine's visits were equally peasant. Eli had trusted her with getting some stuff from her apartment to the hospital.

The blonde had come back two hours later with a very, very smug smile on her face. The Triumph bag had hit the floor hard and Eli flinched. Cath had gotten settled at her side on the hospital bed, arms crossed over her chest, still smiling that really disturbing smile.

"When can I move in?" she'd just asked.

"Excuse me?" Eli replied startled. "Move in?"

"Move in. Into your apartment. You can have my house."

"Cath you're confusing me. Why would you want, oh, I think I get it. Liked what you saw, didn't you?"

Another, much less appealing thought ran through Trent's mind.

"Just exactly through how many drawers did you rummage, Catherine Willows?"

"Oh, I've seen enough without disrespecting your privacy too much. Only got through those you said had clothing in them. But now, spill, who's your decorator and can I afford him?"

Eli laughed and waited just a little too long to answer. She loved it when two certain blondes got impatient. But particularly this one.

"I decorated my apartment all by myself. So I guess you could afford the decorator. And she would even help you to get a bargain or two on furniture."

"You did that all by yourself? You've barely lived in Vegas for three months and it's perfect. I have to admit, I'm kinda impressed. Nice work. Where did you get that wall paper in your bedroom, it's fabulous! Is the bed mahogany? The carving in the head board is incredible!"

The door opened and an unexpected visitor appeared on the threshold.

"Uh, I can come back later if I'm interrupting."

"No, please stay, Sara." Catherine said, shifting her gaze between the two women. "I need to get going anyway, I promised my sister to go dress shopping for her wedding anniversary. See you tonight, Sara. I'll be back tomorrow, Eli, then we'll talk wallpapers, furniture and colours." She winked and sashayed out.

Sara blinked.

"What was that all about?"

Eli raised her eyebrows and groaned.

"Catherine's been to my apartment to get me some stuff. And very obviously she liked it so much that she either wants to throw me out and move in herself or wants me to redecorate her house. How do I ever get out of that one?"

Sara chuckled lightly.

"Easy. You just show her some price lists, watch her pout and argue and finally realise that she just can't afford it."

"You're good Sidle, I almost forgot how sneaky you can be."

An awful silence followed. Sara shifted in her chair and wondered briefly why she'd bothered to come at all. Courtesy? The burning questions that had formed during the past weeks?

"Hm, so do you already know when you'll be able to get home?" _Great, Sidle! All that's going on in your mind, all the things you'd wanted ask her an that's what you come up with?_

"At least five more days. Everything goes well enough, but a ruptured artery is no fun. I'm not allowed to move my arm at all, though that will make my muscles go all stiff and I'll have to work through a lot of physical therapy later on."

"Eli..." Sara started.

"Sara, I'm really glad you came by. But this is neither the time nor the place to talk about-" She waved from herself to Sara and back."-us, this. I've seen the worry in your eyes and the doubt, I know that you ask yourself whether I'm putting on a show or if what you see today, seen during the last months, is real. It is, Sara, and we will talk. Soon."

She smiled the most genuine and sad smile Sara had ever seen on Eli's face.

She continued to stare at Eli. She remembered that kind of warmth that started to envelop her and instantly hated it. But she would chase it away, she would stop it from settling down and clouding her judgment. She had to get out of here.

"Take care of yourself." She said and left that sad smile and the warmth behind in that sterile and hostile hospital room.

* * *

I still hope for feedback. Please take the time to review.


	9. 9 Did I say too much or not enough?

I have to go on. I guess there might be one more chapter tonight, but after that, it'll take some more time to update... Christmas is coming fast and though I won't join in on any festivities, I can't deny everyone their presents just because I don't fell christmassy this year. So my to do-list is very long... But since I'll be alone at home over the holidays, I'll have plenty of time to write then...

* * *

9. Did I say too much or not enough?

With the delicious taste of one very much enjoyed cigarette and a coke from the vending machine in the waiting area still in her mouth, Eli leaned back on her hospital bed and sighed. Oh, the simple things in life. The first cigarette after a long, long shift. The smell of that certain Ethiopian mocha and sizzling fried bacon in the morning. Freshly cut, damp grass. Being caught by a surprising summer rain in the park, running home with the wet clothes clinging to your body, feeling like a little child again, laughing up at the grey sky, catching drops of rain with your tongue. Driving a new car for the very first time. Listening to Etta James' sweet, sultry voice and dream of the day that you can also say: at last... The hesitation and tingling anticipation before you kiss a new love.

The final realisation of just how close she'd come to never have the chance to smell, feel, have all of those things anymore hit Eli with unexpected force. At over thirty, Eli had only cried a handful of times in her whole life. There'd never been much reason. So the hard sobs that shook her body surprised and frightened her. It had taken her long enough to learn to appreciate life's little and almost free delights, those things you couldn't buy with money and having people that stood by your side because they loved you for who you really were and not for the number on your account statement. Yet there would only be an empty apartment she'd come home to. No pet, no partner, no circle of friends, hell, she had detached herself so much from other people, afraid to ever hurt someone again and the only true friends she had lived back in Frisco, which seemed like another life to her right now. Sure, she had a vast amount of loose acquaintances, but those were people she wouldn't want to have around right now. They were meaningless.

What did she live for? What had she achieved? What had it been she had been aiming for in life?

She lived for her job, she loved her job and the satisfaction it brought when another case was closed, another child molester or murderer or violent perp sat behind bars.

She'd graduated top of her classes, passed police academy with distinction, had become a detective in record time.

But she had let friends down, had cheated, lied, used and abused. Had run away from responsibilities, had disappointed and played with people's feelings. She had gambled away her right to live a fulfilled life.

A life where you came home to a person you love. And maybe a cat. A life in which you got to spend your nights off out in the theatre, a nice restaurant or at a concert, had picnic at Lake Mead. Or cooking for friends, chatting away with them over some bottles of wine. A life full of warmth and love.

And not sitting alone in your living room, reading up on Forensic Sciences and the newest investigative techniques. Sometime a classic novel. Ordering Chinese because it's just pointless to cook for oneself. Or even drop by at work because you can't sleep for all the thinking that goes on in that stupid never-resting brain.

The tears had long stopped falling and a new determination had slowly been creeping into Eli's thoughts. She'd never let a good thing slip away again. She couldn't make it right, but maybe she could make it better. This time, she'd fight for her happiness with the right means.

* * *

She stood beside her hospital bed and tried to stuff her clothes and get-well presents as carefully as possible into the large leather bag. Not such an easy task to accomplish with one arm in a tight sling.

"Hey, let me help you with that."

Eli turned around, startled and found herself looking at Sara's lopsided, cautious smile.

"Oh, hey, Sar. What are you doing here, I thought Cath'd come to take me home. Finally!" Eli couldn't completely hide the astonishment in her voice.

"Well, she called me about an hour ago and asked me to pick you up. Something about Lindsey and a parent-teacher thing she'd almost forgotten about."

Sara reached past Eli to finish packing her bag and Eli bit back a gasp at the unanticipated skin on skin contact as Sara's arm ever so lightly came in contact with her own. They hadn't touched each other in years. Eli had carefully avoided standing too close to Sara or brushing up on her in a doorway or reaching for the coffee pot in the break room at the same time, which had almost happened twice.

Velvety, warm. She took a step to the side, watching Sara carefully folding her shirts and put the cards, magazines and confectionary on top and zip the bag shut.

Sara felt the gaze. She felt it all over her body. She felt the warmth return and her cheeks flush and her heartbeat increase just a bit. She already regretted having given in to Catherine's pleas. It had been a couple of weeks ago when she'd felt it first. Despite her hatred, her unwillingness to anticipate the change in Trent's behaviour, despite her resent towards the short-haired woman, she couldn't deny the physical reaction Eli provoked in her. How could she feel attracted to her? Again? The way Eli walked down the labs corridors in those confident, strong strides, the way she looked at files over sipping at her coffee, the vertical wrinkle between her eyebrows when she was thinking, that hadn't been there 10 years ago. Like those dimples around her mouth, they were new, too. The additional weight also suited her, her form was much more feminine now, not as androgynous as it had been in college. And that smile could still do things to her that she hadn't dared to acknowledge back then and she sure wouldn't admit them today. She just shrugged it off and took the bag, leading the way out.

Not a word was spoken during the drive, apart from Eli telling Sara where she lived. Sara's glance flickered over to the Detective more than once. Eli sat in the passenger seat, head against the head rest and her eyes closed. Every bump on the road caused her to grit her teeth and Sara to mutter a silent 'sorry'. So much time had gone by since Sara last had been looking at Eli that closely. Two feelings. Eli had always awoken two very different feelings in Sara. Utter repulsion and a wild, almost untamable attraction. She had felt drawn to the woman the very first time she had set her eyes on Elizabeth Trent. Charming, rebellious, full of the strangest ideas, talented and far more intelligent than most of the women Sara had met on Campus. A show-off, yes. Back then, Sara had suspected it was something that came with the money. Eli drove a fancy sports-car, always wore the most fashionable clothes, threw the most famous parties and just owned a place as soon as she set a foot inside a room. Her presence was remarkable. And she had known it and used it. People just threw themselves at her feet or into her arms. Though intrigued, Sara hadn't. So she had been a challenge for Trent. That was when everything had started going down the drain.

Eli opened half an eye and caught Sara's scrutinizing glance before she could turn her eyes away from the Detective.

"What?" Eli asked softly.

"Nothing! And I'm not sure I want to talk anymore."

"No, it's not nothing. I get where you're coming from, I really do. But believe me, just about everything has changed. Everything. If I could turn back time and live through it all over again, I'd be making very different decisions. I hate myself for what I did to Claire, what I did to a lot of people, and what I did to you."

Straight to the point. That had always been one of Eli's virtues. Just never in really important moments in life.

They had arrived at Eli's condo and Sara just stared at her hands on the steering wheel, not answering, not even looking at Eli. She was torn between believing her, listening to her, seeing the now thirty-something as she was today and not the 23-year-old bitch.

"Waves, I never could admit it even to myself, but I know why you despised me so much then, yeah, even hate me, now. I knew you were falling for the worst person on the whole campus and I think you hated yourself for that. For falling for me. And god help me, I just didn't know what to do about it. I used to be so self absorbed that I didn't even know what it meant. Someone so beautiful, so intelligent, so pure and innocent. Yet you were so sad. Haunted. I was party, I was fun. That was all it was about for me, back then. I couldn't admit to anything else. But damn, Sara! I took Claire away from you because I couldn't watch you being happy with someone else. Had I only known what would happen... But you had me, you had all of me. How couldn't I have loved you, too?"

_Waves... when was the last time someone had used that nickname?__ Why hadn't she said all that then? It is too late now!_

Eli leaned over to lift Sara's chin up with her right hand. Sara still couldn't lift up her gaze to look Eli in the eyes. She just couldn't. Too many feelings rose up at once in her gut and her stomach churned, her mind raced.

"Sara, look at me. Please." _Now or never, Trent, it is now or never!_ And Sara returned her questioning look. Eli melted as two sets of brown eyes met one another. _She shouldn't be able to still do that to me. But hell…_ Eli's stomach performed little somersaults out of pure nervousness. And long forgotten or rather dismissed feelings.

"You, Sara Sidle, have been the most precious thing that ever crossed my path. And I threw it all away. Because I was insecure. Because I didn't know what it meant. I pushed you away and hurt you where it did the most imaginable damage. I'm more than just sorry and I deserve your hatred and your mistrust. I guess there's no way to make it ever up to you. You made that crystal clear in San Francisco and here again. But still I want to try. Because I'm afraid I might just fucking fall all over for you again."

Sara held her breath. _No, this just wasn't happening. It couldn't. She didn't just say these words. Not after all she did to me. Not after what happened to Claire._

Eli let go of Sara's chin and quietly got out of the car. She just left Sara sitting there, musing, wondering, probably fuming and hating her even more than she did before. She felt her eyes following her on her back as she got up the few stairs to her condo. She didn't dare to look back and search for any answers Sara's glance might hold. Those haunting, telling eyes. She had thrown herself out there and she knew it was a mistake. She just had to say it, had to make her understand, at least a bit. Hope for the chance to be allowed to explain. And there was a lot of explaining to do. Eli let herself in and closed the door. She threw her keys on the mahogany table, not caring if they left any scratches on the smooth and shining surface of the expensive piece of furniture. She looked around at her apartment and cursed. She cursed her forever be damned young self for her arrogance and her egoism. She cursed the damn money and the charm it had had over her. She cursed herself for being so stupid to think that money and a certain kind of fame had been worth more to her than people. She cursed herself for her stupidity, for turning around and understanding when it had already been far too late to even reduce all the collateral damage she had left behind.

Exhausted and broken, Elizabeth Trent made one last effort and threw, one-handedly, a massive and beautifully carved chair across her apartment, shattering the glass of her couch table onto the shaggy brown carpet, the chair smashed into her Bang and Olufsen speakers. She didn't care. All she cared about was the woman outside her condo in the car. The woman with the sad eyes, which she loved so much. She ignored the burning pain in her shoulder and fell onto her king-sized four-poster bed to sleep at least some of the pain away, dreading waking up and facing a new day. But sleep never came.

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Please review and thanks for reading! I haven't done this before, have I? Honestly, thanks!


	10. 10 Someone to talk to

**A/N: Mention of rape. **

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10. Someone to talk to

Catherine had never seen the Detective in such casual attire (outside the hospital, that is) as she wore now, standing outside her front door, just taking off her aviator-style, silver-rimmed Ray Bans that had shielded her eyes from the bright afternoon sunlight. The cloudless sky a harsh contrast to Trent's very obvious bad mood.

It had been three days since she had been released from the hospital and Trent looked like she had neither slept, nor eaten or probably even showered. Her curly hair stood out at odd angles, she wore faded baggy jeans that looked just a bit too large, like they had once fitted and been worn regularly and then forgotten about when they'd gotten too big and were only retrieved from the depths of a clothes drawer on days were you felt the need for especially comfortable clothing. They were accompanied by a T-Shirt, equally faded and splitting at the seams, bearing the name of some rock band Catherine vaguely remembered having heard of a long time ago and a pair of old rugged sneakers. She didn't look nearly as polished and together as usual. All her confidence was gone. She looked like a different person. Were the hem of her right shirt sleeve ended, the other one had been completely cut off to fit the bandage through, Catherine saw glimpses of tattoos on both of the Detectives upper arms. _Who'd known, _Cath mused and wondered what Eli had inked into her skin. There were dark bags under her eyes and wrinkles she hadn't had three days ago. She looked as if she'd aged ten years over night. The only tell-tale sign of her usual appearance were the shiny silver wristwatch that Catherine knew bore a very well-known and posh brand name on the clock face and the ring engraved with the family signet on her right ring finger.

Catherine looked into beyond tired eyes and stepped beside her white painted front door to let the Detective in.

"If this is a bad time or I'm disturbing any routine, I'll go Catherine," offered Trent before she made a move.

"Don't be silly, just come on in, will you!"

"Thanks, Cath."

She had never been to Catherine's house before, but it was all she had expected it to look like. Warm yellow walls greeted her in the hallway, a few coats, some definitely those of a fashion-oriented teenager hung at the wardrobe and a potted plant stood in the doorway to the living room. It was an open space painted in beige and a kind of peach that not only held a comfortable looking and huge brown couch, but also the eating table with four wooden chairs and you could look over the kitchen counter right into an open kitchen. There were family pictures on the walls, in cupboards otherwise filled with books and DVD's and on almost every other flat surface. It was inviting, lovely decorated and homely, a place where you can breathe out and feel at home instantly. And Eli felt more than welcomed as Catherine's hand came to a rest on her uninjured shoulder as she smiled at her and the friendly gesture alone relieved some of the tension from the Detective.

Cath guided her to the kitchen and gestured her to sit down at the counter. Soft music drifted through the room from a small kitchen radio that stood beside a toaster.

"Would you like some coffee?"

"Yes, please. Do you have something stronger to go with that? I could really use a drink if you don't mind."

"I think I might have some Vodka and Scotch. And no, I don't mind at all. You really look like someone in need of a drink." Catherine paused. " And of someone who listens."

"You are an angel, you know that? Scotch, please."

Catherine placed a cup of coffee on the counter and ruffled the Detectives hair with one hand just to let it rest on her shoulder once again, as she looked into her eyes.

"Whatever you need, Eli." _Where did the ruffling come from? That's not a kid sitting in front of me, that's a grown and usually very strong woman, mind and body-wise. Who does look like a kid whose puppy has just been run over by a giant 18-wheeler. I wonder what caused this transformation. Surely not the incident at the crime scene._

"Catherine Willows, don't ever do that again or I will have to throw you over that counter and spank some sense into you."

_Now that was the usual Eli again._ During the past few months they had developed their light banter and teasing into some kind of an art form.

"Who says I wouldn't enjoy that?" Catherine laughed and her eyes held a mischievous glint as she rushed off to the living room cupboard get that bottle of scotch.

Eli had found her smile back, too. She knew it had been the right place to come to, the right person to talk to.

"Don't challenge me, Ms. Willows. And I should so have known that you're kinky..."

"Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet."

Handing Eli a glass and a bottle of 30 year old, single malt scotch, which she had kept for some special occasion, whatever that could have been, she concluded now seemed the right time and Eli surely appreciated the quality. She paused midway through her movement and they looked at each other again and burst into laughter. Catherine found words first.

"Ah, well, I just had a very disturbing picture in my head. How do I ever chase that away again?"

Eli chuckled and broke into a wide and very smug grin.

"If I hadn't set my eyes on someone else years ago, you'd really be a tease, Cath. Really, we should never get drunk together. Strange things might happen."

"I'm completely with you there." Cath smirked and only then the beginning of Trent's sentence settled in.

" But run that one by me again, will you? Who's the lucky one? And years? I doubt you could have any problems convincing a girl to like you."

Catherine pulled another stool beside Eli's and sat down at the counter beside her.

"If it was just any girl, yes, maybe. But his one is special. This one is the rare kind that makes you change your life. That gets under your skin so deep that you couldn't get her out of your system even if you attempted to peel it off layer by layer. And she's the last person on this planet who could ever even be so much as friends with me, let alone love me."

A deep and long sigh followed that statement. And Catherine knew. Something she wasn't sure she really wanted to hear more about, much less talk about. But here sat her friend, looking like hell, downing the second glass of damn expensive Scotch within less than five minutes and the Detective had grown way too much on her to dismiss this talk, because it might be uncomfortable for Catherine.

"So you're in love with Sara."

"Very much so. And for much longer than I care to admit, even to myself. She wasn't the only one who dreaded a reunion and hoped it would never happen. I dreaded it just as much, but for very different reasons. And I here thought I had closed that chapter completely after I ran into her in San Francisco."

"You know, this is the time when you might want to tell me what happened between you in the past."

"You got the time, Cath, this is gonna take a while."

"Then it's good that this is my day off. Spill, Eli, this whole situation just isn't healthy anymore."

"It never has been. You sure that you don't want a glass, too? You might need it."

Catherine eyed her and went to get herself a tumbler. Deciding to get settled on the much more comfortable couch, Eli sighed and poured both of them another glass of scotch and started talking.

"You want to hear the truth, Cath? Sara has each and every reason to hate me to my bones. We met in my freshman year at Harvard. We did get along decently, a Theoretic Physics grad and a History of Science undergrad. We didn't exactly like each other much, yet we spent a fair amount of time together. Even took a surfing trip to California together once. I had a damn big crush on her. She was smart, she was beautiful and she was unattainable. Tempting. A challenge. I felt that she was attracted to me, but I also knew she would never ever act on that, she despised me just too much. I screwed too many people over, I had one affair after another despite my attraction to her, I used my money to buy me people and favours and I was a bully. I couldn't blame her rejecting me, but still, part of me wanted her bad. And I don't think she ever knew that she was attracted to me, too."

Eli drove her hand through her curly hair and her shirt sleeve rode up her arm. Catherine caught Trent's arm by the wrist and pulled the sleeve all the way up. Eli pondered to get her arm out of Cath's grasp, but gave in and let her read the lettering. A sad smile was what she got in return.

"I'll ask about that later, I think."

Nodding, Eli took another deep breath and continued, before all her courage would leave her.

"Then suddenly she had this girlfriend, her roommate, her name was Claire. Plain girl, barely noticeable, never even knew she was into women. Never even looked at her twice, though she was around often when Sar was. Pretty, yeah, but plain. I got jealous, the worst kind of jealous. If I couldn't have Sara, no one should. So I tried to get closer to Claire. I met her-"

Eli motioned quotation marks in the air.

"- coincidentally in the library, at the coffee shop. She'd always had a certain schedule and I knew it. I came to their dorm room when I knew Sara was out, pretending to look for her. I was charming, I flattered her, I tried my very, very best to get into her pants. It didn't take me half as long as I had thought. I fucked her on the floor of their own room and Sara saw it."

Catherine gasped. She shot Eli a furious gaze. Eli withered under her stare, but straightened again and continued before the strawberry blonde could even form words.

"Let me finish, Catherine. That's by far not all. You can throw me out, yell at me, be disappointed in me, but you got to hear me out. Those are the biggest mistakes of my life. I know that. I'm not that person anymore."

Catherine clenched her teeth and nodded. Eli had shown no signs of those sides in her since she knew her and she had never denied that she'd made mistakes or that she'd been a real bitch when she was younger.

"In all my arrogance I had thought Sara would, after being furiously mad with me at first, see that she did deserve better than a plain, boring, semi-smart bitch who cheated on her with the first distraction that came along. I couldn't have been more wrong. She took it with grace, but I knew she was devastated. Told me I should take good care of Claire and treat her with respect. For once I should make the right decision and not drop her like a hot potato after having gotten what I'd wanted. And she told me she never wanted to see me again. I was at a loss, and I kind of started a relationship with Claire."

Eli looked Cath straight in the eye.

"Now, if you thought that was bad, here comes the hard part. Claire used to be on the field hockey team. We'd been together for about two months and I had made a habit out of picking her up after her training. That one day, I was late. I had had a... I'd had another girl. When I opened the girl's locker room door I knew something was off. I heard kinda muffled screams and shuffling sounds and as I turned a corner I saw some guy raping Claire. He was so engrossed in-"

Eli closed her eyes, her mouth nothing but a thin line, her voice wavering.

"- his actions that he didn't hear me coming. Cath, I've always been kinda strong. I kicked that guy off of her and threw him against the lockers. I punched him so many times that I stopped losing the feeling in my hands. All that time Claire was so still. She never said a word, she didn't even wince. She crouched into the farthest corner of the locker room. I couldn't even look at her, I didn't know what to do. But I knew Sara would. After I had made sure he wouldn't be able to get up or even be conscious for quite some time, I called 911 and then Sara. I'll never forget the look on her face as she stared at Claire, then at the guy and then at my bloody knuckles. I had been too late, it had already happened. If I hadn't been late, it would never have happened or I would've at least been in time to prevent the rape. I just turned around and left. The police took me in for questioning and though I had used more force than necessary, no charges were pressed. Later I got to know that Claire hadn't been his first victim, there had been 4 other girls."

Eli buried her face in her right hand and then felt Catherine's hand on her back.

"Go on."

"Catherine, I never went to the hospital to check on her. I couldn't face her, couldn't face Sara. If I hadn't been so egoistic and arrogant, if I hadn't been cheating on Claire behind her back, hell even if I had dumped her right after that first time, it would never have happened. I locked myself into my dorm room and smoked pot and drank myself stupid for days. Until Sara came by and told me Claire had killed herself. The rape had broken her. She had jumped off the hospital roof three days after that damned evening. She hit me square in the face and I laughed at her. I never felt so helpless and guilty in my life. I dropped out of Harvard a month later. What use was History of Science anymore? I went to Berkeley and mastered in Criminal Justice, then joined the San Francisco Police Academy. I could never make it right, but I could help prevent others from that kind of fate or at least bring those to justice who violated, raped and murdered. I graduated top of my class, I went up the ladder fast. I never forgot that day, Cath. It changed my life. A good girl had committed suicide and the woman I loved hated my very guts. Because I thought I was the center of the universe, god dammit!"

Tears. Again. For the second time within a week and this time even in front of someone else.

After the first half of what she'd heard, Catherine had a hard, very hard time keeping her mouth shut. Yes, she wanted to yell at Eli, for misleading that girl Claire, for hurting Sara, for her arrogance, her withdrawal. But now, she was at a loss for anything to say. She tried to gather the crying woman in her arms, but Eli refused to be held.

One thing was clear. Eli had beaten herself up for years. But she had also turned herself around and bore no resemblances anymore to her past self. Catherine believed in second chances. Hard as it sounded, had all these things not happened, Eli would not be who she was today. She would have probably never woken up from her little power-trip.

A sudden movement shook Catherine out of her thoughts. Eli had gotten up and poured scotch into her glass once more, emptying it as quickly as it was filled.

As Eli faced the older woman, resignation written all over her face, Catherine made a decision.

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Yep, what's next? Give me some time. But honestly, there's two ideas of the end. Nothing is set in stone yet. Should this one have a happy ending? Let me know...


	11. 11 A cleansing fire

Here we go again... I've been (am) terribly sick, the cold and snowy weather finally got to me and knocked me out properly!

This is short and might seem a bit out of place, but I promise to come back to the other important questions soon. It felt wrong to change to a different setting and different people after these lines, so I made this a short solo-chapter. Enjoy! I hope...

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11. A cleansing fire

This was the place she had both longed and feared to ever see again. She could still smell the last remnants of smothered flames, smoking wood, although the fire had been extinguished two days ago. It was strange to see this place lying in ashes. Like it had finally taken its rightful place. But you can't burn memories away, even if the physical reminders don't exist anymore now.

The sun just begun to descend over the curved coastal road and behind the charred relics of her past, different reds and oranges than those of fire grazed the horizon. She walked down the steep slope that led to the pebbly beach and sat down Indian style watching the beautiful play of the colours reflecting in the water. She'd fled to this exact spot so many times, in the dead of the night, so afraid someone who notice she wasn't asleep in her bed but still not able to stay there a second longer, when the sounds of the ocean were so near and the calmness they brought so evidently needed. She'd never been afraid to be on the beach all alone, despite her young age. There was no fear, no thread outside that would ever match the one that lived inside her own home. Out here, she had found peace, even if it had meant she would've had trouble keeping her eyes open the next day at school. When the moon stood high above the ocean and its light twinkled upon the waves, when there was no screaming, no clinking glasses, no barked orders, just the gentle sound of waves washing up on the shore, she reveled in those moments of freedom. Until she had to climb back up to the house and quietly crawl back into her uninviting bedroom and wait for another dreaded day to start.

She didn't really know why the short call that had informed her of a burned down B&B in a little and generally quite peaceful town of Tamales Bay had managed to make her take her first vacation days in years. She had instantly felt drawn, urged to be able to see it with her own two eyes.

To see that the place where so many of those events that still sometimes troubled her sleep had taken place didn't exist anymore.

Her cell had chimed in the middle of a perfectly normal shift and just after she'd snapped the phone shut, she'd found herself walking over to Grissom's office and had asked for four days off, effective immediately. There was only little she had needed to explain to Grissom, he had understood. He had looked up at her from behind his glasses, a faint and awkwardly comforting smile on his lips and had just nodded.

"Go, Sara."

So she'd turned and left the lab without even bothering to say bye to anyone , she'd just clocked out and driven over to her apartment, thrown some clothes into a bag and jumped into her car.

After the first hour of her drive towards San Francisco, she wasn't so sure she could do it alone. A lot more memories than that already still quite constantly present would rise up once she'd arrive at her destination. But who could she have asked? A strange image crossed her mind and the thought was dismissed faster as the picture had even appeared. There was one person who knew more about Sara's upbringing and the scars it had left on her mind and body. More than Grissom, more than any of her remaining friends in Frisco and certainly more than she'd told any other member of the nightshift in Las Vegas. One person who knew why it was that she sometime still flinched and shied away when someone startled her with a touch from behind, why she worked herself up as she did over cases that dealt with domestic violence, why she'd been in foster care, why she still, seldom but still, sometimes woke up screaming and bathed in sweat from her sleep, why she then always looked at her hands first, to confirm that she wasn't covered in blood, that the screams had been her own and not the hoarse cries of a man facing his own inevitable death or the hysteric screeching of the woman who mercilessly and forcefully drove a blade into said man's body, again and again and again.

Eli. She knew. And this was the one thing Sara was grateful for, after all that had happened, she had never used her knowledge of Sara's darkest memories to hurt her even more than she already had.

Sara had sped through the desert, towards the sea and had felt an aching deep inside her that had many reasons.

The same aching returned as she sat on the beach, the sun long gone, the light of the moon coating everything that surround her in a ethereal silver light, every tree threw majestic dark shadows, every stone illuminated and the ground behind it bathed in the deepest black, every branch like a oddly misshaped hand reaching out to either drag her deeper into her memories or showing her one more way to leave a part of her misery behind. An aching for safety, for trust, for love, those things she found so hard to see in other people for the fear of just being disappointed once more, but also for the things she already had achieved and could rely on, her education, her career, her independence, her strength. An aching to feel whole. She shivered at the cold and at the same time felt some of the warmth return to her that had left her so many years ago, when she'd been just a little girl looking out upon the sea.

She stood up and let her thumb glide over the flat and round pebble in her hand, its surface washed smooth by thousands of waves that had washed over it and thousands of times it had brushed up against others of its kind, the sharp edges taken away in time. One of her own edges had been smoothed today, by seeing what a raging fire had burned down to the foundation walls. She extended her arm, flung the pebble and sent it bouncing off the surface of the water. It skipped four times before it finally sank to the ground.

As she walked back up the slope, past the piece of land where she had been formed by use and abuse, she didn't look back. She left it behind like a piece of her that didn't belong anymore. Like an edge that had been rounded by time and tide.

San Francisco waited for her tonight, old friends and familiar places, laughter and drinks, smiles and clinking glasses that augured joy and happiness and drunkenness that held nothing but the promise of a long, undisturbed and quiet sleep.

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Thanks for reading and as always, let me know your thoughts... The good and the bad.


	12. 12An old friend and a little conspiracy

I hope you all had a wonderful christmas!

And so much for having time to write over the holidays... But as a little apology for not updating in quite some time, this one is really long. And filled with strange flashbacks and new people. I guess this is becoming a longer story than I had originally anticipated. Hope you don't mind that I go slow.

So, here's one part where I earn my M rating. No, it's not going to be anything you might have expected to happen in this story. I have never written a sex scene in English before, so please tell me if it's too bad and I'll rewrite it and make it simpler and shorter. I still see this whole thing as a kind of English practice lesson for myself, so I don't mind changing things that are bad or don't appear to fit in. I just felt I had to tell some more about Eli's past and connections and I have special plans for a certain new character I'm introducing here.

Hope you like it...

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12. An old friend and a little conspiracy

"So, what does it say?" Catherine asked, staring at Eli's biceps once again. "Dum spiro, spero. My Latin is limited to some technical terms and common quotes like 'carpe diem'."

Tumbler in hand, Eli gazed into space.

"While I breathe, I hope."

Silence filled the room.

Catherine was just reaching out to take another sip from her own glass as the sound of her beeping cell reached her ears from its place across the room on the kitchen counter.

"Excuse me, Eli." Her hand landed on Eli's shoulder once again and softly rubbed it as she rushed past the still shaken Detective.

Snapping her phone open, Catherine sighed as she saw Grissom's name on the screen.

"What is it, Gil, you know how I cherish my days off, this better be important." She huffed into the speaker.

"I wouldn't call you if it wasn't, Catherine. Look, I need you back in the lab. Immediately, we're short of hands." As he offered no further explanation, Catherine had to ask.

"Gil, what are you not telling me? Somebody got sick?"

She could practically hear Grissom squirm at the other end of the line.

"Look, I know I shouldn't tell you this, but there was an-" he cleared his throat uncomfortably. "-incident and Sara had to leave. She'll be gone for a couple of days. I need you here, Catherine, please don't ask any more questions."

Catherine's eyes had widened but she knew better than to inquire Gil over the phone. She had the whole night to find out what had happened to make Sara Sidle leave the lab in the middle of a shift and ask for days off. Though, to be honest, this was more than just a little strange.

"Grissom, just so you know, I had one drink already but under these circumstances you'll have to live with that. Just let me change and I'll be there in about an hour. See you."

"Thank you, Catherine."

She put the phone down on the counter and ran her hand through her strawberry blond hair. Now a comforting hand landed on her own shoulder. Eli stood behind her and ran her hand in circles over Catherine's shoulder blade. She allowed herself five seconds of closing her eyes and leaning a bit back into Eli's soft touch.

"You've been called in, haven't you? Did something happen? You look-" Eli searched for the right word. "-kinda worried."

Turning and looking at the injured Detective, Catherine sighed loudly.

"I have no idea what happened. Grissom just told me that Sara left during shift and asked for a couple of days off. Since they're shorthanded now, he needs me to cover for Sara."

Seeing the almost panicky expression on Eli's face, she tried to calm her.

"Eli, I promise, as soon as I know what's happened I'll call you. You know I'll figure it out eventually. I have to go get changed. I'm sorry we have to break this up now. If you want to wait, I can drop you off on my way to the lab, what do you think?"

* * *

It was a rough and long shift for Catherine. Sara's unplanned absence had come at the worst time imaginable, the lab was flooded with new cases. She'd worked for eight hours straight before she even found the time to talk to Grissom about anything more than her next assignment. But he didn't let anything slip. Told her something about personal affairs and that he wasn't supposed to share that information with anyone.

Catherine cursed loudly as she slammed her locker door shut. She pulled out her cell and called Eli to break the news to her. She sounded even more tired than she had the night before and very beat at Cath's news. After ending the call, Catherine dialed Sofia's number. If there wasn't a solution to be found for one problem, she might as well work on the other.

* * *

Eli paced up and down her living room. After Catherine had dropped her off at her place, she had taken a shower, which had happened to be way more complicated then she'd anticipated due to the cast and then went to bed in just her pajama bottoms, not wanting to cut another shirt to pieces to make it fit over her bandage. She'd tossed and turned, as far as it was possible, for the better part of four hours before she gave up on getting any sleep yet another night in a row and got up to make herself some coffee. This was getting ridiculous. She shouldn't worry so much about Sara, she was a grown woman who could take care of herself better than most people could say for themselves. But her taking off in the middle of shift, regardless of the work she had to do or leaving her co-workers with her cases was so out of character that Eli couldn't help but wonder what horrible news had triggered Sara's departure. That Grissom hadn't told Catherine spoke volumes.

_"You... What? I can't even imagine. I don't want to imagine. I'm so sorry, Sar."_

_She pulled the trembling brunette into a tight and kinda awkward embrace, but never let go until the sobbing started to subside._

_"Thank you for trusting me with this. Waves, with all the fooling around, you are the one thing I do take seriously. I will never disappoint the trust you put in me by telling me this. Never."_

_Eli placed a careful and soft kiss into the crying woman's hair, then brushed it away from the tear-stained face and kissed Sara's temple affectionately. _

_"Your amazing, did I ever tell you that? Don't you ever even start to think that you're not worthy of anything you achieve, of anything you've become, of anyone who loves you. Because you are. I got my life handed to me on a silver platter, but you, anything you do comes from deep inside you, you're so passionate, so intelligent, so brave. Don't let anyone ever again tell you differently."_

_She loosened her embrace on the taller woman and cupped her face to look i__nto dark brown eyes._

_"I'm sorry that I'm not the person you'd like me to be. I don't even deserve that kind of friendship we do have. You're too good for me, Sar."_

So it must have had something to do with Sara's past and there was only one place where that could lead her. San Francisco.

Eli pulled her phone out of her jeans pocket and dialed a very familiar number.

"Einstein."

"Hello dear Leonard." Eli chuckled into the phone. Knowing how proud her best friend was of having that particular family name, he never answered the phone any differently than by saying his last name, even if someone familiar called.

"Is that really you, Eli? I thought you'd not only left me here all on my own, but forgot about me altogether. So sweet to hear that voice of yours, precious."

Eli snickered. Hearing his voice was a pleasure, too. That voice could still do the strangest things to her. Leonard Einstein had been the only man she'd ever been with. They hadn't classically fallen in love, they had been best friends with benefits. They shared a connection that went deeper than anything Eli had experienced before, at least with any man, they had been inseparable from the moment they'd met at Berkeley. Leonard was the perfect woman in a man's body. Gentle, caring, understanding, thoughtful, honest, charming and blessed with an incredible sense of humour. He was tall and wore his light brown hair very short. His green eyes were always kind and inviting and he had the built of a heavyweight boxer, but the heart and soul of a child. And he took Eli just like she was. In all her butchy, yet still very feminine way. The first time they'd kissed had been a bet. After Leonard's friends, all of them straight men, heard that Eli had never kissed a man before, they had challenged her to kiss one of them and then tell them about the difference. Of course her safe choice had been kissing Leonard. They had all been terribly drunk and the kiss was sloppy and short, but infatuating. She had planned to crash on Len's couch that night, but they had ended up in his bed, both lonely, both very drunk, both moping about missed chances and unrequited love. They'd started out just cuddling and enjoying the warmth and safety of lying in someone's arms, as Eli asked if she could kiss Leonard again. She felt drawn to the man in a way she had never experienced.

_"Lenny, what if I kiss you again?"_

_"Do you want to?" His slurred answer spoke volumes of his state, but his dark green eyes were unclouded and darted down to her lips and up to her eyes again, an honest question within them._

_"I- you- I don't know why. I haven't felt anything in such a long time and I'm starving here, Lenny. Yes, I want to. So much. Just tell me it won't change anything between us. You know I don't like you that way. I love you with all my heart, but as a friend, you know that. But I want this. Show me what it's like. Hold me, love me, I need that."_

_Leonard leaned up on his elbow, suddenly very sober._

_" You want to sleep with me?"_

_"I think so, yes."_

_"You're scaring me Eli. I don't know if..." He scowled. "What if I hurt you? You know I think you're an incredibly beautiful woman, but I never considered this."_

_Eli silenced him by dipping her head down and kissing him softly. She cupped his face and wondered about the feel of his short stubble on her palms. Very aware of the __weirdness of this situation, Leonard carefully reciprocated the kiss, leaving his lips closed, just tasting his best friend. As she nibbled on his lower lip and drove her tongue over his still closed lips, he groaned and felt a particular warmth rise within him. This woman could kiss and his body responded instantly. He broke the kiss and took Eli's chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing her to look into his eyes._

_"Are you really sure of this?"_

_Eli changed her position and lay on top of Leonard._

_"Yes. You are the most incredible man I've ever met. You are the first man I feel physically attracted to, believe it or not. I don't want a relationship, not even an affair, I guess. I want us to be friends, best friends who are about to have sex, because we can, because our bond is strong enough, because we're both so damn lonely. I know you think I'm attractive, you've seen me half naked on the beach a dozen of times. I've seen you trying to hide that you were staring. I don't mind because I know you'd never ever do anything about it. It's not important because we are friends. But now, I want you to look at me."_

_She sat up and straddled his thighs. His hands went to her hips and held her, his eyes followed her every movement as she took her shirt off and went to get rid of her bra, too. As she started to unclasp it, Leonard's hand stopped her._

_"Please, let me."_

_Eli dropped her hands as Leonard's stroked slowly up her sides, caressing her back, one went up to her neck and she leaned into his warm touch as the other fumbled with the bra, which soon landed on the floor next to the bed._

_Leonard stared at her in awe. He sat up and his lips found Eli's neck, __her chin, her throat, then he kissed his way down over her clavicle to the valley between her breasts. Her hands tangled in his short hair, she threw her head back to give him more access and moaned loudly as his mouth finally closed around one nipple. Not being the one in control was a thrilling experience for Eli. With women, she'd always been the one to set the pace, the active part, sometimes not even shedding all her clothing. With Leonard, she gave in to the feeling. The gentle way he caressed her breasts, only starting to pinch her nipples a little harder as she demanded it. As he bit down on one, she nearly yelled out in pleasure. She kissed him hard and deep, their tongues battling for dominance as her hand went down his naked torso to the bulge in his jeans. So that was what the real thing felt like. She had used a strap-on dozens of times, but this was so different. He was different. He gently pushed her on her back and popped the button fly of her jeans open while kissing around her belly button and laughed when he saw the boy shorts as he pushed the jeans down her legs._

_"What's so funny that you stop kissing me?"_

_"I've never slept with a woman who wears the same kind of underwear you'd find in my closet."_

_"Boy, let me get down to the car quickly and accessorize and you could even give me a blow-job. I bet that'd be a real new experience." Eli laughed at the shocked, yet quite amused expression on Leonard's face._

_"Would you really make me do that? Would you enjoy that?"_

_"I bet I'd come without a single touch if I watched you do that." _

_"I'm not prudish, you know, I'd probably do it.__ I'd maybe even let you do me." _

_Eli's breath got stuck in her throat. Just picturing Leonard's head bopping up and down in her lap sent shivers down her spine and she wondered if she could ever perform that kind of act on him. _

_With those words, Leonard got rid of Eli's last piece of clothing and bent down to kiss the insides of her thighs._

_"Len, take your clothes off, I want to see you naked."_

_Leonard stopped, but not without placing one last kiss right on Eli's center, eliciting a strangled moan from her, before he stood up and stepped out of his jeans and boxer shorts. Eli's glance went up and down the length of his body. And she swallowed. He was... impressively equipped._

_"Elizabeth Trent, I am the first naked man you see__ that close, ain't I?" he asked, motioning for her to stand up, too._

_"At least in this state, yes." She answered honestly as she got up, a questioning look on her face._

_"Come here." As she stood in front of him, he turned her around. "Close your eyes, please." And she did. She held her breath as she felt his warm hands all over her body, his breath on her neck, then his lips and teeth, fingers pinched her nipples harder this time and she leaned back into his body, feeling his erection against her backside for the first time._

_"Place one foot on the bed, Eli. Just do it."_

_She did as she was told and Leonard ran his right hand up and down her inner thighs. On their way back up, he cupped her center and hesitantly slid one finger through her folds, finding her clit and circling it ever so softly. Her hips bucked into his touch and her leg started trembling as he whispered into her ear how much of a turn on it was that she was so wet. And she was. His movements got faster, his finger ran up and down her length, sometime dipping in deeper close to her opening. She felt so aroused, she craved for him to take her, at least with his fingers and her own hand wandered around her body to his stomach, caressing it, playing with the few hairs that guided down to his erection and she took him in her hands, hot, hard and so different. She closed her palm around him, squeezing lightly. He thrust into her hand, moaning low into her ear and finally dipped two of his fingers all the way into her at the same time she started working her hand up and down his length. They moved in unison and the only sounds to be heard were their moans and panting. He let his fingers glide in and out of her at a lazy pace that drove her crazy with the need for more. The pressure was building up oh so slowly and just as he slid out completely and pinched her clit lightly, he turned her around and pushed her onto the bed before she could even form words to voice her frustration._

_"I want to taste you, move up." He growled and Eli scooted to the middle of the bed. Bending her knees with both of his hands and pushing her legs farther apart, __Leonard's mouth closed over her mound. He lapped through her lips and started working his tongue into her, alternating with nipping and sucking and licking her clit. Unexpectedly he pushed two fingers into her again and she groaned and gasped as he curled his fingers up, searching for that perfect spot. Soon a third finger was added, filling her so completely that all she could do was squirm under his firm touch and enjoy the fullness and the feeling of his tongue running over her clit in circling motions._

_"Oh god, you're good, don't you dare to stop now."_

_She panted and fought for every breath as her climax built up deep within her._

_"Len__, harder, please."_

_Leonard__ looked up briefly, but seeing the pleasure written all over Eli's face, he gave in and drove his fingers into Eli hard and deep and sucked on her clit. Eli threw her head back into the pillow and started shaking, she would come harder than she had in a very long time._

_With a cry, she exploded and pushed herself down on Leonard's face as she came all over him. He slowed the movement of his hand down but never stopped, letting her ride her orgasm out as he kissed his way up her body and caught her lips in a passionate and deep kiss. Still moving his fingers, he held her arousal leveled, planning for the next step._

_"Eli, please__, I want to feel you around me." Curling his fingers inside her again, he created little aftershocks and she just nodded and kissed him back. Never slipping out of her, he opened the nightstand and fished a condom out, ripped the plastic open with his teeth and pulled the latex over his dick, his other hand still moving slowly in and out of Eli._

_"Precious, look at me, I have to see whether you're alright or not if we're doing this."_

_Eli opened her eyes and locked brown with green as he hovered over her, slowly withdrawing his fingers from her and guiding her hand down, telling her that she was supposed to set the pace. She ran her hand down his length a couple of times, enjoying the intense look on his face as she slowly slid closer to him and guided to tip of his cock towards her opening. _

_"It's okay, just do it slow, will you?" _

_He nodded his answer and carefully moved into her. She grimaced a bit, trying to adjust to his size, which was a little thicker than the three fingers before. He withdrew a bit but she __swung her legs around his hips and brought their bodies together. A whimper escaped Eli's lips as he entered her almost completely._

_"Goodness you're big. Stop moving and give me a sec." She breathed hard and tried to concentrate on the completely new feeling. Leonard hesitated doing anything at all, his gaze still locked with hers, he saw that he caused her a little pain but she relaxed visibly with every passing second. Her inner walls twitched as she tried to adjust to his size and the squeeze they were giving his dick almost drove him wild, and he wanted to move, wanted, needed release, but wouldn't do anything before she gave permission for him to start._

_And then she started moving on her own accord. A growl escaped him and he received a very smug smirk in return, which made him bolder and her began to thrust into her. Changing the angle by sitting up, they kissed, slow and devouring, enjoying every second. She knew he held back, not daring to hurt her or drive into her too deep, but she wanted him to lose it, to come as hard as she had._

_"Leonard, it's okay, let go, I can take it." He still looked at her almost frightened, but she saw the feral want in his eyes. She didn't care anymore, it felt way better than she'd imagined and she whispered into his ear, almost too low to be heard. "Do it, do me hard, I know you want to." That did the trick. His eyes turned a darker shade of green she had ever seen them as he thrust into her hard and deep. He increased the pace and soon both of them were on the verge of exploding again. He pushed his thumb over her clit in unison with their movements and felt her walls tighten as she came again and her orgasm triggered his own and he erupted hard inside of her. They tried to suppress their screams and groans, but failed miserably. He collapsed on top of her and Eli found a strange comfort in his sweaty, heavy torso on top of her. He smiled up at her and winked. In one swift movement, he pulled out of her, held her legs in place and moved down again. His lips closed around her clit once again and his teeth grazed it carefully. She almost couldn't believe how close she got to another orgasm when the other hadn't even completely faded yet. His tongue worked her clit expertly and she came quick and even harder, thrashing around on the bed, burying her head in the pillow, not able to scream, she just groaned in sheer pleasure and he still didn't stop. She felt just one finger inside her again, curling up at the front, right over her g-spot and before she could even breathe in, the next orgasmic wave hit her almost as hard as the first. As he nipped at her clit again and another wave washed over her, her body went limp and she was afraid she'd faint if he didn't stop now, but he did and she curled up trembling in his arms. He held her until her breathing evened out and they fell asleep completely content._

_As she awoke the next morning, she just smiled. Eli had had her share of good sex and she had ne__ver expected to have some with a man and she sure hadn't thought it'd be that good. He had gotten pretty close to breaking some of her personal records. She pushed the comforter aside and slipped into her briefs and a shirt. The smell of fresh coffee reached her nose and she found Leonard in the kitchen, wearing sweat pants and a goofy smile, as he pushed a steaming cup in her direction._

_"Did you sleep well?" He asked, still way too smug for her liking._

_She circled around the kitchen counter and stopped right in front of the bar stool he was sitting on. As he turned to face her she pushed her body between his legs and ground into him. She smiled as she felt his immediate reaction. _

_"You could say that. What about you?" She turned around, pressed her ass briefly against his growing erection and returned casually to her place at the other side of the table, picking up her mug and enjoying the first sip of the hot liquid._

_"I can't believe you just did that. And now you really expect it to be a one time thing among friends? You've got to be kidding me."_

_"Leonard." She warned._

_And his smile lost all smugness and he just beamed at her._

_"It's alright, Eli. Just, thank you. I feel honoured by what happened last night. I really do."_

_It didn't stay a one time thing. Anytime one of them was looking for comfort__ and release, they turned to each other. Eli had told Leonard all there was to know about her, how it had happened that she'd turned her life around and about the woman she'd loved and lost. And she knew everything about him and about his unrequited love for Aurora, the singer of a local band whom he had known since their childhood days, but who saw him as a good friend and nothing more. Their friendship evolved and one day they just cuddled up in bed and decided, that they should try to get on in life and not substitute the sex they wanted to have with new people they could let into their lives with the comforting sex they had with each other._

"Yeah, Lenny, it's really me. So you did miss me?"

"I missed you like hell. But I know that if you haven't called me in four months, you're sure not calling now just to hear how I do, hm?"

No, she wasn't. In fact, Aurora knew Norah, who was the long time partner of one of Sara's best friends in San Francisco, Corinne. If anyone knew whether Sara was in town, it'd be her.

"Aw, don't be mad, I wrote you a couple of emails. But you're right. Look, the thing is..."

And she told Leonard about the shooting, about Catherine and all the support she got from the older woman and that she'd confessed to Sara that she still had feelings for her.

"And now she just took off and no one knows where she's gone. Could you probably ask Aurora to find out whether Sara is in Frisco? I just need to know she's alright."

Leonard exhaled audibly.

" Precious, if I then tell you that Sara is here, I bet my left arm that you'll jump into that fancy car of yours and drive eight hours straight to get here regardless to that bullet hole in your shoulder. You can't do that. What would you say to her or would you just watch her from afar like you did back in the day. What good would it do?"

"Leonard, I need her to understand that I care for her, that I've changed, that she can trust me again."

"I do get that and I also know that nothing I could say will keep you from doing whatever it is you have decided in that stubborn head of yours. I'll call Aurora. Take care, will you? Try to get some sleep, you sound tired, Eli."

Eli sighed. She'd almost forgotten how good it felt to be known by someone.

"I will. And thank you, Lenny. I'll come visit as soon as possible, I miss you, handsome."

"I miss you too. Bye, precious."

"Bye, Len."

* * *

Catherine met with Sofia in a little diner off the Strip. It was a place that existed for about as long as some of the oldest casinos and Catherine liked the place for its shabby charm, the fifties style it held and the pictures of so many famous people that had made Vegas the town it was today over the decades along the walls. And they still had the best breakfast in town, you had to wait a little longer, but everything was cooked from scratch. She just inspected a picture of Sam Braun in his late twenties, next to some of Vegas founding fathers as Sofia entered the diner.

"Hey Catherine, what's so important that you don't want to talk about it on the phone?" The younger blonde jumped right to the important part.

"Morning Sofia. Uh, I was planning a little conspiracy and I need you on board. But let's have some breakfast, I got called in on my day off and I haven't had the time to eat since yesterday's lunch."

They ordered their food and got settled in a booth with crumpled old leather benches.

Sofia looked at Catherine expectantly.

"Let me guess, this is about Eli and Sara."

The older blondes eyes widened. She'd always respected the Detective and former CSI for her keen observation skills, but she sure was surprised nonetheless that the woman had obviously picked up on something, without knowing any of the background information Catherine had.

"Yes, it is, but how did you even know Sara is gay?"

Sofia smirked and smiled.

"I'm not completely blind, you know? I don't know, the way she moves sometimes, how she walks down the hallways. And a friend of mine from the department ran into her in a gay bar. And since Eli appeared on the agenda, you just have to look at those two a bit more closely. They've obviously know each other for a long time and something destroyed their friendship or even relationship. There's so much anger and hate on Sara's side and a lot of guilt and regret on Eli's. But the way Eli looks at Sara when she feels unobserved and how often I saw Sara steal little glances at Eli, there sure are still some unresolved issues. Big, major love issues."

"You're a great observer. You're quite close to the truth there, Curtis." Catherine stated and started to explain.

"I know for a fact that Eli's still in love with Sara. And I suspect that the only thing keeping Sara from admitting that she is absolutely smitten is the fact that Eli hurt Sara so much in the past, that she doesn't believe Eli can be trusted again and that the woman hasn't changed at all over the years and is still a lying and cheating bastard."

Sofia's mouth hung wide open now.

"Eli a lying and cheating bastard? That gentle and funny woman? You wouldn't say such words if you didn't know for a fact Catherine."

"I do know. And I need your help to get Sara to believe that Trent isn't that person anymore."

"Now here comes Catherine Willows big strategic plan?"

"Yes. Look, I thought-"

And the two women plotted their little conspiracy over the best breakfast they had in a long time. By the time their plates were empty, they both had satisfied grins on their faces that didn't originate in the good food alone. As soon as Sara would be back from wherever she'd gone to, she would be both women's prey until their goal was reached.

* * *

Well, I'm kind of afraid this time, but please, keep the reviews coming. This time I need the feedback more than ever before...


	13. 13 Why having to face things alone?

Erm, obviously I must be doing something right writing this one. Thanks for all the encouragement and praise. Special thanks for one review I so unfortunately cannot reply to. If you ever remember your log in, I have a couple of words more for you.

Oh, I almost forgot, Happy 2011 everyone. I've decided to make this a year of a lot of changes in my life and I'm seriously contemplating overcoming my dislike for long distance flights and pay the USA a visit. Any suggestions which places I shouldn't miss out on? I wish I could work there for a couple of months... Anyone out there own a restaurant or a coffee shop or something?

* * *

13. Why having to face things alone?

Aurora Jameson checked if her guitar was tuned alright and pulled the mic stand down to her height. Her gigs at Sweets had always been her favourite ones, she knew that most of her friends would be there to cheer and applaud and she'd have a chance having a couple of beers with them after the show. She was long past being nervous about her performances, she and her band mates had played together for over a decade now and they were enjoying it more than ever. She still had to keep her daytime job, making music would never pay her bills, but nothing could stop her from writing songs and performing.

The bar was a popular location for a lot of gays and lesbians, but had never been too queer to keep regular customers away. It was a simple place with a huge old wooden bar with lots of adorning mirrors and old carvings, the remaining furniture was kind of conglomerated, a couple of comfy sofas, a variety of chairs and sturdy wooden tables that told the stories of countless boozy nights. With a small stage and a piano in one corner, there were many events, from open-mic sessions to readings to gigs like theirs tonight, always attracting new people as well as the regular customers to come by. Various artists displayed their work along the walls whose pain was coming off bit by bit and the plastering along the ceiling had turned beige over the years from all the smoking. The place had a rugged charm and you didn't have to bother about what to wear when you went to Sweets. It was cozy and homely, whether you read your paper and had a coffee in the afternoon or went out with friends for fancy drinks on a Saturday night.

Leonard stood outside Sweets and contemplated if going in was such a very wise idea. He had always loved to see Aurora play, but he also knew that her whole circle of friends would in there, too and since he wanted to talk to Aurora in private chances were quite slim on such a night. He had met Norah and Corinne a few times before, while and after Eli had been in San Francisco. He'd even met Sara before. And if she really was in town, she'd surely show up tonight.

Eli had always steered clear of Sweets, having run into Sara there once. That had been a debacle.

_"Precious, Aurora and her band play tonight at a bar downtown. I was wondering if you'd care to join me. I'd like you two to meet." Leon__ard carefully approached his studying friend._

_"Len, I'm not so sure, I have to get through a lot of stuff here and you know that I don't really like to party anymore." Eli scratched her head nervously and looked ready to grab her books and bolt out of the room._

_"Chill, girl. I was just asking. I think you could use some fun. Come on, just a gig and a few beers. If you don't like it, you're free to leave anytime you want."_

_Eli had just started Police Academy and was determined to get through it with the best results possible. So Leonard was right, she hadn't had any fun in way too long._

_Sighing and actually looking forward to drinks and loud music, she agreed._

_They'd arrived a little late at the bar and the gig had already started. They'd settled down at a small table in a back corner and Eli eyed her surroundings observantly. Aurora's band made quite an impression. Their melodious songs captivated her and Aurora had an enticing voice. Eli instantly understood Leonard's year-long infatuation with this woman. She was about a head shorter than Eli with long wavy red hair, curvy in all the right places and swayed sensually to the music, singing the lyrics from the bottom of her heart. She was indeed a very beautiful woman. _

_In between songs, a throaty laugh reached Eli's ears and she froze. She wouldn't fail to recognize that voice even if hundreds of people were laughing simultaneously. She let her gaze wander around the room and soon spotted the owner of that unmistakable voice. At a large table, surrounded by at least ten other people sat Sara Sidle. Eli flinched as Leonard's hand came to rest on top of her own and concerned green eyes were looking at her._

_"You alright? You look like you've seen a ghost, you're a pale as a bed sheet, precious."_

_Eli shook her head and tried to focus on her friend._

_"You could say that."_

_"Could say what?"_

_"Could say that I've seen a ghost."_

_Leonard just stared at her blankly._

_"I think you have to elaborate that just a little bit, Eli."_

_"See that crowd over there at the table?"_

_Leonard made no effort hiding his inquisitive stare._

_"Yeah, I do. What am I supposed to see there except a group of quite attractive girls?"_

_"See the brunette to the left? Tall and quite thin, black tank top, holding a Heineken?"_

_"Sure do."_

_"That's her. I can't believe she's back in Frisco. I can't believe I run into her the one time I agree to go out with you."_

_Leonard looked at her puzzled. _

_"Her who? Uh, HER! That's HER?" Len's eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Eli shrank into her chair, seeing out of the corner of her eye that Sara had obviously picked up on Leonard's continued staring. Still she couldn't resist to catch another glimpse. _

_Their eyes met. They stared at each other for a couple of seconds which seemed like ages to Eli. Contempt and hate in one brown pair, fear and regret in the other. Sara stood up so suddenly that her chair fell over backwards with a loud thud. Immediately the woman sitting next to her rubbed her arm anxiously and followed the direction of Sara's gaze._

_"What the fuck!" came the loud and slightly slurred exclamation from Sara that echoed through the room. With unexpected speed and determination Sara bridged the gap between their tables and slammed her bottle down in front of Eli, who fidgeted with her cigarette box and inwardly prayed for the earth to open up beneath her and swallow her whole. Yet she couldn't help to recognize the changes in Sara. She'd let her hair grow longer which accentuated her natural curls. Her pale skin tone from Massachusetts had been replaced by a deep tan and her arms and shoulders seemed more muscular, she looked healthier and more alive than Eli had ever seen her. Stunning. A familiar tingling made itself comfortable in the pit of Eli's stomach and she groaned inaudibly at her body's immediate reaction to Sara's proximity._

_"What the fuck are you doing here, Trent?" Sara spat at Eli in an angry tone._

_Eli swallowed around the lump in her throat._

_"My friend here wanted me to see the band, he's friends with the singer." She replied honestly, pointing at Leonard, who extended his hand to Sara. She just gave him a fairly annoyed once-over and ignored the gesture completely._

_"You just ruined a completely perfect night, Trent. I so had hoped I would never have to face you again. Do me a favour and leave. I feel quite compelled to punch you again. And I might just be drunk enough to not think about any consequences that might have for me."_

_There was hot rage burning in Sara's eyes. _

_Leonard tried to intervene but his start getting out of his chair was cut short by Sara's waving hand._

_"Don't say anything, big boy. This is just between me and Eli. And if you are her friend, you sure know a thing or two about me."_

_"Sara, I'm-" Eli started. But the hurt that now clearly shone through the anger in Sara's eyes made her shut up and hang her head._

_"All right." She threw a couple of Dollars on the table and downed the rest of her JB. "I'm leaving. I hope you're happy then. Wouldn't want to ruin your perfect night any more than I already did. Feel free to punch me if you want, I will take whatever is needed to make you feel better. Not even you can beat me up more about all that's happened than I already did myself. Still, it is good to see you, believe it or not. I sincerely hope you're doing well."_

_And Eli left the bar without daring to look back. Tears stung in her eyes but she didn't let them fall._

_Leonard stood dumb folded and stared back and forth between Sara and the door through which Eli had just left. He turned to Sara and offered her a compassionate smile._

_"I'm sorry Ms. Sidle. For everything. But believe me when I say that you don't know Eli anymore. She bears no resemblance to the woman she might have once been. Try to keep that in mind when you go over and ramble to your friends about her. Good night."_

_And he left her there, staring at him in disbelief, then snorting sarcastically as he followed Eli out the door._

Leonard took another deep breath and opened the door. The place was packed and the gig had once again just started. Smiling up at the sight on the stage, he hummed along to a song he loved to hear Aurora sing and fought his way over to the bar to order a rum and coke. Sipping at the sweet drink, he looked around in search for any familiar faces. A minute later he left the half empty glass on the counter and hurriedly left the bar, already dialing Eli's number while he still wriggled through the crowd. Stepping outside, he heard Eli's voice through the speaker.

"Found anything out?"

"Nice that you don't even bother saying hello to me precious."

"I'm sorry, Len." Eli didn't sound sorry at all, just tense.

"She's here, at Sweets. Aurora's giving a concert right now and Sara, Corinne, Norah and everyone else you'd expect are there."

Eli let out a breath she hadn't really recognized she had been holding for almost a day now.

"How does she look?"

"Worn out, tired. Stressed. Sad. What did you expect? Whatever reason brought her here, it surely wasn't a pleasant one."

"Yeah, I thought so. Leonard, my dear, would you do me an enormous favour?"

"Why do I get a little afraid right now?"

Eli chuckled despite herself.

"You have every reason. Len, please go in again and tell her something."

Leonard made his way through the applauding audience once again. Sara didn't see him coming until he stood right beside her. She looked up at him in surprise as he bent down close to her ear.

"Don't say anything, just listen to me, Sara. She wants you to know, that if you could just see it, see her, you'd never have to go through anything alone again. And she hopes you're okay. Take care, will you?" Sending her a pleading look and an encouraging smile, he left as quickly as he had appeared.

Sara couldn't believe what just happened. Since they had friends in common, she had met Leonard Einstein now and again, mostly at Aurora's gigs. Always alone, after that first time she'd seen him by Eli's side. She knew they were close and it didn't surprise her that Eli would've sent him to deliver a message to her. What did surprise her was the content of the message she had just received through him. Why did she have to care? How had she even found out that she had left Vegas and where she had gone to that fast? Why did Eli have to be the only person that she could talk to at all about the reason she'd come to San Francisco? How had she connected the dots, that her quick and careless departure must have had something to do with her past?

'You'd never have to go through anything alone again.' That's what Eli'd wanted her to know. Sara jumped up and rushed after Leonard.

She found him outside, nursing a beer, his cell phone on his ear. She couldn't help but eavesdrop on his part of the conversation.

"Precious, I know. Believe me, if you spend even more time thinking about it, your head might just explode."

A short silence for the answer.

"Eli, just do your best friend a favour and go to bed. Please. There's nothing you can do but wait. Or go talk to Catherine if you trust her that much. But after you've slept at least six hours. I know you well enough to even hear that you're on the verge of passing out of sheer exhaustion. You've been severely injured, you need the rest. If you don't, I swear I take a couple of days off and be on my way to Vegas faster than you can say your full name."

He smiled.

"Good girl, compliant girl. Let's talk tomorrow, alright? Sleep tight, precious. Bye."

As he snapped the phone shut, Sara approached him.

"Leonard?" She said hesitantly.

"Sara!"

His surprise visible, she quickly went on before her courage left her.

"Uh, I was thinking if you were willing to talk with me. I think I might have some questions." She added, quite unsure of herself and her request.

Leonard scrutinized her closely.

"Are you sure that you shouldn't be talking to someone else instead of me?"

"No." She croaked out, a little too fast. Quieter and with a steadier voice she added "No, I'm not ready yet. I don't know if I ever will be. But I need to know a couple of things and if you were willing, I'd be glad if you could fill in some blanks."

Seeing the sincerity in her plea, Leonard sighed.

"Look, I've got tomorrow morning off. What if we'd meet at the small coffee shop just around the corner, say at ten?"

Relieved that he agreed, Sara just nodded.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Sara."


	14. 14 Talking to Sara

So guys, major change in this chapter, this one is going to be in Leonard Einstein's very own POV. I usually write in the first person and I kind of miss it after 13 chapters in the third. It's just a interlude anyway. But we're getting closer and closer to the moment when Eli and Sara meet again. Just a few more things before that... And everything will be back to normal POV-wise in the next update.

BTW, I often think that in a lot of stories, people rush their character's into relationships far too quickly. As you might've noticed, I'm not one of those. I'm slow and I like that pace. I just hope it's not becoming too boring if I go on for a bit exploring my characters. Der Weg ist das Ziel...

* * *

14. Talking to Sara

**Leonard's POV**

I've been to this cafe hundreds of times. Since I grew up in Frisco, I know a lot of places around here quite well, but this particular area I know like the back of my hand. I used to live here back when I still tried to be a writer. Back when the rent was cheap here, I hadn't had a college degree and lived off three god-awful part time jobs at a time. Back when I was young and carefree.

I sit at a table outside, enjoying the mid-morning sunshine. People hurry by, office workers rush in and out of the coffee shop, picking up their caffeine fix before the start of their desk duty. The guy from the food delivery truck just dropped a whole box full of lemons on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant on the other side of the street. They're quickly rolling away and I'm almost surprised that there's actually some passer's by helping him picking the fruit up and putting them back where they belong. A smile tugs at the corner's of my mouth and I enjoy the few precious moments where I have absolutely nothing to do but stare at the scenery in front of me. My life has become a bit too busy, my job too time-consuming. In the past I used to sit here for hours, just watching people, listening to their conversations, trying to come up with new ideas, new stories. Now I've become just like most of them, just running in, ordering a cup to go and then quickly leave to get to work. I don't really like who I've become. Maybe I should really take a few days off and visit Eli.

I've been here early and I'm already almost through my second coffee when Sara appears in front of me. She looks strained and wears huge sunglasses, I can only assume it must've been a hell of a party night for her yesterday. I motion her to sit down and she does, taking off her shades and throwing them carelessly on the table. So now I get my first real look at Sara Sidle in bright daylight. I bet I can say what it was that intrigued Eli in the first place. Her eyes. Though they're looking tiredly at me right now, I can see the depth, the soulfulness and also a lot of sadness in them. I can only guess how they can light up and twinkle with her in a better mood than right now and I know then they are even more beautiful to look into then.

"I'm sorry that I'm a bit late, I haven't had much sleep last night." She says, rubbing her eyes and ordering a cafe au lait with an extra shot of espresso as the waitress appears at our table.

She's not late, it's actually 5 minutes to ten, but I guess for her that's almost like being late. Eli told me a lot about her attitude.

I ask the waitress for a huge glass of orange juice before I answer.

"You're not late and as you might remember, I know what happens after Aurora's concerts. I rarely left any of those after show parties before 4 in the morning. I can virtually feel your headache."

I smile and receive a small one in return. So I'm right. I know a hangover when I see one.

"You surely wonder why I asked for this conversation. I take it you know Eli very well?"

Straight to the point. Another virtue Eli told me about.

"I do." I simply reply.

"So you know how our friendship ended?"

"Yes."

I want her to talk, want her to lead the conversation. I promised myself to not give anything away about Eli I wasn't sure she wouldn't tell Sara herself, too.

"Do you think I overreacted?"

One question and I just know my plan won't work. I'm gonna tell her anything she wants to know. Here sits the woman who could make Eli happy like I'm sure no one else ever could. There's no way I'm not gonna try to make her understand a few things.

"No, I don't think that at all. At the time, that was the best decision you could have made. Because that night, and the incident that led to it changed about everything."

"How?" Sara's face shows puzzlement and still a fair amount of anger. I can only guess how much Eli really hurt her. But for someone to be able to hurt you so deeply, there must have been a bit more emotions involved then just friendship. I think Sara had been more in love with Eli at the time than she ever admitted to herself. I draw a deep breath and start.

"What happened made Eli finally understand what kind of person she had been. Not that she hadn't known that before, but she didn't realise what could result from her behaviour. I understand you graduated just a few weeks after Claire's suicide?"

She just nods, watching me closely as if searching for any signs of me lying to her.

"Eli dropped out of Harvard soon after. You have no idea how hard Claire's rape and her decision to take her own life hit her. And losing you, of course."

Sara stares at me with disbelief in her eyes. As if she's never even thought that the whole mess might've been hard on Eli, too.

"She came back to San Francisco, determined to find a way to make it right, to make it better for other people. She couldn't change what had happened, couldn't prevent it, but she could make sure to save others from the same destiny. She started studying Criminal Justice at Berkeley, that's where I met her. She was like a woman possessed. When I first got to know her, I thought I met a withdrawn bookish loner. She never went out, all she did was study. I managed to take her out a couple of times and when she told me that she used to be quite the party girl, I didn't believe her. One night she showed me. She took me to a gay bar and played her charm. The whole room was at her feet by the end of the night. She could've had her pick of any girl, but she went home alone. It was only then I started to believe the wild stories she'd told me. She was like a different person that night and I can only wonder how she'd been back in Harvard. I bet that I've only seen the very tip of the proverbial iceberg."

I stop there to take a sip from my orange juice and study Sara's reaction. I can only describe her as looking utterly shocked. I don't give her any chance to overcome that state.

"After graduating, she immediately started at the San Francisco Police Academy. Getting into law enforcement was her way to make amends. And man, she was good. I can tell you, she had to take a lot of crap from some of her male colleagues, but she went up the ladder faster than any of them. Last fall she got promoted to Detective. Her solve rate was amazing. Her background in science and her degree helped immensely. She's good with people, too. She used all her traits for the best since then, believe me. And she hates herself for what she's done to you, and to Claire."

Still not a word from Sara. I decide to throw her a different bone.

"Sara, I don't completely understand why you haven't talked to her yet. She's been in Vegas, what, four months now? Anyone can tell you a lovely story about how much Eli has changed, but you won't believe any of it, not really, before you've heard her say it, show it to you herself, before you haven't taken a long look into her eyes and see the truth in them. I consider Eli my best friend in the whole world, we've been very close, we still are. We've shown each other our darkest sides and I trust her with everything that I am. And she trusted me with something I don't think she's trusted many people with since college. Herself. I don't know if it's wise to tell you this, but I've seen this woman at her most vulnerable, I've held her when she sobbed herself to sleep. She never openly cried, but I could feel the pain oozing from her very soul. You wouldn't sit here if she meant nothing to you, if you hated her so much to not care at all. Go back home when you've finished up here and please talk to her."

I can literally see Sara's mind racing. She has built walls so strong that I'm still not sure will break down anytime soon, but I think I might have struck a nerve. I have to take a chance.

"I know it's not my place to ask you, but what did you really feel for her?"

The pain in Sara's soft and now hazel eyes is poignant.

"Claire was my safe choice. She was cute and sexy, a good friend anyway. Safe. Eli was dangerous, unpredictable, unfaithful, feisty, arrogant, spoiled. And yet there was so much more to her. I'd been falling hard and I knew it would never work out. She'd cheat on me, that was just who she was."

Her cheeks turn just the faintest shade of pink, having obviously a hard time admitting her earlier attraction.

"The thing is, Sara, and I'm sure about that, if she'd had you, she wouldn't have done anything to risk losing you again."

I stand up and Sara squints her eyes at me, her expression unreadable.

"I have to go to work. Just stay here for some time and think about everything. It was a pleasure to finally really meet you. Good bye..."

Leaving her there, I head over to my car and drive off to work. I think I might have made an impression. I sure hope I did.

I won't tell Eli about this conversation.

* * *

Concentration is something that just won't come today, I shuffle papers on my desk and get nothing done. My thoughts are with my friend. I try to imagine them together. Eli once showed me a picture that had been taken on the beach while they still had been friends. Sara's arm around Eli's shoulder, her own slung around her friends waist. Both wearing surfing clothes, sunglasses and huge smiles on their faces. They looked happy, comfortable with one another.

I groan and push the papers into a huge folder and put them on my colleagues desk. I put a short note on top of it, explaining that I've decided to finally take some days off and that he can email me if any problems occurred. I check back with my schedule, but I have no important meetings for at least one and a half weeks. Some short instructions for my secretary and a few urgent emails later, I'm on the way to my place to pack a bag.

I've never been to Vegas before. I'm curious to see it for real, the Strip, the casino's, the neon lights, but also how people manage their everyday life in a glittering town like that. I can't wait to see Eli. I kind of look forward to meeting some of the people she's befriended since she left, especially one Catherine Willows, who has obviously become Eli's Vegas confidante. She must be one hell of a woman to get through to Eli that quickly.

Closing the trunk lid of my Charger, I'm ready for the drive through the desert. Music blaring out of the speakers, I feel honestly happy for the first time in months. The scenery flies by and I sing along to the music as the sky turns all shades of red and orange and I get closer and closer to my destination.

* * *

Thanks for reading. And I'd be happy if you stayed with me until the end.


	15. 15 Attractions

Oh my goodness, I just remembered sitting outside on my patio with a woolen plaid while I wrote the very first couple of pages to this story, long before I even thought about uploading it here. I think it was at the end of September, the sun was shining and I was actually freezing because it was "only" like 12°. Celsius. Now I walk around in a sweater and a light jacket and we have 3°... Because that already is kind of warm considering the last few weeks. I got used to the winter! I don't want to get used to winter! No, no, no! At least the snow has almost completely melted away. But knowing German winters for 30 years now, this won't be over until at least late March. Lots more snow ahead. Makes me want to escape to the south of Italy or somewhere where the temperatures are in the double digits this time of year.

Yep... On with the story.

* * *

15. Attractions

Yes, one could say Sara Sidle took her time to think about the conversation she'd just had with Leonard Einstein. It was actually way past noon and she still sat in the very same spot in front of the small coffee shop, she'd just switched from the legal addictive stimulant commonly known as coffee to orange juice too, hoping to keep the throbbing headache that didn't originate in the vast amount of alcohol she had been consuming the previous night alone, but also in the amount of thinking she had done over the last two hours in check. the thinking part might also explain the little dark cloud of smoke that seemed to hang so perseveringly over her head.

This was just too much all at the same time. Once she'd set foot into Sweets the night before, she'd pushed all thoughts about her childhood and the real reason why she'd come back to San Francisco far into the back of her head. She was here, Aurora was having a gig this very night, a lot of her old friends were waving at her and welcoming her back without any annoying or irritating questions, so she'd simply decided to enjoy the rest of her unplanned vacation as it came. She'd started out with beer and had then switched to shots when Aurora had joined the group after her performance. She'd already been feeling quite comfortably numb and surprisingly relaxed considering the circumstances when Leonard's interruption had pulled her out of her pleasant reverie about long gone fun times like these right then which she hadn't known she'd missed that much until about two hours earlier. His words, or better, Eli's words delivered to her through Leonard had broken the enjoyable spell. She suddenly had felt alone. She suddenly had longed for someone to talk to about the fire and all the emotions coming back to Tamales Bay had caused to re-emerge. She'd longed to be taken into a tight and save embrace, she surely would have denied that longing had someone asked her about it, but every time that thought popped back into her head, she'd instantly identified the arms that held her from behind, that provided her with such a sense of safety and understanding as Eli's. Again she'd pushed the image far away from her, more confused than ever, blaming it solely on the fact that Eli was the only person who could understand, but stubbornly it had decided to linger and her mind's eye compliantly showed it to her over and over again, until she'd drunk herself so stupid, that she had to be guided home by Corinne and Norah and had crashed on their couch. She'd slipped into a deep and dreamless sleep until the alarm in her cell had woken her mercilessly, but she was glad she'd set it after the brief conversation with Leonard outside the bar. She wouldn't have wanted to miss their meeting for the world, even if it meant she had to deal with the mother of hangovers after way to little sleep.

Sighing deeply, there was nothing left for her to do but to admit that she undeniably was heading straight back into her college attraction for Eli Trent. Admitting it was one thing, though, acting on it a very different. And she'd rather lose a limb before ever acting on this attraction. She'd not even do as much as look at Eli again, save talking to her privately or even have breakfast with her, not even if the whole damn lab and PD was present, too. And they'd surely never have _that_ conversation. She'd already stolen too many glances at the Detective during the past few weeks to not know that once they'd be on something like civil terms again, she'd be drawn closer and closer to the, admittedly, more handsome than ever chocolate eyed woman. Butch. Classy, soft butch. Sexy-assed classy... Dammit! How'd she gotten on that train of thought? Must be that damn hangover. She waved at the waitress, paid her check and hurriedly left the coffee shop. She desperately needed a long, hot shower and a good few more hours of sleep. And some hours at the beach and on a board. When she'd be well-rested, definitely sober and in her favourite element, these pictures would surely be gone. At least that's what Sara hoped as she trudged back to her friend's apartment, shades back on her nose, hiding her the somewhat doubtful expression in her eyes behind dark tinted glass.

* * *

Catherine stopped her car in front of Eli's apartment. The sun was just starting to descend over Vegas and she couldn't help but stare at the sunset over the park close by for a few moments. She sighed and wondered when she'd last taken the time to enjoy something as simple as this sight. In between work, her daughter, her seemingly endless and very fruitless discussions with her mother, her domestic duties and what little time was left for her to sleep, she'd completely blanked out how to enjoy the moment, however fleeting it may be. Forgetting about the Chinese food on the passenger seat she'd intended to share with Eli before her shift, Catherine just sat and relaxed.

That was until a low rattle broke the silence and a battered old muscle car turned into the spot beside her, Journey's "Any way you want it" blaring out of its speakers and through the otherwise quiet street. A man in his mid-thirties, Catherine guessed, folded himself out of the driver's seat and stretched amply. She couldn't help but take a second look, he sure was quite the handsome sight. Tall, very well built, short hair, a very appealing five o'clock shadow and clad in light blue jeans and a white button down shirt that looked pretty wrinkled from an obviously longer drive. Hell, how long ago had her last date been? She wasn't even sure she remembered the guy's face. Mr. Very Handsome ducked back into his car, turned off the stereo and pulled a paper bag from the passenger seat that said: Hillside bakery, San Francisco. Smiling, he looked fondly and kind of proud at the paper bag, closed his car door and ran up the few stairs that led directly to Eli's front door.

Catherine groaned and decided to wait a couple of minutes, since he had to be a friend of Eli's from Frisco, she wanted to give them a moment to say hello without any disturbance. He was off limits now anyway, being a friend of Eli's for her automatically put a big red stop sign on him. Eli's door flew open and to Catherine's amusement Eli was easily lifted off the ground in a heartfelt embrace and kissed several times. On the cheeks and the mouth, actually. Now Mr. Hand- no, stop, the guy put her back down carefully and all but patted her backside.

Now really, who was he? And would Eli ever cease to surprise her? Gaping, Catherine stared at the pair when Eli noticed her.

"Hey Cath, get your pretty behind up here and meet my best friend, come on, what you're waiting for?"

Catherine blinked and quickly reached for the take out and got out of the car. Putting on her flashiest smile to hide her slight disappointment, she approached the pair standing on the threshold.

Eli beamed at her.

"Catherine Willows, meet Leonard Einstein. Best friend, patient supporter, ex-lover..." Eli chuckled as Catherine's jaw seemed to hit the floor at her last word.

"I thought..." She swallowed the words lying on her tongue before they managed to roll off and remembered her manners just in time.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Nice to meet you, Mr. Einstein."

Her bewilderment about the 'lover'-comment disappeared from her thoughts when her eyes met Leonard's. His deep sea green's sparkled with such kindness and his handshake was warm and gentle. Catherine felt something shift inside of her and she couldn't bring herself to stop gazing into his eyes even as their hands had long fallen down to their sides again, very much to her own reluctance. Leonard smiled and answered in is low and gravelly baritone.

"So you're the famous Catherine Willows? I've heard quite a bit about you from this gal here. It's a pleasure to finally meet you in person."

He winked at Catherine and turned his head towards Eli, who sported a quite prominent blush and punched Leonard lightly in the ribs.

"Old gossip queen. Let's go inside, because I see lots of food I really crave and you two can't let an injured woman starve, can you?" Eli grinned all over her face for the first time since her little banter with Catherine the other day and ushered her friends inside.

This was going to be interesting. Catherine had a look on her face Eli had never seen before and as Leonard mentioned her in his gentlemanly way to enter Eli's apartment before him and held the door, she could swear he gave the strawberry blonde a very thorough once-over.

Cutlery clattered and plates were put on the table, Eli fished some napkins out of a drawer, while Leonard filled a jug with iced tea and Catherine unpacked the various boxes from the take out. Eli's kitchen was connected to the living room area and was spacious and equipped with almost professional looking items. The big dining table was close to the kitchen counter and made it possible for them to chat while completing their respective tasks. The Detective's injury had become the subject of the moment. She explained in detail the events of that fateful morning and Leonard just shook his head when she'd finished.

Munching on some delicious spring rolls soaked in sweet and sour sauce, Len didn't even stop chewing but sighed full mouthed before he spoke.

"Precious, how do you always manage to get yourself in that kind of situations. Being held at gunpoint by this drug dealer wasn't close enough, huh?"

Stuffing another roll into his mouth, he began chuckling at Eli's 'shut up'-expression just to end up almost choking and having Catherine patting his back helpingly. With watering eyes he looked at her thankfully and apologetically for his less than civil table manners, but her and Eli just laughed it away, noticing how miserable Leonard appeared.

"So what, you're some kind of an adrenaline junkie, Eli?" Catherine jokingly started as Leonard got a glass of water from the tap and was finally managing to get his breathing somewhat back under control.

She smiled teasingly at Eli.

"Held at gunpoint by dealers, having Sara as an arch nemesis, tackling too smug but certainly beautiful blonde female Detectives who disliked you to the ground amidst flying bullets, taking one of those bullets to the shoulder and threatening to spank me when I was once told I'd make a great dominatrix by Vegas finest of that profession, that surely screams adrenaline junkie like nothing else, don't you think, Mr. Einstein?"

While Eli burst into laughter, Leonard had unfortunately chosen the exact moment Catherine had come to the 'spank' and 'dominatrix' part of her sentence to swallow and immediately started coughing all over again. Spitting a fair amount of water back into the sink, he started to laugh along with the two women and brought out breathlessly:

"Damn, Ms. Willows, are you trying to kill me?"

Eli caught the mischievous look Catherine gave Leonard.

"Mr. Einstein, believe me, I know by far more pleasant ways to kill someone like you if I had the intention."

Leonard smiled at her and sat back down.

"I'd like to hear about those one time or another, Ms. Willows."

Rolling her eyes at her friends, who'd started their private little staring contest, Eli decided to break the flirtatious banter for now and concentrated on more important issues.

"Lenny, why don't you get us that bag you've been trying to hide from me, with little success I might add, and treat us to what I'm sure are Lisa's famous monster walnut and double fudge brownies. You can't imagine just how much I've missed those!"

Just the thought of their gooey consistency and sweetest taste and Eli licked her lips. They shared the delicious treat and as Catherine finally had to leave for work, she'd had the most pleasant and funny evening in months.

She left Eli's apartment with the gut feeling that she should most definitely find a way around the stop sign she'd pinned on Leonard. Judging by Eli's smug grin as she'd said good night, maybe he wasn't as off limits as she'd thought...

* * *

I don't own Journey or any of their songs, I just have a thing for classic rock. And I decided, Leonard does, too.


	16. 16 Doubts

16. Doubts

Leonard stood in awe in front of Eli's espresso-machine. Carefully he twisted the handle off and filled the portafilter with finely ground powder, pressed the stamp on it with just the right amount of pressure, like he had memorised from his prior part-time job as a barista and placed it securely back into its mount. While the black gold slowly filled two cups, he took the metal jug, filled it with ice-cold semi-skimmed milk which made much better milk froth then the full fat alternative, placed the steamer into the liquid and adjusted the pressure to three quarters of its full capacity. With the milk hot and foamy, he let the froth rest for a minute until it had the perfect density and spooned it onto the two double espressi. He carried the small tablet complete with a sugar container, two tiny spoons and the few sorry leftovers of the brownies over to Eli's coffee table like a pro.

A minute later two satisfied moans echoed through the room.

"I really don't know how you do that, you use the same coffee powder, the same milk and yet your coffee tastes ten times better than those I get out of that machine. That's why I still use that old fashioned single mug filter most days..." Eli grunts out and holds her stomach.

"I think I haven't eaten that much since that big goodbye dinner before I left for Vegas. I feel like a Thanksgiving turkey. Overstuffed." She chuckled. " I have no idea how Cath will manage to work tonight."

"She actually didn't eat that much, didn't you notice? I guess she kept work in mind." Leonard replied, his eyes closed and his head resting on the backrest of the couch, a satisfied smile on his face.

"Smart woman." Eli concluded.

"Beautiful woman."

"Oh yes, she is. And I think she flirted with you, handsome." Eli winked at Leonard, who appeared a tad embarrassed.

"No, she didn't. She was just being smug, like you said she was."

"I said she's smug with me, that doesn't automatically translate to chunky guys she's just met. She did flirt. I mean, look at you, even I'm attracted to you."

Leonard lifted his head and looked over at Eli, throwing his hands on his heart in a mock-offended gesture. Eli laughed and ground her teeth as her shoulder started to throb painfully again. Leonard picked up on her grimace.

"You should get some rest. I'll get my stuff from the car. Do you have a guest room or do I have to sleep on the couch?"

"I have a guest room. There's sheets and all that in the dresser. Plenty of Pellegrino in the fridge, I know you need your water at night. You're right, I should try to get some sleep."

Leonard nodded and started to get up. Eli's voice stopped him mid-motion.

"Len?" He turned and helped Eli up.

"Thank you for coming to Vegas. I really missed you."

He took her into a tight but careful embrace.

"I missed you too, precious. So much. Now go and try to sleep. I'll be fine, I'll find my way around."

"Sure you will..."

Eli smiled at the retreating form of Leonard who walked towards the front door to retrieve his bags and probably his laptop from the car. She quickly jotted the access code for her wireless internet down, placed the note on the table and slipped into her bedroom, yawning widely.

The next few days went by in a blur. Eli and Leonard did all the things Vegas tourists would usually do. They went to see a couple of shows, intensely impressed by the performances at Cirque de soleil, strolled through some casinos, played the slots and a few hands of poker and even challenged Lady Luck at roulette. Eli ruined quite some shirts in an effort to look at least remotely civil and matching their locations despite her cast.

On Leonard's third day at Eli's Catherine stopped by shortly to tell Eli Sara had returned to work, lightly sunburned and grumpier than ever. The Detective had watched the banter between the strawberry blond and her best friend unfold again and could've sworn to have seen Leonard blush at one of Catherine's more blunt comments. His ears had still been a bit pink as Catherine had left.

But as much as she enjoyed how easily her friends got along, her thoughts had lingered with the older woman's news about Sara. The more she thought about the brunette, the more she knew that she had told Sara nothing but the truth as she'd declared she was afraid she was falling for her all over again. She wasn't even sure that she'd ever stopped feeling something, anything for the investigator. Her mind conjured up images of Sara, from their college days, from the time she had run into her in San Francisco and from the more recent encounters in the lab and out in the field. A young Sara, hunched over one of her ever present books, unconsciously sipping on a cup of coffee, burning her lips and frowning as she wiped her mouth in a vain attempt to lessen the sting. A more grown up and less insecure Sara, fuming with anger, looking at her with her eyes aflame, slamming her beer bottle down on the table. And the Sara of today, highly professional, one of the best in her field of expertise, but still constantly seeking the appreciation of her superior, her mentor Gil Grissom. Which she really didn't require. Eli was sure had Sara stayed in San Francisco, she'd probably made supervisor by now. Where Eli was smart, Sara was genius, where Eli had to consult a manual, Sara would know from memory. Her knowledge was incredibly wide-ranging. But Eli couldn't help but suspect that all those years of being confronted with the worst in human nature had allowed some of the ghosts of Sara's past to return. Sometimes there was a sadness in her eyes that hurt Eli almost on a physical level. She worked herself up over cases like no one else, she'd significantly lost weight since Frisco and her trademark smile had become a rarity, according to Catherine even when Eli wasn't present.

She longed to see that gap-toothed, infectious grin again, she longed to stride into the CSI's break room and have a coffee with Sara, talk about what she did in her spare time, get to know her again, not assume who Sara had become, but actually hear about it, talk about it, have breakfast after shift, like she did with Catherine, go to a club like she did with Greg or simply spent an evening in a do-it-yourself garage, working on the old Impala Eli had safely tucked under a canvas cover in the garage of her house back in Frisco. She was sure the technophilic brunette would love that. She'd have the rare classic transported to Vegas in a heartbeat given the chance to restore it with Sara.

But being friends, as impossible as that alone seemed, was just one side of the proverbial medal. Imprinted on its other side was the attraction Eli felt. And that was where things began to get really difficult. Seeing something and not being able to have it over a longer period of time had always brought out the worst in Eli. The idea of making Sara jealous, to take the tiny chance that something inside the brunette still felt for Eli and confront her with a potential love interest of her own to make her see what she misses out on by not giving her another chance was tempting. And Sara wouldn't be the only one to get hurt along that way. Eli would play with another heart. She was quite sure about Sofia's preferences and she had the gut feeling, she could charm the stunning blonde into an affair if she played her cards right. Oh, the fun she could have with Sofia. Honestly, would that be so bad? She genuinely liked the other Detective, Sofia was witty, straight-forward, intelligent and had that cocky attitude. Paired with that long blonde hair, her beyond sexy swagger, that near perfect body and the playing with that toothpick-she had to be dead to not be physically attracted to her. If she only knew they were on the same page, she wouldn't hesitate a second.

"What's with the look?" Leonard stared at her. How long had he been sitting there?

"Huh?"

"Very eloquent, Eli! I asked you what's up with the detached look? What have you been thinking about? It seemed like you were planning something."

Eli blushed furiously and frowned, Leonard just knew her too well.

"Precious, I know that expression and I know I don't like it."

_'Sure you wouldn't like what I just thought. I thought about screwing a colleague just for the fun of it and to make the woman I might love and who still hates me jealous and eventually despise me even more in the end.'_

"You're fucking kidding me!"

Again, "Huh?" _Did I say that out loud? Please let me not have said that out loud!_

But Eli had and the glare she received from her best friend was deadly.

"I'm not gonna say anything except: Do you really want to ruin almost ten years of work, dedication, attitude adjustment ad honest change just to fall back into your old MO? Just remember where it got you in the first place." His eyes were cold and he pushed himself off his chair. "I need some fresh air, it smells kinda foul in here."

And Leonard left the room without so much as another glance at Eli.

He was right and in fact Eli knew that. But she just couldn't deny she was tempted. Tempted to see if she could still pull something like that off. Tempted to feel the satisfaction of coaxing a beautiful woman into her bed. Tempted to see how Sara would react. It was a cruel game and she'd been a world class player once.

But she was also very aware of the potential consequences of pulling a stunt like that. And just the thought made her sick. She'd risk her friendship with Sofia if she'd ask her out and the Detective would find out that she'd always just be a substitute, even if she was willing to hit it off with Eli. Catherine would never forgive her playing with both Sofia's and Sara's feelings. Sara herself would most likely not get jealous and finally open up but be even more hurt and convinced in her conviction that Eli had never at all changed. Where had that thought come from? What part of her would still rather give in to the easy way out of the whole dilemma? Impatience? Temptation? An old love for the game itself?

She was too old and had invested too many years in becoming who she was today to give it up again. She could never start all over again, she'd still be stuck with Sara on her mind if she messed this up once again.

Leonard completely ignored her for the better part of two days. He left the apartment early in the morning and came back late. Eli was left to stew in her own juice. She had seriously tainted the little time she had with her best friend. As he got back on the second evening, she sat in front of her laptop catching up on some episode of her favourite show, distracting herself from her swirling thoughts. He fished two beers from the fridge, placed one beside Eli's arm on the table and sat down across from her.

"What's going on inside that head of yours? I'm only here for another two days and I want to know what you're feeling, why you're even thinking about something like that. Talk to me. It's what defines us the most, we could always talk about everything. No walls, no secrets, just plain pure honesty, even if it hurt sometimes. You're my best friend and the closest thing I have to family. I don't want to see you mess up again. Don't poke into old wounds."

Eli cringed and put the laptop aside.

"I've always been sure of myself. If I had a goal I did everything to achieve it. The good and the bad ones. I feel so lost, Lenny, for a very long time now. I don't know where I stand anymore. I invested so much into becoming the person I am today, to distance myself from my behaviour, my habits, my flaws I once had. I fought tooth and nail to become a better person, a better cop. And I succeeded. I'm a good Detective, I love my work, every time another one of those assholes gets put behind bars because of what I found out, what I proved he or she did, I know that I've made the right decision. But the one big, unforgivable mistake I made sticks to me like a gum caught in hair. But there are no scissors that can cut the strand away and it will grow back and everything is just as it has been before. She will never forgive me. She will never really see that the Eli from back then doesn't really exist anymore. Some thoughts still linger, there's some demons I'll always have to fight and the day before yesterday those demons tried to win me back to their side. What I do right now is so hard. And I don't see the slightest progress. Trying it a different way would be easy. Win or lose. Gain everything or lose something again I've already lost a long time ago. It was like a last resort. I'm so tired of fighting. I hurt and I'm so very tired, Len."

Leonard stayed silent for a couple of more minutes. Then he stood up, went around the table and dragged Eli from her chair to the nearby couch and just held her.

"I love you, precious. I know you're a good person. I know you have your weaknesses, but please keep fighting. If she's worth it, keep fighting. If you think she can make you happy, keep fighting. If you want her in your life, keep fighting. Nothing is set in stone." He sighed heavily and decided to share some information with Eli he had intended to keep secret. "I met Sara again after you asked me to deliver your message. She's a tough one, but she does care. Believe me. She does care."

Eli went rigid in his arms, but didn't comment on his assumption.

Leonard hugged his friend even tighter. He couldn't explain it, but he was sure it'll turn out just fine. It would take time and a lot of effort and patience, but if Eli stayed at her best, she would get through to Sara. He was sure.

As Leonard finally had to go back to San Francisco, Eli already started missing him before they'd even said their good-byes. She hated that they didn't live in the same city anymore. He was her rock. She could always count on him. She needed someone like him right now. She was afraid her weariness would cause her to make the wrong decisions. He'd done a lot of pep-talk during the last days, yet she still felt those ideas nagging on her resolution. She didn't want to give in to them, but only he could talk her out of it if she started to falter. What would happen after he was gone? Would she be strong enough on her own? And when and why the hell had she become so insecure?

* * *

Oh, the things I could do with this story... Let Eli fall back into her "player" attitude? That'd be so much fun to write... Give in to the appealing idea of a hot and steamy Eli/Sofia affair? Or would that just be shallow and I'm just teasing you? Who knows...


	17. 17 Back to business

I've decided, I'm not in any mood to play. For now. Back to business.

* * *

17. Back to business

Eli Trent stood in front of her bathroom mirror and studied the slightly fogged up reflection of her face thoroughly.

She had woken up this afternoon from an unruly sleep, not even needing the alarm clock that was originally set to a later time and had thrown the light covers off herself instantly. In her boxers and a t-shirt, she'd stepped from the thick soft carpet over on the wooden floorboards of her living room onto the cold tiles of her kitchen barefooted and rummaged through the coffee and tea compartment of her supply cabinet, searching for her favourite brand of coffee. It was a day to be celebrated, her shoulder wound was healing fast and she was allowed back to work four days earlier than scheduled. Waiting for the water heater to do its work, she'd allowed herself to plop two s'mores into the toaster, a rare treat, since she'd had no chance to do any work-out during the past weeks and had yet gained another two or three pounds. Indulging in the fabulous coffee and the sweet crunchy pastry, she'd flipped through the channels to catch up with the day's news. Nothing much caught her interest and she drew her attention to the files Sofia had brought by the day before and skimmed through the variety of open cases to get herself back in the loop of things she was to expect back at the PD.

Refilling her cup, she went outside onto her patio for a cigarette. She'd cut down the number she had each day drastically after her hospital stay. She'd been smoking roughly two packs before and that had just been too much. She already felt the difference. Her throat didn't feel like sandpaper anymore in the mornings, her sense of taste had improved and she needed less salt in her food, she breathed a bit more easily and her voice didn't sound quite as raspy anymore. She'd sung along with some of her favourite songs the night before while she'd taken a ride through the city to see if she could already drive with her stiff left arm and had found herself reaching some higher notes she hadn't been able to hit for a long time.

The cast had been taken off three days ago and as much as she'd enjoyed her first real and most notably uncomplicated shower in what felt like months, her first PT session had frightened her. Though the therapist had ensured her that she'd regain full mobility, her range of motion was enormously restricted, everything felt terribly stiff and weak and a sharp pain flashed through her whole shoulder and arm with every tiny exercise that she had been told to do. It'd take her weeks, if not even months to be able to be reinstated for full duty. Not to mention that she now had an ugly scar ruining part of her elaborate and colourful half sleeve tattoo.

There she was, freshly showered in her bathroom, staring into the mirror. She couldn't help but wonder how much the past few weeks had changed her. She'd had gotten her hair cut shorter than ever before, it had suddenly hit her two days ago that she couldn't possibly go back to work with her locks growing haphazardly all over the place. She found wrinkles around her eyes that were completely new to her and some prominent horizontal lines graced her forehead. Even her mouth looked slightly thinner to her than before, all in all the face in the mirror was harder than Eli had ever wanted to become. She turned her head and frowned as she noticed a few undeniably very grey hairs along her temples. Her father had once told her his hair had started to turn grey in his mid-twenties. Great! She'd be greying before even having turned forty.

The doubts that had surfaced while Leonard had been in Vegas were constantly on her mind. No, she didn't want to give up. She didn't want to be that person again, who cheats and deceives. She had to stay strong and prove that she was worthy of a second chance. She'd beat the odds once and she didn't want to face them again.

She sighed deeply and headed for her closet. She stood naked in front of its full length door mirrors and briefly chuckled to herself. Damn those few extra pounds, but she still looked good. Not as athletic and defined as she had during her early twenties, but her weight didn't hide her muscles completely yet. Putting on a simple black bra and a pair of her more expensive black boxers, she wondered what kind of impression she wanted to make today. Sofia had scoffed at her haircut the day before, saying she'd liked the moderately relaxed, jeans and t-shirt wearing, not fussing about her hair or polished shoes Eli she'd gotten to know after her hospital stay a lot... Anyway, Eli picked her finest work attire from the clothes hangers. No doubt about her returning with full professionalism was supposed to be left today, even if she was on desk duty only and her left arm was still supported by a small sling.

* * *

Sara was late for her interrogation. Getting the DNA-samples processed had taken much longer than she'd hoped and she hadn't wanted to go back to the PD without being able to confront this guy with every little piece of evidence that spoke against him and nail him. Grinning grimly and pleased about the outcome of this case she opened the door of interrogation room 2 where Jim Brass was already seated opposite the suspect and patiently waited for her arrival, his stoic glance fixated on the rapist. Focused on the task ahead, she didn't even notice the second person in the room as she sat down beside the Captain and pushed the opened folder over to him. Then she caught sight of something or rather someone moving in her peripheral vision. She flinched and turned around hectically, surprised that Brass didn't even react to another person being in the room. She must've been there all the time. Leaning casually against the wall in the back corner of the room, she was one hell of a sight. From her dressy black men's boots that could've suited any male model in a GQ advertisement over her dark grey dress pants to the shimmering, tight fitted dark burgundy button down shirt on which she'd left just enough buttons open to contradict the masculine outfit and haircut with just enough curves and cleavage to make her appear oddly sexy but no-nonsense professional at the same time, Det. Eli Trent was obviously back with a vengeance. The kinda rockabilly wave in her short hair and the glasses she wore today instead of her usual contacts gave her an additional charm that absolutely didn't go unnoticed by Sara. Though she appeared to have only briefly acknowledged the presence of the Detective in the room, she was glad that she had a moment left to regroup while Brass was still thumbing through the file.

_"I don't want to go to my fucking boring room. I wanna have some fun, Sar." Eli's words were slurred and she had trouble walking steadily, though being supported by an arm around her waist._

_"You've had your fun, now it's time to sleep this intoxication off. Gah, you smell like a tavern, try to breathe into another direction, drunkard." Sara turned her head away from her friend and scrunched her nose._

_"I don't wanna sleep. Unless, that is, with you." _

_"Dream on silly. And by the way, in this state, you'd only embarrass yourself or fall asleep before things even get started. Bed it is, a pillow, a blanket and nothing more." One hand holding Eli up, the other trying to open the dorm room door, Sara groaned._

_"I wouldn't fall asleep." Eli pouted. To be honest, that was adorable. But just because she was a little drunk herself, Sara mused._

_Finally, the door swung open and revealed Eli's organized chaos. _

_"Come on, just a couple more steps." Sara heaved her wasted friend into the room._

_"Nothing's ever gonna happen, am I right, Sara?" Eli asked with a voice that sounded way too small coming from her. She pushed the brunette's arm off her waist and steadied herself against the wall._

_"Huh? What's not gonna happen?" Sara had missed the train by miles. And wondered how Eli was able to stand at all. _

_Not only stand, but push herself off the wall and take tentative, but amazingly balanced steps into her direction. Not even a second later Sara found herself being pinned against the now closed door and another set of lips firmly attached to her own. Eli used the element of surprise and nibbled on Sara's lower lip tenderly. Had her mind already caught up with her bodies reaction to the onslaught, Sara would never have, ever so slowly, parted her lips or even responded to the kiss at all. She would have ducked out under Eli's arms and given her a piece of her mind. But it hadn't and she'd given Eli all the invitation necessary for her to deepen the kiss. And damn, the woman could kiss. And the warm body pressed flush against her own sent more than just shivers down her spine. Talk about generating electricity, the most pleasant kind. The tips of their tongues met and Sara felt a shudder run through Eli's whole body. It was a sweet and slow kiss, a kiss born out of affection and something that went even a little deeper, not a hungry kiss fueled by desire and want. Sara hadn't expected such tenderness from Eli and it scared her. Finally realizing what was happening, she broke the kiss instantly and pushed Eli off her._

_"You!" She yelled at Eli, who stumbled backwards and fell uncoordinatedly on her ass. _

_"You..." Sara tried again._

_Eli blinked and tried to focus._

_"You're drunk. And this-" Sara pointed back and forth between herself and her friend on the carpet. "-has never happened. It shouldn't have. It can't. Never, you hear me?"_

_She turned on her heel, jerked the door open and left, leaving behind a cursing Eli, who buried her head in her hands and damned herself for being so stupid. Kissing Sara Sidle, drunken, forcing her against a door. That had been a very, very bad idea, though it had seemed such a good one just a few moments back._

_Sara smashed the door shut and leaned against it. Fuck! As much as she wished this had never happened, it took all her strength and self-restraint to not open the door again, rush back into the room and finish what Eli had started. But it would never work. She repeated that to herself like a mantra. It would never work. But it had felt so good, so right. But it would never work. She was with Claire now. This was just a stupid crush and it would go away. It had to._

She'd sworn to herself she wouldn't be distracted by the other woman in any way, she wouldn't notice how good she looked, she wouldn't... Damn, Eli could compete for the cover of "Curve" in that outfit!

She was pushed out of her thought as Jim leaned over.

"Sara, I hope you don't mind Det. Trent being present, she's got to get back in the groove, she knows the case, Sofia kept her updated."

"No, not at all Jim."

* * *

As two officers steered the handcuffed, very much guilty and soon to be convicted serial rapist away, Sara got up just to notice that Eli had already left the room. She was outside putting her left arm into a sling, she must've taken it off before the interrogation to not appear weak and injured in front of a suspect. Sara noticed how she grimaced as she tried to adjust the strap around her back. She quickly stepped beside the Detective.

"Wait a sec there, let me help."

Sara carefully placed the sling in its right place while holding Eli's elbow at exactly a ninety degree angle in the supporting device. Eli dared not to move a muscle or even breathe. Every single one of Sara's, given their purpose, simply necessary touches made Eli's skin tingle. There it was, her reason to stay focused and strong. She didn't want accidental or helpful gestures and contact, she wanted Sara to want to touch her. Want to talk to her. At the very least respect her again.

"Well, thanks Sar." Eli moved her arm a bit to notice that the sling was fastened exactly right.

"No problem. It's good to see you're back. How do you feel?"

What was that about no personal conversations Sara'd decided back in Frisco? Or was asking a colleague who returned from a sick leave due to a gunshot wound for her condition still a work-related question?

Sara decided it was.

"I'm quite fine. Everything is healing quickly, but I'm still not allowed to move the shoulder much. There'll be lots of PT-sessions come the next few months. How are you?"

The return of her question implicated so much that Sara had to suppress a wince that almost found its way out of her mouth. She'd never reacted to the message delivered through Leonard and had for all intents and purposes no need to get into the subject. She settled for an easy escape.

"I'm good. We have a heavy caseload at the moment and I'm working all the time. Catherine and Sofia have been a bit of a pain in the neck lately, but when are they not?"

It sounded like a joke to lighten the loaded atmosphere, but it was also the pure and unaltered truth. The two women were annoying Sara to no end. And with which topic? Eli, of course.

Eli grinned understandingly and thanked her again for helping with the sling. Then she'd turned and waved Sara a 'later', returning to her paperwork. Sara couldn't stop thinking about what Catherine and Sofia had done that bothered her so much.

_Two weeks earlier:_

_Sara had been sitting in the break room enjoying a fresh cup of coffee, not Greg's, but still, freshly brewed and hot for once, as Catherine and Sofia had come in to fill up their cups, too. Obviously they hadn't noticed Sara at all since they continued what seemed like a rather private conversation._

_"And then we've had dinner at this fabulous restaurant, I think it opened just a couple of weeks ago. I don't really know how someone can manage to get a table there, it was all celebrities and politicians. Treated like a queen, I tell you, Sofia. No way any man has treated me this way, at least not any I've dated as of late. She's such a charmer and those eyes, have you ever given them a closer look? Talk slow melting dark chocolate, yum..."_

_"Actually, I've had plenty of opportunity. And I get your drift, believe me. I don't get why anyone would reject her."_

_"Me neither. And it wasn't all about a fancy restaurant, it was the thought she'd put in it. Like knowing my favourite food and ordering the exact wine I prefer. And as antidote to all the glamour, we ended up watching some cute comedy on my couch in our PJ's, having microwave popcorn and beer."_

_"Yeah, she's thoughtful, isn't she? Some time, I guess it was back in the hospital, I mentioned not having had a picnic in ages and last Tuesday when I was off I got a call to meet her at her place and bring my car and a blanket. We drove to Lake Mead and had a picnic in the woods. Just sandwiches and fruit and some sodas, but I swear I haven't had that much fun in weeks. It's so easy to talk to her, she's got that weird sense of humour that makes me laugh so hard. I had to bend over double to catch my breath."_

_"I bet you had to..." Catherine snickered._

_The two women disappeared, cups steaming with fresh coffee, back into the hallway and Sara just sat there wondering what the hell had just happened. There could only be one person they'd possibly be talking about. Picnic at the Lake just because Sofia had mentioned it once? Remembering Catherine's favourite wine and food? What had she missed? Eli had made friends all around her, hell, even Greg had stood her off to go see that new action flick with Trent just recently._

_Wendy had complained about how much she missed the calm Detective around as Sara and Catherine had gotten into one of their famous arguments, she'd definitely noticed that the teamwork between the PD and the lab had never been better than with Eli present and even Grissom had complained about the lack of scientific insight as he had to work with Vartann on a complicated case. _

_Another conversation between Catherine and Sofia had left her even more speechless and almost pissed. _

_She'd overheard them in one of the more secluded hallways, actually the one that led to her favourite lab._

_"She just doesn't realise what she is missing out on. I mean, a blind person could see the chemistry between those two, but what does stubborn Sara do? Ignore it because of something that happened, what, ten years ago? Has she even taken the time to get to know the woman again?" Catherine shook her head._

_"Surely not, otherwise they'd both not be that fucking miserable. No offense, Catherine, but we're both only stand-ins for the real deal. If Sara could see her the way we do, relaxed, funny, honest, I'm sure they'd start talking again. What's her problem? Old habits die hard, I guess?"_

_"Let me just say that she has her reasons, but still she should really open her eyes and acknowledge the change. Just like I didn't believe that Eli had been such an asshole when she was younger, Sara just can't believe that she's changed. Everyone deserves a second chance, don't you think?"_

_"Yes, I do. She's a good woman, though I didn't like her one bit at first but she's proven me more than wrong. And she is kind of hot, don't you think?"_

_Sofia winked at Catherine, who blushed profoundly._

_"Little weak spot? You really can't deny you've checked her out once or twice, huh Cath?"_

_"I can't and I wouldn't. But don't play the innocent act, you've done it, too! And who knows, no one can wait forever, someday someone might snatch her away just under Sara's nose and I bet she'll only realise it when it's already too late." She'd raised her eyebrows, Sofia had nodded in silent agreement and Sara had turned and fled into her lab, closing the door behind her and had started thinking. Again. And she was fuming. How dare the two talk about her like she was some stupid bullheaded teenager who brooded without a reason. And they had no tight contemplating her private choices, damn her private life at all! Her aversion existed and lasted for a reason. Didn't it?

* * *

_

Later that night, Sofia helped Catherine carry all the evidence she'd collected at her recent crime scene to her car.

"So, have you seen Eli already, Sofia?" Catherine asked the Detective while she heaved her heavy kit onto the passenger seat.

"Actually, I have. And you wouldn't be able to imagine the amount of paperwork that simply just vanished today." Sofia rolled her eyes as she thought about the mess of folders that had been on both hers and Eli's desk at the beginning of shift and the whole state the pit had been in and how neat it had looked, apart from her own stacks, after Eli had been rummaging around for a couple of hours. The printing paper had been restocked, the shelves put back in a logical order, office materials filled up, the dishwasher in the break room had been running and the coffee pots didn't look almost black from a week of not having been cleaned but just simply refilled again and again. Like Snow White had been around. Had Eli even whistled while she'd worked?

"How'd she look? Do you think it has been too early for her to return?" Real worry had crept into the investigator's tone. She was convinced the Doctor shouldn't have decided to let Eli get back to work early.

"How she looked or how I think she holds up, Cath?" Sofia smothered a laugh as the strawberry blonde throw her a fierce glance.

"She _looked _unbelievably good. And I think she's more than ready. I talked to her and she said she couldn't wait to get back to work."

"Been ogling her again, Detective? You know that defies the purpose of our plan..."

Sofia actually turned a nice shade of crimson. She just hoped Catherine couldn't see it, given the dimly lit parking lot they were standing in.

"No, but I have been watching her and Sara. She helped her adjust her sling and as Trent walked away, she just kept standing there, staring at Eli. When I approached Eli to tell her about the next case, Sara suddenly snapped out of it and very quickly left the PD. I think we're starting to get to her."

"Good."

"There's that mad glint in your eyes again. What do you have in mind Catherine? Is there something like a stage 2 to your plan?"

Catherine looked so smug that the Detective almost burst out laughing.

"Not before I'm not a hundred percent sure that Sara has taken the bait. Then we'll talk again. Can I still count on your help?"

Sofia stared at her blankly.

"Of course you can. Why?"

Catherine just winked at her and went over to the driver's door of her Denali.

"Because I need your full involvement and dedication for the next part of my plan."

She swung herself up on the seat and grinned openly at Sofia.

"What the hell do you have in mind, Catherine Willows?"

The investigator closed the door and started the car.

"You'll find out soon enough, Curtis..."

And she veered out of the parking lot and turned into the light nightly Vegas traffic, heading back to the lab, leaving a wondering and slightly tense Sofia behind. Who hadn't been stealing glances at the other Detective all night. Really...

* * *

Thanks for reading. Leave your opinion if you like, I'd really appreciate it.

I don't own or have any connection to the magazine _Curve. _I just know it's America's best-selling lesbian magazine. Which was more than enough for me to borrow it for a sec. No harm intended.


	18. 18 Just another day?

Well, this is officially the longest story I have ever written. In either language. I'm kinda impressed with myself. And though I'm far from finished with this one, I decided to throw some kind of teaser out there. It's not much and I won't continue until I'm done here, but I just couldn't help myself... Look out for "It all ends in Vegas"! Coming soon...

And yes, right now I have nothing better to do than writing. I got too much time on my hands and I'm on a roll.

Well, someone hasn't had so many scenes during the last few chapters and it's about time to change that. Enjoy!

* * *

18. Just an average day?

The steady puffs of her breath and the rhythmic beat of her soles against the asphalt would usually calm her, after a particularly nasty case, interrogating an abhorrent suspect, having a dispute with one of her superiors, but they failed to ease her down today. The early morning sun was already hot enough to let little droplets of sweat run down her temples and back and her sunglasses started to gradually slide down her nose with every step. Annoying. Her agitation just wouldn't dwindle and she'd already ran more than her usual five miles. If only, her restlessness and worry grew.

Eli Trent was most definitely back. By now, she knew the other woman good enough to have noticed, that part of the positive attitude she had brought back from her involuntary break was nothing more than a mask she'd put on the second she got out of her car in the PD's parking lot. They had bonded over the shooting, had opened up to one another while Eli had still been in the hospital and maintained steady contact after Eli'd been allowed home and were working their way well into a friendship. Everyday Trent showed up for shift, she looked more flawless than ever. Today it had been a crisp white shirt, starched and ironed to perfection, with an off-white floral pattern to the left and right of the buttons, dark blue but yet lightly stone-washed jeans and brown leather shoes. She'd changed back to contacts which brought out the natural size of her brown eyes, not demagnified by strong glasses and a leather jacket cut like a suit coat the same warm brown as her shoes. Sure, the PD was naturally not the place for the latest in fashion and most Detectives didn't even bother with a tie that complimented their suits and shirts, but Eli just had a way of not overdressing and yet looking both effortlessly well-dressed and professional law enforcement compatible. Sofia Curtis chuckled between deep breaths as she inwardly noticed the analogy to Catherine Willows, yet on a very different level. But the red herring didn't work with Sofia Curtis. She knew that beneath the attitude and impeccable appearance was a woman that was deeply troubled. With not being able to work outside the pit or interrogation rooms. With the fear that her shoulder might never heal completely and she wouldn't be as able-bodied as she'd been before the shooting and finally with the long shadow the past cast over her every time just the name Sara Sidle was being mentioned or worse, when the woman was around.

Aside from the last point, Sofia felt responsible. If she'd only been more careful, if she'd kept her eyes on the suspect that god-awful morning. She felt obligated doing everything in her power on every single day to make the gentle woman who just pretended to be fine feel at ease and more content than the day before. But it was getting increasingly difficult. Catherine's little charade had begun to get to Sofia. Parading around in front of Sara praising Eli to the sky, trying to subtly convince Sara what she was missing out on made her angrier by the day.

If the stoic and stubborn CSI hadn't noticed by now, wasn't willing to take a chance, maybe Sara didn't really deserve one at all. Sofia was sure, Eli was a good person and a dedicated friend and would be a loving, caring, attentive and trustworthy partner. Not to mention that she was quite a catch in almost every other important aspect, too.

She jogged on the spot as she waited for just another light to turn green, her condo already in spitting distance, she resisted the urge to add yet another mile or two to her run and headed home.

She discarded her running outfit and crammed it into her washing machine, climbed into the shower and hoped that the warm spray washing over her would loosen her tense muscles. Eli wouldn't like what they were doing, so much she was sure of. It had sounded like a good idea at the time, but now she was afraid that whatever stage 2 of Catherine's plan was, it might be more than she was willing to participate in. She liked Eli too much to do something that could hurt the already stressed-out woman and she respected Sara too much to try and trick her into opening up. Everything worked by its own schedule. You couldn't force progress or affection. And of course, forgiveness.

But then, well, she didn't want to see Eli suffer much longer.

She closed the faucets and slipped her bathrobe on. She'd wait and see what Catherine was still hiding up her sleeve and if she didn't agree with what the strawberry blonde had in mind, she already had a little idea of her own.

* * *

It had been a long and boring day for Eli. There was nothing to be sorted through left anywhere, she'd started to catch up on some cold cases, had written countless reports for the other Detectives, for she was the only person in law enforcement in Vegas who was bored at the moment, everyone else was more than busy keeping up with crime. As she'd finished preparing the last of Sofia's paperwork and left it on her desk only needing to be signed, she'd started playing errand-boy between the lab and the PD. She was happy to find herself walking down the paned hallways, had pushed her head into Wendy's lab to say hello and had received a short hug, but everyone else was obviously out in the field. It was a busy night. She instead was in no hurry and as she passed the CSI's break room, she caught a whiff of a smell she'd really missed. Greg must have had put on a pot of his coffee just before he'd been called out and it still smelled fresh and appetizingly. She poured herself a cup and got settled on the couch, reading the latest Journal of Forensic Science. Balancing the magazine on her knees, she placed the cup on the table and rested her left arm on the one forlorn pillow on the couch. She ignored the faint burning pain in her shoulder, closed her eyes and sighed.

A gentle hand touched her intact shoulder and softly nudged her. Eli didn't even need to open her eyes to know who it was that woke her from her unplanned nap. The well-known scent had already reached her nose and a faint warmth spread through her body. She finally forced her eyes open and looked straight up into Sara's coyly grinning face. They spent a few seconds gazing into each other's eyes before Sara blinked and started speaking.

"So bored that you fall asleep in our break-room, Detective?"

Eli carefully rubbed her eyes, partly trying to moisten her lenses again, her eyes stung and the sun already crept through the blinds, partly to take her time and chase away the yearning she'd felt seeing Sara's shy smile first thing after waking up.

"Tired, Sar, not bored actually. What time is it anyway?" She asked through a yawn.

"For you? Time to go home, I'd say. Shift's already over. But us poor minions, who just got back in and still have a lot to process. One hell of a night."

Sara ran her hand through dark tresses and repressed a yawn herself.

"I'm sorry." Elli stated.

"What for?" Sara looked flabbergasted.

"That I can go home. I'm not allowed to work overtime yet and I would have given a lot to have been able to be out there tonight and help. God, I feel so useless." Eli groaned, picked the journal up from the floor, threw it back on the pile on the table and pushed herself off the seat.

"Don't. The less you overdo it now, the sooner you will be able to return to full duty. Though I have to admit I wouldn't have minded having had you around my crime scene today, Sofia is in a mood."

She rolled her eyes but did so with a smile and Eli couldn't help but smile back. Sara's expression morphed into a full blown gap-toothed grin and Eli started laughing, both knowing the other too pictured a pissed off Sofia rolling her toothpick from one corner of her mouth to the other, shooting fierce glances around from behind her shades which had surely been slipped on as soon as the first rays of the morning light had hit the city.

Eli grinned over at an equally amused Sara and fished her own Ray Bans out of her coat pocket. Slowly walking backwards out of the break room, she started singing.

" _'I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can, so I can...__'_ '' Both chuckled once more. "Good night, Sar!"

"Night, _Corey_!"

Eli peeked over the rim of her sunglasses, winked at Sara and turned to go. Wow, she couldn't remember when she had last seen Sara smile that much as she had just now.

* * *

In the evening, after having added a couple of more hours of sleep in a decent bed to her nap, Eli checked her mails to find a short, but very pleasant message from Leonard. He had found a new and very interesting client that resided in Vegas and who wanted him to come into town to negotiate a new contract. So Leonard would be back in Vegas in no more than a couple of days. Eli grinned, Leonard had ended the mail with a P.S.: Tell Ms. Willows I said hi!

And then there was another mail. She didn't recognize the sender, but it appeared to not be spam. The subject matter was: "I guess there's some things you should know...".

Hesitantly, she opened the new window. Eli skimmed through the mail and as she'd read about half of it she felt that she was holding her breath. She gasped and coughed, filling her lungs with air again, then reached for her by now mostly ignored emergency pack of cigarettes and lit up. She started all over again, reading slowly, taking everything in, not wanting to misinterpret a single line or not catch anything of what was written between the lines. Repeatedly clicking the brass Zippo open and shut with her left hand, a nervous habit from way back when, she read the mail three times until she was content.

She opened another window to reply.

All she wrote was:

_Thank you._

_I missed you, too!_

_E.

* * *

_I don't own Cory Hart's "Sunglasses at night".


	19. 19 Acceptance

There's days when everything starts out perfect and then life goes so effortlessly down the drain that it's downright scary... Sometimes, this life just sucks. Anyway, here you go with another one. And expecting some sleepless nights, there might as well be more sometime soon...

* * *

19. Acceptance

It was working. She could see it in her eyes. They weren't as guarded anymore, not quite as sad and the anger had vanished from them. There were no suffocating silences, no averting the other's looks, no annoyed frowns. It was working, they'd gotten through to Sara. A bit at least. She'd actually heard her have a kind of a real conversation with Eli in the break room. She hadn't seen Sara smile that much in a very long time.

Good. Now that she seemed to have an idea of what she could have again, they had to show her just how easily she might lose it. To convince her once and for all that Eli was worth that second chance before someone else got theirs first.

Catherine leaned back in her comfortable new office chair. Now all that was left was getting Sofia to play along. She'd noticed the signs of Sofia's backtracking. Why the blonde did that, she had no clue. It wasn't like they had hurt anyone so far, pretty much the opposite, they had managed two people who clearly belonged together to take the first tentative step towards what could probably a new beginning. What was her problem?

"Catherine, do you have a minute?"

Speaking of the...

"Of course Sofia, I wanted to talk to you anyway."

She mentioned the Detective to step into her office and close the door behind her. Sofia decided not to sit down. She wasn't even sure she wanted to hear what Catherine had to say, she just wanted to tell her that she would no longer participate in the little 'conspiracy'.

"Look, Cath-" She didn't even get to finish her sentence as she was cut short by her opposite.

"I think it's about time to up the ante a bit, don't you think? I mean, they are talking again and I've seen those glances, they linger and Sara finally smiles again. Now we have to make sure that she really understands that she needs to pursue Eli if she doesn't want someone else to make the first step and it's all too late."

It had taken Sofia a great amount of self-control not to butt into Catherine's rambling. She took a long and deep breath and opened her mouth, but the other woman beat her to the punch again.

"That's where you come in. You and Eli have established quite a bit of a friendship, haven't you? It wouldn't be so strange if that friendship would take a different course, huh? If Sara would see you two flirt and since Eli will think it's just like the friendly banter with me, since you're friends, right, she will probably unknowingly play along."

Sofia wondered if the colour of her cheeks reflected the pressure that had built up in her head. Only Catherine could be so blunt and frighteningly ignorant to the possible consequences of pulling such a stunt on the two clueless, yes, targets. Catherine had just made them targets.

"No fucking way, Cath!"

Catherine stumbled over the next words she'd planned to say by the harsh refusal. But she quickly composed herself.

"I know what you're afraid of. You're afraid that if they find out that they've been played, the will immediately question every single one of their actions that led to whatever's going to happen and ask themselves if they just did it because of that. Especially Sara. Hell, we all know she's not the most forgiving type. But she'll come around. She always does. So eventually we might have to explain ourselves. Eli isn't resentful. She will understand our reasoning. And being hit on by a friend who just happens to be a gorgeous blonde sure will pamper Eli's bruised ego a bit."

That was it. Sofia Curtis was boiling inside, yet she tried to sustain a cool demeanor. This just hit her too close to home. And Catherine would never get Sara. The brunette would retreat right back into her shell. Completely. And there would never be another chance for Eli to tease her back out. This was just too risky. Cocky, conceited even. So Catherine.

"Catherine, listen and listen closely. I'm not going to play along. You sincerely underestimate the damage this could do. What we've done so far was already risky enough, but that is just insane. And I'm not going to pretend to want more from Eli than I do. I will not risk this friendship. I'm out!"

Catherine scrutinized the Detective. She was flushed and started to sweat. Her eyes flashed angrily but also showed just the slightest hint of something like fear. She was sure Sofia meant what she'd just said, but Catherine couldn't help but assume that the taller woman's worries didn't only originate in the fear of being caught and ruining Sara's and Eli's chance to built something.

Sofia was still trying to stare her down.

Then the truth dawned upon her. And she couldn't deny that Sofia's reasons to back paddle were nothing but noble. She sighed.

"It's okay, Sofia, you can calm down. I get it now. Forget what I said, I couldn't have known how much this whole thing affects you. Heaven knows I couldn't be so selfless. It's really admirable." And she smirked at the Detective knowingly.

Sofia's jaw dropped. She felt like she'd just been punched in the guts. Yes, Catherine had people skills, but this was just - mindreading. Anger flared up again and she turned to leave.

"You don't know a thing. Let's just leave it like this. I'm sure they will figure it out all by themselves."

Not quite convinced by Sofia's explanation, but knowing that any word more would lead to an argument, Catherine evaluated the situation and yes, they could be content with the improvements they'd seen so far.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled loudly.

"You're right. I didn't mean to drag you into something you're obviously not comfortable with. Let's just have a close eye on those two and if nothing happens, we could simply go and try to talk to them. No more tricks."

Sofia visibly calmed and nodded in silent relief.

"That sounds way more reasonable, Catherine."

"Are we okay, Sofia?"

The Detective smiled weakly, but genuinely.

"Yeah, we are, don't worry."

Sofia's pager went off and looked apologetically at Catherine, removed the phone from her belt and was already talking to Brass as she left Catherine's office in a hurry.

* * *

"Sophie, I've read this report and I really think we should get Dominguez back for questioning. With the TOD that Doc estimated, his alibi just barely checks out, he might have had enough time to manage... Let's drive from the restaurant to the murder site to get the time or did anyone already do that?"

Eli looked up, expecting an answer, but Sofia just stared out the window, apparently lost in thought.

"Sofia? Earth to Curtis, anybody there?" Eli sing-songed.

No reaction.

Now that was strange, she'd never seen Sofia so detached. Eli stepped closer to the Detective and carefully reached for her shoulder, not wanting to startle her too much.

"Sofia?"

Still the blonde flinched hard as Eli's hand slowly settled and turned around fast enough to brush it right off her shoulder again.

"God, you've scared me." She exclaimed, breathing heavily.

"Sophie, I talked to you and you didn't react. I called your name several times and still nothing. What's the matter with you? Something bothering you? You look tired, almost sad."

Sofia tried to evade Eli's worried and with honest warmth glowing eyes. She just couldn't look at her right now.

"It's nothing. I was just thinking and I got kind of carried away."

"You sure did. But that must have been some serious thought, you completely spaced out."

"Well, I'm right back here with you now. What did you want to tell me?"

Eli started repeating what she'd first said, but sure knew that she'd just been dismissed and there was no way she wouldn't try to find out what was wrong with Sofia at a later time. For some reason, Eli really hated unresolved situations amongst friends.

* * *

She caught up with Sofia in the locker room after shift. Barging in, glad that she wasn't already gone, she found her facing away from her and staring into her open locker.

"Sofia, could you please tell me what's going on with you? All day you've been withdrawn, barely talking to me and you haven't smiled even once. That's just not like you."

"Why can't you just leave it alone? Nothing's wrong with me, I'm just tired and I zoned out while I was thinking. What's it to you?"

"Hey, why so defensive? I just want to know that you're okay. I can see that something is really getting to you, I see it in your posture, you even walk differently, I see it in your eyes and you do that adorable pouting thing with your lower lip. Your whole body says you're not alright."

_Goodness, why would she always find the right words? Why had she almost made her smile when all she really wanted was to have a really stiff drink and sleep all this away. How come she could read her so well so quickly?_

"Leave it, Eli! Not everything has to be talked through. I am fine!" She rummaged through her locker, her back still to Eli.

"Hey, I just want to be a friend. You know you can talk to me, about anything. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

"Oh yes, you will!"

Sofia groaned inwardly and silently prayed that Eli hadn't noticed her slip.

"No, I won't. Not if you don't explicitly tell me to. If you really need to be left alone, I'll leave, but if not, I'm there. I could cook some breakfast and you just sit and ponder. And if you want to talk, I'll be there."

Good, she hadn't. But she was still too damn kind and understanding for her own good.

"Fine! Have it your damn way." A hint of anger had worked its way into Eli's voice now, too.

She threw her hand in the air and sighed. Still Sofia stayed silent still, so she went on.

"I just- I care about you. I hate to see you sad and angry. Don't make this so hard on me."

"Hard on you? You don't have a clue, do you? Are you really that dense?" Sofia growled at her.

"Excuse me? What the hell did I do wrong now? You really should go home and have a nice few hours of sleep. Maybe you're able to talk to me normally again by tomorrow. You're a piece of work, Curtis, you know that?"

"Fuck you, Eli!"

Sofia finally turned around to face the short haired woman. The amount of anger and hurt Eli saw in Sofia's eyes were disturbing, to say the least. But there was something else. Something close to despair shining through in the deep baby blues. And it frightened Eli more than any anger, any sorrow, any weariness ever could have. Eli decided a different approach was in order. She slowly closed the distance between them and reached out for Sofia. She knew the other woman wasn't the type that would succumb into an embrace without a struggle, particularly not in her agitated state, but she'd get her there, she was prepared.

"No, Fia, no. I know you don't mean it."

She tried to encircle the blonde with one arm, but she tried to slip out of reach.

"Don't Eli, I'm warning you."

Eli followed her closely.

Sofia's warnings fell on deaf ears. It was more difficult with only one arm useable, but she managed to circle it around Sofia's shoulders and pull her close. She still fought, but it was a strong arm and she finally gave in and flung her own arms around Eli's waist and buried her head in the crock of her neck

"Shh, I got you. Whatever it is, I got you. Resistance is futile, Detective."

Eli knew she had her with quoting Star Trek. Sofia could be such a nerd sometimes. And the weak chuckle that was muffled by her shirt proved it.

She loosened her hold and brought her right hand up to Sofia's cheek.

"Hey, look at me. What's wrong?"

Sofia found nothing but genuine care as she looked straight into Eli's eyes.

Here she was, unconsciously doing exactly what Catherine had wanted her to do, but this wasn't some stupid plan that went overboard, Sara wasn't even around and right now she didn't even want to help the other woman anymore. Right now she just wanted this moment to never end. But it had to, this wasn't her place.

"Eli, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go all ballistic on you. Tomorrow, I'm going to explain. Tomorrow, everything will be just as it was before."

"You know you're talking in riddles, Sofia." Eli shook her head helplessly.

Sofia then brought both her hands up to Eli's face and softly caressed her cheeks, her eyes filled with sadness and acceptance and something that Eli could only describe as a faint craving.

She gasped and knew. Knew what the despair was all about. Knew that she should turn around, say one of those really corny and seldom comforting lines and leave, right now. Break Sofia's moment, because it was doomed anyway, and the woman in front of her, who continued to map her face with her fingers had just confirmed she knew it, too. But she couldn't. This moment was all she could ever offer, ever give Sofia, and she was willing to make it count. For both of them, somehow. So she allowed her to move the final inch in, still holding each other's glances as Sofia's nose touched hers and her mouth was so close that Eli could taste the warmth of Sofia's breath. And then this last distance was closed. And even Eli couldn't deny that a thousand what-if's ran through her head at this fleeting, barely there touch of lips. She took great care just to react and not to act on her own accord as one hand settled on her neck and the kiss was slowly but insistently deepened. Try as she might, Sofia couldn't keep this as light as she'd wanted. No, she had to kiss the living daylight out of Eli and then never look back. And she did. The passive, but yet existent response she got was all Sofia needed to know that if things were different, she would have stood a very reasonable chance.

As they finally broke apart, Eli opened her eyes that she had closed somewhere along the way and sat down on one of the benches, looking up at Sofia.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Me too, Eli, me too. You couldn't have. I just figured it out over the last couple of days myself. We'll talk tomorrow. Don't worry, I will be fine."

Sofia ran her fingers just once more through soft and short brown hair and smiled regretfully before she turned and left the locker room.

Eli just sad there. She unconsciously bit her bottom lip and tasted the remains of coffee, a hint of chocolate and all that was Sofia Curtis. If it wasn't for Sara and all she stood for and all she meant to Eli, this could have been it. If they hadn't met again, Eli knew that she would have welcomed this chance with open arms. And probably never regretted it. Hell, she'd just a little time ago entertained the thought of an affair with the blonde, use her to make Sara jealous. How could she ever have thought that? It seemed so ridiculous now, after having being confronted with Sofia's respectful retreat from what she'd have liked to happen in favour of a friend's shot at real happiness. Her shot at happiness. Three people had grown on her since she'd come to Vegas and she'd never want to hurt any of them. Catherine for her easy approach from the very beginning, her humour, their silent understanding, their arguments and her care, Greg, for his goofiness, his knowledge about music and the simple fun they shared whenever they went out together. And then there was Sofia. Tough as nails, ignoring her completely for the first weeks. With that confident strut and that toothpick between her lips. The woman she had risked her life for. And had gained getting to know the private Sofia. Kind, witty, sparkling blue eyes full of waggishness, closet Star Trek fan, a sucker for good food and most of all, deserts and everything that contained chocolate. And always dedicated to doing the right thing. Even now.

Eli grabbed her coat and went down to the lot and into her car. Her stereo started filling the confined room with one of the songs of Eli's carefully selected playlist as the motor roared to life. Driving through the morning madness on Vegas' streets, leaving the windows closed to keep the buzzing of the awakening city from intruding, she steered her metallic grey Mercedes skillfully through the rush hour and sang along.

One thing had become crystal clear when she had been kissed by Sofia. It was time. It was time to find out if she really stood a chance having Sara in her life. And given everything that had transpired within the last few days, the odds had never looked better.

* * *

I just had to have my Eli/Sofia moment. I didn't wanna have it any other way. They should clone Eli and give one to Sofia all for herself. They'd make a splendid couple.

Thanks for reading. I'm happy to see a lot of people are still reading this! Makes it somehow easier to cope with the emptiness that is my mailbox...


	20. 20 Writing about change

Thanks so much!

Ah, we're getting closer... So what did that mail say? Wouldn't you like to know!

* * *

20. Writing about changes

Her convictions and resolutions had crumbled like the sugary crust on a oven-fresh pie. She just couldn't stop thinking. That itself was nothing new, but she couldn't stop thinking about Eli. Ever since her confession on the day she'd been driving her home from the hospital, she hadn't stopped thinking. Some days, she cursed her thoughts, her overactive mind and promised herself to not let herself get dragged back into wondering about Eli, thinking about the woman she'd gotten to know here in Vegas, the other Eli. On other days, she found herself smiling about something funny the Detective had said, found that she slowed down while she walked past a room Eli was in, found her eyes darting from the woman's face down to take in other parts of her body. Feeling that warmth again, whenever she was close to her. Thinking about how she'd see Eli if she hadn't known her before, if anything that happened before Vegas wouldn't count anymore.

And that was the train of thought she'd got stuck with.

She started analyzing her behaviour. She'd missed Eli's presence at work, even if they hadn't worked together so very many times before, she missed arriving at a crime scene and finding Det. Trent to be in charge. The short, professional but kind greeting, the simple yet to the point way Eli had with introducing her CSI's to the case at hand, not a word wasted but she said so much more than most other Detectives did, she was thinking further, more scientifically, a bit like Sofia but she was subtle enough not to suggest any tasks that were the investigator's, not the cop's work. The feeling of complete safety she felt whenever she knew Eli was around at a remote location or when working solo. She trusted Eli to always have her back. She trusted Eli. She trusted...

Goodness.

Okay, stop right there.

So she trusted Eli on a professional level. That didn't necessarily translate to a personal one as well.

Yeah, right, analyzing. What was it that she had felt when she'd heard how much time Catherine and Sofia had spent with Eli while she was on her medical leave? When Eli had first come to Vegas, she'd been sure that sooner or later Eli would disappoint Catherine and their blooming friendship. Now she envied her colleagues for their connection to Eli. She was envious that they got to spent time and obviously very fulfilled and fun time with her. So she wanted to spent time with Eli outside from work. Damn, yes. The answer was yes. She wanted Eli to know her favourite food, wanted her to know what she'd like to do on her day off and wanted to be taken there and spend the day together.

And what the hell had happened in that interrogation room, when she'd seen Eli for the first time in more than a month? Just looking at the Detective, so secure, so handsome, so intriguing. A heat had settled in her stomach that she just couldn't get rid of. As she'd fixed the sling, she had to touch Eli and she definitely wouldn't have minded if this hadn't been so easy and had taken longer than the few passing seconds it had. And as the tall woman left, she couldn't help but staring at her.

And then there was everything that had happened in San Francisco. How she'd longed for support and not just anyone's, but Eli's. And like she could read her thoughts even from the emotional and actual distance, Eli had Leonard deliver this message. She didn't have to be alone in this. How she'd felt that the only person who could make her feel safe again and understood had been Eli, once again.

And no one had made her laugh like there in the break room for a very long time.

* * *

Sara Sidle sat down and opened her laptop. There was no denying it anymore. Somewhere along the last months, despite all her reluctance, all her memories and all the time she'd sworn to hate Eli for the rest of the woman's sorry life, she had sneaked her way back into Sara's thoughts, into her life, into her-

She hesitated and then stopped. No.

While the computer booted, she went to her bookshelf and picked an album from the shelves. She skipped through the yellowing pages and stopped at one . She hadn't looked at these pictures for over a decade. They were snapshots from a party at Harvard. One caught her interest specifically. She held a bottle of beer in one hand and it looked like she was laughing with her whole body. Her eyes sparkled at someone who stood outside the frame of the photograph. Sara knew exactly who it was. She had actually been sitting a couple of steps away from Eli, she'd had quite a few beers herself that night and had become really goofy. At first Eli had just stared at her in disbelief and then, she still remembered it like it had been only yesterday, something in her expression had changed, a weak smile and something close to adoration had crept into Eli's features before she'd started laughing so hard that she'd almost dropped her bottle. As she'd caught her breath and gazed at Sara again, there had been something different in her eyes. Back then, Sara had just dismissed it as lust and had thought it'd go away once Eli was sober again. But it hadn't been so simple. It still wasn't.

She left the album open as she put it on her coffee table and went to the kitchen to get herself something to drink before sitting down at her desk, frowning.

If she really did this, there would be no turning back, no second-guessing her decision.

Then she started writing.

_Eli,_

Standing in the middle of the bedroom at the Bellagio, completely grown up now, an attractive woman in her early thirties, not average at all, still able to dominate a room with her sheer presence, still eliciting the most intense feelings, negative ones, but still, no one had ever gotten under her skin like Eli.

_Y__ou might wonder why I'm writing you. I actually wonder myself. _

Sofia's face as she'd come into the house Catherine and she worked, telling them Eli had been shot. Sara's instant reaction to Catherine and the worry that had set in just seconds later. And the shame at her first thought.

_Wow, this is hard. I really don't know why I'm doing this, I mean, I really hate__d you for what you did. It wasn't even so much about hooking up with Claire, more the way you did it. I know and you know that the rape might have happened whether you had been with her at the time or I. Thinking about it now, I don't know how I would've coped if I had found her there. You almost beat that bastard to a pulp. You must've felt so helpless. I guess you've felt helpless for much longer than that moment, I just didn't realise what was happening. This is the first time I really think about those weeks, to be honest._

Eli standing beside the door of the women's changing room. Shaking, knuckles bleeding, face contorted in anger, fear, helplessness, and hurt. Her pleading look, silently asking Sara to take care of Claire. The rapist's face, teeth missing, jaw broken, nose crooked, holding his crotch, whimpering, barely conscious. A bloody mess as the EMT's carried him into the ambulance.

_I'd never seen you so scared, so hurt and yet all I could think about was Claire, what she'd just suffered because you were late. That's the way I saw it. Then you never showed up at the hospital. You will need to explain that to me one day. I just don't get it. What in the world kept you away fro__m her? Why didn't you visit her? She trusted you, she was falling in love with you for Christ's sake! That's when I really started hating you._

Claire in the hospital. A shadow of herself, pale even against the white sheets. Shallow, broken.

"Did Eli come by while I slept Sara?"

"No, she didn't. I don't know where the fuck she is!"

Sara paced the small room frantically. Claire just turned to face the wall again. She hadn't cried.

She'd been there day and night, but Claire refused to talk, refused to eat, just lay there. On the third day, Sara had left the room for a couple of minutes to get a sandwich and a coffee from the cafeteria. As she got back to the station everyone looked at her strangely. A nurse finally filled her in. Claire was dead. 30 Minutes. She'd been gone 30 minutes. Claire had left her bed immediately after Sara'd been out the door, had managed to get past the nurses, crept up to the rooftop and had jumped. The emergency room personal had declared her death directly there on the lawn.

_She killed herself and no one was there for her. __I'd only left to get a coffee and then she was dead. And you had the audacity to fucking hit on me as I told you. You had deserved so much worse than those two punches. I delighted, reveled in seeing you bleed, seeing you down on your pathetic ass in that trashed dorm room. I hated you as much as I'd loved you before, dammit! You turned my world upside down, you took my girlfriend away and you're responsible for her death. You are! _

_I'd never planned on falling for you. I just remember that at some point, I was. And I was falling hard. _

_I trusted you, Eli, with my past, my childhood, all my secrets. You were a good friend and you never betrayed that trust, not even after all what happened. But you've been an abhorrent person. You fucked everyone over but me. Well, in the end you did. How could I fall in love with you. I would never have let you know, I had a hard time even admitting it to myself._

_And then there was this one party, I made a stupid joke that made you laugh and then something in your expression gave you away. It wasn't just me, you were right there with me. And as much as I trusted you as a friend, I couldn't trust that you wouldn't hurt me in a relationship. _

"Eli, did you ever have a real relationship?"

Eli's head snapped around at her seemingly studying friend who sat under a wide open window, hair flowing a bit in the light breeze, the sun shining onto the pages of her book.

"No."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I like sex, I like women. I haven't met a girl yet who could hold my attention or attraction for longer than a week. I like the game, the seduction. I guess that's just the way I am. Maybe when I get older. Maybe."

Eli gave Sara a sly grin, but that was the moment Sara decided just to forget about those butterflies in her stomach. No, she must have had misinterpreted that look.

_But I guess I meant more to you than I had ever fathomed. Don't be mad at him, but Leonard told me a couple of things about you back in Frisco, I met him again after the night he delivered your message. _

_That message hit me hard. How did you... How could you have known where I was or what the trip had been all about? I guess you didn't know for sure, but you guessed so very right, it was like no time had passed at all._

_And - yes, I thought about asking you to - why is this so hard? - I thought about you being there with me. You know__ everything. You could've kept me grounded. _

_You arrived in Vegas about half a year ago and I've been starting to notice a lot of things since then. And Leonard filled a lot of blanks. I know why you decided to become a cop. I know that you have a master degree in Criminal Justice. I know you've been at the top of all your classes. But then, I've always known your incredibly intelligent. One thing that intrigued me so much about you. Still does, seeing the way you work, the way you absorb information, the speed with which you draw conclusions._

_I know that something broke inside of you that day, too. Or, in fact, more than one thing. _

The sincerity in Eli's eyes as she'd gently touched her chin and turned her head around that day in the car. The regret and the pain and the knowledge about the risk she was taking - telling Sara what she had - written all over her face.

_What I'm trying to tell you and I'm obviously not very good at it, I've begun to understand. _

_And I can't look at you anymore without starting to wonder what I've missed out on all those years._

_But I still have that nagging doubt inside of me, that you might hurt me again if I was to let you in again._

_Still I can't seem to stop looking at you. And ever since I've been back from Frisco and you've come back after your leave, I started seeing the old Eli, my friend Eli, in the Eli of today. The you I've trusted, the you that I've talked nights through with, the you that held me after I told you about my father, the you that picked me up from that Professor who almost assaulted me, with that thermos filled with hot cocoa that I spilled all over your passenger seat because my hands were still shaking so badly. You never said a word, just took a tissue and wiped it away with a smile. It must have cost you a fortune to get that cleaned. And the you that had started to get under my skin, the person I had fallen for. _

That day on the beach. She'd never forget that day on the beach. When Eli said she wanted her and she brushed it off. But the yearning, the need had been there, this burning in the pit of her stomach.

_It's like everything that made me not like you__, even hate you in the end, what made me wonder how one person could be so ambivalent back then is gone now and left is only the person that had once been my friend, that side of you that was mine and mine alone. Underneath the money and the attitude and the posing. The real you. _

_Is that really true? Is that really who you are? _

_If it is, then I made a mistake hating you. We should've supported each other, work through it, together. But the hurt and betrayal sat so deep. It still hurts, I'm still not sure. _

_But I think I'm willing to give it a try. _

_I know you want that more than anything, you told me and I see it in your eyes every time you look at me. _

_I've missed that warmth in your eyes. And as much as I hated you, I never stopped missing the friend you'd been before all that._

_Sara_

She pushed the 'send'-button without thinking twice. If she read this again, she'd have deleted it just as fast.

* * *

As she read the short answer while she was getting ready for work, she exhaled. The smile that flashed over her face lasted not even a second, but she knew she was already in way to deep. There was no turning back now anymore.

And she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like the next time they saw each other.


	21. 21 Moving on

Hey, ich hab absolut kein Problem damit, wenn irgendwer mal einen Kommentar auf Deutsch hinterlässt. Winkt in Richtung der deutschen Leserschaft... Würde mich sogar sehr freuen!

Yes, a second chapter today! Yay! And another first person chapter. If you thought the kiss in the locker room at the PD would be it, you were wrong. So let's tag along with Eli.

Oh, and I really like this chapter. Really, really like! So I surely wouldn't mind any affirmation...

This makes me want to write an AU-story where Eli and Sofia meet under different circumstances. Oh yes! If more than five people say they'd like to read that, I'm gonna write it...

* * *

21. Moving on

I've never been more elated to have a day off. I don't want to go home yet, I've been driving about the city for hours. Okay, so I stopped and had breakfast and a huge coffee to go, which forced me to make another short stop just half an hour later to get rid of it again, but apart from that, I've been aimlessly driving around.

I wish I knew this city better, I wish I knew a place in the desert, preferably a bit shadowy, where I can just sit and think. My playlist ran through at least twice. The pack of cigarettes is empty and my lungs burn, I haven't smoked that much in a long time. Finally I do find myself parking at home. I'm way too restless to even think about sleep, so I take a shower. You know I am rich, right? So I have this walk-in shower, it's huge and I think I rented this apartment mostly because it had this amazing bathroom. It's not even that big, but it's just perfect. The shower practically dominates the room. A set of jets can be adjusted to my height and the massaging streams work wonders after a long shift. The shower head is enormous and it feels like standing under a waterfall, it's an incredible experience. I can move around in this shower without ever having to be afraid to knock my elbows into the shower screen. I wish I could say that it's quite useful to have a big shower for other activities than the usual getting clean and relaxed routine, but I haven't had that pleasure yet.

Okay, I seriously have to stop thinking what I'm thinking right now... I'm going to have to finish with some very cold water now.

See, the money doesn't make a person happy per se, but it makes so many things so much easier. And it's that feeling of safety I wouldn't want to miss. Of course, I do have a good job and I could survive solely on my salary, but it'd be hard for me to adapt. I'm used to those little luxuries. I have a cleaning lady for instance. The mineral water I prefer comes from Italy and you don't get it in just any store. I prefer eating organic fruit and vegetables and my eggs are from free range chickens and the meat I eat I select carefully and pay attention that the animals are not treated with antibiotics, do actually live outside and get proper not genetically modified feed. That they're allowed to grow at a natural pace, are transported with care and not over too large distances and that they are killed in the fastest way possible. So I spent a lot of money on food. I like fine wine, European beers and delicacies. I like to buy decent clothing. I have my favourite brands and they are expensive, so sue me. I just like to buy the things I see and like. I know very well how lucky I am to be able to do that. And I've become quite modest, I like music and books. There are way more exclusive things I could like.

Anyway, right now I feel like old faded Jeans and a tank top. And I have to get rid of that stupid sling. It hinders more than it helps. I take a quick look into the mirror. My hair is still damp and a bit mussy, the worn out jeans hang leisurely on my hips and the dark blue tank accentuates my tattoos. Now I need to find something to keep me occupied and distracts me from all that happened during the last few days..

Barefooted I step into the kitchen and take a coke from the fridge when my doorbell chimes.

I frown. I surely didn't expect any visitors today and to be honest, I'm not in the mood. I contemplate ignoring it, but it's chiming again.

Sighing, I set the can down on the kitchen counter and walk towards the door.

I open without checking and you might get my surprise when I see Sofia standing outside my apartment. Yeah, she told me she'd explain, but I didn't think it'd be so soon.

It takes her a second to regain her composure. Sure, we've seen each other quite regularly while I was off and spent a great afternoon at Lake Meade, but I think she's never before seen me in anything sleeveless. Might explain why she's staring intently at my upper arms and shoulders.

"Wow, that's something I didn't expect." She finally utters.

I smile and open the door a bit wider.

"Would you like to come in?" I offer.

She seems hesitant.

"Actually..." She trails off and stares at me, then looks away, takes a deep breath and faces me again, her expressions back in check.

Wow. I can feel the heat creep into my cheeks. The look she gave me before she broke eye contact, like I was about to be ravished. It's been a damn long time since somebody's tried to undress me with their eyes. I am flattered, I am, but I think we really need to talk now. I know that she didn't want to gaze at me like that and she caught herself soon enough, but this is not going away if we choose to ignore it, if she chooses to just be 'fine' with it. We need to talk this through, like the adults we are.

"Sophie, come on in. You don't need to hide and you don't need to be ashamed. Let's just talk, okay?"

She lets out a relieved breath and gets in. She's standing kinda lost in the middle of my living room and I think it might be better to give the two of us something to do while we try to address the matter at hand. It always makes me feel less uncomfortable than just trying to have a conversation that then feels kind of forced.

"What would you say if we threw a salad together and grilled some steaks on the patio?"

Immediately putting my words into action and not giving her a chance to object or even run, I open the fridge again and throw a packet of rucola into her direction. She barely catches it, but at least I got her out of her reverie. She smiles and asks for a colander to wash the fragile but delicious salad leaves. We work together in almost silence, just the questions about where to find what break the silence, which is much less awkward than I'd expected it to be. After all, we are friends and it's good to drag that fact back into the foreground before we start contemplating about this other thing...

I open the glass doors that lead outside, lift the hood from the gas grill and fire it up. Sofia sets the small wooden table and carries the food out from the kitchen. By now, we've both switched to beer and jazzy sounds are gently wafting through the air. We still don't talk while I prepare the steaks and mix up a quick dressing with some fresh herbs from my pots and flowerboxes. As the meat is happily sizzling away over the flames, Sofia stands beside me, looking out over the backyard behind my building and taking large gulps from her bottle.

"You know, I didn't realise what was happening. I don't know how long exactly this feeling has been building up inside of me. I've even been talking to Catherine about the obvious connection and the chemistry between you and Sara. About how much she and I would love to see the two of you overcome your issues and just be happy. You know that's what I want, right? You to be happy?"

She looks at me while I busy myself turning the steaks. I listened intently but I'm at a loss for words. Something clenches inside of me. She wants me to be happy. With someone else, though she obviously feels something for me. I want her to be happy, too.

I clear my throat.

"I think what happened this morning cleared that much up. I know that you don't want to interfere, that you want me to be happy. But it will be hard knowing that what might make me happy will hurt you. I like you way too much to see you suffer, Fia."

Another long silence follows. The midday sun is burning down on us and the sky is clear and bright blue.

I live at the outskirts of Vegas, it's quiet here and peaceful. The atmosphere suits the mood we're in. It's difficult and saddening, but it's a melancholy that hangs heavy in the air. The bitter-sweet notion that sets in when fate interferes and decides to make things more difficult than they should be.

We sit down and eat. Again we're not talking, but we tuck in hungrily like the food will give us the strength needed for a really honest and open conversation.

I drop my cutlery onto my plate and moan contently. Sofia stares at me again.

"Stop making those little sounds." She whispers.

I just look at her questioningly.

"I guess you don't even notice it, but you always make those small sounds. You moan over your food or your coffee, you groan a bit when you get up or when you're not satisfied with what you read in a report. You growl when you start getting really pissed. It's-" She stops herself and shoots me a shy glance. "Erm, are we really being honest here?" She asks out of the blue.

I nod.

"Yes, please Sofia. Like I said, I'm here, you didn't scare me off, not at all, there's no need to hide anything from me because you think I might not want to hear it. I want to, really."

"Okay, uh, so, um, it's very easy to come up with some pictures in my head at those sounds. And I don't need those, so would you eventually try to stop making them?"

Once again, I blush, even more furiously now. Well, thank you very much, now my own imagination is coming up with a very vivid scene.

"I'll make sure to remind myself." I croak out and Sofia chuckles a bit.

"Thanks, Eli."

She pauses again and closes her eyes, her face turned towards the sun.

"I need to know something."

"Anything."

"If it wasn't for Sara..."

I stop her right there. Now it's my turn to ask.

"Honestly, Sofia?"

Mimicking my reaction from earlier, she nods, never opening her eyes. I just hope she can take it. We have to be honest to get through this.

"If I wasn't already in love, we'd not be sitting here. We'd be in either of our bedrooms."

She gasps, her eyes spring open and her jaw drops.

"I really hate you right now. But I have to admit, if that kiss was any indication, and I know you just took it, you didn't react much, then Sara will be one lucky woman if she ever gets over that stupid stubbornness of hers and gives you a chance."

I smile at her and lean towards her chair a bit.

"If that kiss was any indication, I know I'm missing out on something incredibly sensational."

I can't even prepare myself before she gets up and in one swift motion straddles my thighs and crushes her lips on mine. Again. It's a bruising, passionate clash of mouths. And this time, I don't hold back. Her hands hold my head in place and mine make their way into her long blonde hair on their own account. She sucks my bottom lip into her mouth and I can't help but moan. She shudders at the sound and now I really understand what those noises do to her. She sneaks her tongue past my lips and as it meets mine the same fabulous sound is emitted from somewhere deep within her throat. My head starts spinning and I know I need to pull back. Right now, before...

"Sofia!" I exclaim and lean a bit back to put some distance between us again. Our heads at least.

Her eyes are glazed over but focused as she meets my glance. She sighs deeply but makes no indication to move off my lap. No, she bends down and catches my lips again. This time it's just a touch, a short brush.

She gets up and stands at the railing, running a hand through her hair.

"You know, I'm kinda glad I noticed this so early on. I've just started falling, I mean, I think the attraction is mostly physical so far."

She turns around a bit so she can look at me.

"I'm sorry I jumped you like that. I guess part of me thinks if I got you out of my system-" now it's her turn to blush. "-I'll manage to get a grip again, rationalize it and not fall any deeper."

Goodness, is she- did she just- is she saying that if we got it on, for once, it'll be easier for her to move on?

I take a deep breath and look away. I have to swallow before I speak.

"Sofia, I'm not made of stone, you might have noticed just a few seconds ago."

God, this is hard. There's two sides of me battling for dominance right now. One wants to respond to her offer so badly, wants to sweep her off her feet, carry her inside and - please excuse my choice of words, but it does fit here - fuck her senseless, in every way imaginable, wants her to get me out of her system as she put it and hope that it does work that way. And the other, the other side wants to shake some sense into her, tell her that it doesn't work that way, that we'd be using each other and she'd probably be even more hurt in the end.

The thing is, I am attracted to her, my body does react to her, it's not like I felt nothing kissing her. But still it'd be just wrong.

"I'm being unreasonable." She suddenly says, relieving me from answering and turns away from me again. "And I'm sorry for putting you in this situation. Eli, I know where I stand. You're in love with Sara and I have this - crush on you. I value your friendship and I don't want to lose you. I would never do anything to compromise your advance on her. I just needed you to know. Nothing will change. I might be a little distant to you for some time, until I've gotten past this attraction, but I want us to just act normal with one another. I've been rejected by people I was falling for before and I know how to get over it."

I stand up and walk over to her.

"You're amazing, Sofia Curtis. And I'll respect anything you need to do to not suffer more than you already do. And I know you do. And I will never regret kissing you."

She lifts her hand and runs it shyly over my now scarred tattoo.

"Part of me will always wonder what it would have been like, being with you." She admits.

Me too, I think, but don't say anything. And I'm glad I didn't lose myself in the moment.

"Eli, would you just hold me for a minute?"

I pull her close. She holds on to me like I was to vanish from the face of the earth if she ever let go. I hold her just as tightly. I don't know for how long she stood there like that.

Fair-weather clouds grace the sky and Norah Jones' voice drifts past my ears.

As Sofia leaves, she kisses me softly on the cheek and her smile is genuine. And I am sure we'll make it through.

* * *

So, what do you say, do those two deserve a little adventure of their own? Thanks for reading!


	22. 22 Lemons

I know this is short, but I'm really kinda busy for a change. I didn't want to leave you hanging too long, though...

* * *

22. Lemons

"Well, that looks exceptionally good. How does the PT take effect?"

The ultrasound device was taken off Eli shoulder and the Doctor pushed device to the side and looked back at Eli. She slipped her shirt back on and shrugged.

"I'm making good progress. The pain is almost completely gone and I got most of my mobility back. Strength is still an issue though. But I started to jog and go to the gym a couple of days ago. Caroline, my therapist, showed me how to strengthen my shoulder without straining it too much."

She hesitated and waited to ask the question that burned on her tongue.

"Doc, can I go back to full duty? Please tell me I can, I'm dying slowly behind that desk."

And that, for a fact, was true. She hadn't been outside the PD for almost a week now. Brass buried her in paperwork and Sofia had a caseload that almost suffocated her. It seemed that Sofia's confession had rather strengthened the friendship between her and Eli than weakened it. The blonde Detective was unexpectedly cheerful and relaxed around Eli and nothing at all hinted to her admitted attraction. Well, she was a bit less touchy, which meant she didn't touch Eli at all anymore apart from a nudge into the (intact) shoulder following rather nasty jokes, but Sofia wasn't really the type for a lot of physical contact with her friends or, heaven forbid, colleagues anyway. It was going smoothly and Eli was more than glad.

She also hadn't seen any of the CSI's, except Catherine for their usual breakfast 'date', and she hadn't exchanged a single word with Sara yet. It was like they had both come to the conclusion that their next meeting shouldn't be forced, but rather happen naturally. They were both more than a little afraid how it'd play out. Catherine had hugged her fiercely as she'd told her about the mail and had beamed at her the whole morning. She had looked oddly proud and Eli had yet to find out why Catherine appeared like she herself had made Sara write her. Sofia however was a topic she hadn't shared with anyone. She'd wait until Leonard would arrive, he had postponed his arrival for a couple of days, and tell him. She had a lot to talk about with Len.

"From a physician's point of view, there's nothing I could find that would keep you from doing your job to the full extent anymore. But I have to ask if you have completed your psychological evaluation before I can give a green light."

Eli grinned broadly. She fished a document out of her bag and handed it to the Doctor.

"There you go. My last appointment was last week and I'm obviously fine. A copy is already on my Captain's desk. So let's get this over with, shall we? I want to call and tell him to reserve an extra special case for me tonight. Actually, anything that will get me out of the pit will be just fine."

The paperwork was done quickly and Eli had informed Brass that starting tonight, she'd return to full duty. She had the impression to have heard a relieved sigh in the background that sounded a lot like Sofia being more than happy to assign her one or two of her own cases for the night, so she could work on those she already had. Why were they in already anyway? Shift didn't start until in six hours. As Brass told her to get ready and haul her finally healed ass over to them, she knew she was in for a treat. Las Vegas at its worst.

* * *

Not even two hours later, changed into work clothes, gun, badge and cuffs back in their usual place and a big fat smile plastered on her face, she arrived at her first scene. Whichever CSI had been assigned to this case wouldn't be too happy doing this dumpster dive. The dead young woman was covered in leftover food, grime and it looked like she'd already been there a day. Or rather five. The stench that hung in the night air was disgusting. Someone would smell quite bad after sorting through all this. Eli climbed up the side of the container to take a closer look as she heard David's voice behind her.

"Oh, what a great way to start the night!"

The assistant coroner joined the body in the garbage and estimated TOD but failed to find any obvious injuries or identification.

"Oh, that's just great!"

A very familiar voice near echoed David's words. Eli turned and found herself staring at a very grim looking Sara Sidle, who set the kit down beside her car and turned back around to retrieve overalls and rubber boots.

"Why is it that Grissom never warns us about those things, I could have changed at the lab." She whined.

Eli grinned.

"That's because he knows you love the element of surprise."

Sara shrugged into the blue jumpsuit and smiled despite her mood.

"It's good to see you back in the field, Eli. Well, it's good to see you anyway."

"You too Sara."

"So tell me. All I got was '419 in an alley behind the 'Planet Hollywood'."

"Hm, victim is a female Caucasian, early twenties I'd say, David estimates TOD about four days ago, no signs of trauma, no obvious injuries, no purse yet or anything else that could ID her. I'm afraid you're in for some fun tonight. Smelly fun."

She wiggled her eyebrows and grinned sardonically.

Sara glared at her but Eli couldn't stop a humorous but nonchalant smile make its way to her lips.

"You laugh as much as you like, I have work to do."

As Sara started taking pictures and then helped David getting the body out of the dumpster and onto the gurney, Eli left them with two uniforms and started questioning the onlookers and the cafe's employees, especially the dishwasher who had found the body. Two hours later Sara still rummaged through the trash as Eli knocked on the metal of the container.

"Hey Sar, I got a coffee here, wanna take a break?"

A disheveled, dirty and indeed awfully ripe smelling Sara jumped down beside her, shedding her gloves and reaching for one of the paper cups.

"I got something else for you, too." Eli snickered and winked at the confused looking CSI. Then she handed Sara a bag of lemons.

She took it and tried to growl and laugh at the same time, which ended sounding really strange.

"Oh, you're really thoughtful Detective."

"I care about my CSI's."

"Obviously." Sara replied in a sarcastic tone and frowned. She sipped at the hot beverage again before sighing.

Eli weighed the words she wanted to add carefully in her head, but decided to give it a try.

"Actually I had an agenda bringing you those." She pointed at the lemons.

"Once we're done for the night and you got a long fruity shower, would you care to join me for breakfast, CSI Sidle?"

Sara threw the cup into a trash can and dipped her head to the side as she watched Eli fidget with her own cup.

"Why not, Detective Trent."

Somewhere in the distance a low grumbling started and both women looked simultaneously up at the sky.

"Oh fuck, it's going to start raining any minute. If there is any viable evidence in that dumpster, any trace on it will be washed away."

Sara put on a new pair of gloves in a hurry. Eli stared down at herself. Couldn't she have for once decided to wear jeans and a less expensive pair of shoes for work? But the decision was already made.

"Sar, hand me some gloves, I'm going in, too."

Stunned, Sara handed her latex gloves and stared in disbelief as Eli hoisted herself into the container, but quickly followed suit.

Eli fought the bile rising in her throat as she sorted through vegetable scraps and gooey, unidentifiable leftovers of hundreds of unfinished meals. She had pushed her trousers into her socks to avoids anything fluid or sticky to get directly to her skin. Then she felt the first drops on her neck.

"Damn, it's starting."

Within minutes it was like the heavens had opened all their gates and the rain came pouring down on them. Freezing and drenched, Eli reached deeper and sorted faster through the piles and suddenly felt something solid.

"Yeah, I got it. Sara, evidence bag, I pull it out and it goes directly into the bag, let the rain get to it as little as possible. Whoa, that's a fancy purse."

She stuffed the fashionable designer purse it into the plastic wrapping and Sara climbed out and ran to the car. She bagged and tagged the leather bag properly. Eli just jumped back into the alley as Sara looked into her direction again.

In what she guessed had been a couple of hundred dollars leather jacket before it had gotten completely soaked, light grey slacks now as dark as the clouded sky in their wet state, completely manky from the knees downwards, hair clinging to her forehead and water running in little streams over her face stood Eli Trent, ridding herself of the latex gloves and shaking her head. Sara watched as Eli raised her eyes to the sky and let out a loud "Damn you!"

She couldn't stop staring. Brown eyes sparkled in the light of the street lamps, raindrops got caught in eyelashes and Eli blinked the moisture away but kept glancing up as if deep in thought. She didn't even seem to mind the rain anymore. Sara wondered what went through the woman's head. Then she saw Eli catching raindrops with her tongue like a kid did during a warm summer rain in childish friskiness and the meanwhile familiar warmth settled in her stomach region again and she allowed it to. She let her glance linger a few seconds more, then shook her head and she willed her mind back into work-mode. As she safely secured the little evidence and her kit in the car, Eli slid into the passenger seat.

"Well, that's certainly been a unique experience and I hope there won't ever be a repeat performance."

She coughed still tasting the bile in her mouth and squinched up her face.

Sara opened the glove box and offered her a strong cinnamon gum.

"That'll make it bearable. Chew slowly."

"Oh, thanks, you're a lifesaver."

"No." Sara smiled cunningly and ripped the bag filled with lemons open, throwing a couple into Eli's lap.

"Now I am."

"Aw, you're so sweet, Sidle!" Eli faked a thankful face and scowled.

Sara laughed. "And I hate to brake it to you, I'm not sweet, I stink and so do you. See you in the morgue after a shower?"

"Yeah, sure."

Eli readied herself to exit the truck and get back into the pouring rain to get to her own car before she turned and faced Sara again.

"Er, Sar?"

"Yep?"

"It's good to see you smile again."

"Oh, get out, Trent."

Sara ushered her out of the car with a smile.

Before the door closed behind Eli she added low under her breath:

"It does feel good, too."


	23. 23 Backing out

I'm terribly sorry for the multiple mistakes in the last chapter, I must have been awfully tired, I'm usually better than that and edit more thoroughly. So, there'll be two chapters today, so this A/N applies to both.

Anyway, I hope you didn't think that everything will work out just fine, now that it seems like they're back on good terms. Oh no, that'd be far too simple... And let's welcome Leonard back to Vegas and see what happens when you mix gorgeous with handsome and stir a bit! If you know what I mean. More of that in chapter 25...

* * *

23. Backing out

Eli dried herself off and sniffed at the towel. Her skin was red and sensitive from scrubbing and the hot water. Half an hour under the shower, half a bottle of 'Body and Hair', several lemons later and still she caught a faint whiff of dumpster/decomp in the damp terry cloth. Sighing, she fished her emergency change of clothes out of her locker and got dressed in simple dark jeans and a black tank top and applied vast amounts of deodorant. It wasn't really appropriate to show off her inked skin at work, so she went searching for a PD hoodie and pulled it over her head as she walked down to the parking lot to drive over to the lab and see what Doc had to say about their victim.

The rain had stopped and the night air was fresh and moist, she rolled the windows of her department issued sedan down and allowed herself to smoke on the drive over.

Something had changed. It had been so easy to joke around, Sara's protective walls were still high up, but the bitterness and resentment were gone from her voice and her expression. She'd seen something she'd thought she'd lost long ago as Sara had smirked and returned her teasing remarks. Her friend. The woman who had once put all her trust in Eli, who had appealed to her more reasonable, more mature side, who spoke to her through her intellect, her will and her attractiveness, who she'd spent some of the most memorable hours of her life with.

She arrived at the lab and went down to the morgue, where she found Doc Robbins and Sara already deep in conversation, bent over the now cleaned body.

"Detective." Al Robbins acknowledged her presence and motioned her to step closer. She hated autopsies. The smell of blood and sawed bones mixed with the still present stench of decomp made her gag once again, but she approached the table nonetheless, swallowing hard.

"Doc, Sara."

Robbins continued explaining his findings, which were limited, at best.

"Like David already pointed out, there are no obvious wounds at first sight. We sent her clothing to trace and washed her. It was only then I found a needle mark on her hip. I checked her inner organs but they are intact and unharmed as well. Tox screen is still pending but judging by the size of her pupils I'd say she died of an overdose."

While Doc explained, Eli gagged once more and started breathing through her mouth to fight the nausea. Out on the streets she could take anything, any sight of mutilated, sickly twisted bodies, any onslaught to her senses, yet smells still got to her. In the confined space of the morgue it was even worse. It disgusted her. Suddenly she felt a soft hand settling on the small of her back, calming her by drawing little circles over her sweater. The touch was gentle and reassuring but did much more to Eli then just pacifying her. Every motion tingled through the two layers of clothes and goosebumps slowly covered her back. A wave of heat ran up her spine and even in the cold air of the morgue, she started to perspire. God, she hated how her body reacted to even the lightest touch coming from Sara. It was neither the time nor the place to start fantasizing about what-if's, they hadn't even talked yet and all Eli wanted was to reestablish any kind of bond, friendship before thinking about anything else. Her body however was far ahead of her mind as she leaned just the slightest bit back into the touch.

She tried to keep following what was being said but found it increasingly difficult to concentrate since Sara put more pressure behind her gesture, obviously thinking Eli had leaned back to silently tell her that she needed the contact to help keep her stomach contents to herself.

Suddenly her stomach really churned, but it wasn't from the smell. Ice cold fear gripped her. Sara's hand on her back, Sara's laughter at the crime scene. A chance, a beginning of sorts, yet there was so much that had gone wrong. What if, somewhere deep inside her, the woman she had been still lingered and waited for her chance to return to the surface? What if she hurt Sara again, even if it wasn't on purpose?

Gladly that had been all Doc could tell them so far and she almost fled the basement, stormed through the doors leading behind the building and lit up the second she stepped outside. The familiar rasp of the smoke in her throat calmed her considerably and she sighed, admitting to herself once again just how addicted she was. She heard the door open and close again and noticed out of the corner of her eyes that Sara was quickly walking towards her.

"Eli, are you okay?" The genuine worry in Sara's voice filled her with oppressive discomposure.

"Yeah, ya, I just hate autopsies. It all feels tenfold down there and I feel trapped. Please, give me a second, I'll be right in."

But instead of retreating and leaving her alone to let her pull herself together again, Sara stepped closer, took the cigarette from her hand, crushed it out with her heel and pulled Eli into a gentle embrace.

"I think being alone isn't what you need right now. Come on, relax for a second and then we'll work on this case."

She couldn't do that now. Being so understanding, holding her like that, even if it was just a friendly gesture. Eli was barely holding it together, the possibilities all spread out before her and suddenly she wasn't sure that she was able to live them.

"What I need..." Eli tried to get out of Sara's arms, the sudden closeness suffocating her, giving all the bottled up emotions a chance to bubble up at once. They had been simmering under the surface for too long, increasing to a boil since she'd come to Vegas and met Sara again and now they boiled over. So close, too close after so much time, the warmth and safety Sara tried to convey, her touches like burns.

"I got you, calm down."

She didn't have her. She was making an effort. A well-meant one, for sure, but it still was an effort.

"I don't want to calm down!" Anger, fear, anticipation, guilt, she wanted to push Sara away, telling her she didn't deserve her worry, didn't deserve her caring, but then she just wanted her even closer, wanted to get under her skin, forget talking, forget slowly trying to reconcile, forget her fears that built up so strongly, just wanted to kiss her and be told that everything was going to be alright. She took half a step back, but didn't let got nor allowed Sara to let completely go of her.

"Damn you Waves! I missed you, I fucking missed you every freakin' single day of the last ten years. I NEVER wanted to hurt you, I never wanted it all to happen that way! All that pride and arrogance, always getting what I wanted through whichever ways I had to find to make it work out right for me, and just for me. Never caring how much pain or harm I caused others to suffer through what I did until that day. I never understood. And then I did and I was so scared, that day I understood everything, every move I ever made, everyone I ever cheated on or made cheat on someone else. Everyone I ever deceived, tricked, bribed, convinced with money or my damned sneaky sweet-talking tongue. And then there was you, the sad, poor kid with the scholarship, fighting hard for every penny, working so desperately to wrestle your way out of the remnants of your past. We didn't fit at all and yet we had so much in common. You were so good, so pure despite all life had put you through. I never had to suffer a day in my life, I had it all and yet I felt nothing. Not until I met you. But still I kept on doing what I did so, so well, because I never thought I'd deserve you, in any way, not even your friendship, nor your trust and least of all your love. And I loved you, goddammit, I loved you. And it scared the fuck out of me. So I ran, I didn't know what I was supposed to do and I ran. Claire was my responsibility, the second I got involved with her. But I couldn't protect her, I failed her, I failed you and I ran instead of trying to at least pick up the pieces and be a better person for once. And she killed herself."

Eli choked and though she didn't trust her voice anymore, she kept on talking, croaky, on the verge of tears she didn't want to cry.

"She killed herself and that was my fault. You hated me and I had done everything wrong, I made every mistake a person could do. You were right, I don't deserve a second chance. You are right and Catherine is wrong. I have changed, there is nothing left of the bastard I have been, but still I'm afraid, I'm scared that one day I'm going to hurt you again. I couldn't live with myself if that happened, you mean too much to me."

Sara just stood there, gawking, overwhelmed. Speechless. Their eyes met and the amount of guilt and concern in Eli's beautiful chocolate browns was tearing at the seams of Sara's remaining anger and resent for everything that had happened. The traces of doubt in Sara's glance must have been all too visible to Eli, because she retreated further until Sara's hands slipped off her sweater and they both stood alone. Eli fished another cigarette out of her pack, turned her back to the investigator and Sara heard a click and the sound of the Zippo's knurl. Eli inhaled deeply and blew a heavy cloud of smoke into the night air.

Her voice was empty as she addressed Sara again.

"Go in. Leave me alone. Process the evidence so we can find out whatever happened to that poor woman. I'm going back to the PD and check for missing persons who fit the description. Fax anything you got over, I need to see the tox screen results once it comes back."

Back to business. So this was it? One great outburst of emotion, the beginning of an explanation, the basis they had needed to start talking, to even begin processing the events that had brought them here and Eli just gave up? Left her to wonder, wanting, needing to understand, to talk, and all she got was a dismissal? A sudden change to absolute professionalism? Ten years of regret, change, ten years of devoted work, passionately making amends through her job choice, her self-imposed goals, her refraining from the wrongs of her past and she just gave up? Sara's hands started to shake lightly.

Eli even fueled her confusion.

"Believe me, you're better off without me. Call me if something new comes up. I'll be at my desk."

And Eli started walking around the building and towards the parking lot.

* * *

"What's wrong with you? You look dead on your feet! What happened?"

Of course, Sofia. She had to notice. It's the things you notice when you fall for someone, don't you?

"Leave me alone, Fia!I don't want to talk to you. Actually, I don't even want you around right now!"

She knew that her words hurt. She wanted them to hurt, she wanted to lash out and inflict pain on someone else, she could barely stand, she had just blown each and every chance to find common grounds with Sara again into the wind. She still tried to convince herself that it was for the best.

"You know I won't leave you alone, you should know me that well by now. You pressed on when I didn't want to talk to you, now I won't simply let this go because you're in a mood. Come on, spill it."

"Sofia, you so don't want to go there right now. I give you one fair warning. If you continue bugging me, you'll regret it and I'll regret it. Now is not the time."

Sofia waged her next move carefully. Anger, pure anger and infinite desperation oozed from Eli. She looked worn out and her simple jeans and LVPD hoodie added to her rugged appearance. Something had happened.

Goodness, Eli had worked a case with Sara. Sofia Curtis groaned and knew what she had to do. It already hurt, but this was her friend.

"Alright, I leave it for now. But you and I are going for breakfast after shift."

Eli tried to protest, but Sofia just waved it away.

"If you don't comply or simply don't appear, I'm going to get Catherine and we'll come to your place. Whatever just happened, I don't like it, I don't like it at all. You look like you just made a fuckin' stupid mistake. You, me, talk, after shift. Wait for me by your car."

Eli growled, but she knew she wouldn't be able to avoid that conversation.

"Yes, Ma'am."

Sofia smiled and forced herself to cup Eli cheek. She felt the woman needed the reassurance and though it was hard and she felt her heart starting to gallop in her chest at the simple gesture, she drove her thumb over Eli's cheekbone.

"Stop chastening yourself for the past."

As sudden as it had come, the hand was withdrawn from Eli's face. How had she known? How did she do that, just not knowing what it was all about and still be able to find exactly the right words? Leave her thankful and suddenly looking forward to talking to someone, even though she knew it wasn't easy for her, Sofia had become a real friend.

Friend! Leonard was supposed to arrive tonight...


	24. 24 Pep talks

24. Pep talks

It was seven in the morning and Leonard Einstein stood, patiently waiting, at the CSI front desk. He desperately tried to not look like he'd just spent the whole night awake and still wore the same clothes he had put over 24 hours ago now. But the crinkles in his dark grey shirt just wouldn't flatten and his jeans had an unaesthetic coffee stain on the thigh. He knew he had a stubble and really didn't look very presentable. But Eli had messaged him that she'd be having breakfast with a friend and something had gone wrong between her and Sara just as he'd arrived at McCarran. His gut had directed him right to the lab. He knew about the mail and just how excited Eli had been, but now she'd just sounded beat, if he read right what was said between the lines. He needed to see Sara before he went to Eli's. And there was this little voice in his head that repeated over and over again: _You might see Catherine..._

"Mr. Einstein!"

Oh, well, yeah! His heart skipped a beat and now he was absolutely sure he was in trouble. Catherine Willows smiled broadly, strawberry blonde hair in light curls, low cut purple blouse, tight black slacks, hips swaying softly as she approached him.

"Miss Willows', it's- a genuine pleasure to see you again."

She leaned in and kissed his cheek chastely, bracing her hand on his chest.

"Eli didn't mention you were visiting Vegas again. But it sure is a nice surprise. What brings you to the lab? Det. Trent should be at the PD, shift's not over yet."

"Actually, I didn't plan on coming here, but I need to see a, uh, friend first."

The receptionist handed him a visitor pass and his identification back.

Catherine silently wondered what this was about and whom Leonard could know. Then Sara turned a corner and as soon as she saw Leonard she froze mid-move and looked utterly perplexed. But it was too late to hide, he'd already seen her. Cath frowned and her glance flickered between Leonard and Sara.

Leonard looked a bit anxious and Sara had put her typical stoic expression back on.

"And there she is, just the person I was looking for." He spoke into Sara's direction and gestured her to wait a moment, before he turned towards Catherine again.

"Miss Willows, do you have any plans for tonight already? I thought we could go out and have a drink. Eli, you, me and whoever would like to join us, it'd be great to get to know the people Eli works with. Would it be possible to convince you?"

Maybe she'd get an explanation then. And she honestly looked forward to spend a little more time with Leonard.

"I'd love to. And please call me Catherine."

"Catherine." He repeated and loved how her name sounded when he spoke it. "Why don't you come over before, say around seven, no take out this time, I'll cook and then we'll go out."

"You'll cook?" She seemed honestly surprised.

"I was told I'm not too bad at that, though Eli is the real artist."

She grinned.

"Alright, seven it is. I'm sorry, I got a lot of work to do. See you then."

And she sauntered away into the maze of glass-wall lined corridors of the lab.

Leonard exhaled, he was definitely looking forward to this evening. Now that was settled, on to more serious things.

Sara still stood frozen at the corner.

"Hi Sara." He greeted her.

"Hello Leonard." Her tone was cold. She was confused about his sudden emergence, even more so after what had happened this night. He couldn't possibly already know.

"Uh, do you have a minute? I'd like to talk to you."

Sara shrugged and decided just to listen and find out what that was all about. She pointed to the break room and started walking towards it, Leonard at her heels.

She poured both of them a coffee and mentioned him to sit down.

"What happened tonight, Sara?"

She groaned and buried her head in her hands.

"Look, I don't know a thing really, I just arrived an hour ago and as I turned my phone on again I had a message from Eli. Saying nothing concrete, just that something had gone wrong between the two of you today. I came here on a hunch that it'd be important that I talked to you before I meet Eli. When's your shift over?"

Sara scowled, but was somehow glad Leonard had appeared. He would know what could possibly drive Eli to say the things she had said.

"In about an hour. And I got no leads on my case so far, so there's no need for overtime today."

"Then I'd suggest we'd have breakfast together. Preferably somewhere Eli wouldn't go, since she's doing the same thing with a friend, at least she told me that."

The wheels started turning in Sara's head. Who would Eli talk with? Catherine hadn't shown any sign that she knew anything yet. Sofia. She'd talk to Sofia.

"I know a place. I gotta... I have to finish up. Stay here, have another coffee if you like. I'll pick you up as soon as I'm done."

* * *

"Argh, Eli! You screwed up big time! God, what have you been thinking?"

Sofia's fork had clattered down on her plate as Eli had told her what scene had taken place behind the CSI building.

They stared each other down, angry blue eyes unblinkingly locked with defiant brown ones.

They ate in silence.

They ordered beer, their coffees untouched.

"I don't fall for fools, so I know you aren't one. I get your fear, Eli, I do, believe me. But the person you're so afraid of isn't you anymore. You won't be able to avoid hurting Sara, just to make that clear. But not in the ways you are fearing the most. But you will hurt her. You will forget about a meeting because you're wrapped up in work. You will say something and she'll completely miss the meaning and be royally mad at you. For a minute, an hour, hell even for a couple of days. Should you ever become involved, romantically, that is, there are even more traps. You'll spoil a date by picking the wrong restaurant, eating half-raw steaks in front of her, getting drunk too fast, you'll be tired when she isn't, if you get my drift on that one, you'll argue about scattered clothes in the living room or dishes piling up beside an empty dishwasher. You'll get angry and say things you'll regret the second you say them, but the thing is, you are aware that they were wrong. You know your flaws better than most people ever will. Because you spent a quarter of your life on reversing them."

"I-"

"Don't say a thing, I'm not done yet! Do you trust me, Eli!"

"I think I do, yeah."

"Then close your eyes and tell me what you see."

"The insides of my eyelids." Eli snapped, still annoyed and angry.

"Smartass!"

"I see her, I always see her."

A warm hand settled on her chest, right above her heart.

"What do you feel seeing her, in here?" The hand pressed down a bit. Sofia's voice was soft now, and tinged with a tiny bit of sadness, but even and firm.

"Fear, love, doubt, amazement." Eli enumerated honestly.

"You're allowed to be afraid, you're allowed to have doubts. I you wouldn't after all the two of you have been through, you'd be a heartless, self-absorbed bitch. And hey, you've been there, done that. Not anymore. What's important are the other two. She amazes you? Hold on to that feeling the next time you see her. You love her? Then there's nothing left to say for me but: get her, tiger!"

Eyes still closed, Sofia's hand still resting on her chest, Eli smiled, suddenly giddy, that was something only Sofia could say without making it sound extremely clichéd.

"Get her, tiger?"

The hand was withdrawn and Eli blinked and stared at a pouting blonde back on her seat across from her in the booth.

Eli grinned.

"You're lovely when you look like that. And yeah, fuck, you're right, but it seems so hard."

"Trent, if anything remotely connected to the big feeling that is love would be easy, we'd both not be sitting here. I'd still be with my first love and you'd already be celebrating your tenth or eleventh anniversary with Sara."

Now Eli outright laughed.

"How do you do that, Sophie? You, and Catherine for her part, you know always what to say to make me feel at almost complete ease with anything that's bugging me."

"You should know that it's always easier to give others advice or stuff their faces right into what they should understand than using that knowledge for one self."

"True."

"I know." Sofia grinned smugly. "And what would be my reward for guiding you back on the right path or better, setting your head straight? Half an hour of wildly making out in the backseat of my car?"

Eli's jaw dropped significantly.

"You wish, Curtis..." She squinted her eyes as Sofia leaned a bit over the table.

"Actually, yes. Could be really somewhat satisfying for me, taking into account your previous experiences, I wonder how many times-" She leaned back and crossed her arms in front of her chest, cockily leering as Eli screeched and threw her hands in the air.

"Aaaahhh, stop it, Sofia. Pictures, pictures!"

"Glad to make you share my suffering for at least a minute or so." Still she smiled.

"You're such a tease, Curtis, and it's getting you nowhere. First you give me possible relationship advice in all honesty and then-" Sofia waved and Eli stopped talking.

"Aw, shut up! Are you feeling better now?"

"Considerably. No, I feel much better."

"And you're laughing, that's what I wanted to hear."

Eli pursed her lips and nodded. "Yeah..."

Then a shocked expression of insight ran across Eli's features.

" God, how am I ever going to apologize? I can't back down like that and pretend like nothing ever happened the next day and just act normal again."

"Think of something out of the ordinary. Take her some place special and apologize there. You got the money, you can make almost anything happen."

"Sara doesn't care about money." Frowning, Eli tipped her fingers over her mouth at a slow pace, thinking.

"That's why I said make it special, make it count. Make it so she forgets about what it might have cost you because she's so enthralled that she doesn't even start to think about it."

"Sofia, you're a piece of gold!"

"Ts, I already knew that!"

* * *

"You're not eating." Leonard forked up another piece of maple syrup-soaked pancake while Sara only picked at her omelet.

"I'm not really hungry. Just repeating those words makes me nauseous. And so mad." She sighed deeply.

"Tell me Leonard, you know her, I mean, really _know_ her, what makes her tick. Why would she fight so hard for another chance and the moment I'm giving it to her, start to open up, accept that there is more than just a slight possibility for us to become friends again, she retreats so vehemently? Why?" Sara shook her head and absent-mindedly sipped her lukewarm coffee.

Leonard smiled, irritating Sara even more. He stuffed a couple of melon chunks into his mouth and chewed. He liked Sara. Genuinely. He could only imagine how she must have been like when she was in her early twenties, what a challenge she must have represented for Eli, and still did. He swallowed and set his fork down, folding his hands over the plate, elbows propped up on the table. Sara seemed lost in thought as the diner buzzed loudly around them with the morning business, orders were barked into the kitchen, the coffee maker gurgled, announcing a fresh load was almost finished, people chatted excitedly between bites of toasts, scrambled eggs or pancakes and the bell over the entrance door chimed every few seconds. He took a deep breath.

"You're smart, you know the answer already, she gave it to you. Process what she said again, as if it was evidence and take into account everything that brought you here, from the day you met up until today."

Sara gazed at him bleakly. The major events between them during the last twelve-and-then-some years rushed through her head. Meeting, finding a connection, common grounds, becoming friends, fighting like the cat and dog they were, Eli's attitude, her own feelings, telling her her deepest truths, attraction, denial, then being deceived, losing Claire, hate, despise, hurt, anger, meeting again, Eli a mere shadow of her former self, more anger, then Vegas. A different woman, yet so much more herself than ever before, doubt, still so much anger, faint hope, renewed attraction, observing, evaluating, approaching, trying, reconnecting, being pushed away.

"Sara, do you think she might hurt you again one day?"

She raised her head to meet Leonard's questioning gaze.

"Oh yes, I do."

He cocked his head.

"Still you wrote that mail, are willing to give her a chance?"

"Yes." Sara's expression was stern and focused.

"Are you afraid?"

"Terrified." That was easy to admit. Yes, Eli sure wasn't the only one scared shitless at times.

"Why did you do it anyways?"

"Because I want to believe that it won't happen again. That she's really learned from her mistakes."

Sara had never thought that she might be the one taking the leap of faith.

"Believe me, she has. And you are obviously much stronger than Eli is right now. She's trying to protect you from a side of her that doesn't even exist anymore. Face it, Sara, she loves you so much that even the mere thought of her eventually ever hurting you again, on any kind of level is killing her."

"But if we never try then we'll never know. And we'll always be wondering what could have happened, if it might have worked out fine in the end. That hurts, too! It hurts even more than trying and failing." She spit those words out angrily.

"Then go and tell her exactly that. That it already hurts, that her denial, her false sense of protectiveness hurts."

Sara looked down at her wobbly and cold breakfast and nodded.

"Thank you, Leonard."

He smiled warily and gently placed his hand over Sara's on the scratched PVC table cover.

"Oh, you're welcome, Sara. I love that woman, she is my best friend. I can't be happy as long as she is not."

Smiling, Sara scrutinized Leonard.

"And you think I can do that, make her happy?"

He gave her hand a little squeeze.

"Depends on what you are really feeling. She loves you, with all her heart. She'd settle for a friendship, but that wouldn't be happiness, that would just offer a certain piece of mind. So what do you feel."

"I'm not sure." Sara hesitated. "I did miss her. I missed my friend, the Eli I trusted. But I also missed the feelings she aroused in me. She broke my heart in more ways than one. I am attracted to her, there definitely is no denying it. I don't know if I love her though."

"What if she just came up to you and kissed you, right here, right now?"

He withdrew his hand, giving her a moment to think.

Anticipation, glee even flooded through Sara. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine. Eli, in her stainless, perfect shirt, her flattering well-tailored slacks, a bright smile on her face, walking up to her with that unmistakable, gentle swagger. Her stomach fluttered and she felt her cheeks grow hot. Eli's hand caressing her face with a warm and enticing touch, leaning in, ever so slowly. A shy brush of lips leaving a tingle, the tingle quickly transforming into hunger. Oh my...

"God!" She exclaimed, her eyes flying wide open.

Leonard grinned.

"You look a little flushed, Miss Sidle, should I be worried, are you catching a cold or something?"

She groaned. "Not funny, Leonard."

"Now think what the real thing would do to you. I think you have your answer."

"Yeah-", she replied with a raspy voice. "I most certainly do."

* * *

Thanks for reading...


	25. 25 An almost perfect match

Hot off the press, the mid-week special...

I already told you what this one is going to be about.

More soonish.

* * *

25. An almost perfect match

Eli was glad that Leonard was back around. They had spent the morning talking and talking and talking until they'd both fallen asleep on the couch, peaceful in each other's arms, like so many times before. The mail, the fall out, Sofia's pep talk. They had talked about everything except Leonard's interference in speaking with Sara. It was Eli's responsibility to make it up to her, she didn't need to know that Sara was already willing to forgive her. And much more even. But this was supposed to be hard on Eli, she had yet made another mistake.

They woke up in the afternoon, cleaning the apartment up, the music blaring out of the speakers, Eli was happy that Leonard had planned for a little distraction and wondered how he had gotten a hold of Catherine, but she looked forward to a relaxed dinner and some hours at a bar. She contemplated asking Sofia and Greg to join them, but dismissed the thought as she saw Leonard's starry-eyed look as he mentioned Catherine. That was just too cute. Just the three of them would be fine.

All freshened up, they went to the market and the store and started preparing.

Eli hugged Catherine as she opened the door for her, they shared a smile, then Catherine proceeded to greet Leonard with a peck on the cheek.

"Mmmh, this smells amazing. What are you cooking?" Catherine asked as she peeked over Leonard's shoulder into the kitchen.

"I'm cooking Italian, Ossobuco and egg plant gratineed. You'll like it. There's some wine over at the couch, I need a couple of minutes here."

He busied himself in the kitchen while Catherine and Eli sat down and Eli poured Catherine some Cabernet Sauvignon.

"Do you have to work tonight or are you off, Cath?"

"I'm off, thank goodness. First day in a week." She grinned and leaned back.

"I have all intention to get happily drunk today and enjoy this evening."

"What about Linds?" inquired Eli, knowing that Catherine would usually spent every waking moment of her day off with her daughter, especially when she got caught up in too much work before.

"I sacrificed my sleep today. We went to the mall, buying stuff for her school trip, had milkshakes and then she forced me to play some online game with her, that I didn't quite grasp... Now she is off with my sister and her nephew to some birthday party. She'll be fine. She'll fall asleep on the drive back and I already see my sis struggling to get her out of the car and into bed."

"Well, unfortunately I have to work. So I'm going to have to leave the two of you alone at some point. You think you'll manage? Spending time alone with grumpy Lenny over there?"

Eli pointed towards the kitchen, where Leonard whistled while he stirred the sauce, not appearing grumpy at all.

"We'll be fine. He's a great guy, and I'll take good care of him." Catherine smiled mischievously and added:

"I really like him."

"Oh, I can see that." Eli paused and looked at Catherine with a frown on her face.

"Cath?"

The blonde turned around and saw Eli's serious expression.

"What is it, Eli?"

"Catherine, whatever you do, don't play with him. I know you're both grown-ups, I know you're both attracted to each other and you told me yourself that you're dating history isn't the best. Leonard didn't have the best of luck with relationships so far. He's been hung up with his playground love for most of his life, they never got together. He and I... We had a time when we compensated for our losses and had that friends with benefits routine going, I already told you. He is a good guy, one of the best you can find in this messed up world. Don't hurt him. I know I'm a little overprotective of him and I'm not insinuating anything here, it's just a friendly advice."

"I know how much you love him, Eli, it's obvious. I won't. We'll see where it goes. To be honest, the second I understood who he was, I mentally put a big 'don't even go there' on him, but I've been thinking about this and I've only seen him, what, twice while he was here last time? He's younger, he lives in Cali, I have Lindsey to think about, I don't know if this will go anywhere."

"You know, you don't need my permission. I was just thinking..."

"I know, but he's not just anyone."

Eli scrutinized Catherine. Boy, she didn't believe in love at first sight, but those two...

Leonard's voice boomed through the room.

"Ladies, dinner's ready. Would you please come over?" He beamed and motioned them to sit down at the already set table, steaming food waiting for them.

It was delicious. The meat was tender and fell off the bone, the sauce was savoury and just a bit hot and the egg plant was soft and the parmesan on top crunchy. A real treat.

Catherine and Leonard talked through the whole meal. She'd be able to write a biography on both of them after tonight. And Catherine was being immensely honest. She just left out the addiction part. And Leonard was a better than she had been as Catherine mentioned her former job. No glazed over eyes betrayed him imagining Catherine doing what she used to do. He just curiously asked how it had happened that she became a crime scene investigator. That was when she mentioned Lindsey. She showed Leonard a picture.

"She looks a lot like you. She'll turn out to be a beautiful woman one day. And a smart one. She's got that same glimmer in her eyes." He stated honestly and Catherine looked amazed.

"Well, she really is smart. And thank you." Cath replied and got once again lost in Leonard's eyes.

Eli and Leonard had a moment alone as they cleaned the kitchen.

"Eli..."

"Hm, handsome?"

" I really like her. Tell me that I'm being stupid, but I think she does too. This is not flirting, this is preparing for something to happen. Something were both not sure of and something that will happen far too quickly."

Eli stopped wiping the work surfaces and turned to Leonard, frowning.

"She's got a lot of responsibilities. But she's a wonderful person." Those words came out hesitantly, Eli just didn't know what to say. "What do you think, Len?"

"Oh, you wouldn't want to know. I'm getting ahead of myself here. She's touched something inside me, I can't explain it, it's so different from anything I've ever experienced."

"God, you've got it bad. Are you serious Leonard?"

"I think I am." He looked over to the couch where Catherine sipped on her coffee and smiled.

He patted Eli on the shoulder.

"Come on, let's go out. I feel like dancing and you have to be at work in three hours. Let's make the best of it."

Eli hugged him fiercely.

"I love you, Lenny. I know whatever you do, you'll have thought it through before. So will she."

"I know. I love you, too, precious."

"Miss Willows, would you like to dance?" Leonard held out his hand as he and Eli returned from the dance floor, panting and laughing happily. Catherine had watched them closely while she nursed her third drink. It was obvious from the way they danced that the two of them had been lovers. And both very good dancers. They moved in complete synch, gracefully and with ease. There was less space between them than usual and it was clear that Leonard was the only person Eli was absolutely comfortable with. They didn't need words to communicate, she had seen them exchange glances that held whole sentences. The burning was back. Yet she wasn't completely sure what to do about it yet.

"I'd love to. Let's see how good you really are." She took his hand and he rose it to his mouth and gently kissed the back of it. Catherine shivered at the gentlemanly gesture. So different from anyone she'd met so far. They fell into a standard routine. He really was a good dancer. They moved around effortlessly and quick, stunning the other occupants of the dance floor, which moved hastily aside to give them more space.

Laughingly they returned to the table, sitting down on either side of Eli, but their glances lingered on each other.

"Guys, I'm going to fetch one final drink and then I'm out of here. I got to get to work."

She left the table and chuckled inwardly at their non-reaction.

"That was quite a dance, Miss Willows..."

Leonard had come to a decision. It was worth it. Maybe his life would take a new turn, maybe it wouldn't. Maybe she'd deny him, maybe she really felt the same. What was it that Sara had said? If you never try then you'll never know.

"Please, Leonard, will you please call me Catherine?" The blonde pleaded and reached for her almost empty glass across the table, the action bringing her much closer to Leonard. Stopping in the middle of her move, green eyes met hers as she lifted up her gaze to look at Leonard. His warm and large hand rose slowly and softly covered her own, then fingertips lightly ran up her arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake and a tremble she just couldn't escape ran through Catherine. The hand finally found her cheek and settled there.

_This __might be so wrong! _Catherine's clouded mind screamed at her as she involuntarily leaned into the fleeting, soft touch. _He's so young... But he's gorgeous! He's Eli's best friend... But look into those emerald eyes! _Eyes that came closer every second. Catherine gasped as a thumb started caressing her lower lip. Her eyes fluttered shut and open again. Afraid, not scared. Anticipating, hoping, daring, waiting, what will happen? What's supposed to happen? Is she supposed to make the reasonable decision and pull back? Decline what she desired? Because, oh, she did desire this, him. Such full lips on a man, so soft a touch, so kind but fiery the sparkle in his eyes. There was no decision left to be made. Catherine Willows was smitten, and she'd be a fool not to try and see where it might lead her.

"Catherine-" he emphasized calling her by her first name again, "I'm gonna kiss you right now, right here and don't you dare to close your eyes, don't you dare to hesitate, don't even think about any way to escape me now."

Two pairs of open eyes, one like a fir tree in the early spring, one like the sea on a stormy summer's day. Lush lips meet in the softest of tangle, barely touching, no roughness, no desperate need, just a simple touch that settles in the mind first, then wanders to the stomach, causing it to somersault wildly just to settle down somewhere much lower, with a weird persistence. It was not going to get away. It's just a kiss! Was it?

Eyes fixed upon hers, Leonard's lips lingered, then withdrew from Catherine's. Slowly she got up, pushed the one empty chair that still separated them to the side. Closing the distance, she sank down on his lap, facing him. Thigh muscles flexed under her, the first sign of nervousness from Leonard. As she cupped his face with both hands, his breathing became erratic. He parted his lips just a little bit and breathed through his mouth. Catherine thought she'd never seen a more beautiful man. The two day stubble felt surprisingly soft under her palms. He still held her gaze or did she hold his? Her thumbs wandered over his eyebrows, around his eyes, down his cheeks and finally drew the contours of his parted lips.

A strangled whimper escaped her as the tip of his tongue met her finger.

"Catherine." He whispered around her thumb. Her name a caress the way he said it.

Every last bit of self-restraint forgotten, she bent down and crashed their lips together in a bruising kiss. Unabashedly hungry she nipped at his bottom lips, begging for more, begging for entrance which he joyfully granted. Tongues meet and a fire was set ablaze. Devouring, demandingly they explored every inch of each other's mouths. Strong hands tangled in strawberry blond tresses, lean feminine fingers tilted a head back, cherry red lips kissed and nipped and nibbled down a jaw line, giving them both a moment to catch their breaths.

A second later they broke apart, eyes wide, pupils dilated and they stared at each other. As if not believing the feral quality of the moment they'd just shared.

Eli stood in a corner at the far end of the bar, it was dimly lit here, she almost disappeared in the shadows. A content smile on her lips, she watched the scene that unfolded before her eyes. Lost in another kiss, Catherine and Leonard shared a connection that had been instant, and instantly been noticed by Eli. She took another sip from her Coke and sighed. It seemed she did a lot of sighing lately. There was nothing she wished Leonard more than finally finding happiness in a woman's arms after years and years of searching and disappointment. Though the combination seemed somewhat strange at first sight, there was something that told Eli that they fitted. Catherine and Leonard. Divided by a state, 8 years in age and a teenage kid which meant the world to Catherine, she still thought they were an almost perfect match. Both passionate, both honest and sensible about their feelings. It could grow, even over the distance. Eli knew that if Leonard committed to something, he did it fully, no playing around, no holding the other at arm's length.

Catherine settled back into a chair beside Leonard, still looking at him, but knowing that making out like that in a public place wasn't the wisest thing to do. Their hands though, entwined on top of the table, continued the game.

Eli walked over.

Smiling, she put a hand on Leonard's shoulder and the other on Catherine's back. She bent down and looked at them, one after the other.

"Behave, guys. There's still so much time. I'm outta here. Go, dance a bit more. Have a great night."

Both looked up at her and smiled. She sighed and turned to leave. They would figure it out.

* * *

Awww, I really like them together...


	26. 26 There'll be an us

Okay, this is a little bit longer than usual. And gosh, it was difficult. I bet tomorrow I find that a few of my hairs have turned grey. But I hope it was worth it.

On a personal note: I don't like and don't see Sara too angsty. I think that privately, she can be much more straightforward than most give her credit for. And with Eli, there's nothing left to be afraid of anymore, no secrets left unsaid, I mean those she usually tries to hide, which gives me more opportunity to take a look how she'd be with someone that had once already been let in the world behind the walls and defense mechanisms. She's hidden herself and hated long enough. There has been a shift in their relationship. Now Eli is the insecure one. And I like a strong Sara. I really do. And I don't think it's OOC. I think of that cocky: "You're the Detective, go detect!" followed by that gorgeous smirk. Makes her all the more... lack of fitting word... hmmm... yeah... confident Sara is simply hot!

Agree or disagree, like it or don't, but this is how it goes on.

* * *

26. There'll be an us

Eli was tired. Tired, grouchy and hungry. Not a very enjoyable combination. She yawned for what seemed like the tenth time in a row as she fumbled with her keys. She'd been out and about for at least 10 hours and after that tiring day before all she wanted now was something to chew on, a shower and her bed. Her precious, lovely, soft, wonderful bed. Yet there was so much to do.

She pushed the door open and threw her keys onto the little table by the door, picked up her mail and skimmed through the few envelopes as she walked without really looking towards her kitchen, getting rid of her shoes along the way. She only looked up as she put the mail down on the kitchen counter. And immediately winced and averted her eyes.

"Catherine!"

"Eli!"

Right there in the middle of her kitchen, fishing a bottle of water out of her fridge stood a really scarcely clad Catherine Willows. Scarcely as in only wearing panties.

Eli turned on her heel the same second as the plastic bottle hit the floor and the almost naked blonde protectively crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"I'm sorry Catherine, I didn't know I had, uh, additional visitors. I haven't seen a thing, I swear."

"No, no, this is your home, I should have put on a shirt, I am sorry. I'll be back in a second, okay?"

"Yeah, of course."

Catherine rushed back into the guest bedroom, her face flushed and muttering a curse under her breath. As soon as the door opened she heard Leonard's muffled voice ask:

"What wrong gorgeous?"

A few hissed words from Cath and Eli heard a rumbling laughter erupt from Leonard.

"I never pegged you for the shy type, Miss Willows, certainly not after-"

"Will you shut up, Leonard?" Catherine screeched.

Eli almost doubled over trying to keep her laughter silent, that was how Catherine found her as she returned to the kitchen, now wearing a large t-shirt that almost reached down to her knees.

"Very funny, Trent. Please feel free to be amused at my expense." She growled still a bit embarrassed and with bright pink cheeks.

The quiet laughter changed into a broad grin as Eli couldn't help but keep on teasing.

"Well, since I feel myself capable of judging these kind of things, damn, Cath, you still have a dancer's body. Could we probably repeat this scene, only this time I'll deliberately not look away and turn around politely?"

That comment earned Eli a slipper pointedly thrown at her head as Leonard appeared in the frame of his room.

"I thought you weren't into blondes anymore, precious." He too, grinned and wore nothing but his trademark pin-striped boxers; Leonard had never bothered being self-conscious, particularly not in front of Eli, who had seen him completely naked often enough.

He snaked his arms around Catherine from behind and she snuggled a bit back into the warmth his body radiated.

Eli smiled contently.

"I'm happy for you guys."

Catherine beamed at her and smiled a bit uncharacteristically coy and Leonard kissed her crown.

"And now, kids, back to your room and don't let me keep you from what you've been doing, but don't forget the water this time, you'll sure need it." Then she winked at Catherine and added.

"I guess I'll have to go search for my earplugs, since I have first _hand _ knowledge of some of Leonard's outstanding skills. And please don't let it stop you when you suddenly hear some very loud music. That will be me trying to convince my head not to acknowledge the _other _noises I might be hearing and conjure up some matching images." She couldn't keep the mock-disgusted expression in place and smiled smugly.

Catherine blushed again and even Leonard's cheeks grew kind of rosy, but he blew an air kiss into Eli's direction and dragged Catherine back into the guest room, nibbling at her neck playfully in Eli's plain sight.

She chuckled and huffed "So nice _not _to be the first one to have sex in your own apartment." before she slipped into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

* * *

Civil, that was probably the best word to describe her encounter with Sara that night. They had found a missing girl on the database that fitted the description of their DB and had followed that lead.

Their conversation was quiet and revolved around the case. But there were shy glances and small smiles. Lots of small, half-hidden smiles, followed by suddenly looking out of the car window turns of heads.

"Eli..." Sara started after a particularly long pause. But Eli stopped her instantly, knowing that it was up to her to make a move.

"Hold on, Sara. Look, both me and you know what drove me to say the things I did. I freaked out, fucking big time. Something I all those years didn't even dare to think about was suddenly so close within my reach and I got the coldest feet you can imagine."

"Wait a sec. Hold that thought, okay?" Sara steered the car into the next parking lot and put it into park. Then she turned to face Eli. Oh yeah, she was still mad, and she thought Eli deserved her anger. It had cost her a lot to take this chance. She would most certainly give it another try, the damn butterflies in her stomach hadn't and wouldn't come to a rest. They had even been there in the morgue. It just felt right. Talking like there were friends again with Eli that day felt right, looking into those dark brown eyes felt right, touching Eli felt right. God, she was in trouble, if Eli only knew in just how much. Why now, why again, after so much time? She was sure Eli hoped for nothing more than a slow rebuild of their friendship, but that wouldn't be enough anymore. Where had she been? Right, that woman infuriated her. Sitting there in the passenger seat, kneading her hands in her lap, looking at her with those puppy dog eyes, smelling like - coffee and tobacco and that bloody perfume, not wearing lenses but those unbelievably cute glasses. Anyway, angry, yes. She was supposed to be angry and leave her hanging just a little bit longer.

"Eli, it was about some kind of beginning, recuperating. And that wasn't just cold feet, you completely blew me off. You haven't been the only one who needed a lot of courage. It took me a lot to send you that mail. And I foolishly thought that had been exactly what you'd wanted. Honestly, Cupid, what am I supposed to make of this?"

Eli stumbled over the words she'd wanted to say. Talk about a heartbeat that surely wasn't healthy anymore. She'd called her...

"Sara, are you aware of what you just called me?"

"Yeah, I mean, no. What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You called me Cupid..."

"I did not!"

"You did, too!"

"Did not!"

"Did, too!"

"I- alright, stop it! I might have. Don't pester me about it, it was a slip."

"It'd better be, because that just doesn't fit me anymore."

"Doesn't it? It used to suit you perfectly."

"I am not that person anymore, Sara! You swore you'd never use that nickname again! And I'm sorry. I do want this, exactly this. Moments like the one that just happened."

Sara lowered her head and couldn't help but smile.

"Do you have any idea how good it is to see you smile like that? What that does to me? Sar, I've never been very good at apologizing. But please let me try. Tomorrow at seven, I'd like to pick you up at home and spend the evening with you. I'll be in the car waiting, so it is your decision. If you don't come down I know that you're not willing to take the risk again and I will understand. Okay?"

Eli held her breath and waited.

"Okay."

She released the air she was holding and beamed at Sara.

"Thank you. I promise I won't screw up again. I won't-"

But Sara silenced her.

"Don't make promises you won't be able to keep. Everyone messes up once in a while, just how much is what's essential. Tomorrow at seven. I'll be there, I've already made my decision."

She started the car again and put it into drive, sparing an astonished Eli one last glance before she headed back on the road.

"Come on, stop thinking about it. Let's find that killer."

* * *

Eli didn't have the time to sleep. There was a lot to plan. It had to be perfect. Not too over the top, not too your-half-hearted-apology-let's-go-to-a-fancy-restaurant-thing. An escape though, from the city they lived in, from the glitz and glimmer as well as the abysses of violence and murder. Something saying: You mean something to me, but at the same time simple and delightful.

In her bathrobe, she slipped into the living room, relieved that Leonard and Catherine had obviously fallen asleep, since it was dead quiet in the apartment. She fixed herself some coffee and a sandwich and opened her laptop.

Telephone calls were made, instructions given, the food shopping she would do herself and deliver it to the guys who were setting the whole thing up. She even managed to close her eyes for three hours. All that was left to do now was getting ready and picking up Sara. She stood in front of her closet and just couldn't decide. In the end, she was just like any other woman. Changing ten times before finding the perfect outfit. Comfortable, but not too casual, dressy, but not too swanky. All right then. Glasses, wallet, keys. Everything else should already be there.

Sara faced the same problem. Eli hadn't said anything about where they were going. A show? No, they wouldn't be able to talk there. An expensive restaurant? Again, no, too simple for someone like Eli. It had to be something unique, something only Eli could come up with to apologize in her very own way. She was nervous. Black tight but comfortable slacks. Can't go wrong with those. A dark brown blouse with a v-neck and three quarter arms and a buttoned, low cut black vest. Perfect. She could go almost anywhere in this, except maybe the really high class events and places. But then, Eli knew she hated those, she would never take her to something like that. Posh black boots with a low heel and a knee long coat completed her outfit. She looked good. And she would make sure Eli would notice. Notice that for her, this wasn't just about talking and trying to become friends again. It was about telling Eli that anything was possible. That they were essentially looking into the same direction. Her stomach churned a bit and she quickly downed a glass of cold water before she grabbed her keys and purse and headed downstairs.

Eli was leaning against her car, one hand on the hood, the other in her jeans-pocket. The anxious look on her face gone and replaced by a cautions smile the moment Sara had opened the door and stepped out of her building. Sara swallowed. It was a bit like that day at the beach and the few weeks after that. The time she had realised that she'd fallen for Eli the first time. When she virtually couldn't take her eyes off Eli. And the scene the day before had just proved in a very painful way that Eli did care. And that woman knew how to dress. Simple but impeccable. Dark blue jeans, a black button down shirt, black leather shoes and jacket. A belt buckle with flames on it and a hat. A hat, like those Chicago mobsters had been wearing, black and sitting a bit on the back of her head. She looked bizarrely amazing. As Sara closed in, Eli bowed just the tiniest bit, held her hand out and opened the passenger side door of her vintage Mercedes.

"Miss Sidle, I can't even begin to express my delight that you've decided to join me tonight. " She said with a warm and low voice. Sara took her hand, curtsied smilingly, acknowledging the gesture and slid into the car.

Eli walked around it and sat down beside her in the driver's seat, looking over to her.

"Honestly, thank you."

They stared at each other for some long seconds.

"You look- great, Sara."

She didn't. She looked stunning, but she wouldn't tell her that. As many somersaults as her stomach might perform, she wouldn't risk this by scaring Sara away with doing something stupid like beginning to woo with her. Oh, she wanted to, but... No. Today was about something else.

"Thanks, Eli. You don't look all that bad yourself. The hat really suits you." Sara let her gaze wander over Eli again. Oh, this wasn't good. They had to end up being on the same page and quickly, or else this evening would end up in disaster.

"Okay, it's a bit of a drive but there's music and a bottle of water on the backseat and last but not least, me to converse with. Let's get going then."

Sara began to frown as they passed the Vegas city limits and drove out into the open desert.

"Eli, where the heck are you taking me? There's nothing out here, I know this area pretty well, nothing but-"

"Sand and rocks and the endless sky? Yes, normally. Today there's something more out here. Just sit tight, another ten minutes and we're there."

"Okay. You know, a nice restaurant or a bar would have been just fine."

"I know. But I'm saying I'm sorry here. And you, you're too important to me to go somewhere just nice. Be patient, Waves."

They turned off the main road and jolted down a dusty side road towards a formation of rocks. As the road became almost too narrow to drive on, Eli slowed the car down and stopped.

"We're here."

"Here? Where's here? Here's nothing but-"

"Yeah, I know, seemingly sand, stones and the endless sky. At least the endless sky will look quite beautiful in just a moment, when the sun will start to go down and there definitely is more to this place that meets the eye at first sight."

Eli climbed out and rounded the car again to offer Sara her hand.

"I'll show you. It's just behind those."

Side by side they walked slowly around the rocks Eli had just pointed at and catching the first glimpse of what lay behind them, Sara gasped and turned to Eli.

"You are crazy! You've gone completely mad. This is just- beautiful."

Eli watched as Sara hesitantly walked towards the Arabian style hut tent, colourful cloths waved in the light breeze and handcrafted pillows were scattered over the warm ground alongside a low table inside the tent. Torches were placed all around the area and a wind chime jingled happily. On a second small table stood a samowar, ready and filled with hot Turkish çay, black tea flavoured with cinnamon and cardamom. Outside the hut tent waited a grill, already fired up and a kind of an outdoor kitchen area with a water tank, mobile sink and anything Eli needed to cook completing the scenery.

Eli went to the samowar, filled two glasses with the hot amber liquid, added some sugar and handed one to Sara, who still looked completely flabbergasted. She accepted the glass and shook her head.

"Sara?" Eli tried to shake her out of her reverie.

"Sar, I have something to say before I start preparing something to eat for us. Just listen to me for a moment."

She closed her eyes for a second before she resumed, with a slight tremble in her voice.

"I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I've been selfish and arrogant and cruel. I've hurt people, deeply. Most of all you. I thought I lost you for good. My friend, my advisor, my conscience and my constant reminder, the woman I loved. But life tossed me into big bad Sin City and we met again. And slowly, gradually you learned to see how much I had changed since that dreadful weeks and that horrible day and were willing to give our friendship another try. And I was suddenly so scared at just the idea that I might hurt you again, that I blew you off. That was unreasonable, unfair and with that I had done what I so carefully wanted to avoid: I did hurt you. I was a fool and I know that now. Please accept my apology. I am truly sorry, Sara."

Eli raised her tea glass and caught Sara's glance.

"To friendship, for what it's really worth."

Sara nodded. Eli had used almost the exact same words she had told Leonard the day before. She looked around and a calmness settled down on her that was hard to dismiss. All that effort just to apologize. If this had been a date... But it wasn't. As much as Sara wished it was. Where had her doubts gone, her anger? Dissipated, vanished into thin air, that was so untypical of her. But then again, maybe it was because she knew what she wanted now. After the little play of thoughts yesterday there was no denying it anymore.

"To friendship." She echoed.

They clinked glasses and enjoyed the excellent hot tea.

Sara stared at the sky, now bathed in shades of yellow, orange, pink and red.

"Sara, make yourself comfortable in there. You can tie the cloths to the sides and you will have an incredible view across the desert and the dawn. In the meantime I'll cook. It'll take about an hour."

"Eli, come over here, will you?" Sara wore the strangest expression as she said that. Eli's heart skipped a beat. She inhaled deeply and stepped closer and into a gentle, unexpected embrace.

"This is so much more than 'I'm sorry'. It is impressive and amazing." She let go and offered Eli a wide, gap-toothed smile.

"Thanks for bringing me here."

Eli still stood rooted to the spot as Sara had turned and did as Eli had told her, watching the sun go down. 'This is so much more than I'm sorry.' The words resounded in Eli's head. She watched as Sara propped her head up on some cushions, lying on her back looking at the horizon. She seemed relaxed and not at all mad or disappointed anymore. She looked content and awaiting.

Finally turning to start preparing the couscous salad, grilled vegetable skewers and sheep cheese with tomatoes, garlic and herbs in tinfoil and the hummus, a light bulb went off in Eli's head.

She fished her phone out of her back pocket and dialed a familiar number.

"Einstein."

"You've talked to her, haven't you? What did you tell her, what did she say to you? She's different, she's like someone replaced angry sad Sara with a calm and relaxed substitute. It's almost scary. I mean, I'm scared. What is..."

"Hello to you, too, Eli! Listen. Yes, I talked to her. But I needn't say much. Don't worry, precious, everything is alright. This is still Sara. She just realised something yesterday. Just go with the flow and don't be afraid. I gotta go, I'm having dinner with a gorgeous lady before she has got to get to work. See you tomorrow."

And he hung up, leaving Eli speechless and with even more question marks popping up one by one over her head. Deep in thought she continued cooking. I there was one thing she could do without thinking about it, it was cooking. The routines she long ago had memorised by heart pacified her. All was well.

Half an hour later Eli dished up. Sara's glance flickered over the food on the table and her smile grew wide. Eli had toasted some pitta bread on the grill and the tent was filled with the scent of exotic spices and grilled vegetables. Her mouth started to water and she tucked in like a starving woman, those were some of her favourite dishes and it looked just perfect. And it was. Sara hummed in satisfaction as she took the first bite of her hummus-covered zucchini. Turmeric and fenugreek and a touch of mint on the zucchini, chickpeas and sesame and roasted sweet pepper powder in the hummus. What a delightful assault to her taste buds. An explosion of flavours.

"You should do this for a living, honestly, this is some of the best food I've ever tasted."

Eli smirked through a mouthful of couscous salad and a piece of melted sheep cheese.

"One year at the CIA."

Sara frowned in disbelief.

"At the CIA?"

"The Culinary Institute of America. Why do you think I was an undergrad at 21?"

"You never told me that!"

"I'm telling you now. There's so much we don't know about each other yet and so much we already do. We never had a chance to fill the gaps, I made sure of that. But we can now."

"And we will. Why is it that we fall so easily into old routines?"

"I think it's because we liked who we were and how we were in each other's company. We kept that memory and had tucked it away somewhere safe. They say when something ends badly, you only remember the horrible parts, but the truth is, you will always keep the good things in mind, somewhere hidden, buried deep. And it's coming back when you realise that not all had been bad. You remember vividly. And that's a pretty neat thing, I'd say."

"It sure is. I liked us, like this. Whenever it was just the two of us, things were quite okay."

"Yeah." Eli grinned and then grimaced.

"Can it be like that again? A clean slate, a fresh start?" Eli asked hopefully.

"No, I don't want that. Apart from the- you know, any of the things we've done together are still important. No blank white page. I won't forget, I haven't forgotten. That included the good as well as the bad. It made us who we are today."

"It sure did." The weight of the guilt settled with full force on Eli's shoulders again. Sara won't forget. She'd always keep it in mind, reminding her of what Eli had done. But Sara eased her worries a bit.

"We just simply begin were we left off as friends. Or at least try. We sure have changed a lot since then, but somehow we are so very much the same."

Eli patted her stomach and grinned.

"Not so very much the same. I'm a teeny tiny bit more now, definitely after this meal."

"Oh don't whine, this was healthy AND tasty food. And by the way, Eli, it does suit you. Very much."

"A compliment, Sidle, really? That earns you a freshly brewed coffee."

"Oh, you're a mind reader, I'd die for some right now."

"Stretch out and wait, I'll be right back!"

Eli complicatedly disentangled her legs from amidst the cushions and groaned loudly as she felt that they'd been fallen asleep from remaining in the same position for too long.

"Are we getting old, Trent?"

"Not funny, Sar. I'll always be the younger one. You're just more dexterously."

Eli used the grill to heat the water and Sara stared into the starry night sky. It was easy being confident around Eli. She knew all her flaws, her insecurities, she knew about her childhood and each and every thing she had lived through growing up. She was the woman who had sat cross-legged with her on the floor, oozing trustworthiness, who had not flinched a single time or interrupted the flood of words in which her story had come out, but had listened carefully, had held her and let her go without hesitating as she felt the nearness had gotten to Sara and she needed her space. The tears that had welled up in Eli's gentle brown eyes and her quiet understanding and the unuttered amazement about who Sara had become despite her ordeal. And the only one she had ever been able to really goof around with, being herself because Eli did not care where she came from, had seen behind the sadness and the fear and the insecurity. The woman she had fallen in love with and yes, was falling for all over again, because someone like that was who she needed. Someone who didn't push her, didn't question her when she withdrew, didn't wonder when some days she shied away from the simplest touch, wouldn't be afraid or repelled when she woke up screaming or crying.

But she had seen the expression of sadness and worry that had run over Eli's face ever so briefly as she'd said she'd never forget what had happened. The hurting had to stop.

Sara got up and walked over to Eli, who stood just inside the halo of the torch closest to the 'kitchen area' and filtered coffee.

"Eli..."

A bit startled since she hadn't heard her coming, Eli turned around and came to face a suddenly melancholic looking Sara. This wasn't good. This look could mean 'This was wrong, please take me home, I can't give you what you want, I changed my mind.' So close, so far away... Eli pressed her eyes close and clenched her jaw. Preparing for the worst. She could take it, if it made Sara feel better not getting any closer to her, she would accept it, without questioning her decision.

Sara immediately sensed what Eli was suspecting. Oh no, she shouldn't be thinking that. The self-consciousness that Eli had sometimes displayed with Sara in college had been cute, because she had been the only one that could shut Eli up or make her feel uncomfortable, the one who had tamed the tiger, and on the outside, for others, Eli had always been the one seemingly in charge, but not this helpless insecurity now, that wasn't supposed to be there, hadn't they just come to an agreement? Eli faced away from Sara and took a deep breath.

"It's okay, Sara, I don't hold grudges and I never judged you or thought bad of you and I won't start that now. Do what you think is best for you. I'll be fine."

Sara stepped even closer. Softly she said:

"Eli, I forgive you."

She stopped to let the words sink in and let Eli really register and understand what they meant.

"I won't ever forget, but I think I understand and I. Forgive. You. I want this chance as much as you do. Honestly, truthfully, for real. No turning back now anymore, I do want you in my life, Elizabeth Trent!"

Eli virtually deflated in front of Sara's eyes. The tension that had been in her, with her, around her for ten years fell off her. But so did her strength, everything that had kept her going, had made her want to be a better person and proving it, each day anew. Sara had just given her affirmation that it had been worth it.

"Sara, could you give me a moment? Would you probably finish making coffee, I need, I-don't, I-" Eli stammered, completely blown away.

Eli took a few tentative steps away from Sara, then turned and broke into a run. Sara watched her, irritated, but let her do whatever she needed to do right now. Eli jogged toward a particularly big rock that overlooked the others and began to crest it. She took her jacket off, laid it out and sat down on top of it, staring into the darkness. As Sara finally concentrated on the coffee again, filled two mugs and walked back towards the tent, Eli stood up, let her arms fall down at her sides, hands balled to fists and shouted into the darkness at an amazing volume. Just one shout, long, loud and resonating. Then she shrugged back into her leather and carefully climbed down again.

The faintest hint of a smile showed on her face as she came within reach of the flickering light again.

Sara almost dropped her cup. She was beautiful. Finally freed and full of life, her eyes like liquid chocolate but set alight with amber fire. Panting from the exhaustion of the past years, the climb and the bloodcurdling yell, looking straight at her. The worry-lines gone and she was literally radiating.

She set the cup down unheedingly as Eli came to a halt at the entrance of the tent, spilling half its content all over the table, it flooded past plates, built a little sea around bowls and drenched the napkins and the little paper bags that held the tea lights.

"Stop right there, Eli!" Sara managed to utter with a strangled voice.

Eli stopped dead in her tracks, complying without even thinking about it, but her smile grew wider.

"This might as well be one of the bloody best days of my life. Thank -" Eli didn't get much further than that as two fingers gently touched her lips and shut her up very effectively.

"Just stop talking, stop wondering, stop thinking about it, yesterday, today, tomorrow and do what you always wanted to do or I do it!"

Oh, no no no, too close, not now, while the adrenaline was pumping through Eli's veins, when she felt ready to take on anything. She couldn't just turn her whole world around and then even send it into a spin. She couldn't look at her like that, with that tender admiration, with that burning gaze that rendered her helpless and let her knees grow weak. After all this time plant this additional seed of hope in Eli.

Sara's hand sneaked around her neck and brought her even closer to Eli. They were almost the same height, so they looked each other straight into the eyes, heads held high, their breathing becoming heavy, only an inch between their bodies. They stretched the moment, taking every last tiny detail in. The flush on Sara's cheeks, her breath that smelled like the few sips of coffee she had already drunk brushing over Eli's lips, the anticipation that showed in the slightest tremor that went through Eli's whole body as she understood that it was real. It's that moment, those precious seconds when you feel everything tenfold, when the world around you crumbles and fades and all that is left are emotions. Eli's hand finds Sara's free one and their fingers entwine naturally. Eli's breath hitches and they both stare down at their joined hands.

"God, Sara..." Eli whispers and runs her thumb over the back of Sara's hand. "Really? I mean-"

"Eli, kiss me..."

In the movies, there'd be fireworks and violins, people clapping, depending on the location of the kissing pair or a best friend standing nearby with that 'Aren't they just too cute'-expression on their face.

But here, in the dead of the night, in the middle of the desert, there were just two people kissing each other, softly delving in every new sensation. Everything had its time and place, and this was theirs, their moment. The gentlest of caresses, a careful approach. They moved slowly, touching, tasting, nipping, learning. They didn't deepen the kiss, didn't give in to the tentatively growing desire between them, the rest of their bodies never touched. This feeling itself was insane enough. As they finally parted they just looked at each other with amazement. They knew. They both knew that everything that had led up to this moment just made it all the more special, extraordinary.

"I don't want to let go."

"Me neither, Waves."

Eli gazed into Sara's eyes and lifted their entangled hands, kissing Sara's lovingly. Sara opened her mouth and closed it again. Imagining it had been one thing, but this was overwhelming. She felt herself shaking. That was when Eli let go of her hand and wrapped her arms around Sara. She drowned in that warmth and protectiveness, slung her arms around Eli's neck and buried her face in the cold leather that covered Eli's shoulders, cooling her face on it and inhaling deeply. The smell of well cared for, smooth leather, shampoo and Eli's skin invaded her senses. Strange, yet so very familiar. They melted into each other, not quite understanding how it had happened, just that it had and that a whole world of possibilities lay within their grasp.


	27. 27 Changes

Okay, I've gone all gooey and that will continue for a little bit. After all the ups and downs it's time for some romance. And just to warn you, I don't write romance very well, I think, but it had to come to this, hadn't it?

I noticed that the interest in this story seems to be dwindling rapidly, so I'm going to bring it to an end. A couple of chapters to go though. I hope you enjoyed the ride... I sure did. Thanks to all those who continued reviewing.

* * *

27. CH-Ch-Changes

"What are we doing, Sar?"

Eli whispered into brown hair and still held Sara close.

"Not denying anymore what we feel when we keep spending time together."

Sara sighed, lifted her head a bit, gently kissed Eli's neck, then stood tall and gazed smilingly into Eli's eyes. She brought her hands up to cup the other woman's face, growing earnest seeing still a bit disbelief but also quiet contentment and affirmation.

"Eli, there is no way we can argue that all we want from one another is friendship. I can't deny it anymore, not this time around. There's so much more. And we'll figure it out, in time. I don't want to rush anything, I just wanted to tell you that I'm in a similar place you are."

She looked serious enough that Eli's concern wavered. Sara saw the comprehension settle in Eli's eyes and smiled. She caressed her face and ran one hand through short, soft hair. Eli closed her eyes and reveled in the touch. The effect was amazing, it soothed her soul, warmed her heart, dazed and confused her. She could happily stay like this forever. She lowly hummed a tune that had sneaked its way into her thoughts.

Sara watched, enthralled.

"What was that? I know that song."

Eyes still closed in complete, comforting trust, Eli quietly sang:

"I need to know that you will always be

the same old someone that I knew.

Ah, what will it take 'til you believe in me

the way that I believe in you."

She opened her eyes to find Sara staring open-mouthed at her. Then she slowly shook her head and smiled.

"I believe in you." Sara mouthed and leaned in slowly. She captured Eli's lips a bit more audaciously now, reinforcing her words. It was a short, heated kiss. It took their all not to keep going, but it wasn't the time yet.

"I really thought you'd find the singing annoyingly corny!" Eli smirked as they parted and Sara still smiled.

"Well, it was somehow, but just corny, not annoying. I should have known you're a sucker for the showing off just about any talent you have."

Sara ducked away a bit, smirking, and took a step backwards, but let her hand slide down Eli's arm and caught her hand again.

Eli growled good-naturedly.

"Don't mock me."

"Never." Sara shivered a bit.

"Ah, damn, I forgot to think about the temperatures out here at night."

Eli slapped the flat of her hand to her forehead.

"I'm sorry, Sar. I might have a blanket in my trunk, man, it was supposed to be perfect. Let me see..."

But Sara tugged at the hand she was holding.

"Hey, it was, it is perfect. Let me take one last look and then we can head back to the city."

She let go of Eli's hand and turned around again and as if taking mental pictures of the sight, she drank in the scenery Eli had created once again.

"What's going to happen with all this?" She asked a bit melancholically.

"Most of it was rented. I make a phone call and the guys I hired come and remove it. I thought about keeping the tea table though. It's a piece of art."

"Such a shame. If I had a house I'd want to have it set up in my backyard."

"Yeah, that'd be nice." Eli agreed.

Sara turned and once again hand in hand they started walking towards the car, but not without looking back once or twice along the way.

"Wait." Sara looked at Eli pleadingly.

"Can I keep something, too?"

Eli grinned and rose her eyebrows. Sara, sentimental?

"Whatever you like."

Sara gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and walked back to the tent. Carefully she took the wind chime off its hook.

Back at Eli's side she let it swing in the air.

"I like its sound. I don't have a balcony but I'll hang it up somewhere."

"You'll find the right place."

They got into the car and Eli drove at a leisurely place, not really wanting to put an end to this night. Headlights came and passed them, the engine rumbled evenly and they were both quiet, but looked at each other every so often. As they reached the parking lot of Sara's apartment building and Eli switched off the ignition, both sighed simultaneously, looked at each other and broke out in laughter.

"I should-" Sara started.

"Yes, I know. Unfortunately." Eli nodded.

Sara hesitated for a moment.

"Do you want to come up?" She asked, not ready yet to let Eli drive away, home. She just wanted to spent a little more time with her.

"We could watch a movie, have a glass of wine. Talk."

Eli didn't need to lean over much, the coupe was quite small, and Sara met her halfway, almost desperate for another reassuring kiss. But she came to a halt, hovering a mere inch before Sara's mouth.

"Not today. This night was unbelievable. You made it unforgettable. Let's sleep on all this, shall we?"

And she closed the last distance and delivered a searing kiss to Sara's waiting lips. As much as she longed to taste more than just those, devour the woman beside her, she held back and ignored the tempting invitation as Sara slightly parted her lips and exhaled with a barely audible, tiny low moan that sent jolts of electricity and almost untamable need through Eli's body. The small sound set her on fire.

Sara fought a struggle of her own. Their first kiss had opened a floodgate and she found it increasingly difficult to brace herself. From the moment on she had been honest to herself about what she felt about Eli, every glance, every touch they'd shared made her skin tingle, her pulse race and her palms unusually sweaty. And the way Eli looked at her the second before they kissed again had torn her to pieces. She had never understood herself as a particularly sensual person, but under Eli's stare she felt like under a magnifying glass. She'd never been so aware of her own body and the way it reacted, was drawn to this woman. And how good it felt to be wanted by someone. And want them all the same.

She gambled as she ran her tongue along Eli's lower lip and was delighted at the incredibly sexy little groan that escaped Eli, though she pulled back, trying to catch her breath.

"Sweet Jesus!" Eli gasped.

That was her cue to better get out of the car quickly.

"Good night, Eli. See you at work, tomorrow?"

Eli licked her lips and smiled, understanding.

"Yeah, for sure. Sleep tight, Waves."

Sara caught her bottom lip between her teeth, shot Eli one last glance and got out of the car.

Eli waited until the entrance door closed and Sara was out of sight. Then she punched the steering wheel hard and yelled, throwing her head back against the seat.

"OH MY GOD!"

* * *

Leonard absent-mindedly stirred his soggy turning cereals, reading highly concentrated the first draft of the potential new contract with his Vegas client as the front door opened to reveal a tired looking, but beaming Eli. He immediately put the paperwork down and smiled questioningly.

With a few long strides Eli crossed the distance and flung her arms around Leonard's neck, all but straddling him in the process.

"I take it everything went well?" He stated laughingly, trying to not let them fall over backwards together.

Eli leaned back, grabbing his shoulders tightly, the biggest smile plastered on her face.

"Better than well then?" he chuckled, astounded by Eli's speechlessness.

"I love her, Len. I'm madly, hopelessly in love with her." She finally uttered.

"I know, precious. Something happened tonight, didn't it?" he grinned smugly enough to make Eli punch him lightly.

"We kissed. It was so unexpected. I just wanted to apologize. I just wanted her back in my life and she kissed me." She wanted to say so much more, but words simply failed her and they looked at each other, conveying with their eyes what the other needed to know.

Leonard's hug almost crushed Eli.

"Lenny, we finally got our chances. At something big, something we almost stopped believing would ever happen."

And if it was even possible, Leonard's smile widened even more.

"Catherine." He just said.

Eli just kept on laughing at his glazed over expression.

"Did the cat get your tongue? All you can do is exclaim her name like a mantra?"

"Oh, she got all 6'3'' of me, inside and out. It is serious, Eli, for both of us. This isn't just a fling. We'll use the next few days to plan how to make it work. God, I might even meet her daughter before I fly back to Frisco. This is crazy, precious. How is she going to react? Will she hate me, see me as invader into her and her mother's life? What will her sister say? I'm a tad younger than her. I don't even live in the same city, will she even take me seriously?"

"Goodness, Len, you're younger than her, so what? Lindsey might be a bit defensive in the beginning, but once she gets to know you and feels that you're serious about her mom and learns what kind of guy you are, she'll love you. So will Nancy. Yes, she is very protective of her sister, but that's because Cath has made some bad choices concerning her lovers in the past. You're the complete contrary. She will see that. And you will figure out what to do about the long-distance relationship. So it's official then, she's your girlfriend."

"Oh yeah, she's my woman now. And can I add something without you feeling awkward?"

"Let me guess, she's a wildfire in bed?"

Leonard groaned and rubbed his back.

"You wonder who actually is older, me or her. Boy, this woman has got some moves... And I used to sleep with you, so I don't blush easily. Actually, I suppose I have to thank you. You taught me some things that might come in very handy."

Now it was Eli's turn to groan.

"Oh, shut it! Don't make me think about sex right now. Just kissing Sara, and we didn't even, you know, we kept it quite tame, reduced me to complete incoherence. But we won't rush anything. We have to get to know each other again first. But I already know it'll be hard to keep our hands off each other. I need a cold shower and I'm exhausted."

She shrugged her jacket off and flung it over the back of a chair.

"Len, I could just explode right now, I'm so happy. For you, too."

"Me too... Go sleep. I have to finish reading this, I have a meeting at noon. Meet up for breakfast after your next shift?"

"That'll be great. With Catherine?"

"With Sara?" Leonard countered.

"Gosh, I completely forgot to tell her about you and Cath. I'll tell her tomorrow. Maybe she'll come."

"I'd like that. She has really grown on me." He mused.

"She must have. First Frisco, now here? I guess it was you who opened some doors for me."

Leonard just smiled secretively and shoved Eli towards the bathroom.

"Maybe... Go to sleep, precious."

In response, Eli yawned noisily

"Will do... Call you about breakfast."

As Eli trotted into the bathroom, Leonard attended to his papers again, but the smile didn't vanish from his face.

* * *

The tow truck arrived late the next afternoon at a "Fix it yourself"-garage where Eli had just rented a permanent spot.

She ran her hand over the fading paint on the fender and opened the door which obliged, but only with a screeching sound. The leather on the seats was ripped and the velour carpet stained. Eli placed a carefully wrapped package on the driver's seat and closed the door again with a loud thud. She was bruised and battered, but she still was a beauty. Eli couldn't wait to see the look Sara's face when she'd introduce them.

* * *

Sara just sipped on her first cup of the day as her doorbell rang. Still sleepy, she lifted the handset to her ear.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, Sara, it's me. Would you mind if I came up?"

She didn't bother answering and just pressed the buzzer, leaving her apartment door ajar.

Taking a quick look into the mirror beside her coat rack, she tried to tame her bedhair and rubbed her eyes in a vain attempt to not look as if she'd just fallen out of her sheets. Though the faded SFPD shirt and the boxers she wore gave her away anyhow.

Eli knocked politely despite the open door.

"Come in if you're prepared for the sight." Sara sighed grouchily. As excited as she was to see Eli again that soon, she would have preferred different circumstances.

Eli sneaked a peak around the door and smiled.

"I see you're still quite the charmer when you've just woken up. Some things never change, do they?"

"Oh, shut up!"

Eli walked over to where Sara stood in her kitchenette and Sara was almost relieved that Eli herself wore just jeans and a t-shirt and her hair lay in uncontrolled curls. The rugged look suited Eli just as much as her usual appearance.

"Am I allowed to say you look hot in your equivalent of PJs, sleepyhead?" Eli reached out to tuck a few stray hairs behind Sara's ear.

Sara smiled and caught Eli's hand in the air, pulling the woman who smelled like sandalwood and curiously- motor oil, into an embrace.

"You are. Though it sounds crazily strange to hear you say that to me. And you, you smell good. Morning." She mumbled as their gazes locked and they basked in the warmth of each other's bodies. Then Eli's eyes flickered from her eyes to her mouth and back.

"I like this." Eli said under her breath. Sara looked inquiringly, but amused.

"That I'm holding you while you're still in your sleepwear. That I'm allowed to be here, in your apartment. That we're about to kiss."

"Are we?" Sara asked cockily.

"Oh yes, we are." Eli hummed as she closed the last distance. Their lips met in a soft, slow kiss. Eli couldn't believe that all that separated her hands from touching Sara's skin was one thin layer of fabric.

Sara was glad that she leaned on the counter. Having Eli this close, almost pressed into her, feeling her warm hands on her back, her upper body against her own, took her breath away and made her knees grow just the tiniest bit weak. She leaned a bit back and broke the kiss.

"You want some coffee?" That came out a bit breathless.

Eli dipped her head down and nipped on Sara's neck.

"Not yet." Eli replied, kissing her way up Sara's jaw line. "Or do you want me to stop?"

But Sara turned her head to give Eli more access.

"Not yet." Sara was still breathing heavily. She knew she should stop Eli, but her bodies reaction to Eli's wandering mouth betrayed all rational thought.

Eli was in heaven. Sara tasted slightly salty, completely natural and smelled faintly of fabric softener. Yes, they had agreed not to rush things, but this was just too tempting. No, she shouldn't allow herself to get carried away like that. She tore herself away from the inviting expanse of skin on Sara's neck and straightened again.

"I honestly don't want to stop kissing you right now, but we said slow." She brought out huskily. "Can we define slow? Can you tell me what is too much for a beginning of sorts? Please, Sara, where do we draw a line that shouldn't be crossed yet?"

They gazed into each other's eyes again.

"I don't know, Eli. It's like since yesterday none of the usual rules apply anymore. Suddenly I can't even think of you anymore without wanting you close to me. I don't really want you to stop, I don't want to stop myself, I want to keep kissing you. God, woman, I could eat you alive. What are you doing to me?"

Eli blushed furiously and ran her hands up Sara's back, her stomach tightening as Sara instantly closed her eyes and a tremble went through her body.

"I don't know, you have to tell me Sara. I've been in love with you for a very long time. I know that you started falling for me once before. What is this now? Honestly, Sar, I need to know that this is for real."

Sara stared at her.

"Come here."

She wrapped her hand tighter around Eli's neck and pulled her down, since she was barefoot and Eli in sneakers she was about an inch shorter.

Their mouths were so close that their short, excited breaths mingled.

"Sara..." Eli warned, but Sara had none of it. Onto Eli's lips she whispered:

"I'll show you."

And their lips met. Soft flesh, one tasting of coffee and toothpaste, the other of cigarettes and cinnamon gum. Sara sucked in Eli's bottom lip and as she ran her tongue over it, Eli's breath hitched and she pressed closer, pushing Sara's back hard into the kitchen counter. They finally opened their mouths at the same time, and almost timidly the tips of their tongues met, probing, brushing until they gave up on shyness and kissed harder, deeper, exploring every inch of each other's mouths. Eli's hands found the hem of Sara's shirt and she slipped under it and ran them over the naked length of Sara's back, who moaned loudly into the kiss and used her free hand to grab Eli's backside and crush their bodies even closer together. Eli fought for dominance over the kiss, but Sara's motions were deliberately raw and needy. Hungrily they kissed as passionately as possible, shortly coming up for air and little bites into lips.

They broke apart panting and wide-eyed. Every touch electric and every glance speaking of more than simple attraction but of desire.

For seemingly endless seconds no one spoke, but their hands continued wandering, above clothes now, anticipating paths that might soon be traveled again without hindering fabric obscuring what lay underneath.

Eli kissed Sara lightly on the lips once more.

"Wow...!"

"You could say that!"

Both chuckled and loosened their grip on each other a bit.

"Sara, how, when?"

"I'm not sure. I guess there was a moment when I couldn't convince myself anymore that I wasn't attracted to you, even more than I had been at college. I couldn't keep believing you hadn't changed. I used your mistakes, your faults as an excuse for my hatred, but not just for you, but also for myself because I couldn't stop myself from wanting you back in my life, as more than just a friend. I couldn't cope with that, but somewhere along the line I accepted that this is the real you. And the more I knew about your perspective, how you tormented yourself over everything, the more I was drawn to you. This is real."

"You want me in your life, as what, your partner?" Eli swallowed and squinted her eyes.

Sara moved closer and they kissed again.

"Yes. As my friend and as my partner. I want a relationship with you and I know we can make it work."

Eli hugged Sara fiercely and beamed, lifted her up and kissed her while she let her hover above the ground in her arms.

"We will!"

She set Sara back down and then smiled mysteriously.

"Speaking of making relationships work, guess whom I found having sex in my very own apartment? Leonard and Catherine."

Sara's jaw dropped.

"You're kidding me!"

"No! They met last time Len was here and flirted from the very first moment. They are in love, I tell you, it's so great to see it. By the way, I was supposed to ask you if you would like to join them and me for breakfast after next shift. I mean, I told Leonard what happened last night and he said he'd love to see you again. But we could give Cath quite a shock if we play it right and Len hasn't told her yet, which I know he wouldn't until both of us gave him permission."

"That won't work, she'll know as soon as we show up together."

Eli rolled her eyes.

"Yep, that's probably right. I mean, it is Cath we're talking about. But wait, show up together, does that mean you're coming?"

"Why shouldn't I? Leonard is like your family and I really like him. Without him, well, I wouldn't have understood some things."

"I figured he'd talked to you. Anyway, there actually was a reason apart from simply wanting to see you and kiss you again for me to come here. I want to show you something."

Sara cocked her head and scrutinized Eli, who grinned broadly.

"You'll like it, promise. Come on, get dressed."

"O-kay..."

While Sara disappeared into her bedroom to change, Eli helped herself to some coffee and wandered around Sara's flat. It was small, but cosy, the colours dark and velvety. A couch and a worn out leather armchair dominated the room, there were bookshelfs filled with textbooks and a few classic novels and a desk with Sara's lap top on it. Convenient, but comfortable. Very Sara. That hadn't changed, as hadn't Sara's interest in music judging by her huge collection of CD's.

"Are you done snooping around?" Came a voice from behind her.

"Huh? I wasn't snooping, I just took a look around. You don't mind, do you?"

"No, I don't as long as I get a chance to do the same at your place. I still remember your flat in Frisco but I'd say your style has changed more profoundly than mine."

"You're right about that. Are you ready?"

"Ya. Where are you taking me?"

"Patience, Sidle, patience."

They climbed down the stairs and got into Eli's car, who headed out of the lot and into the busy evening traffic.

"Do you still have that place? I mean, you've lived in San Francisco ever since you dropped out of Harvard, didn't you?"

Eli laughed and shifted up.

"No way. That was like a bachelor pad. Gross. I didn't want to remember some of the things that had taken place there. No, I sold it and bought a house just off Highway No. 1, close to the sea. Cost me a bloody fortune, but it was worth it."

"Wow, you really settled down." Sara was really affected. She tried to imagine the Eli she'd known mowing a lawn. No, this really wasn't the same woman, as much as she still somehow was.

"Tell me about. I wanna know who you've become."

Eli gazed over to the passenger seat and smiled quietly.

"It's a relatively modern two story house, lots of huge windows and a two-car garage. There's a backyard with some fruit trees and as long as I lived there, I grew lots of herbs and vegetables. I used to read in the hammock and I have a large patio. The ground floor is practically one big room, combining living room and kitchen and a small guest room with bathroom. On the first floor there are three rooms, the master bedroom with bath and walk-in closet, a smaller room I used as a kind of office and a third room that I didn't really use at all, I just threw in all the stuff I don't really use very often. Call it storage room. The house has a basement, which is rare, there's the laundry room and a little work shop."

"I'm impressed. Who domesticated you?"

"You did, Sara. Where here."

"A fix-it-yourself garage?" Sara asked irritated as she looked around.

"Yep!"

They got out of the car and walked up to one garage door and Eli opened it. Sara just stood there, rooted to the spot, her eyes big, eyebrows shot up, slack-jawed.

"That's-"

"A '67 Chevrolet Impala SS. Big block engine, V8, 350 horsepower. A childhood dream, I bought it a couple of years back, but never had the time nor the knowledge to restore it. But I know you do and you used to love those kinds of cars. Open the door, there's something on the seat for you."

Sara blinked and walked once around the car, inspecting it thoroughly before she opened the driver side door and took the package out to open it.

"I know I only said that yesterday, but you are crazy, you know that?" She took out the black coverall which nametag said Waves. She looked at Eli, then back to the rusty black beauty.

Eli walked over to Sara, smiling because of her speechlessness and embraced her from behind.

"I got the same coverall. And I've rented this space kinda indefinitely. I'd like you to teach me how to do this. We won't have to do all the work ourselves, there's a body shop just around the corner who'll supply all the parts, do the complicated stuff and the paint job. Are you up to it?"

Sara turned in her arms.

"Absolutely! I mean it's an amazing car. How could I say no. I-"

But she didn't get any further as she got caught up in the feeling of Eli's lips on hers, kissing her hard and with joy radiating from her. Boy, she was in for a lot of surprises with this woman.

* * *

The credit for the lyrics go to Billy Joel's "Just the way you are". I don't own it, I just borrowed his words for obvious reasons.

Thanks for reading!


	28. 28 Making it work

One of two more tonight. Stay tuned!

* * *

28. Making it work

The shift went by in a rush. They did catch a case together and worked professionally as always. Both being so passionate, almost obsessive about their jobs, there was no doubt anyway that it would work.

But as they stood in the lab, close to morning, going over their dumbster case one last time, the room suddenly seemed too small, yet not for any assumed reason.

"I hate these cases. When everything you find doesn't bring you even an inch forward, no suspect, we couldn't even find the murder weapon. This one is going to disappear among hundreds, thousands of other boxes. Another cold case. Another girl whose friends and family will always wonder what really happened."

Sara leaned heavy on her arms, hands gripping the edge of the layout table so strongly that her knuckles turned white. She dipped her head to both sides and joints snapped as she watched Eli sort the pictures into a folder containing the reports and carefully putting what little evidence she had found into a uniform box. They didn't look at each other. Eli sealed the lid and scribbled down the case details on the outside.

"Sar, what do you usually do after cases you can't solve or ones that affect you in any way. How do you handle domestic violence these days? Or rape? It is after all an almost everyday occurrence. In every rapist I ever had in an interrogation room, I see his face. Back when I was a rookie on my first rape case, I pulled the suspect on the lapels of his shirt over the table. He had his hands cuffed on his back and he weighed roughly 200 pounds. Under my hands he was weightless, I was so angry. My boss dragged me out into the hallway and yelled at me until I broke down and told him my story. I was unofficially suspended for three days, but he fortunately didn't put it on my permanent record, forced me to take vacation days. I beat the crap out of the punching bag in the gym that night, until I couldn't move, couldn't stand, couldn't even lift my arms anymore to raise the water bottle to my mouth. Leonard practically had to carry me home. I tried to distance myself from it, but that threatened to make me a less good cop. So I learned to face it head on, I had a fucking solve rate from heaven."

Eli looked up and tried to catch Sara's gaze.

"That day haunts me, Sara, and I can only imagine what you sometimes must go through. Apart from Len, I've never told anyone about it. Even the Captain I only told that a friend of mine had gone through the same the victim at that time had. I didn't tell him about the suicide. I'll carry that around with me for the rest of my life. Every time I'm late to meet someone, a thousand horrific scenarios run through my head. I'm as much damaged goods as you are. I can live with your burden, I know it and I'm more than prepared. Prepared to hold you and chase those ghosts away, make you feel as safe as possible. Will you be able to live with my ghosts? Can you take it when I wake up screaming Claire's name? Seeing you're disgusted expression as you arrived at the changing room because that image used to follow me in my dreams. Are you able to face that?"

The last residing anger melted with deep sorrow as Sara watched the pained expression in Eli's eyes. She'd had kind of an idea just how much Eli too had suffered through from what Leonard had told her, what Eli had said so far, but she hadn't suspected it went that deep.

"I cannot promise you it will be easy. I can't promise you that I won't still get angry sometimes. I'm not as prepared as you are, but I'm going to try. I'll be there. I won't forget what I told you out in the desert."

They gave each other the only reassurance that was possible within a lab with glass walls. Eli pushed the box aside and settled her hand on Sara's.

"Waves, I've come a long way. And everything I felt led back to you. And I'm so unbelievably thankful for this."

She squeezed Sara's hand.

"Let's go and store this away. We have a date and I wouldn't want to be late."

Eli let go of Sara's hand and they shared a small smile as Eli lifted the box off the table and carried it away.

* * *

"So, who wants to hear some good news?"

They sat in a booth in Catherine's favourite diner, steaming food in front of them, the bright morning sun shining through the stained windows.

Leonard eyed Catherine, who just had a mouthful of pancake and winked at her. His own bacon, sausages, and scrambled eggs had remained untouched yet and he almost burst with excitement.

Sara waited interested and Eli chuckled to herself as she stapled pieces of french toast onto her fork.

Leonard lifted Catherine's hand avec fork to his mouth and kissed the back of it. She swallowed hastily and withdrew her hand, just to put the piece of cutlery down and catch Leonard's chin with her now free hand and drag him in for a quick kiss.

"Spill it, boy, it's obviously got something to do with me, so I wanna know!"

"Whoa, you're allowed to call him that?" Eli was glad she didn't have the sip of her coffee she was about to take already in her mouth. She cocked her head and smirked at Leonard. "She calls you boy?"

Leonard shook his head and wiped the comment with a leisurely gesture away.

"I have signed a contract yesterday. Huge thing. And my client pays me a lot of money to make me personally come to Vegas for every single assignment. Which means, my lovely, I'll be spending a lot more time here then you might be able to stand."

"That's great, Len!" Eli commented happily.

"Yeah, you're client had great timing, Leonard." Sara smiled broadly, amused at seeing Leonard in such childlike glee and Catherine so very much- well, in love. It suited her. It had smoothed the edges and wrinkles that had lately shown on her appearance. She looked younger, more relaxed. She wondered if falling in love with Eli had changed her, too. She definitely felt different, elated, calmer, though permanently giddy. Some of the tension she had carried around for much too long had left her body and just the feeling of Eli's thigh leaning against to her own left her wishing for more contact and quickened her heartbeat.

Catherine couldn't really believe what Leonard had been saying. She had been wracking her brain over the long-distance aspect of their shared future and other than Leonard spending his weekends in Vegas when she most likely had to work anyway she'd come up with next to nothing. That was just fantastic!

"Leonard, that's incredible. That'll make everything so much easier. And I can stand having you around every single day if it was up to me." She exclaimed finally.

Leonard still grinned kinda stupidly.

"But Cath, that means there's even more to do in the next couple of days. I have to go apartment hunting. Just when I thought we could use the time we get to spend alone for something more exciting."

"There'll be time left, I'll make sure of that." Catherine countered and smirked before she kissed Leonard again, just PG enough for a place that public.

"Guys, you are really lucky. And did I already mention how good you look together? I knew it from the day the two of you met."

Sara nodded at Eli's words.

"Yeah, you really do make a great couple."

Cath smiled.

"The two of you do, too. I'm so glad you finally figured it out. With all I know about you, you complete each other."

Eli looked at Sara, who raised one eyebrow and stared back.

"Do we, Waves?"

"I don't know yet. But we'll figure it out, just like everything else."

With a convinced look, Leonard added quietly:

"You will."

The rest of their breakfast conversation revolved around the details of Leonard's contract, his specifications for the flat he needed to find and telling Sara the story how Eli had found Catherine in her kitchen the other morning, which ended in annoying the other customers with the fit of laughter they all broke into.

* * *

The bass vibrated through her body and she tried to stay in synch with the beat of the indie-electro song, her body one of hundreds among a crowd of swaying and shuffling people. The loose fitting shirt started to cling to her sweaty back, but she didn't care. Didn't care that she had abandoned her usual self-restraint, danced carelessly and free, her worries partly drowned in one too many JBs. Stares she normally would not have allowed anymore, reminders of other parties years ago, followed her from the bar to the dance floor and back and she felt alive, needed to feel wanted today, even though she couldn't care any less about any of the people, mal e or female, that hid behind those hungry glances. She felt a hand brushing against her arm and brown, distanced and pained eyes held an unspoken plea for her to join them for another drink at the bar.

She decided to better mix the next bourbon shot with some coke and balancing their drinks through the masses, they looked for a quieter spot in the back of the club. Spotlights sped over dark violet walls, the tune had changed into something more mellow and melodic and the overstuffed lounge chairs were frighteningly inviting, so she sank into one, threw her leg over the armrest, tilted her head back and exhaled.

With increasing difficulty she tried to focus her opponent, who looked just as devastated and beat as she felt herself. There was no comfort in their common state, just the awareness that some days should better never have begun at all. Some days you better went with your gut and stayed in bed.

"Man, I'm completely wasted." Stated a soft, but slightly raspy with more than just physical exhaustion male voice.

She cracked one eye open and chuckled sarcastically.

"Wasn't that the reason for us to come here today? To dance that fuckin' day away and get trashed?"

"Sure. But I actually feel worse if that's even possible. What do you think the others are doing?"

_Do I really want to know that? _ Eli asked herself, wondering how the hell she was supposed to ever get out of these cushions again, or even home. She looked down on herself and mused over when all these buttons had unbuttoned themselves. Greg could easily see the edges of her black silk bra and though she knew it didn't matter because he didn't look, she no longer wondered about the lingering glances others had given her. She knew she looked as fuckin' sexy as had been possible after a 32 hour shift marathon from hell.

"Greggo, I don't want to know."

For the first time tonight, he really looked at her.

"Why aren't you with Sara?" He asked thoughtfully.

"Don't go there, mate. I'm here, I'm with you and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world. This is what I needed." She growled and closed her eyes again.

"I'm just sayin'. I'm worried about her and I know she shouldn't be alone tonight, none of us should. Least of all now that she's got you. If I had someone that close to me, I'd either cry right now or bang the hell out of them until I fall sleep and forget what I've seen."

Eli felt a sharp pain tugging at her heart. Blood spatter covering the walls. Too young eyes to have witnessed and suffered such brutality staring blindly into nothingness in a forever horrified last expression. Wearing shaggy and dirty clothes. Looking way too thin and worn out. Sara bended over their little bodies, the flashlight lightening up the cold and poorly furnitured room for fractions of a second at a time, bathing her clammed up, stoic professional expression in harsh, violent snap shots. Hours and hours of collecting evidence, uncovering the secrets of a perverted household, Greg out in the backyard, kicking the rusty frame of a long unused swing set hard, face contorted in stunned, wordless ire. The coroner's assistants carrying the body bags into the waiting van, three so small, one big.

Sara, eyes deep in their sockets and expression vacant and defensive, walking backwards away from her under the too bright fluorescent light in the hallway of the lab, somewhere between the layout room of horrors and the locker room, hands raised in a clear 'Leave me the fuck alone' gesture. Causing mind-numbing pain, repulsion, anger and such a deep helpless care that Eli's heart skipped several beats before falling into a slow normal rhythm again. Nick slamming his locker door shut with all his might, as close to tears as she'd ever seen him, through the open door. Grissom ordering the half of his team working this case finally home, dark rings under his calm eyes, watching his CSIs suffer through this ordeal. They all have had that kind of cases before, made it through, reveled in the small satisfaction to pin the creeps who did things like that with every last tiny piece of evidence to be found, then sleep, party, drink the bitter aftertaste away and start again with a different assignment. But no matter how long you've been on the job, how much you've already seen, if you care and after all you always should or quit the second you notice you don't anymore, some pictures rattle even the most solid of cages.

Calling Sara on her cell, once, twice, half a dozen times, each call instantly answered by the voice mail. Too tired to finish typing the scrabble from her notepad into the system. Sofia's hand on her shoulder, warm, familiar, but not soothing. The compassion in her eyes, the silent questions, too much. Texting Greg: 'Meet me at the Grit in an hour, let's forget for the rest of tonight'. Sitting here, nothing is better, all is worse, and him saying what he said.

Eli was too drunk to be kind.

"We're not fucking yet, Dude! And I'd never use her like that."

Greg lifts his hands, unconsciously mimicking Sara's earlier move.

"Hey, I just don't understand. I'm really glad to be here, I couldn't sleep yet anyway, but you should be with her, not babying me. Man, I see the love. I fuckin' care about Sara. And you. Stop being stupid. Don't let yourself be pushed away. What are you so fuckin' afraid of?"

"I try to respect her boundaries. When she says she wants to be left alone, I'm not going to impose myself. Hell, we kiss, we talk, we spend our free time together, but we haven't even slept together yet. As in sleep!" Eli added, seeing Greg's drunken thoughts slip away just a bit.

"Get your mind out of the gutter."

"Then this is the night, Eli." He said with quiet conviction. Eli pondered his sureness and his serious expression.

"I've seen Sara during cases like that. She goes home, has a few drinks and as far as I'm concerned lies awake until she passes out from exhaustion for a few hours, then comes back to the lab and works some more, until it's over. Just go there. Don't let her argue, let her pout, scream, kick. It's your job now, you're the girlfriend."

Astonished at his wits in this state, Eli stood up, shaking a bit and dragged Greg up from his seat, hugging him tightly.

"Greggo, you're a good man. And I mean man. Never forget that. Get home safely."

Returning the embrace, Eli feels Greg tremble lightly. She would definitely call him in the mornign to make sure he was okay.

"Bye, Greg. And thanks."

"Good night, hardcore Detective Trent. Take care of you - both."

* * *

Walking up and down on the corridor in front of Sara's apartment door, Eli lost her nerves. They'd been dating for a month now. Every time the tension built up, one of their cells had rung. A week of hard cases turned into a fortnight of double shifts and tired kisses after breakfast, before each of them headed home to catch up on some much needed sleep. Leonard had flown back to San Francisco, leaving behind a giddy Catherine who looked forward to his next assignment here in Vegas and an empty apartment Eli had promised to paint before he came back. She had managed one room so far. They had found the time to work on the Impala once or twice, forgetting about the time, wildly, heatedly kissing in the garage, eating take-out on the oil-stained floor between power tools and car parts. It was little, but it was something. They were happy so far. No rushing, no demands, call it seizing the moments.

But this was different. Those were her demons come lurking around, woken by this case. And though Eli knew, though they had said to be there for each other, she had pushed her away. Retreated. Denied Eli the chance to do what she was prepared to do. But she wouldn't allow her to.

Finally she knocked. Sara opened the door after long moments without even asking. Still in her streetclothes, she looked haggard and she was almost as drunk as Eli was.

"What do you want?" She asked harshly.

Words, where were the words when she needed them the most? She had always been good with words, superb even. She didn't answer, but pushed her way past Sara and into the dimly lit living room.

Sara sighed and closed the door carelessly.

"Eli, you're drunk and I'm not really sober either. This is not a good combination. I thought I made myself clear earlier." She drawled out, facing a intimidated looking, but determined Eli head on. "Say what you need to say and then leave." Sara spit out.

"I won't leave. I said I'd be there and I will. Don't exclude me, don't do that, push me away like that."

Before Sara could answer, Eli took the beer out of her hand and gently pushed her into the direction of the bedroom. She met the resistance she'd anticipated.

Sara tried to pry her hands off her arms.

"Don't! Get the hell out of here! I can't be with you now, I don't know how. Just let go!"

"I'll show you how, I'm not afraid of your anger, your pain. You got to trust me that I'd never hurt you. I'm not leaving you alone. I know what's happening, I know, Sara! I'm the only one who does. Hit me, shove me into the wall, I'm not going anywhere. I love that part of you just as much as the woman who smiles at me with grease smudges on her face or the one who kisses me senseless in a parking lot after breakfast, in broad daylight. If you want me, trust me that I do. I do!"

Sara just stared at her blinkingly, let herself be dragged backwards.

Coming to a halt at the end of Sara's unmade bed, Eli let her head fall down.

"Love, where are your sleep shirts?"

Sara pointed limply at a drawer. Why did she let her do this? She wanted to be alone, she didn't need Eli's pity, trying to take care of her. But as Eli threw two shirts onto the mattress behind Sara and walked back to her, standing too close to not look her in the eye, she saw was the same thing she had seen the night she had told her about everything. And she saw more. Distant tears, coming from the same place her unshed ones originated. And sorrow and a loving warmth so deep that she didn't object anymore as Eli started to undress herself, mere inches in front of her. Shoes and socks first, her glance urging her to do the same. And without hesitating, she followed suit. While they undressed, their eyes never left each other's. As thick as the tension between them had been on other days, there was nothing sexual about this, just a strange, comforting intimacy. Sara slipped into the smaller shirt Eli had picked out, while Eli wriggled into the bigger one. In shirt and her boxers, Eli climbed into Sara's bed, as if it was the most normal thing, something she did every day. Lifting the covers, she motioned Sara to join her, and she did.

They lay face to face, a tenderness and thankfulness in Eli's glance that made breathing hard for Sara.

"I didn't want to be alone tonight. I want to be with you, I want you to want to be with me even when you don't."

And she edged closer and kissed Sara gently.

"Come here." She whispered, pulled Sara into the welcoming cocoon of her arms, letting her head rest under her chin.

"Sleep now."

Their legs entangled under the blanket and Sara slung her arm over Eli's stomach, her deep and steady breaths calming her. She'd never thought it could be that easy. Letting go. Quietly she started sobbing and Eli held her closer, stroking her hair, wiping the tears away, furiously trying to blink away the moisture in her own eyes and humming under her breath despite the lump in her throat. The low tone reverberated through Sara's body and utterly exhausted, she drifted into sleep.

Eli woke disorientated. Her head throbbed painfully and she tried to wet her dry and clingy lips, but her mouth was dry and felt cottony. An unfamiliar weight rested on her and her right arm was pinned and tingled relentlessly. She turned her head and caught sight of Sara's face, still asleep, with a slight frown creasing her forehead, strand hairs fanned out over her cheek. She was half lying on top of her and what hadn't mattered last night spread through Eli like a drug making its way through the body's system. The feel of a smooth naked leg resting between her own, Sara's breast pressed by her body weight into her chest, the hand still lying on her stomach, the soft breath along her jaw. Heat ran through her and arousal settled in her lower abdomen. With her left hand she brushed the hair out of Sara's face and caressed her cheeks. The frown faded slowly and gave way for a more relaxed expression. She was beautiful.

Sara stirred and her leg brushed over Eli in a way too comfortable manner. She held her breath and tried not to think about that leg reaching just an inch higher. Sara's low moan while slowly coming to just kept on heightening her awareness of a closeness they hadn't yet shared and her unmistakable reaction to it.

Sara's eyes fluttered open and Eli saw the comprehension of their situation dawn on her. She closed her eyes again and muttered.

"Mornin'."

"Morning, sleepyhead." Eli said smilingly.

Sara cuddled even closer into Eli and her lips found Eli's cheekbone.

"'tis feels right." Sara mumbled onto her skin. "Though I really didn't want you coming here last night."

"I know, that's why I came. It's me, since when do I do what you want me to?"

Sara opened her eyes fully and rolled herself completely on Eli, who groaned and pressed her eyes shut, trying to ignore the surging desire.

"I suppose I needed a reminder that I'm not alone anymore."

"You sure did." Eli ground out.

"Are you always that cocky when you've just woken up?" Sara asked teasingly.

"Only when I wake up lying under you."

Sara smirked and for a moment she forgot what had taken place over the last two days. This was too tempting. She slipped her leg between Eli's, moved it up just the fraction of an inch and reveled in Eli's instant reaction, the shudder that went through her whole body and the tiny bucking of her hips all the reward she'd wanted.

"So you like that?"

"Almost too much." Putty. She was putty in her hands, beneath her. Sara dipped her head down and her mouth found Eli's. Seconds later Eli's hand was behind Sara's head and their tongues fought for even more, deeper intimate contact. Knowing that Eli could stand it and not feel crushed, Sara rested her full weight on the other woman and ran her hand up Eli's sides. A violent tremor answered her ministrations and she smiled into the kiss.

Moving off Eli again, curling up at her side, she wondered.

"Is this how it's going to be? Waking up beside you?"

Eli faced her and kissed her forehead, her nose and her lips again.

"Every day, if you want it."

As they sat on the couch, sipping their coffees, the reality of their upcoming shift gripped them again.

"I got to get home, shower and change. It's going to be another long day." Eli ran her hand through her hair. "How are you?"

"Honestly?" Sara knitted her brows looking at Eli, who was standing up.

"Of course."

"Crappy. But at least I could sleep. Thanks to you. And you?"

Eli shook her head.

"I'm never going to get those pictures out of my mind. It actually is my most gruesome case to date. I've never dealt with a recklessness and brutality like that before. I'm surprised Brass lets me work this. I didn't know whether I was ready for sick stuff like that, and I'm not. The guy just sat there and shrugged his shoulders. He didn't say a word and he won't today. I'm usually not a supporter of death row, but that just might have changed."

"And he will get it. He did it and we've got more than enough to prove it. He doesn't need to confess."

"Greg called me hardcore Detective last night. He was drunk. Geez, I wanted to call him and make sure he's slept."

"So you've been with Greg? I bet he needed that. Let me guess, thumping music, fancy club, lots of zombies?"

Eli held her head and hoped for the aspirin to take effect soon.

"Yeah. Lots of JB for me. He looked so empty. But he worried almost as much about you as I did. I needed the distraction, but in the end I needed you."

Sara pushed herself off the armchair und embraced Eli.

"I thought you'd thought that I needed you... I'll try to not push you away again. Give me a little time to get used to this."

"I needed you just as much..." Eli mumbled into a kiss.

"See you later?" Sara asked as they broke apart and Eli picked up her discarded jacket.

"I'm gonna come by and snatch some of Greg's coffee."

She nipped at Sara's neck one last time and brought her mouth close to her ear.

"Thanks for letting me stay."


	29. 29 Bliss

This has been incredibly challenging... but I made it through in one piece. Thanks to countless cups of coffee and numerous cigarettes. This is M again, just to warn you! And once again a first person chapter.

Enjoy, I hope!

* * *

**Eli's POV**

29. Bliss

"Your hand, ugh, your ring. Hair, ouch!"

"Sorry, Sar."

"Could you... Right."

"Damn, what kind of clasp is that?"

"One just like any else."

"I don't think so, it doesn't give."

_RRRiippp!_

"Now that's so not sexy!"

"Was only one way left getting that off of you."

"Is that? That's the pattern I got on my surfboard, how did you-? You've got the pattern that's on my bloody surfboard tattooed on your ribcage?"

"Shut up, Sidle!"

"I'm just wonderi- umpf..."

That's definitely not how I imagined it. We're fumbling like teenagers with our clothes, my ring got caught in her hair, her bra lies on the floor, shredded. My kisses are sloppy and I can't focus. We're a knot made of bodies, limps and wandering hands and it's actually kind of awful. Nothing really romantic about it. Don't get me wrong, I want her, every single one of her touches turn me on, but maybe I'm just too focused on getting it right that it simply all goes wrong. The week-long built-up to this moment, the sleeping together, having her in my place for the first time, the tension is drowning me.

"Stop!"

"What?"

"This is so not working. Why are you so nervous, you look like you're going to faint any minute. Eli!"

"I'm sorry!"

"What's the matter with you?"

I sit up on the couch and hang my head. Yes, I'm fucking afraid, I'm scared, actually, I'm terrified. I'm shaking, I don't recognize myself. Everything I ever wanted is right in front of me and it left me reduced to a wretched mass of raw nerves.

I look up and meet Sara's worried glance. And there it is, the thing that scares the fuck out of me. I've seen a lot of emotions in her eyes over the years and particularly over the last couple of weeks. Hesitation, amusement, utmost concentration, ignorance, interest, fascination, warmth, attraction, lust, but also resentment, a lot of sadness, pain, anger and hatred. But never have they been glowing, radiating with this. I'd say it's something that comes very close to love and I so wasn't ready for it. Not after barely having kept it together over those last few days. I wasn't ready for how dark those eyes were just minutes ago in the car. Dark with liquid, tangible desire, for me. After all this time. Especially so soon after this gut-wrenching case.

"I'm afraid, Waves."

I needn't say more, I know she understands. She reaches for my hand and interlaces our fingers, softly running her thumb over the back of my hand. Then she bends down and softly kisses my knuckles, one by one, tugs a bit on my hand and I move closer, my breath stuck in my throat. She trails tender kisses up my arm, all the while never stopping the movement of her thumb, runs her tongue over my shoulder and my neck and bites leisurely into the nape of my neck. I shudder and moan silently. Her warm breath caresses my ear and I hear her whisper.

"Relax!"

She nibbles at my throat niftily and I'm gone. A wave of relieve, awe and blazing hot lust runs through my blood. I exhale and give up, give in. A low rumbling groan erupts from deep within me as she pushes me down into the cushions and I feel her body pressed flush against me, effectively pinning me down. Skin on skin, breasts on breasts.

I love her.

Her hands force mine above my head and she's laying on me with her full weight. With anyone else, I'd feel restrained, I'd flip them over to get the upper hand. But with her, I feel safe, securely wrapped up in all that is her, all that made me fall for her, all that fascinates me and attracts me. She wriggles her body in between my legs and ever so slowly grinds her hips. I sigh hoarsely and throw my head back. God, I can't breathe, I can't think, all I can do is feel and it overwhelms me, I'm so turned on by her taking the lead so effortlessly, calming me and arousing me all at once that I want to melt into the suede beneath me. Her kisses move along my jaw line and then her lips are on mine. Our arms still stretched out, her hands in mine, I'm completely at her mercy and I'm loving every second of it. Her kisses are short and teasing, she dips down, runs her tongue over my lower lip, sucks it into her mouth and lets go again, never lingering, never deepening the contact. I'm beginning to pant, searching blindly for her mouth. I feel her lips on my brows, my eyelids, my cheeks, my nose, licking the corner of my mouth. I groan in anticipation and hunger and frustration. The movement of her hips becomes more pressuring and adapt a faster pace now. I buck into her and for half a second I wonder what it is I'm doing. I'm not the prey, I've always been the predator. But here and now, this feels so fucking good and my pride is long gone. She's got me so worked up, I feel the flames deep in my stomach licking around wildly and her grinding is their fuel and I burn for more, I want to be taken, slowly but forcefully and I feel a certain pressure building up strongly when I realise that that's exactly what's going to happen. Confident Sara is back and I adore her. I die just a little bit, right then. Her mouth has moved to my ear and as she growls "I want you!" with that gravelly tone that tells me that she's just as far gone as I am, I come undone.

"Keep your hands above your head."

Oh dear heavens. Her hands move down my arms, she rakes her nails over my skin right down my sides and cups my breasts the exact second she kisses me again, open mouthed, hot and deep. While we're exploring with tangling tongues, ragged breaths escape us in between our battle, she pinches both my nipples and I arch my back off the couch and yelp into her mouth. I try to catch my breath but her discovering mouth leaves me no time to recover as it reaches my breast and she draws lazy circles around my left nipple with the tip of her tongue before she bites down on it, then sucks softly and smiles up at me.

It's madness and I must have gone crazy. I moan and lean into her touch, barely noticing that she's started to unbutton my jeans and pushes both them and my boxers down my legs. She leaves them around my knees and spreads my legs just enough to caress the insides on my thighs. I'm panting, writhing, it's way too much and yet not enough at the same time, I ball my hands to fists but don't dare bringing them down to touch her myself, as much as I want, need to feel her skin, too. As she cups me I lose my mind completely. She's got me reduced to pure feeling and a need runs through my veins that I have to vocalise.

"Please, Sar..."

Her mouth leaves my aching nipple with one last rather harsh but oh so pleasant bite and I shiver as cold air settles on overheated and wet skin and the slight pain mingles with pleasure as her finger is dipping through the wetness and shockwaves resonate in me as a nimble digit presses down on my clit. Her touch is deliberately lazy, enough to drive me mad with desire, too light to push me too far towards the edge. I roll my hips, desperate to increase the friction, but she's having none of it. She settles her weight completely on me again and denies me the freedom to move at all. That's it. My hands each grab a handful of her hair and I force her head up to find her eyes. They're glazed over but stare at me so powerfully that it makes me gasp.

She focuses and smiles a lovely but smug smile. My breath hitches again as she looks me directly into the eyes and flicks her finger repeatedly over my now most sensible area. I twitch as much as is possible under her and damn, she's killing me and she knows it.

"Ask me, Eli, I want to hear it!"

I have never, ever before in my life asked, let alone begged to be fucked by a woman. I know she can see the defiance in my eyes as she smirks, stops all movement and starts to withdraw her hand. I catch her wrist and drag both our hands to where I want hers again. She just keeps on smiling, kisses me lightly and then guides my own index finger into me.

Sweet Mother Mary, if I wanted that woman before, I'm crazy for her now, that was one bold and indescribably sexy move and that smirk... I fist into her hair and she cringes just a bit. The look we're exchanging would melt iron. Smoldering, wanton, exhilarating lustfulness.

I hold on to the last tiny bit of sanity I have left for dear life as I open my mouth to speak.

"Sidle, fuck me!"

I've released a wildfire. The words have barely left my lips as my own hand is slapped out of the way and three of Sara's fingers enter me at once, pushing their way deep into me til up to her knuckles. A loud scream escapes me and Sara's mouth comes crashing down on mine. She kisses me senseless, breathless, will-less, then nibs and bites her way down my body, teeth grazing my sensitive nipples, lips sucking at my throat, my neck, everywhere at once while she moves her fingers at an erratic pace. I moan, I try to move up the couch to find better hold but she shoves me down again, no escaping the rapidly building pressure. As she curls her finger inside and scissors them while moving out I grunt and push down on her hand, meeting her every hard and skilled thrust. I'm so unbelievably close and yet she manages to balance me at the very brink of losing it, prolonging my ecstasy.

"Look at me."

I obey without hesitation, though I'm having serious difficulties keeping my eyelids from closing in heavenly agony and I can't for the life of me really focus. But as soon as our eyes meet, she flicks her thumb quickly over my clit and thrusts deep hitting the perfect spot and I explode, crying out her name as I come hard and soul-shatteringly powerful.

I close my eyes and feel my arms falling numbly to my sides, one dangling off the couch. I'm utterly spent and emotionally overwhelmed.

Sara rains butterfly kisses over my sweaty face and I can feel her smile.

"You're so beautiful." She croons into my ear and I wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly.

"I love you."

"I know." She responds and adds so low that I almost can't hear it.

"And I am falling for you so hard and fast that it almost hurts."

My heart swells and I'm so happy that it fails every description.

This is bliss.

I breathe slowly and bask in the sensation. There it is, everything I lost, everything I just merely pretended to still be is returning to me, my confidence, my belief, my strength, my self-consciousness, my will.

Sara snuggles into my side and hums contently, her hand resting on my chest. She smiles up at me and by the satisfied look on her face one could guess that it wasn't me who just came like there was no tomorrow but her. And the sweetest thing is, she has absolutely no idea how much I want this look to never leave her face again.

And there's only so much I can do...

"Sar?"

"Uh-hm?"

"Care for a change of location? Let's say somewhere more comfortable?"

"And what could be more comfortable than lying on top of you, on this very, very comfy couch?"

I cup her face and kiss her, slowly, softly, reverently.

"My bed, no clothes and you under me?"

"Hmmm... Not nervous anymore, huh?"

I push my pants and boxers the rest of the way down my shins and struggle them off. Her gaze wanders up and down the half of my body she's not lying on and takes in every inch.

"I think I'm beginning to like this no clothes idea."

There's that hungry, predatory glint in her eyes again. I never imagined being topped could be such an incredible turn on for me. The hand that rested between my breasts slowly starts its journey down my body again and her right leg traps mine beneath it and tugs it to the side, forcing me to spread my thighs wider.

"God, you look amazing, right this moment when you realise you're going to surrender though you still don't really want to. You wanted to turn the tables, huh? Forget it!"

Honestly, I might just have found out what I've been wanting all my life without ever knowing. As she pushes into me again, using all the leverage her prone position offers her, I fall. I don't know this woman, but I'm ecstatic to get to know her. There's nothing left of shy, geeky, sad Sidle, no remnants of pain are left in her eyes. Here with me is a confident, smug, effortlessly dominant and beyond sexy goddess and I'm hers. Always have been.

I gasp and let it happen.

I meet her eyes and tell her with mine. The wetness coating her hand tells her, the tremble in my stomach muscles tells her, the groan she forces out of me tells her, the frantic rolling of my hips tells her.

She stares and there's a determination in her thrusts that takes my breath away. Her eyes never leave mine and she doesn't even try to blink away the tears that are building up in them.

"Let go, just let go, I'm here and I don't intend to ever leave again. It's just you and me and not a doubt left in my mind." She whispers.

And I come again, silently, her name on my lips between ragged breaths. Convulsions run through me, I shudder and thrash under her weight, but she's relentless, not stopping and I cry out and beg her to release me. She just shakes her head and pinches my clit. I buck and crash over another edge.

Wow.

Well, that's an understatement.

As my body has stilled and I can feel my limbs again, I open my eyes again and find her still looking at me, with the most affectionate warmth in her deep whiskey-brown eyes, her head resting on her hand, propped up on her elbow.

"Tell me something else I didn't know about you." I demand, intrigued, amazed, blown away by this new side to her.

She focuses on something behind me and thinks for a moment.

"When I'm too tired to sleep I make myself a cocoa and watch sitcoms. I can't stand them usually, but they have a soothing effect. I snore when I'm sick. I always wanted to drive a race car."

"Oh, you snore even when you're not sick!"

"I don't!" She pouts.

I chuckle.

"You so do. Lucky me to have such a comfy couch, huh? I'll put a spare cover here."

She punches my shoulder lightly.

"Just wake me then and tell me."

"I will."

"And I still have nightmares." Her stare become a bit vacant and her eyes cloud over with a sadness that is far too familiar.

I caress her face and she leans into my touch.

"I'll just hold you like I did the other night and they will pass. They might never go away, but you'll have someone to hold on to and talk to when they haunt you."

"I'm so glad you already know me so well."

I frown.

"I don't really know you, Waves. I know facts about your life, some I suppose no one else knows. But I don't really know you yet, not the Sara you are today. And you don't exactly know who I've become. I guess we both do have a very good idea who we've become, but we still have so much to learn and find out. Do you want to? Find out?"

"Everything."

"Good."

I get up and stretch. I can feel her admiring look and I love it. I take her hand and lead us to the bathroom. While I fumble with the faucets in the shower, she takes off the rest of her clothes.

I wonder how we achieved this kind of intimacy in such a short amount of time. There's no shyness anymore, the silence between us is comfortable. We step under the water and let the hot streams wash over us. Bodies slick with shower gel, we melt into each other and kiss. Playful, exciting kisses. I map her body with my hands, she's so slender and lithe with subtle curves, some angles are almost a bit too sharp, but she has a luscious body and I indulge in it. I cup her small pert breasts and kiss my way down from her throat to her collarbones.

She moans as I drive my thumbs over her erect nipples and her little appreciative noises send waves of renewed arousal down my spine. She braces herself on the tiles with one hand, the other sinks into my wet hair.

As I drop to my knees without any warning I hear her breath hitch. My hands run down her sides, over her rips, to her hips and up to her cute little tummy. I love that it's not completely flat, I run my tongue around her navel, dip into it and then let my cheek come to a rest on her thigh. I nuzzle my nose in the neatly trimmed triangle of hair and kiss around it. She automatically widens her stance.

The water patters down on me and I flatten my tongue over her mound. A strangled cry escapes her as I lick my way through her folds and lightly press the tip of my tongue onto her clit. She is unbelievably wet, and I'm not talking about the tap water here, and I know I'm addicted. I smell and taste and probe, always with a bit too little pressure. She's breathing heavily and her hand has a tight grip on my hair, pushing me into her. I reward her by sinking my tongue as deep into her as possible. My rhythm is strong but slow. In one fluid movement I replace my tongue with two fingers and push up into her, my pace increasing and fingers curling while I suckle and flick her clit.

The sweetest guttural growl reaches my ears and she tightens around me. I scrape my teeth over her incredibly sensitive bud and thrust harder, faster and she comes, knees buckling, groaning out loud. I slip out and catch her fall, we sink down slowly while she spasm with little aftershocks. I hold her to me, kneeling on the tiles, hot water still washing over us, steam wafting around us. She reaches for my face and pulls me in for a gentle kiss, she tastes herself on my lips and breaks out into a wide smile.

"What did you do to me?"

"Brought you to your knees..."

"Oooh yeah!" She leans back and lies sprawled out on the warm tiles and I bask in the glorious sight.

When she has recovered, we dry ourselves off and slip into bed. She settles down on her side, one leg over mine, her arm across my stomach, head resting on my shoulder. I set the alarm and snuggle into her.

Sleepiness overcomes us quickly while we revel in our closeness, our satisfaction, the wordless commitment we made.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading and please review, not so many chances ahead anymore...


	30. 30 Settling in

It's been a while since the last update, I've been awfully busy and I will be for some time to come. I'm writing any chance I get to wrap this one up nicely and I hope I'll be able to bring the last couple of chapters to you soon. So this one is a little longer to make it up to you. Enjoy.

Thanks for the reviews, ideas and praise.

* * *

30. Settling in

"Yo, Nick, man!" Warrick slightly startled the short haired Texan from behind as his hand landed on his friend's shoulder.

"Geez, Warrick. What's with the sneaking up from behind?" Nick scrunched up his face and glared at his taller collegue, having almost dropped the manila folder he was skipping through on his way to Greg.

Warrick pointed in the direction of the break room, raised an eyebrow at Nick and asked:

"Tell me what's wrong about this picture!" Without waiting for an answer, he stated the facts. "Cath, Sara and Eli, talking like old buddies over coffee. We know Eli and Cath get along just fine, so nothing worrisome about that. But she and Sara have barely exchanged a word in the past weeks and all of us have witnessed the tension between Eli and Sar. Yeah, it got a bit better since Trent recovered from that gunshot injury. But there, look at that!" He exclaimed and pointed again.

Nick watched Sara gently pad the Detective's shoulder, grabbing her cup and leaving the table to get both of them a refill while Catherine obviously laughed about something Sara must've just said.

Behind the two irritated CSIs someone cleared his throat.

"Well, well, wouldn't you guys like to know."

Warrick turned his head quickly and Nick's eyes followed his gaze.

"Greggo, don't tell us you know more than we do." Nick complained instantly.

Greg, hands buried deep in the pockets of his lab coat since he was helping Wendy with a huge pent-up case load in DNA, grinned almost manically and then motioned that his lips were sealed.

"I'll be dead meat if I spill it to you, let me tell you, Sara can be outright scary sometimes, believe me. Let's just say that I like this new situation much better than I did the old and now go figure it out yourselves, you're CSIs after all, aren't you?"

And Greg-untypically fast he hasted back towards Wendy's lab, but not without giving them a goofy knowing grin.

"Aw, I hate it when he knows more than we do. I'd say they somehow buried the hatchet, but it seems like there's more to it." Nick wondered and shook his head.

"Yeah, maybe." Warrick squinted his eyes.

"And look at Cath man, she's literally glowing. 50 say she's got a new man." Nick grinned and Warrick took his outstretched hand.

"Nah, she would have told me, I'm in on that one. But another fifty say Sara and Eli have hooked up. You've said it yourself, Nick, they have history and those glances and fights have finally found an outlet." Warrick wiggled his eyebrows.

Nick just shrugged.

"Our girl playing for Eli's team, I don't think so. Ever thought of Sara as gay? I still think she has that case of hero worship for Griss, it's always been that way, so you're on."

* * *

Oblivious to the guys musings and bets on their private lives, the three women in the break room were making plans.

Sara set the fresh mug of coffee down in front of Eli and had to concentrate not to run her hand down Eli's back, very aware that they were surrounded by glass walls.

Catherine stretched in her chair and suppressed a yawn.

"So, we're really all off tomorrow night? Hard to believe." She said chuckling tiredly.

"Call it divine intervention." Eli grinned and sighed as she took the first sip from her cup. "Hell, Waves, one more sugar and this'd be coffee syrup. How did you know I needed something sweet right now?" She grinned at her girlfriend.

Sara looked around and as she was content that no one but the three of them was within earshot, she smiled smugly, shot Catherine an amused look and quietly said.

"Because I know who rid you of a lot of energy not so long ago. I just want to recharge your batteries for later."

Eli gave Sara a dreamy stare and Catherine almost spluttered her mouthful of coffee all over the table but caught herself just in time, swallowed and looked surprised at Sara.

"Damn, Sidle, I didn't know you had it in you. That's a change of tune I didn't expect from you."

"You'd be surprised, Cath." Eli added, which earned her a playful swat to the arm from Sara.

"Don't make her jealous, Eli, Leonard's not due to come back for another two weeks."

"Oh, maybe there's a reason for her to get a little jealous, I didn't let Len in on all the tricks I got up my sleeves." Eli returned, giving Sara a hungry look that made the strawberry blonde watching the little banter laugh heartily.

Sara gazed back with equal intensity. "Oh, bring it on and make sure you drink up every last drop of that coffee, dear." She smiled mischievously.

Catherine rolled her eyes.

"Girls, get a room."

Eli raised her wrist and looked at her watch.

"Not necessary, there's just 94 minutes left on the shift and I'll sure leave on time today or should I put in some overtime, Sar?"

"Don't you dare!" Sara hissed at her and finished her own coffee. "I gotta go, I have to kick someone's butt to get some DNA results. Greg's keeping me waiting. Haul your fine ass back over to the PD and - meet at your place later?" She asked placing her cup in the sink and walking over to the door.

"Gladly!" Eli replied. "Hey, before you go, since we're all off tomorrow, Cath, drinks, club, bar or have you planned something with Linds?"

Catherine sighed loudly. "Nothing planned yet, but all of the above sound good. A girl's night out? Count me in, but only if you two behave as long as I'm around."

"Ah, we will. I really gotta go. Call you tomorrow, Cath, okay? See you alter Eli."

As Sara was gone, Catherine shot Eli another amused look.

"So things are going well I suppose?"

Eli leaned back smiling and folded her hands behind her head before answering.

"After a first little bump in the road things are going just great. God, Catherine, some moments I don't really believe it yet. It's like all the things that forced us apart have caused us to have an even stronger connection now."

Catherine nodded and very seriously said. "I don't think I've seen Sara this at ease and happy ever before. And I don't think I've ever witnessed her being so smug and direct. It's astounding. Whatever you are doing, please keep it up, Eli."

The Detective groaned, then grinned and pushed herself out of her chair.

"I definitely plan on doing so." On a more serious note she added. "She's let her guard down around you, Cath. I know from what she tells me about the two of you in the past that she's always admired you but that it's been difficult for you to accept her in the beginning. So you've managed to work yourselves into a dreading routine of arguing and competing when there's always been enough room for both of you. I think you established a kinda crooked pictures of the other. Sara can be tough, almost emotionless when she thinks she has to be and you have learned how to push her buttons just right when something seemingly doesn't go the way you want it to and then you end up yelling at each other. You can be really harsh sometimes Catherine. But I have never seen two people work so flawlessly together as the two of you. Your ways of working compliment each other so perfectly, it's scary. We'll see a lot of each other privately in the future, with you being with Lenny now. I think you could be great friends. Try to look behind everything you think you've learned so far about Sar. I think you have no idea how different she is without the pressure of work lasting on her shoulders."

Catherine frowned at Eli.

"I think I understand her better than you think, Eli. I know that Sara has some issues that still weigh on her heavily and she doesn't want anyone to see that. Maybe she's afraid that if she shows any weakness, we won't respect her as much as we did before anymore, but that will never be the case. Yes, I admit I always pushed her harder than the guys, I admire her abilities and her intelligence and maybe it even scared me a little at times just how good she is at what she does and how easily it seems to come to her. But I know that she often just wears a mask and sure can be quite different from what we know her to be when she feels safe. I'd love to see this side of her and I hope we'll find real grounds for a trusting friendship. I've been through hell and back in my own life, I'm not afraid of anyone's story. In the end it has made her who she is today and the harder her ordeal might have been, the more impressed I am for the person she managed to become anyway. She has her heart and soul in the right spot, that I never doubted for even a second. We'll make it work. If things continue to go on as they do right now, we're on the best way to becoming kind of a family to each other."

Eli smiled and squeezed Catherine's hand.

"Family is what Sara never had. I plan on giving her that, with all your help. Don't tell her I told you that."

The older investigator shook her head with a melancholic smile. "Never. Make her happy, Eli."

"I'll do my very best."

"So drinks tomorrow night. You know, let's go out dancing. I've been out with you and Len and a bunch of times with the boys, but I can't recall Sara ever being around for those outings. How was she at parties in college?" Cath asked.

Eli scratched her head and smiled remorsefully.

"Don't blame me too much, but I can't recall too much of those parties today. I've almost always managed to get severely drunk, I just remember that when she was around, she never had much more than a beer or two, she rarely danced, she rather accompanied friends, stood around talking to those still lucid enough to respond intelligible, tapped a bit to the music and often times carried someone back to the dorm while I passed out somewhere or had my way with some random pretty face. Some days it seemed like it was some kind of duty she had to go through in order to fit in, but there were times when she obviously enjoyed the diversion and looked more relaxed. I think I never danced with her before. That's gotta change."

Catherine looked Trent up and down.

"You're quite a good dancer. We'll all hit the dance floor tomorrow. Maybe she'll really loosen up a bit around me. If she doesn't, she'll have to watch you dancing with me. How about we'll go to a gay club, you can save me if I'm getting hit on too much." She grinned.

Eli rolled her eyes. "I don't think you'll need saving, I know you can make a point Cath. Listen, I got to head back, I have to check back with Sofia and Brass wanted to go over my case once more. Just spend the day with your girl and we'll figure out where to go."

She also put her cup in the sink and as both women headed to the door Eli stopped Catherine and gave a short hug.

"I'm really glad I met you, Cath. See you tomorrow."

* * *

Eli stood on her patio and smoked, her mind wrapped around the sight of Sara sleeping in her bed. Sheets only half covering her back, arms resting under her head tucked under the pillow she slept on, the completely relaxed look on her face. She had softly kissed Sara's shoulder blade and run her hand from Sara's neck down her spine and under the covers over that cute little butt. It was supposed to be a completely gentle gesture, she found comfort in just being able to do so now, but as Sara groaned ever so low in her sleep, unconsciously acknowledging the touch and bent her right leg, the unintentional invitation was just too tempting. Eli let her hand linger and bent down to keep on kissing Sara's back, licked softly over the few faded reminders of different times in her girlfriends life and Sara started moving as she slowly came to. Kissing Sara's neck, Eli moved to her ear and softly whispered to her to just keep still and enjoy. She didn't miss a single spot on her slow journey down Sara's back and sides, mouth, tongue and hands mapping every square millimeter, a soft bite here and a tickling lick there. As her hand finally reached Sara's backside again and she started kneading the round cheeks, Sara let a moan escape into the pillow and balled her hands to fists gripping the sheets. She bent her knee even more and Eli ran a finger down the back of her thigh and back up the inside, making Sara shudder fiercely.

As Eli's hand stopped just an inch away from Sara's centre, she tried to slide down on the bed to meet Eli's fingers and make her ease the tension that had built up so strongly inside of her. The soft teasing touches had done their work, every fiber of Sara's body screamed for more, her heartbeat pulsed between her legs and she longed to feel Eli inside.

"Love, to me you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my whole life. You have no idea how much I want you right now, what you're doing to me when you writhe beside, underneath me like that, when your breath comes out in those short little gasps and I know that my touch, my hands, my mouth did that to you. To know that we're just seconds away from getting lost in it and you wouldn't believe how afraid and yet exhilarated I am that just one move from you, one indication that you wanted to turn this situation around would be enough to have me completely at your mercy and that I'd still love that more than I can express, scary as it is for me to react that way. But please, just let me do this my way. Let me have you for as long or short, as slow or as fast, as hard or as gentle as I want to. God, I love you, Waves..."

Sara remained completely silent as she listened to Eli's low and rumbling voice, the words resonated in her body as goose bumps appeared all over her skin at Eli's loving, affectionate and seductive tone. Her whole body thrummed in anticipation that cleared the fog just having woken up had left behind and she dared not to move a muscle and just waited, her hands clenching the sheets even harder. The extend of her arousal was beyond words, she almost feared that it wouldn't take much more than a tender touch to make her crash over that sweet edge, as much as she wanted to revel as long as humanly possible in the things to come. Eli's fingers ran over the insides of her thighs in a torturingly slow pace, she fully concentrated on that touch so that the not so very gentle bite Eli delivered to her neck took her completely by surprise and she yelled out as at the same time of the harsh treatment of the sensitive spot Eli spread her wide open with two fingers and ran a third one through her wetness and tickled her clit so softly that the contrariness of those two movements assaulted her senses so overwhelmingly powerful that her mind went blank and all she could do was feel and let it happen. Eli kept biting her way over Sara's neck and shoulders with just enough force to leave slight marks and deliver an still enjoyable amount of pain that mingled with the pure pleasure her pointed and deliberate strokes brought to other regions. Sara's hips bucked, she moaned at the onslaught, the bites got lighter as the movement of Eli's hand got stronger and she flicked her finger repeatedly and with so much skill over Sara's clit that as she finally slipped two of her fingers inside she met no resistance at all and Sara pressed down on her hand with a loud groan and a hissed "Yeesssss!" at the same time Eli threw her head back in glee and a "God!" escaped her lips. She started thrusting into Sara, hovering over her, then slipping her own leg between Sara's to add more power to her thrusts and to enjoy the feel of skin against skin as she bend over Sara's back and nipped at her neck again. She added another finger and pushed harder and faster while Sara arched into her, eyes closed and head pressed down into the cushion.

Sara acted on pure instinct, she raised her hips and forced Eli's fingers even deeper the pressure built up strong and fast, every muscle was tensed and she could barely breathe. Just as she felt her release closing in rapidly and the first hint of orgasmic shudder ran through her body, Eli completely stopped all movement and just remained still inside of her.

Her walls convulsed and filled with the need to burst from the inside, she screamed in frustration and unreleased passion and tried to keep riding Eli's hand, but no such luck.

Incoherent strings of curse words left her mouth and Eli slowly withdrew her fingers and ran circles around Sara's swollen clit while her mouth and tongue moved up the skin of Sara's back. Sara was back to moaning and every time the finger ran over her directly and with spot on pressure she winced and then growled as it never lasted, feeling trapped in the second before orgasm hits for minutes already, but Eli just didn't let her get there completely. It was the most intense moment during any sex she could ever remember, she wanted it to last forever but then her body screamed for salvation.

"Please," she whimpered, panting. "Eli, please, I can't... take it any longer. God, fuck!"

Eli drew the torture out for another minute or so, then delved back into Sara with three fingers at once and a powerful thrust, filling her completely and forcing a hoarse scream out of her. She'd never even dared to dream of Sara being so very vocal and it drove her to not prolong anything anymore, but to set a furious pace that sent a mind blown Sara over the edge so hard that she could only release the air from her lungs and thrash around the bed wildly. Eli kept the thrusting up and rode Sara through her powerful release until her muscles suddenly relaxed and she collapsed under Eli, breathing hard and soundly.

Eli moved up Sara's side and snuggled into her, but stayed inside, trapping Sara's left leg under her own. Every time Sara's breathing started to even out she'd bend or curl her fingers again, sending a series of aftershocks through Sara. She pressed into Sara's sweaty skin and rained kisses over her shoulders. As she finally started to withdraw her hand, Sara groaned and immediately turned around to face Eli.

"Sweetness, you are the devil. I can barely move. I want to kiss you so much right now, but I'm not sure I can lift my head far enough." She muttered exhaustedly.

Eli smiled and closed in, delivering a searing, deep kiss to Sara.

"Sar, you're the amazing one, don't you know? I can't really fathom what just happened, you're just incredible. That was so fucking hot, I-I- I think I'm addicted to your moans and groans and that scream... I love you loud, did I already say just how hot you are?"

Sara just kissed her again, lovingly and let her head sink back into the pillow, a huge smile plastered on her face. Eli watched her relax and caressed the side of her face, brushing away the strands of hair that had fallen into Sara's face.

"Love, go back to sleep, when you wake up there will be coffee and breakfast. I love you."

Eli kissed Sara's lips lightly and let her love fall back to sleep. She kept watching her for some more minutes before she pulled the covers up and left the bed.

Out on the patio, she closed her eyes and inhaled once more, letting the afternoon sun warm her face, the smell of fresh coffee hanging in the air. Suddenly arms encircled her from behind and she almost dropped her cigarette.

"I can't sleep anymore. I smelled that coffee, I just had to get up. Thought I'd find you out here. Eli, are you ever gonna stop smoking? I know how hard it is, but don't you think it might be time?" Sara carefully asked and rested her head on Eli's shoulder, her hands caressing Eli's stomach under her shirt.

Eli sighed.

"Maybe... But actually, I see it as a major improvement that I reduced the number by so much. It's like the first step, okay? I don't really want to stop and as long as that's so, it wouldn't work anyway. And I'd be all cranky all the time. I bet you wouldn't like that too much, would you Waves?"

She pushed the bud out in the ashtray and turned to face Sara, grinning.

"Knock me up, Sidle, then I'm gonna stop. Shouldn't be too hard, wanna give it another try?" She winked and Sara broke out in laughter.

"You sure have quite the appetite, Cupid. We just got started, are you planning on keeping this frequency up? I might have to check back with my stamina, it's actually been a while before- well, you. And- that's what it would take you to stop smoking? Being pregnant?"

The woman in her arms shrugged and nodded.

"I guess so, yeah. I've never been thinking about having kids, just about what it would take me to want to stop smoking. I'd never smoke around a baby or a kid. I mean, when I'm at Catherine's I smoke outside, so I guess as long as I wouldn't carry myself I still wouldn't feel the need to really stop. But stop worrying, one day I'll just don't like it anymore and I'll quit, I promise. I know how much I'm damaging my health, but right now I don't have the willpower yet. And since thankfully nothing will happen however hard you might try, I'd rather think about other appealing aspects of the trying..."

Eli looked at Sara seriously, then grabbed her behind the thighs and lifted her up. Sara's legs went around her waist and her arms around Eli's neck, holding on tightly. Once again she was surprised at the strength Eli displayed.

"Your shoulder! Do you think you should already do stuff like that?" She shrieked.

Eli shut her up with a passionate kiss and slowly walked back into the kitchen, never breaking the kiss until she set Sara down on the counter.

"Love, I wish we'd both had a couple of days off, I wouldn't want to leave the bed except to get something to eat and drink or go to the bathroom. It's been a while for me, too. Actually, Leonard's been the last and that little arrangement ended years ago. Yes, I'm hungry, yes, I plan on sleeping with you every chance I get. It's too late to run away now..."

Sara pulled Eli even closer with her legs and pushed herself into the blushing woman.

"I don't wanna run. I'm loving this too much. What you did this morning... Mmmhhhh."

She licked her lips and slowly ran her hand down Eli's chest, over her belly and slipped inside the waistband of Eli's boxers. Eli's breath hitched as Sara's hand came to a rest cupping her.

Sara looked her straight into the eyes.

"Eli, I want you to look at me. Widen your stance and look at me. I wanna see every reaction, every twitch in your muscles and I wanna hear you."

Eli just stared at her girlfriend and obeyed. As soon as she moved her legs further apart, Sara's fingers started moving against her. She breathed out soundly and gazed at Eli in awe.

"God, I thought you were sexy before, but now... I love this look on your face. Just let go. I'll catch your fall."

Her fingers moved slowly and Eli started to moan, her nose only an inch away from Sara's.

"Keep talking to me, Sar." She muttered.

"Oh, you like that?" A few flicks over Eli's clit earned her another loud moan and Sara smirked.

"Just what do you want me to say? That I love just how wickedly wet you are? That I know you'd do almost anything I'd ask you to do when it comes to sex? That I know you expected me to be more timid? That you thought it would be you calling the shots? That I know you ask yourself how the hell did we get here this fast? Getting fucked in your own kitchen?"

Eli groaned and kept staring. Sara's eyes bore into hers. Eli decided not to hide anything from this woman in front of her. She scrunched her face in pleasure, her lips slightly parted, her breathing laboured.

Sara basked in Eli's complete trust. She didn't do much, but her moves were very well-directed, their sole purpose to make Eli come as quickly and hard as possible. As she circled Eli's opening, the change in Eli's body-language was remarkable. A look of pure concentration flashed over her face followed by careless pure desire, she arched into Sara's touch and whimpered while trying hard to force her eyes to remain open.

"How much do you want me, sweetness? Enough to beg? To hear you beg for it makes my knees grow weak, you know?"

"Don't play, tease..." Eli growled. Sara laughed and plunged into Eli, whose hoarse short yell made Sara moan and shudder.

"God, you're close! I had no idea-" Sara gulped at the intensity of arousal in the depths of Eli dark brown eyes.

"-just how much this turns you on." She thrust powerfully and fast and Eli's whole body started to tremor.

She bit into Eli's earlobe and licked over the shell before she returned her gaze to meet Eli's, who blinked furiously, panted and moaned loudly.

"Come for me!"

Her thumb circled Eli clit once, twice, three times while she kept the pace fast and Eli tensed, gripped her so tightly around the waist with strong hands that it almost hurt and came with a strangled cry, her eyes never leaving Sara's through her orgasm, making Sara hold her breath and her own excitement almost peaked with Eli's release combined with that passionate expression on her face. Watching Eli through this moment had her wound up beyond description.

She withdrew her hand from Eli a little too early and Eli gasped, but Sara grabbed one of her hands while she jumped off the counter.

"Now Eli, right now."

Eli raised her eyebrows at the look of lust and determination Sara gave her. Without bothering with Sara's underwear, Eli passed the garment and her fingers met nothing but wetness. She pushed Sara back against the counter hard, slipped into her with one fluid movement and ran her thumb over her most sensitive spot. It took one thrust and a featherlight touch and Sara came all over her hand, yelling out.

"Sweet Jesus!" Eli breathed and grinned widely while she kept her movements up while Sara tried to escape her touch. "Love, you can't get away, you're all mine!"

Sara's eyes opened wide and Eli's thrusts got even harder, curling her fingers inside and literally fucking Sara against the kitchen counter.

Sara's breath was ragged and she moaned incoherently before her body convulsed again and Eli threw her over the edge once more.

"God, stopstopstop! You - aaahhh, stop!"

Sara finally collapsed into Eli's arms, who held her until the last tremor had subsided. Looking up, both grinned stupidly and started to laugh as they both saw the satisfied looks in each other's eyes and took in their appearances.

Little drops of sweat ran down Eli's temples, her hair was damp and a fine sheen of sweat coated her body and let her shirt cling to her body. Sara's hair was all mussy and strains had fallen into her face which she tried to blow away, she was still breathing hard anyway, her tank top was wrinkled, and she too was sweating. They held on to each other tightly and kissed deeply, not caring about the heat, the sweat or the still opened patio door, which let even more warm air sweep into the room.

"Sara, how did we miss to see what we could have had years ago? How didn't we notice that we'd been in love before? Just think where we could have been today."

Sara exhaled and lifted Eli's chin up.

"Elizabeth Trent, just be honest to yourself for a second here. It wouldn't have worked. We never would have become the people we are today if we had taken a chance at a relationship back in college. It only works because we went our separate ways. I want you in my life now and that's enough for me. Is it for you too or will you always keep looking back?"

Eli looked irritated and understood.

"No, I was just wondering. It is more than enough for me. You're right, you wouldn't have been able to look at me the way you do now. You'd have always waited for the moment I would go astray or mess something up, you would never have trusted me enough to be in it completely. Not like I feel you are today. And we are still the same, just more mature, settled and sure."

"Exactly. And today, I do trust you. I see it in your eyes how much you love me. That's why I call you sweetness. It's what you are. What you haven't been when you were young. And I- I'm in love with you more than I ever have been. You amaze me. You see me. You understand me and I appreciate the amount of work you put into becoming this grown-up, responsible, caring and soft version of yourself. Now stop working yourself up about the past and kiss me. I still smell that coffee and I'm starving!"

Eli chuckled and obliged, kissing Sara and engulfing her in loving arms. She had it all now and surprisingly enough it worked so fine.

Both washed their hands and while Sara poured them coffee, Eli busied herself frying mushrooms and tomatoes and making scrambled eggs and toasted whole wheat bread.

Life was great. She hummed and Sara chimed in as she placed two plates on the kitchen counter.

They looked at each other between bites of their breakfast and smiled, knowing this was their future in the making.


	31. 31 A forgotten birthday

**Yeah, well, again it's been a while. My schedule has changed drastically and my internet provider obviously decided that I spend too much time in front of the damn screen, most of all lately, watching all the news about Japan and cut me off. I turned on the TV for the first time in almost two years today. Since I watch most news in English and all TV shows I follow, too, it was kinda strange watching German TV again after so much time. Then the internet obviously fixed itself. So here I am with the beginning of the end. And well, shoot me, but I can't seem to stop writing some smut parts. Just too tempting. Just ignore it. Next chapter will be smut-free. Anyway, I'm rambling. So here you go.  


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31. A forgotten birthday

A little to everyone's surprise, the night out had been a blast. Not that one of the three had expected it to be a disaster, but they didn't think it'd be that much easy fun.

Eli and Sara met Catherine at a new Thai restaurant that lived up to its advertised excellent standard and pleasantly well fed they made their way to Vegas most fashionable gay club. One of Eli's more platinum coloured credit cards bought them immediate access to the VIP area and even Sara for once didn't mind Eli throwing around her financial weight, because it was a little less crowded and quieter in the lounge they got settled in.

Catherine saw Eli and Sara kiss for the first time that night. A chaste kiss before Eli went to place their orders at the bar, then she caught them wildly kissing as she returned from a trip to the restrooms. It was still very strange for her to see Sara being so different as she'd always been at work.

It had been an evening of a few surprises for Catherine so far. The first small shock was as they'd met in front of the restaurant. It was a warm night and Sara wore the tightest dark blue jeans Catherine had ever seen on her, a dark green shimmering flowing sleeveless top with a plunging neckline and green pointed suede boots with a two inch heel. Slung around her neck she wore a smoothly polished stone pendant on a black leather string and her hair fell loosely and in soft waves around her shoulders. Why had she been holding back on showing just how beautiful she was all that time? In contradiction to Sara oozing off femininity Eli had chosen to dress much more masculine than she usually did and wore a dark blue suit that fit her perfectly, a white dress shirt and dark grey narrow silk tie. Sara's heels made her just a tad bit taller than Eli and as a couple they looked stunning. Catherine was awestruck at the way they behaved around one another. Tender touches and gentle gestures formed the picture of a dedicated loving affection that made them appear to be together for very much longer than they actually had been.

But it was when Eli finally convinced Sara to dance with her that Catherine realised just how whipped Sara was. Eli discarded her jacket and held her hand out to her woman at the edge of the dance floor. Sara took it and Eli pulled her in. Sara spun around once and braced the rotating motion with one hand against Eli's chest. Catherine could see Eli laugh from the distance and holding Sara close while they swayed in rhythm to the music. Not once through the whole dance did they take their eyes off the other's and as the song came to an end Sara wrapped her arms around Eli brought one hand up behind Eli's head into her hair and kissed her deeply and passionately.

She didn't know this Sara. It was as if some invisible scale had finally found its balance in the middle. Sara seemed completely balanced. Catherine still stared gapingly at the two as they returned.

Eli chuckled and Sara turned a nice shade of pink when she realised why Catherine was looking so stunned.

"Come on, Cath, it was just a kiss, we've been holding back for your sake. That was nothing compared to having to find you naked in my kitchen."

Catherine pouted. "I wasn't completely naked!"

Eli grinned. "Right, not completely and still I had the decency to look away. What do you say, dance with me?"

The strawberry blonde, just the tiniest bit insecure for once, tried to catch Sara's gaze. "If you don't mind?"

Sara rolled her eyes. "Aw, come on, Cat! Not at all. You go and have fun, I know how bad a dancer I am. I'll grab us some more drinks and watch the two of you leave the rest of the crowd green with envy for your skills."

Watching Eli and Catherine gracefully yet quickly roam the room, Sara noticed how comfortable Eli was around the older woman. After a particularly fast twirl Eli's hand landed a bit low on Catherine's _lower_ back and Sara almost doubled over laughing as Eli hastily adjusted her grip and Catherine lost her footing for a second, laughing hard herself. As they pantingly fell into chairs at Sara's side, she still grinned.

After a couple more drinks they all hit the dance floor together and Catherine was indeed hit on several times. As a particularly beautiful young brunette woman asked her for a dance, she even agreed but made it clear beforehand that she was taken and this was just for fun.

At around 4am they left the club exhausted but extremely happy and fell into a diner for a final coffee and something sweet, they all got serious munchies. Catherine couldn't get over her last dance.

"Can you believe it? She was barely thirty! I got hit on by a really beautiful twenty-something, should I feel flattered?" She swayed a little as she got up to search for sweetener.

Eli who had offered to drive and had only had one beer at the beginning of the night jumped up and slung her arm around Cath's waist.

"Whoa there, how many of those cocktails did you have, Cath?"

Catherine giggled and sat clumsily back down. "Some...?"

"I can see that. You better stay put."

Her quite tipsy friend giggled some more and then sighed her okay.

"And yeah, you can feel flattered, but honestly, no one in their right minds wouldn't have hit on you, regardless of your age, you were one of the most gorgeous women in there tonight and I'm telling you this as a friend, Cath. And look, Leonard's younger than you, too." Sara added to both Eli's and Catherine's surprise, who stared at her colleague and friend blankly and opened her mouth just to close it again and take a moment to think of a response given her slightly intoxicated state.

"Wow, Sara, I think that's the first compliment you ever paid me. And a powerful one as well. Thanks, I guess."

Sara gave her a lopsided grin.

"You're welcome, Catherine."

After they'd dropped Catherine off home, Eli turned to Sara in the car.

"I'm not tired yet. Are you, Waves?"

"No, I'm wide awake and I haven't had as much to drink as Catherine had either. Anything you want to do, it's looking like it's going to be a beautiful morning."

Sara looked out of the side window and caught a glimpse of the first small patch of lighter blue sky in the east.

"Sar, do you know what day it is today?" Eli carefully asked.

"Since about five hours it's the 21st of July, why?" Then she went pale and sharply sucked in some air as realisation hit her. Wide-eyed she looked back at Eli. "God, I'm so sorry, how could I forget! I can't believe that I didn't remember, Eli, sweetness..."

She almost leaped over the middle console in the small car to kiss a widely grinning Eli frantically.

"Happy 33rd birthday!" She murmured between heated kisses. " We should've paid for the night and not you." Another deep kiss. "Why is this car so small?"

"Because we still haven't finished the Impala."

"Then why are we both so tall?"

"What a question! Hey!" She swatted at Sara's hand that had made its way down her front. "No hands down pants in public."

"It's 5:30 in the morning, nobody's up yet!"

"Sara! Uhhh, you can't honestly- whoa, you're serious!"

"Hell, yes, I am!"

"No, wait, I have a better idea."

Eli broke the kiss and gently pushed a reluctant Sara back into her own seat.

"Buckle up, we'll take this somewhere else."

And breaking a speed limit or two, Eli drove them to Lake Mead.

They stood on the shore just as the sun really started to rise.

Much to Sara's surprise, Eli retrieved a blanket and a basket out of her small trunk, popped a bottle of champagne open and still in their party outfits they sat on the small beach and drank to Eli's birthday.

"Don't worry, I'm not mad that you forgot. All I wanted for today is to have you all to myself for a couple of hours."

"I feel bad anyway. I should've remembered."

Eli leaned back against a tree and Sara snuggled back into her, drinking Moet directly from the bottle before handing it to Eli and watching the first rays of bright sunlight hit the now glistening surface of the still lake.

"You know what, I feel like taking a dip. Are you in?"

"You've got to be kidding me, Eli! We've got no swimwear, nothing to change into, not even a towel!"

But her complaints fell on deaf ears as Eli already wriggled out from behind her and started to get out of her fancy suit, throwing the expensive clothes haphazardly onto the sandy ground.

"Where's your sense for adventure disappeared to? We'll go skinny dipping, love. And there's a towel in the basket. It's small, but it'll do. And I-" Eli started approaching Sara who had gotten up and rested her hands on her hips in astounded disbelief. "want-" Her top was being dragged up and over her head, joined Eli's discarded jacket and trousers on the ground and Eli's hands started working the buttons of her jeans. "-what you started in the car."

Sara shuddered as Eli continued to strip her down. The moment her arm went around Sara to unclasp her bra their mouths met and Sara suddenly felt how much the prospect of being about to jump naked into the water and have sex in a lake that was bathed in the first warm morning light really started to arouse her and she gathered her wits and hungrily kissed Eli back while she also rid her girlfriend of her remaining clothes.

The initial shock of the cold water did nothing to cool Sara down the least as she spun Eli around and pushed her farther into the lake. They swam over to a small landing stage that loomed out of the water and Sara pushed Eli's back hard into one of the wooden pillars and kissed her deeply and exploringly before she sucked in a huge breath and disappeared beneath the surface. It was an exhilarating sight. Sara's long hair drifted in the water, little air bubbles rose to the surface and glistened in the sun as they burst. Eli felt Sara's hands all over her body and an eager mouth roaming over her breasts, nipping, biting and sucking under water. She threw her head back and wondered how much longer Sara could keep that up.

The tree tops above her swayed in the light breeze and the clear blue of the early morning sky was still tinted with a hint of rose and lilac from the sunrise. Eli just hoped that no one but them had decided to pay this remote little spot a visit when just minutes later she loudly voiced her approval of Sara's ministrations, who had just shortly come up to breathe and was again kissing down Eli's body with a hot mouth that left Eli shivering harder than any cold water ever could. She didn't mind the wood chafing the skin on her back nor the unexpected wild force of Sara's sudden thrusts now. She had long lost all sense of time or astonishment at how Sara did what she just did. She was beginning to love this passionate and feral side to Sara almost a little too much. It made her loose all focus, all coherence and despite them already going at it quite roughly, her body kept screaming for even more. Throatily she demanded. "Sar, harder, love!" as Sara's head once more appeared above the surface.

Sara stared at Eli in almost shock, blinking away the water that ran down her face. She knew she was already dangerously close to crossing the fine line between hot and raw and something beyond that. Under no circumstances did she want to hurt Eli, not even unintentionally.

"I won't risk to hurt you." She whispered, slowed down and kissed Eli very softly.

"You won't. You never could. Just give me as much as you're still comfortable with. I just love it when you are like that." She bent a bit and kissed Sara so tenderly that she almost forgot to breathe. "You are so hot when you get wild like that..."

Sara looked her straight in the eye and bringing one more finger into the game, she thrust hard into Eli again without warning. Oh did she dig the breathless scream that forced out of Eli.

"God, yes!"

She dug her teeth into Eli's shoulder, just where the tattoo ended, she wanted to see the marks on her girlfriend. Breathless they kissed hard, teeth clashed and tongues almost forced their way around in the other's mouth. It was hot and fast and hard and Sara hissed as she felt Eli's nails running down her sides. Taking in air, she once more submerged and keeping up the deep and forceful thrust she sought out Eli's left breast, circling it lazily with her tongue before biting down on the nipple with just enough might to leave Eli gasping at the initial pain before it subsided and made room for the pleasure of the gentle sucking that followed. So responsive, so aroused, so lost in the moment.

Sara's toes curled as Eli not much later growled and yelled out her release and she moaned herself before gathering Eli in her arms, treading water.

As Eli got out of the water ahead of Sara, she gasped and quickly got a hold of the naked, wet and slightly trembling woman. In the end the cold had driven them to finally get out of the lake.

"Eli, wait." Eli turned immediately and waited for Sara to reach her. Sara ran a hand down Eli's abused back.

"You're bleeding a bit." She said worried. Eli twisted and turned to catch a glimpse of her back but the scrapes were right in the middle.

"Is it bad? It burns a bit, I didn't notice it in the cold water." Eli shuddered profusely now and Sara took the towel and gently rubbed Eli's arms and torso, carefully around the scratches.

"There might be some splinters in there, but it's not too bad, I'll take care of it once we get home."

Eli frowned, finished drying herself off before handing Sara the towel.

"I'm going to ruin this shirt, ain't I?" She held the white dress shirt up while Sara got dressed.

"You probably will. And you didn't feel anything? I told you I didn't want to hurt you, though I didn't think about ragged wood when I said that."

Eli shook her head.

"No." Then she chuckled. "And I wanted you to be rough, not the damn post. It's not your fault, Waves, but now you'll have to pick splinters out of my back. I'm sorry, love."

Sara held her fingers against Eli's mouth. "Don't be. I could have noticed it, too, but I was kinda distracted..." She let the words fade with a smug smile and picked the champagne bottle up from the ground.

"Sara..." Eli called her girlfriend back, who turned and faced Eli again, smile still in place.

"I love it when you look at me like that."

Sara's smile just got softer and she approached Eli slowly.

"I know." Another step. "Do you have any idea what you're doing to me?" Another step and the bottle fell to the ground, soaking the sand with the still frothing alcohol. "It's like you're addictive." She stopped just an inch in front of Eli, looking her up and down. "I've never been this attracted to anyone." Eli gulped audibly and her eyes fluttered close as Sara softly ran her hands first over her cheeks, then passed her shoulders, over her breasts in a feather light touch, then around her sides before they grabbed her ass and Sara pulled her flush against her. As they locked eyes again both breathed a little harder and Eli's hands tangled in Sara's towel dry hair. Sara's mouth went up to Eli's ear and she drove the very tip of her tongue over the shell and lobe before she whispered in a low and raspy tone that time and time again made Eli's knees grow weak. "You're so sexy." Her warm breath hit Eli's skin and made her shudder once more. She grabbed a fistful of Sara's hair and guided her head back to face her before she started kissing her. Tiny, gentle kisses placed all over Sara's lips, she sucked on her lower lip before she ran her tongue over it softly. Sara sighed and closed her eyes, relishing in the affectionate display of so many emotions that ran through Eli. Gradually they deepened the kiss, their bodies glued together. Even after they stopped, they held each other close, not ready to break the moment. There was no need to say anything, their glances told more than words could. Finally Eli stretched and kissed Sara's forehead.

"Let's head home, love."

"Just stop at a drugstore, get some ointment and I'll make sure it doesn't get inflamed."

"I got that kind of stuff at home, Sar. But since it's my birthday, I'd rather stop by the videostore and rent a couple of movies. That's my other birthday wish, you, me, a hot shower, sleep and then breakfast and a movie before we have to get back to work. How does that sound?"

Sara took Eli's hand and placed another soft and lingering kiss on her lips.

"Just perfect."

After a long warm shower and Eli on her stomach while Sara handled a magnifying glass and tweezers, disinfected the scratches and applied some band-aids, they cuddled up in bed, tired and content.

Sara waited until Eli's breathing evened out and soft snores reached her ears as Eli's grip around her stomach eased. She got up and tiptoed out of the bedroom, closed the door silently and settled down in front of Eli's laptop. In the end, it still nagged inside the back of her head that she had completely forgotten about Eli's birthday. She checked a couple of websites and making sure that it was already late enough, she made some calls.

Smiling contently, she closed the lid of the laptop after efficiently erasing the recent browser history and went back to bed. As soon as she snuggled back into Eli's body, an arm was possessively placed over her stomach again and even in her sleep Eli pulled her closer. She rested her head on Eli's naked shoulder and a feeling of safety and completeness rushed over her and a chord rung inside her that no one had ever struck. She took a deep breath and let the happiness wash over her as she too drifted into sleep.

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**Thanks for reading. I know the fluffy part is not as good as it was when there was still some angst, but what can I say, I never portrayed good times as good as bad times. It's like with good songs, the best songs there are are about paint, aren't they? I'll try to hurry with the next update.**


	32. 32 Moving forward

**Some more...**

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32. Moving forward

_Here we go again, what's it with me and running after suspects?_

Well, it was either Eli, or Brass. And since the heavy armored cops were still searching the huge apartment used as a meth lab and Brass already had his hands full with that one guy who was just working on cooling the whole mixture down, rather too wasted himself to fulfill the task properly, it was Eli who jumped onto the fire ladder behind the fleeing other drug "cook"and dealer, who seemed to be a lot more lucid and mobile than his colleague. Trent's feet clambered down the steel stairwell on the side of the old building, gun drawn, taking two steps a time while the perp already slid down to the ground, letting the extendable ladder crash into the ground whilst jumping off of it and running through the dark street canyon.

_Great, why do I always get the really fast ones. At least he really doesn't seem to have a gun this time and I'm properly dressed in Kevlar._

As Eli had left her own apartment in the afternoon, having been called in early, she left Sara back there at her doorstep and kissed her good-bye.

"Take care, sweetness!" Sara had mumbled in between kisses both hadn't wanted to end.

And now she chased after a shady dealer with a weird feeling of déjà-vu. She also reached the end of the ladder and landed on the concrete, just to see the guy disappear around the next corner. Eli clicked the safe off her service weapon and broke into a run, stopping at the end of the house, peeking around the brick wall and again just caught a glimpse of the disappearing form. After repeating the same game at the next two corners, the Detective had finally lost sight of the pursued. Out of breath and frustrated, she informed dispatch and made her way back to the cars.

Captain Brass tapped her shoulder lightly as she shruggingly had to admit that she didn't catch him, but he reassured her black and whites were already swarming the area, they would find him sooner or later. Just moments later Nick and Sara arrived to process the dealer's flat/meth lab.

"Duck!" Came a sudden yell from one of the officer's who had secured the rooms as he came hasting out of the building, his collegueas hot at his heels and not even a second later the windows in the third story apartment burst with a bang and flames started to lick out of the windows.

Instinctively Eli had jumped and shielded Sara with her body, dragging Nick with them down on the ground by pulling on his CSI-vest hard. A shower of glass shards and debris rained down on them, but gladly they'd all turned away and bent down in time.

"Damnit!" Eli cursed and shook bits of glass and wood off. "Nick, Sar, are you alright?"

Nick, the surprise at Eli's Indy-driver reaction still visible on his features patted down his body.

"Yeah, everything fine here."

Sara just shortly looked up and nodded with a smile, already busy checking her kit that had landed hard beside her on the ground and had sprung open, reorganizing containers, brushes, bags, tags and gloves back into their respective compartments as Eli's hand softly descended onto her back and Eli hunkered down beside her.

"It was a reflex, Sara. I didn't wanna go all cavewoman and uber-protector on you."

Sara understood the joke and faced Eli, trying to suppress a grin. "I know. I was already reacting but you were so fast. I'm alright. Go, do your job. It just got a lot harder."

Eli got up and nodded grimly. Facing Sara again, she added. "So has yours..."

She went over to the officers. "What happened up there? Now all the fucking evidence is gone. First that other guy who seemed to be the boss around here slips through our fingers, then the whole apartment blows up. What the hell happened in there?"

The sound of sirens grew louder and the fire department arrived to extinguish the fire before it harmed more of the building than just the one apartment.

The officer explained what had made him run for it.

"Ma'am, there was one Bunsen burner still aflame and heating up a substance I couldn't identify. It started catching fire that quickly spread over the table covered with chemicals and the only sloppily cooled down drug mixture. I thought better safe than sorry and we made a run for it. There was no time left to turn it off, I'm sorry."

Eli nodded. "It's okay, Dempsey, I'm glad everyone made it out in time."

Turning to Sara and Nick she asked. "Do you think you might find something in the rubble afterwards?"

Nick shrugged. "You never know. We'll just stick around and see what we can find."

"Fine. I gotta go, the other dude got away. Call me if you find anything, I'm in charge of this one."

And with tough cases like that, the next few weeks went by in a rush. Case after case demanded their attention, clothes found their way from one flat to another, in a night off they finally managed to complete painting Leonard's apartment together and had ended up using Leonard's shower excessively and pleasurably after a little paint fight had gotten just a bit out of hand. The Impala was finally ready to be handed over to the guys from the body shop to make some final professional repairs and checks before the paintjob could be done. They had invested almost every free hour not spent sleeping or otherwise occupied in the DIY-garage.

They helped Leonard move some of his stuff in as he returned to Vegas with a small moving van, Lindsey helped carry the flowers and Catherine stood in awe as her teenage daughter hugged Leonard and welcomed him to Vegas. Her teenage kid had liked Leonard from the very first time Catherine had introduced him. She had grown up a lot and realized that with the arrival of Leonard in her life, her mother had really changed. She was happier than Lindsey had ever seen her and by the way she looked at her boyfriend, Lindsey knew that this was serious. And Leonard just didn't seem like the guy that would vanish again after a couple of weeks, nor did he ignore her or treat her like a child, he just listened to her attentively as she asked him whether he really planned to stay together with her mom and knew what it meant to be with a woman who had a hard job and a kid. He had hesitated a moment before answering and Lindsey had almost just shook her head and left as he began to speak. That it was maybe too early to say that, but he really loved her mom. That he had never before met a woman as dedicated, intelligent, loving and beautiful than her. And that he hadn't just gained a girlfriend, but a family, if she, twelve year old Lindsey Willows, would want him to be part of her family. That she should always tell him if he did something she didn't approve of. That he would love to be part of her life, too, that she could always talk to him, that he'd never betray her trust, that he wanted her to feel save with him. That was when Lindsey also fell in love with Leonard Einstein. He was fun, he was real and so far he had kept all his promises. They had written emails and Leonard proved to be a crack in English literature and history and challenged Lindsey's interest in those subjects with sending her articles and links to websites or recommending books he had liked to read when he was her age.

After having hauled all of Leonard's 'second home' belongings up to the third floor apartment, they had ordered pizzas and the five of them munched happily as they sat on cushions in Leonard's living room that seriously lacked a sofa and watched a movie until Lindsey started throwing popcorn at a dozing off Eli, whose revenge turned into a real popcorn battle between everyone and laughter filled Leonard's living room.

They all spent the night there and after Sara had told Eli just how hot she had looked all sweaty in her tank top, carrying furniture with Leonard, and how much she adored her tattooed, muscular shoulders, they had had a hard time keeping the noise down as they christened Leonard's living room.

As he left for San Francisco once again, both of the Willows girl's had a hard time saying good bye, they would miss him terribly. Leonard had hugged Sara hard and kissed her forehead, telling her that it was her job now to keep an eye on Eli. And that he felt that he had gained something like a little sister in her, though they were almost the same age. Sara had to blink away a tear or two as she thanked him again for their talks and the trust he had put in her from the very beginning.

Yeah, they had grown into a kind of a very colourful patchwork family and sometimes none of them could really believe how they had gotten to this point.

Finally the Impala was finished. Eli beamed like a little kid on Christmas morning as she and Sara drove over to the garage. But actually Eli had a laughing and a crying eye, the head mechanic had made her an offer for the Mercedes and having no use for two vintage cars, she had accepted. So it was also their last drive in the small coupe even Sara had come to love.

But the moment they saw the muscle car in its new outfit, she didn't regret her decision anymore. The guys had outdone themselves. The classic sparkled in a metallic midnight blue and yellow, orange and red flames with a hint of light blue and white where they would in reality burn the hottest licked over the fenders and parts of the hood. Chrome rims adorned the slightly suspended car and the seats were covered in dark blue smooth leather and the carpet and roof had been done in the same colour. Awestruck Eli climbed into the driver's seat and turned the ignition. A low rumbling almost bubbling noise filled the yard. Sara didn't mind that obviously for a second there Eli had forgotten that anything else around her existed.

On the drive back to Sara's apartment, Sara grew more and more nervous and even through her joy Eli noticed.

"Love, what's the matter?"

Sara flinched at Eli's scrutiny and tried to force a smile onto her face.

"Nothing. Just get us home quickly, will you?"

Eli frowned but placed a calming hand on Sara's thigh.

Once inside, Sara retrieved an envelope out of her desk drawer.

"Sweetness, don't be mad at me, but I felt so bad that I had forgotten your birthday that I arranged a little surprise for you."

Eli smiled and shook her head.

"Aw, Sar, you didn't have to do that."

But Sara shushed her and sank into the sofa beside Eli.

"I know it's already more than a month, but it didn't work any sooner."

She handed Eli the envelope who took it and carefully opened it.

Two airplane tickets in her hands, unbelievingly double checking the date, Eli stared at her girlfriend.

"Sar, when - how did you? - I mean, these tickets are for Sunday, that's in four days. I'll never be able to get days off at such short notice."

Sara grinned and placed her hands on top of Eli's.

"It's all been taken care off. I talked to Brass and he gladly approved to give you a week. I checked back with Grissom, I have so many vacation days that he actually seemed kind of glad that I finally took some. So we're flying to San Francisco. I didn't book a room because I really want to see your house if that's okay with you. Maybe we could even pay your mother's beach house a visit, I'd love to go back there. I know you loved living in Frisco and it's been close to a year that you've last been there, so I thought it'd be the perfect place for our first holidays together, don't you think?"

Eli caught Sara's slightly insecure glance and smiled broadly.

"Honey, you're rambling." She brought her hands up to cup Sara's face. "I'd love to show you my house. I'd love to show you how I lived there, the places I went, as long as you'll show me yours, too. I know you haven't forgotten. It's a great idea. And no, I'm not mad that you went to Brass about the vacation notice behind my back. It's an incredible present." Relieved, Sara leaned in to kiss Eli who muttered an almost silent "Thank you, love." onto her lips.

As they broke the kiss, Eli got up from the couch and announced into the living room while she went over to her bag.

"Speaking of presents, I got one for you, too."

Sara frowned and just opened her mouth to protest as Eli kept on talking, rummaging through the old brown leather bag.

"Actually, it's not really a present and you know I'm not one of those women who make a great romantic deal of everyday decisions."

Finally she yanked a small keychain out between papers, gums, deodorant, headphones and pens.

"I just thought that if you liked, you should have your own set of keys to this place. We always meet at the place of the one of us that managed to get off earlier, sometimes you need your alone time and I do need mine from time to time. But I just wanted to tell you that you don't need to ask anymore if you can come over, you can decide which place you want to be at after work. You can barge in here any time you like. I'd love you to barge in here any time you like, actually."

Sara slowly took the keychain, momentarily speechless. So far they weren't living on a schedule, every day was different and still somehow new. Though they had very well realised that neither of them had any annoying habits or routines and they got along easily whenever they were together, either insisted on having days to themselves, to meet other friends, to sort out papers or just read a book. They'd had arguments, but no major disagreements yet. It was scary how well they worked as a couple.

"Do you..." Sara wasn't sure whether she really wanted to ask this question. She cleared her throat and started again.

"Do you want me to move in with you?" The thought actually scared her a bit. It was too early for that. She needed to have her own space, her hide-out. Even though Eli didn't know, she still felt it when bad nights were coming. When she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep or wake up bathed in sweat, horrible pictures in her mind. As comforting as it was the first time she woke up in Eli's protective embrace after a nightmare, she still tried to deal with it on her own. And she knew Eli did the same, once she'd woken up, startled by whimpers and screams, but the place beside her in Eli's bed had been empty and she found her girlfriend curled into a ball on the couch, crying in her sleep.

Eli cocked her head and smilingly shook it.

"No. I don't want you to move in. At least not yet. Though I really hope that day will come and not all too far in the future."

Sara reached for Eli's hand and pulled her down beside her on the sofa.

"It will, I'm so sure. And I have a little confession to make, too. I have decided that I'd like to change my emergency contact. All these years it has been Corinne, but I think it's safe to say that I have someone closer to me now, both emotionally as well as in matters of distance. Would you be okay with that?"

Eli froze and stared at Sara.

"I feel like you had just proposed to me." She chuckled at the strange picture inside her head. "That is one important decision, Sara. The person listed as your emergency contact means family to you."

She cupped Sara's face with both hands and smiled before she leaned in for a quick, but passionate kiss. "Yes." She breathed. "List me. I hope the day will never come, but if it does, I'll be there, I'm your go-to person. I love you!"

Instead of answering with words, Sara captured Eli's lips once more.

As Eli went over to the kitchen to throw a salad together and fry some vegetable patties for Sara and some marinated slices of turkey for herself, Sara mouthed to her retreating back.

"I love you, too."

* * *

**Soon I'll have her say it out loud. Please tell me if it's still readable of if I start to seriously suck. Thanks for sticking with me!**


	33. 33 Dinner with friends

**The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield it, that's what Oscar Wilde said. And since I like his quotes, I'm going to make fair use of this one, too. I guess you know what I mean...

* * *

**

33. Dinner with friends

The first time Sara used her own key to open Eli's front door, she still knocked. She had slept at home, letting everything that had happened during the last days sink in and as she packed her bags for San Fran, she noticed just how many of her clothes and belongings had already found their way to Eli's over the last months. She also grabbed a few of Eli's favourite clothes that were at her place and just as she picked up the phone to call Eli that she was on her way over, she placed it back on the station remembering the keys.

Her tentative knock was answered by a sleepy. "Use your key, Waves!" and as she stepped into the kitchen, Eli sat on the counter, sipping coffee and grinning at her goofily.

"I knew you wouldn't do it without either calling or ringing the doorbell or knocking. Though I'd secretly hoped you would and that I'd still be asleep to wake up to you creeping into my bed and trying to ravish me. Wanna try again?"

Sara put her bags down in the living room and chuckled.

"No, I don't wanna try again, it'd be only half the fun knowing you'd already be awake. Though the thought is tempting. Kiss me, love fool."

She approached her and Eli wrapped her legs around Sara as she closed in for a long good morning kiss.

"Hey, I had an idea. Len called me about ten minutes ago, that's why I'm already awake and told me he'd be back for the weekend, so I thought I'd invite him and Cath over for dinner Saturday night. I also thought about inviting Greg and Sofia. They're the only ones who know about us and I'd love to have all my friends and, yeah, family together for once before we leave. What do you think?"

Sara looked into Eli's eyes that sparkled with enthusiasm and joy.

"It's a great idea. I've really neglected Greg lately and I know that he'd love to spent time with us. Sofia has been a little distant with me over the last few months, but I consider her a friend,too. Do you think we should tell the rest after we come back? I heard a rumor that there are some running bets about Cat as well as us. I think Warrick suspects something, if he hasn't even figured it out yet. And Grissom knows. I caught him smiling at me as I sat in the break room talking with you some time ago. He's much more sensible than everyone gives him credit for. They deserve to know, so does Brass. Let's make it official, even if that means they won't let us work cases together anymore. That might happen. Not from Brass's side, he knows very well we're both as professional as possible, but Ecklie is just waiting for a chance to kick my ass."

"Well, then let him. If that's all it takes to let everyone know I am the one who caught the elusive, detached and slightly socially inept Sara Sidle and won her heart, I'm gonna pay the price."

That earned Eli a light slap on the thigh. She grinned smugly and a "Grrrrh!" escaped her as she caught Sara's hand. "Kiss me, spank me, give me animal names!" Eli laughed and Sara kissed her hard, slapped her other thigh with her free hand and groaned. "Butterfly!" Eli chuckled, catching her other hand, too, bending them behind Sara's back and growled. "Bad animal names." In a vain attempt to sound low and seductive, Sara still rather spluttered out. "Very mean butterfly!" and broke into a giggling fit as Eli pouted and let go of her hands before she jumped off the counter.

"You're no fun, Sidle!"

"Oh, I am so much fun, Trent. Care for a demonstration?"

Eli slipped out of Sara's tries to get a hold of her, backing up with her hands raised in defense.

"Not now, though that sounds terrible even for my own ears, but I gotta make a few phone calls. _After _I've taken a shower."

Standing in the bathroom door she took off her faded X-Men shirt Sara vaguely remembered from college and threw it at Sara, who caught it despite gazing at Eli in only her sleeping boxers and started to walk quickly towards Eli. But Eli slipped into the bathroom before Sara could reach her. "Alone, Sara!" And the lock clicked shut.

"Now who's no fun!" Sara yelled through the door before she turned back to the kitchen, shaking her head and grabbing a cup to treat herself to a coffee and a pop tart while she waited, trying to calm her raging hormones.

Oh, payback's gonna be a bitch!

* * *

Saturday came fast, all bags had been packed and already stood by the door, Eli had gotten up early to do some food shopping and Sara slept in since she had put in major overtime during the last two days to finish the case she'd been working on all week before she left the lab this morning.

As she finally dragged herself out of bed, Eli had already started cooking and the smell of a lemon tarte that currently occupied the oven wafted through the air.

Sara stopped in the doorway and watched Eli's skilled movements around her kitchen in amazement. She didn't want Eli to notice her yet, she just loved to observe her girlfriend while she cooked. Eli had pushed the sleeves of her black shirt up over the elbows, wore a real chef's apron also in black and a kitchen towel stuffed into her belt hang down at the same place she usually wore her cuffs. Pots and pans occupied five of the six flames on the stove and Eli handled them flawlessly, stirred something here, turned something there, Sara now smelled melted butter and vegetable stock among a couple of other things. Wiping some sweat off her forehead, Eli cursed and wriggled out of the shirt to reveal a tight classic white wife-beater Sara hadn't even suspected Eli owned.

One more time she found herself mesmerized by Eli's colourful shoulders and arms. She had kissed every square inch of those tattoos, had run her fingers over them tenderly and asked Eli for their meaning and when she got them, but it still didn't stop to astound her how different Eli appeared when she was not hiding them under her clothes. She didn't think of large-area tattoos as very appealing before Eli. Sure she had a one herself and liked it, but apart from the small and rather inconsiderable ones like hers she never found them very attractive on anyone. But on Eli they were outright tantalizingly sexy.

"Cupid." She finally announced her presence.

Eli turned, forehead in creases and concentration written all over her face.

"I'm gonna grab a cup of coffee and when you can leave that stuff alone for a couple of minutes, come and find me in the bedroom, will you?"

Having focused back on the stove before Sara had even finished, Eli just nodded while Sara poured herself some coffee.

"Just give me a second here, I'll be right there."

Nevertheless she saw Eli's glance flicker over to her again and again. She loved it how she just couldn't take her eyes off her whenever she walked around the apartment in just her panties and one of Eli's dress shirts with only the bottom buttons done. A loud hiss came from one of the pans as Eli added wine to a bubbling butter and sugar mixture and through the steam that evaporated Sara caught Eli's hungry stare.

Far too engrossed in her efforts to deliver for a perfect dinner, Eli hadn't noticed the change in Sara's scrutinizing glance before she'd turned, which had gone positively predatory, knowing that she wouldn't be able to drag Eli out of the kitchen anytime soon if she didn't take initiative. She sat her mug down on the counter and closed in on Eli from behind and brushed lightly up against her, pretending, or not just pretending, it was really smelling delicious, to check the contents of the pans. The movement of the egg-beater in Eli's hand stuttered as it made its rounds inside a pot as Sara pressed further into Eli.

"Mmmh, I can't wait to have a taste of that." She purred, relishing in the effect she had on Eli, who instantly turned around, her eyes moving from the amount of cleavage the open shirt revealed to her, Sara's mouth and up to her eyes.

"Waves, I'm trying here."

Sara faked to take a peek over Eli's shoulder again and whispered close to her ear while she reached around Eli and stirred on for her.

"Looks like you're succeeding. I wouldn't wanna spoil our food by distracting the chef."

Then she bit down on Eli's earlobe.

Eli groaned and tried to resist the urge to grab Sara with both hands to pull her even closer. She had work to do. Instead she tried to turn her head out of Sara's reach, but that just helped to offer Sara the whole side of her neck to lick down and suck at her pulse point sharply.

Eli jumped back and her ass hit the stove, rattling everything on top. No, not right now. She couldn't do that! She knew exactly what effect she had on Eli, wearing that shirt, brushing up against her, only the thin fabric of the dress shirt between her breast and Eli's arm, making her skin tingle and kickstart a need within her that dared her to just forget about the cooking and give in to desire that built up so defiantly. Burning the contents of the pots and pants beyond recognition.

"Geez, Sara, are you trying to seduce me _right now_? I'm going to burn our whole dinner if you keep this up."

Grinning, Sara dragged Eli away from the stove and pushed her back into the fridge.

"I'm not _trying_ to seduce you, _I am _seducing you."

She reached behind Eli and ripped the kitchen towel out from behind Eli's belt. Then she turned and turned the hobs off one by one.

Eli groaned but watched in excitement as Sara rolled the towel into a kind of rope.

"I'll have to start making the risotto all over again, love." Eli pondered with weakening resistance.

It took Sara all but two steps to press Eli hard into the fridge again, catch both of her hands behind her back and tied them together with the towel. Taken by absolute surprise by this move, Eli just gasped slightly shocked but positively excited, struggling against her restraints. She was not only bound, but also tied to the handle of the fridge.

Sara took a step back and appraised her handiwork.

"I wonder now why I never did tie you up before. You look gorgeous all helpless like that. Damn the risotto, Eli, I'll help with the cooking later."

Eli had never more felt like her girlfriend's prey as Sara licked her lips and gave her a meticulous once-over. Sara's confident moves and her provocative posture hadn't missed their effect on Eli. Oh yes, it did turn her on to be bound, how Sara raked her eyes up and down her body, how she deliberately slow popped the remaining three buttons of the shirt open and let it slide slowly off her shoulders. Her hands itched to reach out and touch every inch of now exposed skin, but her restraints kept her efficiently from doing so.

Sara watched the fast rise and fall of Eli's chest and finally locked her eyes with Eli's who had gone a shade not far from ebony with every ounce of want visible in them. So beautiful. So hers.

"Say you're mine."

She whispered huskily as stood in front of Eli, just barely not touching her yet.

Eli found her eyes fluttering close and the whimper that escaped her didn't even remotely sound like it came from her. Sara's hands had found her stomach now and teasingly slowly she pulled the top out of Eli's jeans and slipped her hands under it, running them over her belly and further up, stopping just short of her breasts.

Eli's breath came out in short little pants now and she still hadn't answered yet. Sara cupped her breasts with surprisingly cold hands that made Eli's breath hitch. White hot lust shot through all parts of her body that yearned to be involved in the game. She struggled to get free, needing to touch Sara, but the knot was tight and held strong. Then she gave up, stilled all her movements and looked at Sara in calm surrender.

"I'm yours."

She brought out and arched into Sara's touch. Just as the words were spoken, Sara sighed shudderingly and her mouth came crashing down on hers, the amount of passion displayed in this kiss stunning Eli completely. With every swirl of her tongue, every nip and bite Sara made unmistakably clear who was in charge of this little encounter. She. What a mindfuck. And she loved every second of it as she took Eli hard against the fridge until she screamed out her release, then Sara dropped to her knees and in a gentle exploration brought Eli to a softer, but no less intense second climax that left her barely able to stand had it not been for the towel leaving her no chance but to remain on her feet.

Before Sara left the kitchen, she turned the stove back on and waited just until everything started to boil again before she released Eli, leaving her no choice to go after her and repay her as she had to take care of her food again.

"You are one mean, incredibly, reckless and sexy woman, Sidle!" Eli shouted after Sara as she disappeared from the kitchen with a smile, scooping the shirt off the tiles and headed towards the bathroom.

"And you just loudly declared me a fucking goddess. You love me when I take control, Trent."

"Oh, I do, more than you'll ever realise." Eli murmured to herself as she struggled to get back in the groove of cooking.

* * *

Eli stopped her fork mid-way to her mouth and stared across the table. Candles were flickering, the sound of cutlery on plates was to be heard, here and there someone commented on the food or shared a little story between bites. Catherine pecked Leonard on the cheek as he refilled her empty wine glass, Sofia hm-ed as she tasted roasted almond-chip topped sautéed broccoli, Greg chewed his steak with a satisfied look and Sara - she looked at Eli as if she'd sensed what the younger woman felt that very moment and the understanding and warmth in her eyes overwhelmed Eli even more.

That was it. This very moment was everything she had ever dreamed about, what she'd longed for as she'd sat on her hospital bed and cried.

Sure, her relationship with Sara was still quite new but they were both willing and eager to make it work, she knew most of these people she called her friends now less than a year, but she'd never felt more at home than right then. She felt her the sting of tears in her eyes and rapidly blinked to try and hold them back. Sara leaned over and cupped her cheek with one hand. She leaned into the touch, still amazed at the fact how easy it was to be together with her love.

"Sweetness, are you alright?" Sara asked her.

Eli took the hand that had settled on her cheek and carefully placed a kiss into the palm of Sara's hand. Then she leaned over and kissed the beautiful woman at her side slowly and tenderly.

"I'm perfect. This, today is perfect."

She once again fought to hold the tears that started forming again at bay. Sara smiled into another kiss and nodded.

"It is. But stop pushing the food around and eat. This-" she waved her hand pointing at the group gathered around the table, "-won't go away if you blink or look away. It's real."

Sara let go of her and focused back on the variety of vegetables and the very much not ruined truffle risotto on her plate.

"And you've outdone yourself with the cooking, despite the little intermission. So tuck in!"

Eli loaded the dishwasher as she felt a presence behind her. She turned and leaning against the wall, arms crossed in front of her chest and gently smiling stood Sofia.

"I'm happy for you." She said with a confident voice.

"Thank you Fia." Eli scratched her head and walked over to the blonde, who opened her mouth and then closed it again, not really sure how to put what she wanted to say.

"You don't have to say anything." Eli reassured her, reckoning that she still struggled a bit with her own feelings, but glad that she'd agreed to join them this night.

"Yes, I do. This isn't just something I say out of courtesy, Eli. I mean it. I am happy for you that you found your freedom, that you can live your love. You glow, Sara glows and it's beautiful to watch the two of you. You belong together. You know, sometimes you see a couple, they appear to be happy and content, but you just feel that they aren't meant to be. That it won't last, that somewhere out there something stronger, more fulfilling, more fitting waits for either of them? We would have been like that. Even without Sara in the picture. But we're lucky, we are forging something so much more important. I trust you with my life, everyday and once you've already saved it. That trust translates to a much deeper level, you are one of the few people in my life that I would never want to lose. I cherish your friendship and I want it to last. You're an incredible person and I'll remind you anytime you stumble, anytime you're not able to see that anymore. And I broke my fall. It's not important anymore. Someday I'll find my Sara."

Eli blinked at her, dumbstruck. That woman never ceased to amaze her. She quickly closed the space between them and took Sofia into a breathtaking, fierce hug.

Under her breath she whispered into Sofia's ear.

"You are amazing, Sofia Curtis, and I do love you, you know? In a way I love nobody else, but very similar to how I love Leonard, and I've known him for years. But you're something else, gorgeous. I wouldn't want to miss you in my life, too."

She slowly let go and softly kissed Sofia's forehead.

They smiled a knowing smile and then laughed.

"Come on, let's join the others. I'm dying for a coffee, Leonard brewed it and he's incredible at it. And I want to have a piece of my tarte before it's gone, Greg and Leonard seem to have stomachs the size of my duffel bag."

Sara retreated into the bedroom before the two women rounded the corner. She hadn't known just how close Eli and Sofia had been. She couldn't help but wonder that if she'd never written that mail, would Eli have taken a chance with Sofia? Had something happened between them? She wasn't drifting into obviously unreasonable jealousy, considering what she'd just heard that would just be plain stupid, they had merely stated the deepness of their friendship and the honesty of their commitment, but nevertheless she had to ask Eli what had happened. Tonight, in bed. She wouldn't be able to sleep until she knew.

* * *

Snuggling under the covers, two very content women relaxed into each other's arms and enjoyed the afterglow of a truly beautiful day.

"Sweetness, I got something I have to ask you about. And I want you to be honest." Sara approached the subject carefully. Eli stiffened a bit in her embrace, but her expression was open and sincere.

"What is it Waves, do I have to worry about something?"

Sara shrugged.

"Nah, I don't think so. It's just that I almost ran into you and Sofia as you two were talking in the kitchen earlier and I couldn't help but catch some of what was said."

Eli nodded.

"What do you want to know then?"

She understood Sara's wariness and she was determined not to keep any secrets from her love.

"Was there something going on between you at any point? I know if it did, it's in the past now and you are friends, nothing more, nothing less. I just want to know."

Eli turned to face Sara and caressed her cheek.

"Sofia was attracted to me and she told me, openly. She kissed me once in the locker room at the PD, took me completely by surprise, then she came by later that day to explain. We had dinner on the patio together and she said she was afraid she'd be falling for me. She kissed me again and I'd be lying if I told you I didn't reciprocate the kiss, that I didn't enjoy it or that I wasn't tempted. I was. But I'd already been in love, Sara. I would have used her, would have taken advantage of her growing feelings just for the sake of some kind of release, closeness, human touch. We came to the mutual agreement that our friendship was more important and that she wanted me to be truly happy with the one person I really wanted. You, Waves. She knew. And today she told me, that her feelings for me are ultimately gone. That part you heard, I guess. And I told her that I loved her, kind of like I love Leonard. Just like I think he is a handsome man, I think she's a beautiful woman. Inside and out. She's become a close and important friend to me and if she'd ever need me, day or night, I'm going to be there for her, but never without checking that you don't need me more at that moment. Would that be okay with you?"

Sara let her head fall back into the cushions. Gentle, caring, and kind. Loving, protective, devoted, soulful, sincere, honest and ultimately passionate about anything or anyone she cared for. She was so helplessly in love, so deeply affected, she had never expected to feel that way.

"I love you, Eli."

There, she said it. Clearly and without second thoughts.

"I love you, too, Sara."

Eli pulled her on top of herself and kissed her with so much love that Sara's heart dared to burst.

They made love, slow and sensual and incredibly intense, until the morning sun was peeking in through the gaps between the heavy burgundy curtains. As they finally fell asleep, covers tangled around their sated bodies, curled up into one another, they both knew that this was really and officially build to last.

* * *

**Okay folks, as I am leaving Las Vegas with Eli and Sara in the next chapter, I will also bring this story to an end. There's going to be a rather long holiday chapter and then a brief epilogue and that will be it. I'm glad you all stayed with me all the way and I hope you really enjoyed this little trip. It was my pleasure.**

**Thank you all so much for reading!**


	34. 34 San Francisco  Sunday

**So, before you have to wait forever for the huge holiday chapter, I decided to break it up into single days. Unfortunately I can't influence that each will be counted through by , but it is in the end one chapter, whatever the numbers are saying. So, taking off and landing, in...

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34. San Francisco - Sunday

They landed in San Francisco late on Sunday afternoon and much to Sara's surprise they didn't take a taxi but Eli led them to the parking garage.

"Where are we going?"

Eli chuckled and swung her bag over her shoulder, rolling a suitcase behind her.

"To get the car."

Sara looked irritated, shouldering her duffle bag.

"But..."

"Did you think I only had the Benz? No way, love. Leonard took my other car to the airport as he flew out Friday night."

Shaking her head, Sara frowned. "Sometimes I forget who it is I'm with."

They walked through the maze of parking spots and as Eli stopped in front of one specific car, Sara gasped.

"You've got to be fuckin' kidding me..."

Eli smiled at Sara outraged expression.

"And here I thought you were only into the classics. When did you buy that, it looks practically brand new?"

Eli maneuvered their baggage into the car, it was a tight fit, but it worked.

"About two months before I left for Vegas. There are less than two thousand miles on the speedo."

She let the key dangle in front of Sara's nose.

"Wanna take her for a spin?"

Sara grinned from one ear to the other and snatched the Aston Martin keys out of Eli's grasp.

"Or miss the chance to drive a Vanquish? Get in and buckle up. " She pointed at herself as she opened the driver's door of the jet-black sports car, eyeing Eli across the roof. "This gal can handle a big machine."

"Oh, I know, I've been sitting right beside you as you pushed the Chevy to the max out in the desert. Sometimes you scare me, Waves. I never had so much adrenaline pumping through my veins than during those twenty minutes. Not even when I was shot at."

Sara leaned over and kissed Eli chastely.

"And you made that very clear. I almost burned my ass on the hot hood. But it was so worth it."

"Love, drive. Just hit the button that says 'home' on the GPS."

They arrived at Eli's house a good 45 minutes later, surprisingly without Sara breaking any major traffic rules.

She unbuckled her seatbelt and was just getting out of the car as she noticed Eli hadn't moved an inch yet.

"Sweetness, are you planning on getting out of the car anytime soon?"

Eli just kept staring at her house.

"It's strange to be back. I see this house and remember what I was thinking about when I decided to buy it. I thought that one day I'd find someone who fit the bill passably enough and I would settle down here. I knew I wouldn't be content, but I'd at least have a chance at some kind of happiness. Now I come back here with you. And for a week this house will be filled with more than just the tainted happiness you feel when you know that you've settled for second best. It will feel like home."

Sara stared at Eli incredulously.

"Eli, we've been here less than two hours and you already sound as if we were about to leave again. I love that sentimental side of you, but never forget, Frisco is just a stone's throw away from Vegas. We come here anytime you like, even if it's just for two days."

Eli stretched, nodded smilingly and opened the car door.

"Come on. Let's see how you like it."

Getting out of the car, Sara allowed the seriousness of Eli's words to sink in. She was in it for the long run that most definitely meant a lifetime. And stepping through the front door into the loft-like living room, Sara felt it and a kind of warmth spread through her she had never felt before and a shiver ran through her. She thought she was right there with Eli, who chastely kissed her and told her to look around while she'd turn the water, heating and fuses back on.

Sara wandered through the huge room, noticed that there was no dining table or chairs, so Eli had taken those with her to Vegas. There was one couch very similar to the one in Vegas, too, and the empty spot beside it confirmed it. The couch was facing a big fireplace instead of a TV. There was no bear skin, Eli had more style than that, but a shaggy, soft and enormous cognac coloured rug. The kitchen was not as plain and professional held in stainless steel as the one in Vegas, it rather looked custom designed and impressive, the dominant colours a dark brown and light crème. The wooden work surfaces looked a bit worn, like they'd also been used as chopping boards. There was not one stove, but two, a special oven for a purpose Sara couldn't identify and a big ceramic sink also in crème. Dried out herb pots occupied the window sills and the biggest spice rag Sara had ever seen dominated the wall beside one of the stoves.

Suddenly a couple of lights went on, the fridge/freezer combination started humming and Sara removed the towels that had held the doors open and put it on the highest setting to make sure it cooled down fast.

In contrast to the very modern metal and glass exterior, the inside of Eli's house was more traditional, it had dark wooden floors and one wall in the kitchen as well as the one behind the fireplace were made of raw red clinker, which gave the room a homey and kinda earthy feel, combined with the various shades of brown and beige and the dark reds Eli had chosen for furniture, cushions, carpets and curtains. A huge glass front led out to a patio that rose above the garden level a good five steps.

Graphics, enlarged black and white photos and classic movie posters were hung up along the walls and beside an antique bar stood an impressive looking stereo system with some of the biggest speakers Sara had ever seen in a private household as well as shelves filled with LP's and CD's from all decades.

One corner of the room held a winged leather chair that looked old and worn, beside it stood a small table with an engraved brass surface and books piled up on and around it and two almost ceiling high bookshelves were bursting with books, magazine holders, scientific textbooks and oddly enough, what Sara recognized as Eli's holy, small but valuable comic book collection, a few empty spots indicating what Eli had taken with her to Vegas.

Eli appeared through a door at the backside of the wooden stairwell and waved around as she saw Sara standing in the middle of the room.

"Say, how do you like it? If this was in Vegas and not here, would you move in or would I have to change a lot before you liked it."

Sara just wryly smiled.

"You are such a geek. 'A history of forensic science and methods' beside 'Batman' comics? Sweetness, I'd, in theory that is, move in tomorrow without thinking twice and I haven't even seen the master bed- and bathroom yet."

Eli took her hand and led her to the stairs.

"Then I'll show you. Follow me, please." Sara chuckled as Eli gave her a kiss on the hand she was holding and gallantly led her up the stairs.

After passing a room filled with boxes and crammed up furniture and another with a huge desk, a computer system and yet more shelves with magazines and books and file folders they stepped into Eli's bedroom. The same bed as the one she had in Vegas dominated the room, just the colours were different.

"Purple." Sara muttered. "This whole room is purple."

Eli hit the switch and hundreds of little lights appeared in the wooden ceiling, bathing the room in an eerie glow.

"Actually, it's purple, an off-white and the ceiling is walnut wood. You like?" Eli grinned as she clicked another switch and little spotlights in the timber piling along the walls went on.

"I love that colour. And the lighting idea is beautiful."

Eli opened two doors, one led into a walk-in closet, the other into the bathroom.

"You have a bubble bath? And this shower is even huger than the one you have in Vegas."

Eli shrugged.

"What can I say? I love big showers. Everything in here was built exactly according to my wishes. I told you, I planned on growing old in this house. It had to suit me perfectly, no matter what the effort or prize."

"I'm impressed." Sara breathed out.

Eli shook her head.

"No, Sara, don't be. I don't want to impress you. I don't want you to see the money when you look around here or especially when you look at me. Because all it does is provide me with safety and the freedom to not having to think about turning every penny twice before spending it. The best things I have in my life could never be bought with money and that was one thing I had to learn the hard way. My job, my friends and you. And I know you'd love me even if I lived in a one-bedroom flat and drove a battered old Chrysler. I'd be the same person, please tell me you see that."

Eli's words shook Sara out of her reverie and she grabbed Eli's wrist to pull her into a warm embrace.

"Sweetness, I know all that. And I'd love you all the same if you were poor. I don't care about five star restaurants and fancy cars or big, beautiful houses. I love you. But you are rich and it's also a part of you. So let me be impressed with all this, because in the end, it's something you thought up and something you love. And though it is impressive, there's a kind of a down to earth understatement to all this that is so you. Like you said, this is a home you planned to grow old in. Everything is solid and in a way modest considering your possibilities. Who has such a big garden and takes care of it themselves when they're as rich as you are?"

Eli raised a brow and spluttered out. "Rich people who love gardening?"

Sara scowled.

"You know what I mean. I can only guess the number on your account, but believe me, you are nothing like all the wealthy people through whose houses I've rummaged on the job. If you still had an ounce of the show-off you used to portray so well in you, this place would look so very differently. You'd behave so very differently. You could have bought a mansion. You chose a house in a quiet suburban neighbourhood, close to the sea, of modest size and with timeless design and filled it with things that show who you are and what you like. I love it."

Eli blinked and stared at Sara in awe.

"Waves, I love you. You amaze me. I trust you. I don't want to go on another day without you by my side. After all this time filled with hatred and despise, you see me through like no one ever has, you understand me. You want to know who you're talking to? You're talking to the inheritress of-"

Suddenly she felt fingers against her lips and Sara spoke in less than a whisper.

"Don't. Don't tell me. And don't put me up on that throne, that pedestal. I have so many flaws and you will find out in time. Don't do something now, when everything is glazed over with the excitement that makes everything seem so incredible when you first realize that you're in love, you might regret it when some time has passed and an everyday routine has set in."

The hint of fear in Sara's intense gaze scared the crap out of Eli. No, no, how could she think that this would ever go away? How could she not see?

"Sara Sidle, even though I messed up and you left me behind knowing you hated my very guts, I've kept on loving you. Even though I thought I would never be with you, I never really stopped loving you. Even though I know that neither of us is perfect, that we both can be very complicated and stubborn people, that there will be times when either of us will feel compelled to throw dinnerware at the other, times when we will be angry or disappointed with each other, I know I will never stop loving you and wanting to be with you. _For as long as we both shall live._"

Sara tried to gulp around the huge lump that had formed in her throat. Her insecurities had gotten the better of her, once again. And a couple of months were too short a time to make life changing decisions.

"Don't Eli. It's too early-" She stuttered and Eli gazed at her questioningly.

"For what?"

"I just thought you were going to..."

She let the unspoken assumption hang in the air and it dawned on Eli what it was that Sara had feared she was about to do.

"No, I wasn't. Though I, for myself, see no reason why I should hesitate, but I wasn't going to, I promise. But I sure as hell hope and pray that you will, one day. I was just trying to declare my bloody love for you. It means the world to me what you think about me and in which light you see me. I just wanted to tell you that for me, this is it. That you are the one. As when I fell for you, even when the feeling wouldn't go away over all this time, I never thought I would say something like this, that something like the one right person for someone does exist, but my feelings tell me otherwise."

Sara let out a breath she hadn't been aware she'd been holding.

"You expect me to..." She resumed irritated.

Eli grinned.

"Yes, I do, I expect you to pop the question one day. Because that way I'll know you're feeling it, too. I know you're not fond of the whole marriage thing and I definitely do realize that it is far too early to even talk about things like that, but I know what I want, Sara, and I want you to want it too."

"What if you realize one day that you don't want me anymore?"

Eli almost choked.

"What? Have you lost your mind? Did you even listen to me a few seconds ago?" Okay, anger maybe wasn't the best reaction to that, Sara looked so insecure, so vulnerable, so much the opposite of the strong, confident and bold woman Eli had come to find and love in her.

Just as the words had left her mouth, Eli watched Sara retreat from her and she hurried to apologize.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Sara, I didn't mean to sound so harsh. It seems that sometimes I forget how you must feel, that for you it hasn't been years, but barely months. I didn't want to overwhelm you."

Eli reached out and gladly Sara took her hand instantly.

"It's just, sometimes it's really hard to keep up with the speed in which everything is happening. I guess somewhere along the way I stopped believing that I would find someone who'd make me think of a future, a life together, eventually even growing old together. Someone who would make me feel the way that you do, so effortlessly. Sometimes it's scaring me. That I'll wake up and find myself alone in my apartment, realising it's only been some very perfect dream. That I don't deserve this."

Now it was Eli's turn. Oh, she saw what was happening...

"Don't, Sara. Don't you dare to doubt the reality of this, of my feelings for you. I'd go to fucking hell and back for you. They told you you're not worth being loved? You are! They told you you're never going to find someone who's going to butt heads with you and take everything you could possibly throw at them? They were wrong! They told you sooner or later everyone would give up on you once they knew about your history, your childhood, they told you you were damaged, not good enough, not beautiful enough, not smart enough and no one was going to love you in the long run? Wrong again. I am here and I don't intend to ever let what they imprinted in you, what still fuels your insecurities, scare me away. I've known all that for so long and it never scared me, I never pitied you or found it reason to think that you're not as good as anyone else in this world. In fact, you're better. You lived, you survived and it made you so strong, even though all you feel right now is weak. But you've beat them already, so many times, Sara. You've become someone, you're much smarter than they ever thought you were going to be, you are beautiful, you're kind and you are nothing like them. You're amazing and I love you. And I am going to show you that, every single day that we're together. I'd go visit Laura and laugh in her face, once you have put a ring on me, laugh in her face that all they did to you has been fruitless, I'd even go as far as..."

Again, Sara interrupted her from her rant, leaving her almost breathless as she cut her off by kissing her so suddenly and hard that they both stumbled a few steps back and Eli's back crashed hard into the wall behind her. Slowly letting go, Sara rained kisses all over Eli's face, who opened her eyes to Sara's tear-stained face.

"Sar-"

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up! How dare you make me feel like that? How dare you look through me like that? Why do you know me so well, Trent? How do you make believing you so easy? How can you make me want you this hard?"

Growling, Eli buried her hands in Sara's hair and spun them around forcefully until she had Sara trapped between the wall and her much bigger and stronger body.

With a voice full of raw, husky determination she drawled out.

"Because I want you to stop running away from me. Stop hiding those feelings of vulnerability and those moments of weakness, when you choose to sleep at your place because you know that the nightmares are coming again. Did you think I didn't know? Did you think I wouldn't notice? I know the difference between 'I need time for myself to read a good book, catch up on some journals' and 'I'm going into my hiding place because my ghosts are threatening to make an appearance'. I love you, _because_ I have all that knowledge. I couldn't love you if you were any other way. Because then you wouldn't be you. And God, I want you, Sara, all of you."

Hadn't Eli pushed her up the wall and held her there, Sara's knees would have given out as she started sobbing.

This was it, the moment of no return. She could have doubted Eli's sincerity without ever wanting to, even against her better judgment, for much longer, could have tried to hide the fact that it scared her shitless to know that Eli's commitment was not an act. But having heard and felt to which lengths Eli would go made it finally irrevocable and the weight that realisation lifted off Sara's shoulders was incredible. She'd been so happy that she'd found it so easy to ignore that weight lately. But it had been there the whole time, until today.

She felt how Eli scooped her up like a child, carried her down the stairs while she wept into Eli's shoulder until she was softly set down on the couch and wrapped into a blanket and Eli kissed her forehead.

"Love, I'm going to light the fireplace and make us some tea, okay?" Came Eli's soft voice through the fog of her crying.

"Don't leave yet." She choked out between sobs.

"I won't. Tea and fire can wait." Eli assured her as she stretched out beside her, wrapping her arms tightly around her.

After a while the tears had subsided and her body had stopped shaking. Eli ran her hand through her hair and wiped the last moisture off her cheeks gently.

"Sara, where did that come from so suddenly? I assumed you were happy, really happy. I knew that you didn't share everything with me just yet, but this was a biggie."

Through still wet lashes, Sara looked up at her lover's worried face.

"I was, I am, happy. I think I was so overwhelmed by this, us, that I shoved all those thoughts into a corner of my mind, because I didn't want to doubt anything. I wanted to feel safe and loved and happy. But something snapped and suddenly I was panicking. I trust you, I know that you meant every single word of what you said."

Eli closed her eyes for a while and smiled.

"Promise me one thing, Sara. Talk to me. You've let me in so deep already, and I will say it time and time again, I am not afraid of your insecurities. But I need to know, so I can do something. Don't ever push me away because you're afraid I wouldn't wanna see you that way."

"O-okay."

Eli kissed the tip of Sara's nose and nuzzled her own in Sara's neck.

"We'll do it together, okay?" She mumbled onto Sara's skin before she softly kissed Sara's throat.

"I've hidden things, too."

Moaning as Eli nipped at her sensible skin, Sara hissed.

"I know. You leave to sleep on the couch when you have nightmares. I heard you. Uhh, Eli!"

Eli licked her way up to Sara's ear and scraped her teeth over the lobe before she closed her lips around it and sucked.

"That won't happen again. May I wake you and ask you to hold me the next time?"

Perplexed at the way Eli asked her that, Sara's breath hitched and she faced Eli.

"Only if I can do the same."

"Of course. I want you to."

"I think we've had this conversation before..."

"Yeah- but obviously these things need their own time to sink in, huh?"

"Uh, seems that way. Then that's settled, once and for all."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Eli answered before Sara claimed her lips in a searing kiss.


	35. 34 San Francisco  Monday

**Okay, I get it, you guys (with few much, much appreciated exceptions) don't like to review. That's okay, that's fine, really. I've kinda gotten used to it... But still after all these chapters, _ any _ kind of feedback is still greatly appreciated. I really am proud of this story, nevertheless, a little further encouragement can do no harm. Same goes for constructive criticism.

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34. San Francisco - Monday

Eli nervously tried to adjust the shirt she wore for what felt like the hundredths time, resisting the urge to stuff in into her trousers, which she felt equally uncomfortable in.

After a long night of cuddling in front of the fireplace, they'd decided to declare Monday the feel-good shopping day. They'd spent hours rifling through thrift and vintage clothing shops, looking for the best of the rest, Eli had bought an old seventies style leather jacket to replace the one that hadn't survived the dumpster dive in the rain and Sara had gotten a hold of various tops and yet another flared jeans that earned her a scowl from Eli who didn't particularly liked them on her, but gave in knowing how much Sara loved to wear them.

Then Sara had driven them to a clothes store that Eli had never heard of before and had made Eli try on various trousers, dress shirts and jackets, telling her she had something planned for the night and she'd decide what Eli was to wear for the occasion. There was no chance arguing with her closet full of clothes Sara hadn't yet seen, when Sara set her mind to something, it was a done deal.

So Eli squirmed again as she took a look in the mirror. The slacks were far too form-fitting for her taste, they hugged every curve of her ass and hips tightly and Eli had long come to the conclusion that she couldn't afford to wear _such _tight clothes anymore, but Sara didn't share that conviction at all.

The shirt was equally tight and left no room at all to even wear a tank top beneath it, Sara said that defied the purpose of the garment anyway, which was to make Eli show much more cleavage than she was usually comfortable with. A fitted vest completed the outfit and counting away at least a dozen pounds, she'd say she looked damn fine in the stuff, overlooking the fact that that was the most feminine outfit she'd worn most probably ever.

But the moment Sara stepped out of the bathroom, all concerns were forgotten. Sara wore a white pantsuit that looked like it had been painted onto her upper body, it fitted perfectly, the trouser were Marlene style and flowed, a black shirt underneath the jacket, the heeled boots and broad tie with her hair put up and the smokey eyes make up made it appear like someone had pulled her right out of a movie made sometime in the 40ies.

"Oh my dear God!"

Sara made a full turn and watched elated as Eli's eyes wandered over her, twice.

"Sara, where the hell are we going? You look incredible!"

Sara smiled cheekily.

"So do you, Cupid. But I'm afraid you have to go change again."

"Oh thank God. I've never felt so uncomfortable in anything since I was eight and my mother made me wear a dress to my grandfather's 70th birthday. I'm sure I'll find something that compliments your style in my closet."

"Uh, I don't think so. Your clothes are in the bathroom. And this time you'll have to wear them, no changing again."

"Will I like them better than these?"

Eli asked slightly frightened as she began to unbutton the vest and shirt she currently wore on her way to the bathroom.

Sara just grinned.

"I'm positive you will. But don't you dare throw these away, I've picked them for a reason, too. Now hurry. Creating this hairdo has taken much longer than I'd anticipated, I don't usually dress up like that."

"Oh, I'm very aware of that. All the more reason to enjoy seeing you like that."

Eli yelled through the closed door.

"Sara! Tell me again where we're going, will you? What kind of suit is that? A double breasted jacket?"

"Just get into it. We're running late as it is."

As it was Eli's turn to step out of the bathroom, she was sure that the glance Sara shot her was close to leering. And looking into the full-length mirror, she nodded contently at her reflection. Yeah, that was much better. If Sara would be wearing a pencil skirt instead of those pants, they'd go through as a Bonnie and Clyde double. The mob-style three piece suit felt much more comfortable than her prior outfit.

She put a bit more swagger into her step as she walked over to Sara, taking her hand and pulling her close, drawling out low and with a timbre in her voice.

"Babe, tonight I'm gonna show ya off to the guys and believe me, honey, I'd shot'em hands off if anyone dares to touch you. Ya know I can handle a gun. Can you handle me?"

Sara was torn between laughing and showing Eli just how good she could handle her. She decided to do both. She laughed throatily and ran her hands down Eli's front, over the swells of her breasts beneath the suit jacket, grinning even more as Eli slightly arched into the touch, then let them linger on Eli's belt buckle. Slowly she started walking forward and backed Eli up against the bedroom door, slipping her fingers into the waistband of Eli's loose fit pants. Finding Eli was wearing boxers with a button fly, she wriggled her fingers between two and ran them lightly over Eli's most sensible spot.

Eli's breath hitched and emitting a low, soft moan, she involuntarily spread her legs a little wider, not able to resist giving Sara the opportunity to carry out what she'd started.

And Sara dipped her finger a bit deeper, circled a couple of times just until Eli tried to grind into her touch and another moan escaped her lips, then withdrew her hand quickly and let go of Eli.

Leaving a lipstick stain on Eli's cheek, she whispered.

"Does that prove that I can handle you?"

Eli groaned in frustration and shot Sara a furious and desire-laden stare.

"I'll get you back for that one, Sidle."

"Yeah, maybe. If I let you."

As they climbed out of the cab in the middle of San Francisco's gay scene and entered an inconspicuously looking club, approaching the cash counter that held a large poster advertising tonight's event, Sara felt Eli chuckle at her side.

"You are unbelievable. I've heard about this party. It's a swing party, every second Monday of the month. You did plan this, didn't you? All the clothes I tried on, just a distraction to get the right size and secretly buy this suit."

Sara held on to Eli's hand and beamed.

"And it worked. I just made you keep the other outfit because I'd never seen you in something like that and I thought it was hot. Sweetness, I know how much you love to dance. They even have a beginners course that starts an hour before the party officially begins, that's why I made you hurry up. I was hoping to learn a few moves and you to teach me some more along the way."

"Waves?"

"Yeah?"

Eli leaned in and stole a kiss, not caring about the amount of bright red lipstick Sara had applied.

"You'd learn how to swing for me?"

"It looked like fun on the website's videos, so I thought why not give it a try."

Eli looked down at Sara's feet.

"Your feet will hurt like hell tomorrow. If you get through this, I promise you a massage. Let's go inside."

Skipping down the stairs, Eli sang loudly, startling the other partygoers.

"It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing..."

It turned out that Sara was a very fast learner and a much more talented dancer than she'd given herself credit for. After about an hour, they managed to dance simple routines and as they made a short stop at the bar to get a cold drink, Eli took in the scenery, the flitter along the walls, the black and gold art deco decoration and that almost everyone had dressed up adequately for the occasion.

It was a blast to say the least. Eli didn't seem to get tired at all and as Sara fell into a couch in the back of the club, taking her shoes off and rubbing her feet with a pained expression on her face, Eli sat down beside her, still tapping her feet rhythmically, with an amused 'I told you so' look directed at Sara.

Much to Sara's surprise, Eli rejected everyone who asked her to dance with her while they sat and she gave her feet some much needed rest.

"Sweetness, there are so many great dancers in here, why don't you go and have some fun? I don't mind, my feet hurt and I'm just beginning to learn."

But Eli just lifted one of Sara's feet into her lap and started moving her thumbs over the sole of her foot.

"I don't want to dance with anyone else but you tonight. Give me a few minutes with your feet and then we'll do one more song. This-" she stopped the massage for a second to motion around the room. "-is brilliant. And you look gorgeous dressed up like this. One more dance and then I'll take you home and run you a bath. And remove every single one of these clothes off you, don't even think about undressing yourself."

Sara hastily took her foot off Eli's lap and started to put her shoes back on, looking at Eli with fire in her mocha brown eyes.

"Let's dance. And then get the hell out of here. I might let you take off my clothes if you join me in that tub of yours."

Eli laughed and let herself be dragged back to the dance floor.

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**Thanks for reading. I know I'm stretching this story a bit, but I'm not ready yet to let go of it. Still so much I could do with them... **


	36. 34 San Francisco  Tuesday

**Okay, I'm ducking away now. I got a little carried away in this chapter. You'll see...**

**_Stark: _Unfortunately I can't answer to your review directly. I left an answer in form of a review, you might wanna check there. Big thanks!

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34. San Francisco - Tuesday

San Francisco felt still felt a bit strange. Still like home, for both of them, but further away from their real lives than ever before. Vegas was their home, the centre of their lives now. As they walked through well-known streets, their feet knowing which turns to take without them even thinking about it, some of the old familiarity returned though.

"Do you miss it a lot?" Sara suddenly asked as Eli stopped in front of her favourite bakery and waved at the woman behind the counter.

"Do you?" Eli countered without taking her eyes off a huge pile of brownies.

"You first." Sara volleyed the ball back into Eli's field.

"Yes, I do. I miss the climate, I do miss my house, my garden and I miss some of the freedom. It used to be a bit easier here to be myself than it is in Vegas. And it's less intimidating to be an openly lesbian couple." She sighed, licking her lips absent-mindedly.

Sara laughed at her woman's hungry stare.

"Hey, that's the way you're supposed to look at me! And those will only settle down right around here." She tickled Eli's waist from behind, then slung her arms around the pouting woman. "Didn't you just last week complain that your pants are miraculously getting tighter and tighter?"

"They do, but the scales don't confirm that I've gained even a single pound. Someone must be sewing them smaller over night, when we're at work." Eli defended herself and attempted to swat Sara's hands away from her hips half-heartedly. "And don't argue with me, you love the little extra grip I provide, Miss Sidle."

"Oh, I do. Very much so." Sara's grip tightened again and she pulled Eli back into her body. "We should visit a certain shop and equip to further explore certain possibilities you're love handles are offering, Detective. I want to..."

And hot-breathed she whispered her ideas into Eli's ear who groaned and finally pried her glance off the cake, turned and stared open mouthed at her girlfriend, who had the same stare directed at her that she'd just given the chocolaty treat in the display.

"Sometimes you're so full of yourself, Sar." She just barely managed to utter, her thoughts running wild at the scenarios Sara's words had just planted in her head.

"Oh, but it turns you on like nothing else when I'm like that."

"Using that knowledge as leverage is so unfair." She struggled to find a way out. "I always thought our roles would be reversed. I've never been... God, I'm afraid if I say it out loud it makes it even more real."

Sara helped out. "That you're not the sexually dominant part?" She offered smirkingly.

"Hm, put it like that and it sounds a little less frightening."

Sara leaned in for a short but breathtaking kiss. Then she spoke almost into Eli's mouth. "And it turns me on like hell when you submit, to use the frightening word. Remember the kitchen? And, no, I don't mean Saturday. After having you like that, and honestly, all you did was just stand there and just do what I told you to, I tell you, I never came so fast and so hard in my life. You'd barely touched me..."

She let the memory linger between them, then went on, her voice soft but laced with a hint of forcefulness.

"When I think about all the things I'd like to do to you and provided you let me, just thinking about the look on your face, when you seem like you don't recognize yourself and yet willingly comply, surrender yourself so completely, for me, that you allow yourself to feel that for me, I - I could just loose myself in those moments. You make me want to do things I never thought I had in me before."

Eli gulped, but kept her wits.

"One day soon, Sara, one day soon I'll take you by surprise. Then I'll tie _you_ up and have my way with you. I still have a trick or two saved from the old days."

"Oh, I wouldn't mind if you tried to turn the tables."

Looking positively ravenous, Eli grabbed Sara's neck and brought their lips together once more. Then she let go and let out some air in a long blow, looking down at her feet.

"But honestly, I've never seen myself behave this way, let alone get so incredibly off on it. I don't know yet how far it'll go, how much more it is I could possibly want you to do. And frighteningly enough, I think I want to find out. And soon..."

Sara lifted her chin up with her thumb and forefinger, the gentleness in her eyes caressed Eli's very heart.

"Sweetness, it came naturally with you, I didn't know before either. I want to find out, too. I love the gentle and slow times when everything is just intense and lasts and there's this balance of giving and taking, but..."

"Sometimes you get incredibly off on being unmistakably on top and going at it a little rough, ordering me what to do and speaking with me the way you do then. And I adore that side of you, god, just thinking about your expressions, your words, the tone of your voice-" Eli's eyes glazed over and her throat was suddenly uncomfortably dry. "Okay, let's go to that shop, but - ah-ah, don't try and drag me there before-" She slipped out of Sara's grasp, who had started pulling her away from the bakery. "-I've bought some of those brownies and said 'Hello' to Jenny."

She reached for Sara's hand and pulled her close again just at the bottom of the few stairs that led up to the shop door, a coy but very determined smile playing on her lips.

"And if you're behaving until we get home, you eventually get to make that little fantasy of yours become reality. Eventually. And I'd even share one of those incredible, gooey, highly addictive brownies with you."

She winked at Sara, whose jaw had dropped in surprise and extremely visible anticipation, and quickly jumped up the stairs.

Ripping the door open and making the little bell chime loudly, Eli exclaimed.

"Hey, oh lovely Jen, got a hug for a woman who misses you and your baking skills like hell back there in Vegas?"

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_She kneeled beside her bed, her upper body pressed into the mattress, fists clutching the comforter._

"Sara? SARA!"

_She could take the blindfold off, just like that. She wasn't bound or anything. Sara had just asked her to stretch her arms out above her head. And wait._

"Where the fuck are you? Are you even still in the room?"

_She didn't like the quality of her own voice. It sounded like it was about to break, rough and distressed. Then she more felt than heard movement behind her._

"I'm right here."

_So close and yet so far. A breath of warm air hit her back, leaving a trail of goose bumps behind. Why didn't she just get up, take the blindfold off and end Sara's little game. She growled._

"Just do something, anything. I can't stand to just kneel here and wait for you to make your bloody move."

_A loud smack and white hot pain shot through her left butt cheek, making her jump and yell out._

"Ow, for Christ's sake. Did you..."

_Of yourse, stupid, she did just spank you. Why don't you get up and tell her that's it? Why are you lying here, waiting for the next blow to hit you? She clenched her teeth as the heat started to spread from her butt to a different area._

"Sara?"

_Why does your reply sound so soft?_

"Yeah, sweetness."

_Oh, can her voice get any lower, any more gravelly, any sexier? Does she even know what she's doing to you? You're aching for her, you agreed, you consented to try something else, though you had absolutely no idea where it'd go, what she'd do._

"Do it again!"

_Just one more. One more to see if it really was the blow that got you off, or just the whole situation per se. Just one._

"Ouch, fuck, that hurt!"

_Oh. My. Goodness. _

"Fuck! God, take it easy."

_That shouldn't feel that way, or should it?_

"Do you want me to stop?"

_The slight tremble in her voice. What is it, insecurity that she stepped over a line or fear that you'll tell her to stop?_

"N-no!"

_Geez, how eloquent__! Stuttering, Trent? Just tell her what's on your mind. Grow a decent pair and tell her. She's flying just as blind as you are. Ah, well, metaphorically speaking, since you're the one wearing a blindfold. Breathe, deep._

"Sara, just do it. Just - warm me up a bit at first or something."

_Wow, that's nice. Rubbing is good. Those taps are good. Whoa, warm... Ow. Fuck, that's hot. Ouch.__Wow..._

"You _really _like that, huh?"

_Another smack. And then another.__ Was that a moan? Did you just freakin' moan? Another. Goodness gracious, never thought a spanking could get you that wet._

"Oh yeah, you like that. Let's see what I can do about that."

_The blows were back to solid taps and Sara's free hand gently caressed Eli's back that was coated with sweat. Sara groaned at the sight in front of her. That cute ass bearing her reddening hand marks. Delicious. She bent down and placed wet kisses all over Eli's punished backside, then __blew cold air over the abused area to soothe the pain a bit before she slipped her tongue lower and groaned at the unmistakable taste. So hot, literally. And so damn wet._

"Damn, Cupid. Should we really be getting off on this?"

_Eli's almost constant moaning turned into a hoarse chuckle and her body twitched as she felt Sara's tongue dipping into her again._

"You're asking me? I don't know what to say except that I need to feel you, love. Please?"

_Sara answered by delivering one last stinging sl__ap before she grabbed the strap-on she was wearing_ _an guided the tip between Eli's thighs, growling at the gasp that followed her action. Fuck, this was good._

"You're going to feel me."

_And in one quick stroke, she easily entered Eli at full length._

"Oh, fuck, yes. Yes!"

_Oh, this was divine. _

"Tell me if it hurts?"

_Eli wasn't capable of answering anymore, but the ferocity with which she pushed back into every thrust told Sara more than enough._

_Sara groaned as every time she pushed her hips forward and slammed into Eli, the pressure the small vibrator attached to the inside of the strap applied to her clit brought her closer and closer to her own release. Eli moaned and panted beneath her and in a rush of strangled words, she muttered._

"Don't hold back, I want this, fuck me, Sara, hard."

_Sweet heavens, she didn't just say that? _

_Instantly Sara slowed down and Eli sighed exasperated as Sara withdrew almost completely__ and then stilled all movement._

"NO... not now, God, Sidle, please!"

_The pleading, almost whining and desperate tone send the most pleasant tingle down Sara's spine. So good, so powerful. So hers._

"My game, my rules. You get what I give you. You get to come when I let you."

_She growled out and watched amazed as Eli's body stiffened and she used the moment to slam back into her, relishing in Eli's __soft scream. Buried deep inside her girlfriend, she bent over and slung one arm around Eli, finding her clit and flicking it harshly. _

_Trapped, she was trapped under the weight of Sara's body, felt filled to the core and at the mercy of Sara's teasing fingers. And yet she felt so light and as Sara almost inaudibly breathed into her ear_

"I love you."

_she whimpered and melted into the blanket of clouds she seemed to float on._

_Sara__ propped herself up again, grabbed Eli's hips with both hands, yay to those love handles, and started thrusting again, increasing fast in speed and forcefulness. Twisting her hips every time she moved back rewarded her with having Eli moan out her name. She was so close herself, so damn close._

"I'm gonna- come, Go-o-od!"

_The throes and spasms of her release transmitted to Eli, who clung to the comforter for dear life and bit into it, smothering the __yell Sara had just torn from her as she followed her, tumbling, falling, crashing over that sweet edge._

Minutes later they lay curled up on the soft carpet, strap on and blindfold discarded somewhere beside them. Their breathing slowly returned to something resembling normal, though both knew that normal wasn't so normal anymore.

"Love."

Sara had just snatched the comforter off the bed and draped it over them.

"Yeah?" She answered Eli.

"Was this a onetime thing? An experiment?"

"Do you want it to be?" Sara hesitantly probed.

Propping herself up on one elbow and locking eyes with Sara, Eli softly shook her head.

"No." She breathed out. "How did you know I'd like the- the- Oh my, dammit, I can say that! How did you know that I would like it if you spanked me?"

"I didn't. But as you knelt there, I couldn't resist the temptation. You're so receptive, so sensual. From the very first time we had sex on. Yet-"

Eli could literally see Sara's thoughts drift off.

"What's the matter, love? You know I love it when you call the shots, we've cleared that up. And I said I was curious how far it would go. Now I know I like a few slaps, even a few harder ones, and by the way you sounded, you were right there with me. Or do you regret it?"

As Sara didn't answer and Eli could literally watch how the confidence drained out of Sara and the first hint of sadness crept in her girlfriend's eyes.

"It's kinda hard for me to comprehend what just happened. I was afraid and yet I felt so incredibly good. Afraid what would happen once I started. Yet just the mere thought of giving you a spanking turned me on. My initial idea didn't involve that, it was supposed to go differently. But I felt so powerful once you asked for more. Like I was high. But how can I get off on hurting you? When I-"

Her voice creaked and she stared at Eli with wide eyes.

Eli felt a huge lump rise in her throat. Oh no, she hadn't hurt her, not really, there was barely any burning left anymore.

"Sar, hey, look at me, really look at me. It is not the same! I am not a child and you are not punishing me. We love and respect each other. You're NOT hurting me. You could never hurt me and if I hadn't been so curious to see where it would go, I would have told you to stop after the very first blow. You, my love, are simply not capable of knowingly inflicting real pain on anyone, let alone enjoy to see anyone suffer. But you are allowed to enjoy what makes me feel good. I surely am no expert, but I know what I feel. And I've never felt better than I do right now. I feel like I'm invincible. _You_ made me feel that way. And believe me, I had no fucking clue."

"But..."

"Love, listen, you have had the upper hand in sex with me before. Maybe you don't even consciously remember, but I've felt your hand on my ass before. You've done that before, in a playful way. Sure, a tad bit softer, but we have had rough sex before. And we both do like that, sometimes. However high you felt, however you might think it send you on some kind of power trip, you were always in control. It was still playful. And I guess feeling that powerful comes with the territory. Having someone beg for them would make almost anyone feel powerful."

A tear slid down Sara's cheek that grew a little rosy at Eli's very direct words and Eli wasted no time to brush the tear away with her thumb, cupping Sara's face with her hand.

"But you asked if I was okay and in the most intense moment you told me you loved me and if I had told you to stop at any moment, you would have."

Sara's eyes widened and she nodded frantically.

"See? I trust you, Sara, with my heart, my life and my body."

Eli grabbed Sara hand and guided it between her legs, trapping it there.

"Feel that?"

Sara weakly nodded.

Eli pushed herself up and swung one leg to Sara's other side, hovering above her, shoving the blanket aside.

"Now look at me, keep your hand where it is and smack me again."

"No."

Sara's shocked but yet somehow torn expression tore at Eli's heart. She had to sort this out, now, or Sara would never believe her or worse, blame herself for doing it in the first place.

"Sara, do you trust me, too?"

"Yes, of course!"

"Then just do it."

Sara took a deep breath and let her free hand fall onto Eli's ass.

Eli twitched and groaned above her, her eyes snapping shut.

"Another." She whispered, her voice deep and enticing.

Sara watched the woman above her moaning her name as her hand made contact with the hot skin on Eli's backside again and she felt Eli grind down on her hand, wetness coating her fingers.

Sara sharply sucked in some air, mesmerized by watching Eli's desire-ridden expression and slowly started moving her fingers over Eli's clit and then down to her opening and with another, softer slap she simultaneously slipped into the wet warmth and lifted her head to claim Eli's lips, who moaned loudly into her mouth at the triple sensation.

Eli broke the kiss and even though Sara's nimble fingers worked her up quickly, she gathered her wits and spoke.

"Ugh, see what I mean now? This is what happens to me, this is what that _pain _does to me. It's kinda frightening for me, too, but boy, I really, really like it. Oh, yes! Like that, too!"

Testing the waters and feeling much surer of herself now, finally seeing Eli's face unlike before on the bed, Sara smacked Eli again and as with the blow and her thumb brushing over Eli's most sensible spot her girlfriend yelled out and came all over her hand, Sara actually accepted what had taken place over the last hour.

As Eli collapsed and fell half on top of her and half onto the carpet, Sara wrapped her in her arms until the last of the little aftershocks had ended.

"Wow!"

"That'd be my line, Waves. You fucked me into oblivion, twice. And that bloody strap on you chose is kinda big. I'm going to be so sore tomorrow."

Sara turned a couple of more shades of red, but the smugness that returned to her smile made Eli raise her head and glare at her.

Sara softly kissed her and felt her confidence gradually return as she replied.

"But I knew you could take it."

"You are unbelievable!"

Sara's eyes grew soft and so did her voice.

"It was incredible having you like that."

"It was. Everything was incredible. Do you think that one day we could do something like that again and you would feel good about it? Knowing that I really liked it?"

"You said you don't want this to be a onetime thing."

"I know what I said, what I want, but I take your worries more than seriously. I need to know that you want it, too, that you enjoy it at least as much as I do. This is nothing you can do as a favour, the interest has to be mutual."

"Eli, I knew what I felt before I began to rationalise it and realised what it was I was doing. Let me digest it fully. Maybe I do a little reading on the topic."

"On the topic? Which topic would that be?"

Sara squirmed a bit uncomfortably.

"You know what I mean. I'm a victim of abuse and I just learned that it turns me on to blister my girlfriends ass during sex. It's a paradox for me. I'm sure there's some psych stuff on former victims and SM."

"Aren't you getting a bit ahead of yourself there? SM, I mean, that's a completely different page. Wait a second, you've thought about this before. This didn't come out of the blue. Sara, you don't need a book or a guide or some psychology handbook. All you need is right here. Me and you. I know where you come from and I get why you got confused. Use your common sense. It's about trust and what gives you pleasure and what turns you on. Don't overanalyze yourself. I thought we were both pretty open minded. All we need to do is talk. Take the element of surprise out of the equation. I want to have fun with you, that's all. Don't label this."

Sara paused for a moment there and took Eli's words in. She took a deep breath.

"Okay. It turns me on to be the one in charge. It turns me on to tell you where I want you, what you're supposed to do and how. It turns me on to see you naked, that's a given-" Eli chuckled. "-and you look hot when you're bound. I like the thought that you shiver in anticipation when you're blindfolded and you don't know what I will be doing to you. Whether it be that you don't know where I'll touch or kiss you next, if I'll run an ice cube over you."

"All of that sounds like loads of fun for me. You won't hear me complain. I know now that I have that little submissive streak. And you like it."

Despite herself, Sara smiled at Eli and pecked her on the lips.

"Yeah. I know that you like it when I tell you to do certain things. Not move, move in a certain way, open your legs for me or come for me. I know that you like it when I bite you or mark you in other kinds of ways. I know now that you like the slaps. And that's when it starts to get complicated. Seeing those marks or a slightly reddened backside the next day is strange. I've lived with all kinds of bruises for far too long and knowing that I did that to you..."

Eli interrupted again.

"I feel proud. I feel honoured. I feel appreciated and loved. Understood. Again, it's not about pain, it's about pleasure. But there's a line between both where pain becomes pleasure and this line is blurred. Because I do enjoy a certain amount of pain. There, I said it. My name is Eli Trent and I think I just discovered I like to be dominated, spanked, marked and restrained."

Sara scowled, but another smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

"Stop making fun of it, you're taking the seriousness out of my worries."

"You know I don't. I just want you to understand. Get off on it. You're allowed to like it, allowed to have a dark and wild side that doesn't conflict with things you've lived through. Completely different setting. This is about love. I love those marks. I love the bit of pain. I love you. Love me, Sara."

"I do. Eli, you're-"

She didn't get to finish her sentence as Eli silenced her with a kiss and pulled her on top of herself.

"Let it sink in, Sara. I know you like it, but if it plays into your insecurities or makes you remember stuff, we won't do it again. It's your call and no hard feelings or disappointment, however you decide. Now let's get off the floor, I'm starving, starving, woman! And I need a cigarette. Badly. And since I really feel naughty today, I'm gonna have two. And then I'll make you the best spinach and sheep cheese lasagna you've ever had."

She held Sara close and ran her hand slowly down Sara's back until it rested on the small of her back.

A smirk flashed over Eli's face before slapped Sara's backside lightly and quickly kissed the brunette, swallowing her surprised yelp.

"You just-"

"I love you. Take a shower, cooking will take about an hour."

* * *

**So... Too much? Believable? Still in continuance with the development in their relationship-dynamic? Or am I overthinking, too? Wednesday is already finished, will be out soon. And as always, thanks for reading!  
**


	37. 34 San Francisco  Wednesday

**And another... We're getting closer. And I'm getting impatient. Expect at least daily updates, because the story is almost finished now.  
**

* * *

34. San Francisco - Wednesday

Eli groaned as she walked into the kitchen, following the smell of fresh coffee and crisped up croissants.

Sara had opened up the huge glass front, sunshine floated through the whole ground floor and she sat in a deckchair on the patio, a woolen cardigan draped around her shoulders, sipping her coffee while she read a magazine.

After fishing her smokes out of a drawer, Eli poured herself some coffee, too, snatched a croissant out of the bread basket and joined Sara outside.

As she heard the padding of naked feet on the wooden floor, Sara lifted her head up from the pages and promptly received an upside down kiss as Eli bent down over her.

"Morning, sunshine."

"Mh, do that again."

Eli closed in again and as their lips touched Sara reached out and ran her hand through Eli's hair down to her neck, keeping her in place as she deepened the kiss.

"Good morning to you, too." She smiled as she let go and Eli rounded her, stood on the edge of the patio, looked out over her overgrown garden and lit up.

Sara grinned and patted the canvas chair beside her.

"Why don't you sit down?"

Eli turned and pursed her lips to a scowl as she looked into Sara's twinkling eyes.

"I'd rather stand."

Sara snickered, got up and as she approached Eli she pinched her girlfriend's pajama bottoms clad ass none too softly.

"Whoa!" Eli shrieked and swatted Sara's lingering hand away.

"Don't you dare do that again."

She rubbed the once again offended spot and puffed a small cloud of smoke into Sara's direction, knowing she hated that.

"Ugh, that's disgusting." Sara retreated a step.

"And pinching me was mean."

"How bad is it?" Sara asked while she softly and appreciatively ran her hand over Eli's backside.

Eli chuckled.

"It's fine, actually. There's a different reason why I can't really sit comfortably. I told you I was going to be sore."

"Eli, was that your first time with a-"

"My first time getting fucked that way? Oh, yes, it was. Me-" She pointed at herself. "-usually the one on the other side of that thing. Much more comfortable but also much less satisfying. You've done that before, love, and you sure know how to use it."

She stated with a sly grin that made Sara's heart beat faster.

Eli crushed the cigarette in a flower box as Sara embraced her from behind.

"What's the plan for today?"

"Other than taking you back inside and making you pay? How about a little gardening?"

Sara kissed Eli's neck just above the shirt collar and smiled as goose bumps started to cover the area.

"Your hair is getting kinda long."

Eli paused.

"Erm, wasn't I just talking about gardening?"

"Yeah, and those hedges and the grass made me think that you also need a cut."

Shaking her head at the strange mental leap, Eli snuggled back into Sara's arms.

"I thought I'd let it grow a bit. The short hair makes me look so hard. I'm not like that. I'm not a carbon copy of a butch."

"You're most certainly not. You're Eli Trent, hard-assed Detective, incredibly intelligent law enforcement professional, an amazing friend, a devoted, honest and caring partner, a beautiful, stunning, sexy woman and a firecracker between the sheets. And I like the short hair, it looks good on you, it suits you, so does the way you dress. Don't put any labels on yourself. I don't like any categorizations for people, everyone is supposed to be an individual, just sharing a sexual orientation and a certain form of appearance doesn't mean you're alike. And by the way, I also like it that for once you have bed hair, too, when you get up. It looks so cute. So maybe do let it grow just a little bit longer."

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"A beautiful, stunning, sexy woman? Really?"

"You do recall that a I fell for you before, huh? It's only now that I noticed how different those feelings were back then. You were the badass, the show-off and it was my privilege to be the only one to see a different side of you. That was what attracted me most. But I can absolutely not deny that I thought you were incredibly sexy. You had an ass that's to die for. And you were lean, but muscular, you played soccer, not football or basketball though you're that tall. Speaking of basketball, remember Jason Greenway?"

"The pointguard? Yeah I do, I had... Oh, I'm not going to tell you that, it's ancient history."

Sara laughed and bit softly into the nape of Eli's neck.

"You're not going to believe this, because I know what you were about to say. While you, my dear, distracted his pretty, but very boring trophy-girlfriend, I had a very fun time with Jason. Remember he studied Physics, too. He was smart, and not at all the sports-hunk he portrayed to maintain his status among his friends. He was such a geek and one thing led to another and suddenly... Well, I'm not proud of it because we went behind his girlfriend's back, but he was hot."

"Really, Sara? So that's what you did all the times you said you had to study, huh?"

"Yeah, I always had really, really good sex with really handsome guys when I said I was learning. On astrophysics textbooks. Sweaty, hot sex with guys."

"Oh god, was it that good? No, don't tell me."

Sara snickered.

"Oh, he was good and there were several repeat performances."

"I knew you had guys in college. I just always thought you liked girls better."

"Oh, I did. That doesn't mean I didn't have men. I've never been very adventurous, but I'm no saint either. On the other hand I've always pegged you for the type who'd never sleep with a man. What changed when Leonard came along? Why did you two hook up? It seems so strange to imagine when I see the two of you together. You're like siblings. The thought of you and him having sex... Weird. Though he is a very good-looking guy."

"We already knew each other some years before it started. A lot had changed after Harvard. I was lonely, so was he, we knew each other like the back of our hands, we shared everything. It took him a while to get through to me, but once I trusted him, we spoke about everything. We never kept secrets from the other. The sex part came unexpectedly. It was a lot about loneliness and comfort. And he really is the only man I've ever felt physically attracted to. We were safe. We couldn't fall in love, we already loved each other. And we were in love with other people. Me, I had the memory of you, and he had-"

"Aurora." Sara finished the sentence. She knew the story from the other side, from Norah and Corinne.

"Yeah. It's strange how everything is connected. Anyway, one night I kissed him, it was a bet. I ended up crashing at his place and I was- I was horny as hell, I hadn't had sex in forever. He was- careful and so attentive. And he took his time with me, I never had a man look at me like that before. He, too, saw the woman that lay beneath the surface. It was so good."

"Hey!" Sara nudged Eli a bit.

"But it was! You know that sex is different when you really love someone. Nothing can compete with that feeling. But Leonard was a great lover. So it became a kind of a habit. Sometimes we just slept in the same bed, enjoying the safety and comfort of having someone in your arms. Other times we had sex. Until we noticed that we had stopped looking for something real. We'd never get over the past if we kept on with it. So we decided to try and find people who we really loved. Move on. I think if we had fallen for each other, I might as well have been married by now."

"You would've married him? Really, Eli?"

Eli just nodded.

"I guess so. I would have looked stunning in a white pantsuit, don't you think? I'd been thinking about that a lot then. It would've been so easy. No more heartache, no more regrets. Being with someone whom I trusted, knew and loved. But just not the right way."

"Thank goodness for that."

"Oh yes. I'd be filing divorce now."

"Because of me?"

"Of course. Even if it had gone differently, the moment I'd seen you again it would have been you anyway."

"But everything's just fine the way it is now. Leonard seems more than happy with Cath and I got you. And I don't intend to ever let you go again."

"Mh, I love to hear that. But this conversation started somewhere else, didn't it? I still want to hear why I was and am a beautiful, stunning and sexy woman. An ass to die for? Don't think I forgot."

"You know that you looked good in college. If I hadn't been so drunk and angry as we met again, that time at Sweets, I would have noticed how much you'd changed. You looked almost haggard if I remember right. Worn out."

"Whereas you looked incredible that night. Tanned, you had put on some weight, a bit more than today, more muscles. Really sexy. I had a hard time concentrating on what you were yelling at me."

"I was really happy at that time. I had a relationship that went well, I had just gotten the offer to become a CSI, I worked dayshift then, went surfing on my days off."

"I had a tough time. Police training, masters degree, I was working or learning, 24/7. I'd lost my appetite, I'd started jogging and stopped going to the gym. Leonard had to drag me out. And then I saw you and everything came back to me. Hit me like a ton of bricks. The guilt, the fear and you looking like you did, beautiful, but so full of hate. I would have let you punch me again. I would have done anything you'd have told me to do."

"But you played it so cool. Just wiped my comments off you and left. Having seen you like that was another reason why I was so stunned when I saw you next, in that suite at the Bellagio. All grown up, the clothes, your posture, you looked healthy and strong again with the additional weight, and being a Detective. I couldn't believe it."

"When was the first time you really looked at me again, Sar?"

"I don't really know. It wasn't like one could overlook you when you were around. And I really tried to ignore you. I think the day before you got shot I caught myself staring at your ass. And thinking something along: for all that it's worth, that backside has never, ever looked better."

"So you don't think I should lose some pounds?"

"Don't you dare. I love your curves."

"Flatterer!"

"Just telling you the truth."

"So both times you fell for my softer side and my ass?"

"No, that was in college. This time I fell for the whole package, Detective! That ass is a bonus."

"I'm never taking an elevator or escalator again. Gotta keep that thing in shape as long as possible."

Sara laughed and pressed closer into Eli's back.

"I'll remind you of that when you try to take half of Jenny's bakery back to Vegas."

"Oh, but who knows when we're gonna be back? I ordered a bunch for Monday morning. You can freeze those brownies and warm them up in the oven, put some vanilla ice cream on top-"

Sara rose one eyebrow, turned Eli in her arms and smirked at her.

"Vanilla, huh? I thought we were past that taste?"

Eli paused, let go of Sara and glared at her girlfriend in surprise. She seemed so relaxed about it today. Had she already made up her mind? It sure seemed that way.

"You, three seconds headstart. And when I get you, I'll show you what other kinds of workout are on my mind. You'd better skip a salad for some cake, too, I'll wear you out."

Eli caught up with Sara on the threshold of the bathroom. The drum of the water couldn't drown out the sounds that proved Eli made good of her warning.

* * *

A couple of hours later Eli carried bags and bags of potting soil into the garden while Sara fueled the lawn mower up.

"You sure we'll come back soon enough to take care of the garden before it's turned jungle again?" She asked Eli as she wiped the sweat off her brow and brushed it off on her cut off jeans shorts.

"I sure hope so. Anyway, if we don't make it I'll hire a gardener this time."

She turned, shook her arms by her sides to drive a bit of the stiffness out of her sore muscles and smiled at Sara with the grease stain on her cheek and her hair in a messy ponytail.

"Are you sure that you want to spend two days of our precious time here potting plants and digging in the dirt?"

Sara pushed her sunglasses up her nose, slowly sank down to the ground and lay on her back on the fragrant, freshly cut grass and blinked up into the sun.

"I love it. The fresh, salty air, the light breeze, the smells, the sunshine that doesn't threaten to blister your skin, bringing all this back into shape. It's the best holiday I've had in forever. I could stay here forever. Thank god it's only Wednesday."

Eli crouched down beside Sara and let the condensation from the two ice cold beers she'd just snatched out of a portable cooler drip down on the patch of skin exposed between Sara's shorts and tank top and made her squeal.

"Beer?"

"Oh, perfect."

"We'll have to do another run to get some plants. A lot has dried and died."

Sara took a large gulp from her bottle and looked over to the driveway.

"And how are they supposed to fit into _that _car?"

"There's something called 'delivery'. We just have to drive to the garden plaza, pick'em out and tomorrow morning, they'll be carried right into our backyard."

Sara swallowed beer with a little too much air and tried to avert burping loudly as she quickly turned her head away from Eli.

_Our _backyard_. We_ will pick out plants.

"Eli, when did everything about this house become a question of _us_?"

"The moment you stepped over the threshold."

Eli said that sounding absolutely casual, stretched out on the grass beside Sara, drinking beer and letting the afternoon sun warm her face.

"Sara, would I still scare you if I said something incredibly corny?"

She blinked and stared at Eli in disbelief.

"I think it's definitively too late for that."

Letting her empty bottle fall beside her into the grass, Eli rolled onto her side facing Sara, motioning her to be still with a finger pressed against her own lips before she spoke.

"I wanna grow old with you here. I wanna be an old tattooed woman, planting vegetables, feeding you fresh strawberries with cream on the patio one late August day while the sun is beaming down on us, we've both turned grey and wise and I wanna hold you in my arms in the haddock and kiss that lovely spot on your neck that will still make you shiver as we watch our grandchildren play in a pool with the dog."

Sara slowly took her sunglasses off and leaned in to kiss Eli gently. They looked each other and let their eyes do the talking.

Finally Sara leaned back and rested her head on Eli's shoulder.

"You're absolutely, undeniably crazy."

"But you love me for it."

"Oh, yes, I do. Grandchildren. You're nuts."

* * *

**Two more to go... **


	38. 34 San Francisco  Thursday

**Hey, it's Thursday, isn't it? So there you go...**

* * *

34. San Francisco - Thursday

"Eli, Eli, wake up!"

Sara had tried smothering her with kisses, then softly shook her. No reaction. Then she'd tickled her under the covers. Eli had just groaned in her sleep and had curled herself up into a fetal position.

Now she shook harder.

"Eli!"

"Not yet, five more minutes." Came Eli's voice, laced with sleepiness.

"Cupid, I'd love to let you sleep, but we barely have five minutes to get dressed. We overslept. And it's raining buckets outside and the guys from the garden plaza will be here any moment. We have to get up."

Eli reached out and without opening her eyes she flung one arm around Sara and heaved her effortlessly onto herself. Opening her eyes just the tiniest bit, she stretched underneath Sara, kissed her throat and she could feel every muscle move in Eli's body.

"Gimme one minute like this and I promise I'll be dressed in no time. Why didn't we hear the alarm?"

Both gazed over to the bedside clock which numbers blinked stoically at 00:00.

"Great, a blackout." Eli nuzzled her face in Sara's hair and nipped at her clavicle before she raised her head again, a little bit more lucid.

"How come you're awake then and know what time it is?"

Sara pointed at her cell.

"Got a text from Cath, something about a case. Okay, your minute is over."

Eli groaned dicontently.

Just as Sara climbed off Eli and got out of the bed, the doorbell chimed.

"Oh, crap."

Jumping up, Eli hastily put on her jeans and slipped into a pair of sneakers without even bothering with socks.

"Just a second!" She yelled down the stairs as she wriggled into a hoodie and slipped out the room.

Sara quickly followed suit and caught up with Eli by the front door, as she was just assuring the men they'd help unload and carry the two dozen plants and various small pots into the garden.

The rain came pouring down on them, the early morning air was cold and within a minute they were soaked to the bone and shivered despite all the pushing heavy pots around. Eli thanked and tipped the equally soaked delivery guys and dripping wet they gladly closed the door and started laughing the second it clicked shut.

"What a wake-up call. Brrr, I need to get out of these clothes, into a hot shower and then I want a whole pot of coffee and something very sweet for breakfast. Join me?"

Eli peeled herself out of her drenched sweater which landed with a wet smack on the tiled floor of the entrance area and struggled to get out of her jeans. Sara did the same and the puddle on the floor largened, she kicked off her muddy shoes and frowned at the thought that someone had to clean this mess away later and then paused as she noticed Eli staring at her, goose bumbs covering the skin of her arms that still were a bit reddened from the amount of sun they'd seen the day before.

"Sweetness, you're staring at me."

Eli grinned trembling and her gaze wandered over Sara's body again, from her feet over her naked legs, her panties and lingered on her white tank top a moment until it finally found her face.

Sara's voice took on a different quality.

"Eli!" She sing-songed warningly.

She didn't like that look. Eli gazed at her like she had at so many of her flings in college. Like she was a trophy and all that counted about her was her body.

"Oh, cut me some slack, Sara. You're just fulfilling one of my oldest fantasies of you. One I haven't thought of in years."

All she got was a blank stare in return. Sara was wearing fairly average panties and there was nothing special about her- oh, of course. Her white tank top, soaked and see-through with everything underneath on highly alert display, due to the cold.

She groaned and crossed her arms in front of her chest. That was just cheap.

"Eli, you're worse than most men I know. So I'm your private wet T-shirt fantasy? Shall I look for a pair of high heels and give you a lap dance? You notice you _have_ seen me naked a good few times before? How old are you, fifteen?"

"Aw, come on, Sara. I'm not allowed to admire you? Just because it's a chliché?"

Eli lowered her glance to the floor. Uh, typical Sara moment. Prowling predator one day, annoyed by her staring at her in a wet white shirt the next.

"Yeah, because it's a cliché. Grab a blanket, because you'll have to wait for your shower, I'm going in alone."

She started to go and pass Eli, but her voice stopped her.

"Wait a sec. I am not 15 right now, I'm about 22, it was a spring day and we got caught in the rain on the way to the dorm. We wanted to learn together, so you came to my room and asked me for something dry to change into. I gave you a pair of sweatpants and a shirt and you started changing with your back towards me while I promised to make some hot tea, you know, the green one with honey you liked so much. But as soon as you were out of your jacket I couldn't look away anymore. You wore a white shirt and nothing underneath, and it clung, wet as it was, to your back. I'd first prayed that you would turn around. Then you took it off and it wasn't about a wet white shirt anymore, it was your back, the arch of it, your muscles, your skin, all I wanted was to touch you, to kiss your shoulder blades, wrap my arms around you and cup your breasts with my hands. I turned around and concentrated so hard on the water in the little pot on the hot plate that I could still swear it started boiling in half the amount of time it usually took. I couldn't look you in the eyes all night."

"Sweetness, are you telling me about the moment you fell in love with me?"

"Somehow. It was when I fell in lust with you but also noticed that wasn't all I wanted from you. I wanted all of you. From your stubbornness to your sharp brain, from those endless legs to your sad eyes and everything in between. It was the moment I knew something had changed for me, though I didn't want it to. I liked being that skirt chaser. And all of a sudden I had this mad and deep crush. I wanted dates and coffees and long glances and tentative touches and everything I usually didn't do. I didn't do relationships. I didn't fall in love."

Sara closed her eyes. Okay, she had her again. She let her arms fall down at her sides and knew the shirt would now look even more glued to her body. But it didn't feel like a cheap fantasy anymore.

"Eli, look at me." Eli still averted her eyes, Sara hadn't wanted that kind of stare. Now she looked up again and directly into Sara's eyes.

"No, look at me." Eli's eyes darted heasitantly to her mouth, then her chest and midriff. And like gravitating towards her, she took a small step forwards. Sara turned and slowly lifted the top over her head.

"Touch me, like you wanted to back then."

Now it was her turn to feel the goose bumps rise all over her back and arms as with the softest of touches, Eli ran her fingertips over the exposed length of her back, first one hand, then the other joined it. And it felt like Eli did indeed touch her for the very first time. As gentle kisses were placed all over her shoulder blades, her long sigh turned into a low breathy moan and she felt Eli's hands tremble lightly as they glided around her ribcage and palms teased her nipples until Eli cupped them and pressed flush into her back. Sara gasped and bit her lip as Eli just held her, not moving at all. She felt her heart beat wildly and heat crept into her cheeks. She leaned into Eli, ground her backside into Eli's crotch and covered her girlfriend's hands on her breasts with her own.

"Thank you." Eli whispered in Sara's ear, kissed her neck once more and slowly let go of Sara.

She stood there for a moment, unwilling to move, the feel of Eli's touches and kisses still lingering on her skin. Then she heard the shower running and smiled to herself, climbed up the stairs and followed Eli into the bathroom and joined her under the hot water.

* * *

They had put on some comfortable clothes, Eli lit up the fireplace while thunder still roared outside and Sara busied herself preparing breakfast.

"Doesn't look like we're going to get anything done outside today. I really should've watched the news or at least the weather report for today. So, what do you wanna do, stay inside all day, cuddle on the sofa and watch a movie?"

Sara spooned some banana slices into her muesli and gave Eli a strange look.

"Erm, I have no intention to leave the house again in that thunderstorm."

She pointed with her spoon towards the window front, where rivers of raindrops ran down on the glass.

"But I also haven't seen any TV in the whole house. I don't wanna watch a movie in an uncomfortable office chair in front of your computer."

Eli stopped the toast on its way to her mouth and grinned.

"Oh love! You're right, I don't have a TV, but I do have a beamer. You know, one of these things that projects the pictures to a wall."

Sara scowled and threw a corn pop at Eli, but secretly scolded herself for not having thought of that.

"Or-" Eli's stare got dreamy.

"I think I have a much better idea. I gotta make a few quick phone calls." Eli let her half eaten peanut butter toast fall on the plate, jumped off the bar chair and ran up the stairs.

Sara just stared at her retreating back and chuckled to herself.

A few quick phone calls had turned into an hour since Eli had vanished into her office now.

Sara had put the dishes into the washer, checked the fridge and made a small grocery list for the rest of their stay, brewed another pot of coffee and had finally begun skimming through Eli's CD collection and was just listening to an old Fleetwood Mac song she hadn't heard in forever as Eli literally came skipping down the stairs, dressed in street clothes and with a big fat grin on her face.

"I'm afraid you do have to go outside once more today, Sar. So get upstairs, get dressed !"

Sara put the CD she held back on the shelf and peered at Eli with a smile playing on her lips.

"What did you do?"

Eli raised her hands in defense, but wasn't able to wipe the smile off her face.

"Me? Nothing! I just found us something suitable to pass the time on this rainy day."

"As long as it doesn't involve any form of ouside activity apart from getting into the car and out to immediately enter some sort of building again, I have no obligations. In fact I'm curious what you're up to."

She walked past Eli towards the stairs, but not without delivering a short peck to Eli's lips.

"Though your last surprise was so outstanding that I'm afraid you'll never be able to top that."

An hour later Eli stopped the car in front of one of the oldest movie theatres in San Francisco. She'd asked Sara to close her eyes and keep them closed about two blocks away from their destination and now led her by the hand into the huge foyer.

"Mh, I smell popcorn. You could've just told me we're going to the movies. We could've had all that at home, you know, plus more privacy."

Sara laughed and squeezed Eli's hand but still didn't open her eyes, she'd promised she'd only do that when Eli asked her to.

"Love, anyone can just go to the movies on a rainy day. Not everyone _owns _a movie theatre, can close it for the public and select her and her girlfriends favourites and make the whole crew cater just for them. What do you think, there's a couple's seat in the last row, wanna sit there? Privacy included. Sweet or salty? Butter or not? Coffee, water, soda? Or do you want to get crazy with me and have champagne while watching Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke?"

Sara's expression had gone from amused to utterly stunned.

"Eli, can I please open my eyes now?" She brought out.

"Of course my dear."

She blinked and stared first at Eli, then unbelieving at her surroundings. The whole crew was dressed in vintage uniforms that suited the ambience of the location and held trays with everything Eli had advertised. They all grinned and she caught Eli grinning back and winking at them as she pushed Sara gently towards the double doors that led inside the large and beautifully decorated screen.

Still rendered speechless, Sara sank into the overstuffed old deep red brocade chairs. Three seats in the row in front of them had been taken out and replaced by a low table, where they could rest their feet and place their drinks and snacks.

Eli settled in beside her and kissed her cheek.

"Say something, love, you're starting to scare me."

"Champagne will be fine."

"Sara?"

"I've never seen Mary Poppins."

"Waves, snap out of it."

"Eli?"

"Huh?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"_You fuckin' own this place_?"

A chuckle and a hand entwined with hers.

"Uh-huh! What can I say? I love movies."

Finally Sara's eyes met Eli's and the surprise was still visible in them.

"Right, you are rich. You really own this theatre?"

"Last time I checked, I did own the whole building, yeah!"

"Sweetness, I'm- I don't know what I am right now."

"Sara. Just enjoy your first time watching Mary. And be warned, I know all the lyrics and I _will _ sing along. You'll love it anyway."

Right then, a young men in uniform appeared beside them, two champagne flutes and a huge bag of popcorn on his tray.

"Miss Sidle, boss, erm, Miss Trent, your champagne and buttered and caramelized popcorn."

Eli took the glasses off the tray and handed one to Sara, who instantly emptied it in one large gulp. Trent shook her head and exchanged her own full glass with the empty one in Sara's hand.

"Thank you, Andy. Would you mind bringing us the whole bottle?"

The man gracefully bowed a bit.

"Of course Ma'ams. If you wish for anything else, don't hesitate to call me."

"We will. Now relax and tell me how the Misses is doing. It's still only me, Andy."

Sara watched enthralled as Eli talked to the young employee, who happily announced he had recently become a father to a beautiful baby girl and Eli promised to take a look at the photos before they started the second movie.

By the time Andy had brought the bottle and left again, Sara was sipping on her second glass much slower and looked at Eli in fascination.

"You're incredible. Do you know them all by name?"

Eli smiled and ran her thumb over the back of Sara's hand while the lights dimmed and the heavy curtains slowly opened.

"I do. I'm a kind and friendly boss. They all work here for a reason. Andy dropped out of college two years ago because his mother has Alzheimer's and he wanted to take care of her and needed a job badly. Last year he got married and now he's a father. That guy is only 22. He is great. Liz, the girl behind the counter got tossed on the street by her family because they found out she is gay. She got arrested for stealing a couple of cans of tomato soup and some milk. I couldn't believe there are still families like hers out there. I employed her. Last month she wrote me she has finally gotten her high school diploma and she's applying for university, she wants to become a lawyer, specialized in family and gay rights. She's a smart one, she'll make her way. Greta, she's the manager, lost her job of 30 years because a new management drove the firm bankrupt. She had two boys in college and suddenly she had nothing. She's the best. She organises movie themed parties and special screenings. She keeps this place up and running fairly well despite all the competition from the multiplex cinema's."

Eli crossed her legs and rested her feet on the small table.

"I could tell you a lot about every one of them. I'll tell you all about this place later. But it's time to watch a movie. Forget about the rain outside, forget that in a couple of days we have to go back, stop looking at me like you just found out that I'm not the tin man, woman I mean, and do have a big heart inside this gorgeous body you adore and enjoy. The. Movie."

But Sara didn't take her eyes off Eli as she reached out and gently cupped Eli's cheek and turned her head to face her, capturing her lips in a slow, loving and long kiss.

"Now I can watch the movie."

She rested her head on Eli's shoulder and fixed her eyes on the screen, but she mumbled.

"You'll never cease to amaze me, Rockefeller."

The rain had stopped and the city smelled clean and of autumn drawing nearer and nearer.

They sat in a small Sushi bar downtown and drank Sapporo beer after a huge portion of vegetable and classic rolls.

After Mary Poppins they'd had a chat with the employees and Sara had watched Eli's transformation from Homicide Detective to cinema owner/business woman and boss of a good half dozen employees with fascination. She had seemed years older and the way she had with her crew amazed her. They respected and liked her, she had filled the room with that presence again, nobody could resist her charm.

Then it had been "Wings of desire" and finally "You've got mail", one of Sara's all time favourites, because it managed to stay true to the concept of all the old screwball comedies which she loved to watch, though she'd never admit that to anyone else but Eli, who adored Tom Hanks and would never get over the lines 'legal addictive stimulants' and 'bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils', impressed Sara with her knowledge about the case of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg and still hummed 'I guess the Lord must be in New York City' while they drove back home.

* * *

**Yep, fluff. Fluffy fluff on a rainy early spring Thursday in Berlin. Tomorrow, the sun will shine again and on Saturday, this journey will be over.**

**Thanks for reading.  
**


	39. 34 San Francisco  Friday

**My, isn't it great that here, right in the very heart of Europe, it's already Friday? A little early maybe, but I have a busy day coming up, so I'd rather post this now, before I go to sleep, in case I won't find the time tomorrow, er, today. Well, after sleep. **

**The very heart of Europe, you're wondering and thought of London or Paris? Geez, I'm a Berliner, we are known to be proud, stubborn and grumpy people with a heart of gold buried somewhere deep inside. Lucky for those who take the time and are persistent enough to make us show it, because then they've made a loyal friend. So, heart, yes. Just a really bad transition (I never said I was _such _a good writer, and to be the judge of that, you'd have to read my German, non-fanfiction-stuff , I'm afraid) to what I actually wanted to say, namely voicing my astonishment at just how many people from so very many different countries have read my stories on here so far. Really amazing! **

**I've been rambling again. Must be tired. Yep, eyes are closing in random intervals... Good night!**

**

* * *

**

34. San Francisco - Friday

"Okay, so I'll be back around three. Don't do all the work alone, you hear me?"

"Don't worry, I won't. "

"Love, are you really sure you don't want to come? I mean, it's my mom, you're going to have to meet her sooner or later. And it's just a quick lunch and getting the keys for the beach house. I'm sure she'd love to get to know you. She's long past the stage of mourning her only child's homosexuality. She just wants me to be happy and for the first time I really am. I'd like to show her who it is that makes me happy."

Eli tugged at Sara's hand and gazed at her coyly. Sara lowered her eyes and avoided Eli's glance.

"Give me some time, okay?"

"Hey, Waves, look at me. I meant what I said. I am going to visit Laura Sidle. I don't have much family to offer, most of them don't live very close or even on this continent, but I want you to know that all the close family I have, which is my mom and Leonard, is your family as well. And I'm going to tell that to her when I'm there. I need to see her. I know you've never been there since she got off the psych ward and into prison, and I reckon you don't ever want to go there, but I will. There are some things I need to know."

"Eli. It's not going to change anything."

"I know. That's not the reason. And you have to know that I'm not doing that for you in any way, I want to do it for me. I need to meet her, to look into her eyes."

The pained expression on Sara's face concerned Eli, but there was nothing she could say to make her change her mind.

Anna, her mom, would accept Sara and treat her like her own the moment she really got to know her.

"Waves, she already knows about you. It doesn't matter whether I see her only twice a year or so, I still talk to her regularly. It was hard enough to keep her from coming to Vegas when I was in the hospital, but she knows I'm in a relationship with you and that it's serious. When I called her in the morning she even asked me if the lunch should be vegetarian. I told her yes."

"That's thoughtful. And kind."

"She is both. Though she's also a snob and thinks people with money are something better, but still she has a heart of gold and she loves me. She's learned that for me, the world isn't about riches and how to blow them, but about justice and equality. I think she hasn't forgiven me yet that I attended her last big cocktail party in my Detective's dress uniform, which earned her a lot of comments that her only daughter should rather be married to one of her blasé friend's arrogant and self-absorbed sons and be a good housewife with a bunch of spoiled kids, hosting her own cocktail parties instead of playing sheriff and living a rather ordinary life so beneath her calling. I considered for a second to have them arrested for insulting an officer, but then again, my mom loves those parties, why spoil her fun. And she told them she's proud of me and what I do."

Sara started to chuckle.

"Come on, I've seen that other pantsuit you've bought on Monday. You'll look dazzling in it. It's just lunch and Alberta is a great cook. I'm sure she cooked something Mexican. She does that every time I come for a visit. I grew up with her around, she still pampers me. And it'll be vegetarian. Just for my lovely girlfriend."

* * *

Bang on 12:30 Eli rang the bell at the entrance door of an impressive mansion, giving Sara's hand a last encouraging squeeze.

Once more it really dawned on Sara just how privileged Eli had been growing up and gained a faint impression of how loaded the Trent's had been and still were.

"Did your mom buy this after your dad passed away or did you grow up here?" She carefully asked.

"I grew up here. My mom couldn't sell it, she said there were too many memories she wanted to hold on to as long as possible. Are you okay?"

Sara glanced down at herself, she'd dressed up, she couldn't exactly put her finger on why, but she wanted to make a very good first impression meeting Eli's mother.

The huge door swung open and revealed a stunning woman about the age of fifty. She was just about two inches shorter than Eli, wore a Chanel style coat and skirt, understated but flawless make-up and her brown hair, a shade or two lighter than Eli's was showing first signs of turning grey. It was more than obvious that she was Eli's mother. She had the same twinkle in her equally dark brown eyes and as she smiled dimples appeared at the same spots Eli had them.

With open arms and a big smile she beamed at her daughter.

"Oh, Elizabeth, it's so good to finally have you here again."

Eli stepped forward and into a heartfelt embrace.

"I'm happy, too, mom."

Mrs. Trent took a step back and scrutinized her daughter from head to toe before she gently ran her hand through Eli's hair and cupped her cheek, still smiling.

"You look healthy. And definitely happy. And you still wear your beautiful hair way too short."

She turned and came to face with Sara, who had waited patiently and watched the exchange between mother and daughter with amusement and a tad- yeah, sadness. Envy even? But she pulled herself together in time and took the now outstretched hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Trent."

Anna Trent shook her hand gently and smiled genuinely.

"The pleasure is all mine. I've heard a lot about you, Ms. Sidle and I couldn't wait to meet the woman Elizabeth talks so excitedly about. Please, come in."

"Thank you, Mrs. Trent."

"Mom, please call her Sara, this is not a formal meeting, she's my girlfriend."

She guided them inside and turned towards Sara again after she'd closed the door and raised her eyebrows at Eli.

"Only if your girlfriend agrees to call me Anna. Would that be okay with you, Sara?"

"Of course, Mrs.- erm, Anna."

Eli snickered and took her mother into her arms again, pecking her on the cheek.

"And stop calling me Elizabeth, I always feel like I'm twelve again and being scolded for something I eroded."

"Elizabeth Anna Maude Davenport-Trent is the name your father and I gave you. I won't call you Eli. I can call you Lilith again. Or Sparrow."

"Aw, mo-om!" Eli grew three shades of red and Sara had a hard time keeping herself from laughing out loud.

"Take it or leave it. I guess I can think of a couple of stories that will make you maintain that lovely colour throughout the whole dinner and I'm sure, judging by her huge smile, Sara would love to hear them, don't you, dear?"

"I sure would, Anna."

Thankfully, the arrival of a short, round woman saved Eli from having her mother immediately share more embarrassing facts about her with Sara.

With a bit of a Spanish accent Alberta, the cook, told them that lunch was ready to be served.

"Thank goodness!" Eli exclaimed, took Sara's hand in hers and they followed Alberta and her mother into the dining room. "She can't speak as long as she's chewing..."

Sara whispered:

"Maude, really?"

"It was my grandmother's name. It's tradition. Please, just forget it."

"You know I won't."

"I was afraid so, yes." Eli huffed back.

Lunch was easy, Alberta's vegetarian Mexican casserole with lemon rice exceeded Sara's expectations by far and Eli's mom was a sweet person.

They talked about Sara's job and that she somehow remembered having heard Sara's name before and Eli told her about Harvard. They left the bad parts out, of course and just told her that after over ten years, they had met each other again in Vegas and had fallen in love.

Sara's initial uneasiness faded sentence by sentence, none of the feared questions about either her parents or anything else that had frightened her about meeting Eli's mom were asked. Either Eli had briefed Anna beforehand or she was just too polite to go into details on their first meeting.

When Mrs. Trent left the room to take an urgent call, Sara let out a long breath and Eli smiled at her adoringly.

"I told you she'd like you. I can see she's proud of my 'choice'. If she can't get me to love a man, she appreciates that I chose a beautiful, intelligent and ambitious woman. And she likes your sense of humour. She had that crooked smile thing going on when you told her about the surprise out in the desert. She's impressed."

"I like her, too. She's really polite and isn't too eager to get to know everything about me at once. I was really scared of that."

Eli got up and placed both her hands on Sara's shoulders, bending down to bring her mouth close to Sara's ear.

"I know, love. And if I didn't know my mom well enough to be sure she wouldn't be too hard on you, I'd never have asked you to come along. Wanna see my old room?"

Sara felt a kiss being placed on her temple and smiled. Another reason she felt so safe with Eli. She'd never get her into any situation that would make her unnecessarily uncomfortable.

"I'd love to. Is it still the same way it was before you moved out?"

"It's just like the day I left for San Fran for the first time. Just like my dad's office. Mom is really sentimental about these things. Come on, I'll show you the house."

They went up the huge stairwell and passed a couple of rooms until they reached the last room at the small side of the hallway. Eli motioned Sara to open the door and she did.

And stepped right into Eli's teenager time.

Posters of vintage cars and rock bands were all over the walls, shelves with old school stuff and lots of adventure and romance novels, movie memorabilia, encyclopedias on various topics, model cars and collector's action figures stood along the wall. An old Apple computer occupied the desk and above it Eli's old soccer shirt was pinned to the wall, beside a small shelve with a couple of trophies. An electric guitar with amp stood in another corner, a once fancy stereo system and a small TV opposite the bed. Sara lifted the comforter and snickered as she found Star Wars bed linens. On a low table was a chemistry kit, a microscope and several textbooks about science and history.

"Sweetness, this so you, science geek and lesbian teenager with a wild streak. You even had a poster of, well, Demi Moore. You were into Demi Moore? Hm, I know you were an A student, but a rebel. You played soccer and I know you love movies. But seriously, Cupid, of all late 80s, early 90s moviestars, Demi?"

Eli laughed and opened a closet beside the TV that had a huge poster of the movie 'Taxi driver' adhered to its door. Sara had expected clothes, but the whole closet was crammed with old VHS tapes.

"I loved her in "Ghost", with the cute short hair. I had some crazy movie parties here. I had my first real make-out session with Alien playing in the background. And my dad had a little screening room in the basement, with real cinema seats and a projector and a popcorn machine. I think I got my love for movies from him. As well as my height, the size of my hands and the shape of my mouth."

"I'd like to see a photo someday. You definitely have your mom's eyes. If you're anything more like her, you'll still be stunning when you close in on fifty. Was your father much older? I wondered about the last name. Davenport-Trent?"

Skimming though some drawers, Eli took out a framed picture and showed it to Sara.

An attractive man in his mid-fifties with salt and pepper hair, almost black eyes that sparkled with humour and authority, a gentle smile playing on his lips that really looked exactly like Eli's, dressed in a very fancy grey suit.

"Oh my god, you're the spitting image of your father. With a touch of the grace and some facial features of your mom. Incredible. I bet he had the same effect on people that you do when he entered a room."

Eli nodded and stared a couple of seconds longer at the picture. Yes, she did look a lot like her father and she was a lot like him.

"He was 14 years older than my mother. She was a Davenport, another rich family and they dated in secret for a long time because of the age difference. She was 18, he was almost 32. Yeah, I know, but believe me, it was the love of a lifetime. I know she'll never look at another man like she'd looked at my father. She got pregnant at 18 and I was born before they got married, because my mom wanted to look beautiful in her wedding dress. So I was born a Davenport. In a sense, my parents were quite modern and unusual. She kept Davenport, just added the Trent. People don't call her that, but she insists on signing with both names. I became a Trent after the wedding, but my birth certificate was never changed."

"Every day I learn new things about you, Sparrow."

Eli scoffed.

"Names you should never call me: Maude! Lilith and Sparrow. I still don't like Cupid, but it sounds cute the way you say it."

"You've grown up with a lot of love." Sara stated, but still smiled at Eli's last comment.

"My parents tried to be strict and guide me to become more of a high class girl, but I wasn't listening much. I never liked all that pomp and the attitudes. But they always showed me that they loved me, even though I didn't make it all too easy for them. My dad was away a lot, but every time he came home, the first thing he did was hug me. The Sparrow came from him. His cute little tomboy, always fluttering her wings, always on the run, always busy. I guess part of him didn't mind the tomboy thing at all, he always wanted to have a second child, a boy."

Sara sat down on the edge of Eli's bed.

"I remember one day, I must have been no older than five. My father was out in the driveway, working on his old bus. It was sunny, the middle of summer. He explained to me what he was doing because I played with all his tools. As he was done, we washed the car and had a huge water battle. It's the most untainted memory I have of him. I think there was a time when some days everything was still fine. I was just too young to remember all that much."

While Sara had talked, Eli had settled down beside her and now she pulled Sara into a tight embrace and kissed her, passionately.

As if on cue, the door was opened and Anna stepped into the room and Eli and Sara rushed apart.

Mrs. Trent just smiled.

"Goodness, Lilith, I think I'm having a déjà vu. This is just like the first time I found you kissing a girl."

Both Eli and Sara got up and looked a little embarrassed at each other.

"Yeah, mom, and you still don't knock."

Anna laughed and embraced her daughter once again, looking at her and then at Sara with a content expression.

"I just wanted to tell you that unfortunately I have to go into town. I wish we could have had more time."

She let go of Eli and took a certainly surprised Sara into her arms for a few seconds.

"I really hope we'll get a chance to talk some more and soon, Sara. I can see in Lilith's eyes how much you mean to her and I see the same in yours. I'd really like to get to know you better. I have the gut feeling that it might be important for us to get along in the long run, but I don't have any reason to doubt that we will. You're a charming, beautiful and smart woman."

Sara stuttered a "Thank you, Anna." out.

The older woman turned towards her daughter again and poked her in the shoulder.

"She's lovely and she's a keeper. Treat her with respect and love. You know how to do that, you're your father's daughter. I love you, honey. Don't make me wait too long for your next visit. Both of you. I gotta go. You know where the keys are. Have fun at the beach."

"We will, mom. I love you, too."

Eli was stunned. Stunned. Speechless. That was like the ultimate approval.

"Your mom is great."

Usually Eli would have replied something like "I told you so." but she was still too amazed to react.

* * *

Back home they started packing. Early in the morning they would leave and spent Saturday and Sunday in the beach house, before returning to San Francisco just to pick up the rest of their stuff and head to the airport for their flight around noon, both had to work again Monday night.

"I don't think I want to leave. Why didn't we take two weeks?" Sara complained while Eli moved the gardening stuff back into the shed and gazed tiredly, but content at the now finished garden that was bathed in the light of the setting sun.

She sank into the deck chair beside Sara and twisted the lid off her beer.

"Because after two weeks we would wish for a third, and then a fourth. I could never spent enough time here. I really love Vegas, I love working there, the experience I gain, being with you, sharing my life with you and my friends, but this is my home and one day I'd like to return. One day. I'm a Detective for almost two years now. I think I might have to wait another five or six, but I'd like to become a Lieutenant one day. I'd like to live here with you one day."

"Are you asking me if I would leave Vegas with you in a couple of years?"

Eli took a sip from her bottle and looked over at Sara.

"No, I'd never ask you to do something like that for me. But if you'd consider the possibility for yourself, I'd be more than happy. I'm going to stay in Vegas with you for as long as you want. And if you don't want to move at all, I'll sell this house and buy one there. I can be a Detective in Vegas for a long time, I'm not really that ambitious. Brass is going to retire in a couple of years and I know he urges Sofia to climb the ladder. I wouldn't mind working under her."

Sara chuckled.

"Uh-huh..."

"Whoa, that sounded so wrong, didn't it? I meant under her supervision. She's really good. I can see her leading Homicide in a couple of years. Do you want to become supervisor?"

Sara weighed her head from one side to the other.

"I don't know if that'd be the right position for me. I'm not that good with people, I don't know if I can be a person of authority since I always used to have a problem with authorities. And even if I wanted a promotion, there's Catherine and Warrick and Nick waiting in line before me. And Grissom won't retire any time soon. Anyway, I don't like paperwork and the politics you have to play when you're in that position. And I love being out in the field. I'm in no hurry."

"Sara, you know that you're undeniably the best CSI in grave shift, with the most impressive education and experience. They'd be stupid to make you wait too long. I know you got the offer to work for the FBI the last time they were in Vegas. Greg spilled. CSI-3 shouldn't and won't be the end of the line for you."

"I think that I'd like to teach when I'm older. But that's just an idea and that time is still far far away."

"You'd be great. Professor Sidle. So hot with her reading glasses. Or Professor Sidle-Trent? Sounds good. Ouch!"

Sara had punched Eli's arm.

"Stop that. You don't know if I'll ever ask you. And you made that my business. And by the way, compound names suck."

Then she hesitated and grinned.

"Uh, Captain Trent eventually Sidle but never Trent-Sidle, so sexy with the hair tinged with grey, just like your dad's. Will you still bent over and let me spank you when you're head of your own Department?" She drawled out in a low, mock-seductive tone.

Eli almost choked on her beer.

"Sara!" She coughed and glared at her girlfriend.

* * *

**My dears, we have officially arrived at the end of the story. I kept a little something, a short epilogue that kind of completes the cycle and then... Well, we'll see. There's other days and other stories to be continued or waiting to be written. Whether you'd like me to keep writing or rather not, I have no intention to stop...**

**Cheers!**


	40. 35 Epilogue

**Yeah, ****this is it... **

**It might feel oddly familiar, and yes, it is. But I let you decide if one of Sara and Eli's most precious memories was worth being revisited...**

* * *

35. Epilogue

So they sat on the beach, surfboards tucked beside them in the deep sand, wet hair clinging to their faces in the warm ocean breeze. Waves came crashing onto the shore, a soothing sound for Sara. It had been the perfect day to go out surfing.

"Do you still have that Aerosmith shirt?" Sara asked with a smile that said more than any words could.

Eli chuckled and reached for her bag.

"Actually, I have it right here. I remembered another day at this very beach when I packed. But I'm afraid I've literally grown out of it, though. " A coy smile flashed over her face, but Sara gripped the hem of her tank top and tugged at it. Eli's sudden and rather untypical self-consciousness hadn't gone unnoticed by her.

"Move over here, big woman, will you?"

Eli sat right in front of Sara and she wrapped her long legs around Eli's hips to bring them even closer together.

"Hand me the shirt, Eli."

She retrieved the garment in question from her bag and held it up in front of Sara, who snatched it out of her hands.

Looking Eli straight into the eyes, Sara inched still closer and cupped Eli's cheek with one hand.

"You're beautiful." She punctuated her statement by kissing the other woman's lips lovingly.

"I love every inch of you, I love those tattoos, I love that cute belly, I love that your ass looks even hotter in those dark jeans you sometimes wear to work now, I love those little wrinkles around your eyes and your dimples, they make your face so much more expressive, I love that you can lift me up like I weighed nothing with those sexy strong arms, I love the softness of your skin and that your breasts fit so perfectly in my palms. And I love that I'm allowed to have all of you. I love it that you let me be the aggressor and how you melt into my kiss, my touch when I'm on top. I love what you let me do to you, I love what you can do to me by just looking at me a certain way. I love the look in your eyes when you come, Eli, and those little noises that take my breath away and tell me you're mine. I love you."

Eli closed her eyes and reveled in the moment, a content smile tugging at the corner's of her mouth, when she felt the hand fall from her face and slowly glide under her tank top, lifting it up and over her head. She gasped. She wasn't particularly fond of sitting in the middle of a very public area in nothing but her bra, but she gave Sara her head. She opened her eyes to the brunette's gap toothed grin.

"You are just too cute for words when you blush like that." Then she added in a soft but commanding tone, a twinkle in her eyes. "Now get into that shirt. No backtalk!"

Eli squinted her eyes and gave Sara a lopsided, cocky grin. "God, I love it when you get all bossy on me. I'm 33 now and just lately realized I might be kinkier than I thought. Take that attitude into the bedroom again, will you, honey?"

Sara's mouthed "I will make you beg and scream." made Eli shudder.

Her Aerosmith shirt was still dangling in front of her nose, hanging from Sara's hand. A lazy smile ran across Sara's features as Eli wriggled into the well-worn and tight shirt. The second she looked up from the material that actually really stretched a bit over several places with a disapproving frown, hot lips crashed down on her own and she was trapped in the sweetest, hungriest kiss Sara had ever given her. Eli groaned and went with the flow, opening her mouth to Sara's eager tongue and they got lost in a perfectly blissful kiss.

As they broke apart, Eli smiled smugly and laughed.

"What has gotten into you?"

Dreamily and with eyes still glazed over with desire, Sara just grinned.

"You. The last time we sat here, years ago, I asked you what it was you wanted and you answered you wanted me. I laughed it off and told you that would never happen because you'd been such a player at the time."

Eli nodded and gazed at Sara expectantly.

"But the thing is, I had wanted nothing more but to jump you that very second. The wet hair in your face, this very shirt, still damp, clinging to that sexy body-" She touched Eli's waist tenderly and let her hands slowly wander up her rips, grazing the outsides of her breasts ever so slightly, but still making Eli tremble. "-but the saddest and most vulnerable look on your face, though you tried to conceal it so hard. I wanted you, but I would never ever have done anything about it. Seeing you like this again, knowing where we stand today... makes me happy. You make me so happy Eli, could you have ever imagined?"

Eli ground her teeth in a vain attempt to hide her emotion. She bent over, buried her head in Sara's soft long hair and wrapped her into a tight embrace. Her lips found Sara's neck and she kissed her way up to the earlobe, gently biting and nipping, then whispered:

"I wouldn't have been able to make you happy back then. And nothing will ever amaze me more than you saying I finally can make you happy. And I am yours, Sara Sidle, completely, for as long as you want me. I've never been this much in love with anyone, Waves."

"Me neither." Sara whispered back.

They sat like that for a long time, holding each other tight, stealing a kiss or two from time to time. Not a word was spoken but the lingering glances and suggestive smiles told a story of their own. Finally Eli untangled Sara's legs from around her body and got up, smiling down at her love.

Sara watched as Eli stood up, took her surfboard and walked over to dive into the waves once again. Her Aerosmith shirt clung to her body like a second skin, strong tattooed arms held the board and the muscles in her calves twitched with every step she took. And that ass, though hidden in oversized surf shorts, was really looking more perfect to her than ever before. Sara cocked her head and tipped her sunglasses halfway down her nose to take in the gentle swagger she'd again found herself so addicted to watching. God, get a grip, Sidle. She's yours now and you have all the time in the world to stare at her. Surf now, jump her later.

She grinned widely at the thought and got up, too, following Eli into the water. Skillfully she swung herself onto her board, stood up at exactly the right time and rode the waves along the shore.

Eli paddled on her own board and admired the sight in front of her. In the light of the setting sun, Sara more than ever looked like...

"Sara, you're still the goddess of all Californian waves!"

Sara laughed hard and fell off her surfboard just like she had over ten years ago.

"Masters of the waves!" They shouted as they, still chuckling and dripping wet, walked up the slope to the beach house.

**And this is how it ends.**

* * *

**What started out as an idea and a little challenge to my own writing and language skills has taken a life of its own a****nd has ended in being a rather giant piece of fun. It's trivial but all the while it's been a piece of work, I learnt a lot and my English-speaking friends are positively stunned by my improvements. I'm baffled, too.**

**Anyway, it's time to take a short break from writing and concentrate on other important things in life. But don't be too hopeful, I will be around, since I've already started ****two other fics, which will be continued in time and maybe, but I say that very carefully, this won't even be the last you've heard, erm, read, of Eli. And I found that my smart little overachiever of a phone has pocket office on it, so I'm not safe anywhere anymore. I actually wrote on the tube and in the queue at the supermarket...**

**A huge t****hank you again to each and every single one of you who read, thanks for your interest and mostly, thanks to all who reviewed, for your suggestions, your critique, your praise. Your words have made many of my mornings and sometimes my sleepless nights. They've been helpful, encouraging, have given me ideas, have made me smile and sometimes given me reason for a heartfelt laugh...**

**Well, i****t's been a blast!**

**Again, thank**** you.**

**Foodwise**


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